The Blood of the Hydra (20 page)

We were all silent, and she laughed again, as if we were children. Which I supposed, given her immortal years, we were to her.

“Have any of you ever milked a cow before?” She leaned forward, watching us in anticipation.

Again, no one spoke up.

“Didn’t you grow up on a farm?” Danielle asked me.

“Yeah,” I answered, crossing my arms. “A
peach tree
farm. We didn’t have cows. Or any livestock, for that matter.”

“Well,
sorry
for asking.” She rolled her eyes, holding her hands up in defense.

“Why don’t we just look it up on YouTube?” Kate suggested, breaking the tension between Danielle and me. “There are instructional videos out there for everything.”

“That might help,” Lampetia said. “
If
the cows let you get close enough to milk them.”

The tone of her voice made it obvious that she thought this would be hopeless. And I couldn’t blame her. The cows were immortal, and in all those thousands of years, they’d never been milked. I wasn’t sure how that was anatomically possible, but I supposed that biology didn’t matter much while discussing sacred immortal cows.

“The gods wouldn’t have sent us on this mission if it was impossible for us to complete,” I said, echoing what Hypatia and Darius always told us when we doubted ourselves. “So let’s watch the videos, and then try milking the cows.”

We all hopped into Lampetia’s golf cart, and we were off to the ranch. Or at least—I’d
assumed
we were going to a ranch. Instead, we pulled up to an ornate gated driveway. Lampetia pressed a button on her phone, and the gate opened, leading us to a single-story mansion in the middle of acres upon acres of sprawling land. We peddled along the driveway, which was lined with rows of shrubbery shaped like cattle. Driving down it was like proceeding down a red carpet, with cows watching us instead of people.

“Is this where you live?” I asked as we pulled up to the house.

“Don’t be silly.” Lampetia laughed. “I don’t live with the livestock.”

“So you mean… this is where the
cows
live?”

“Please don’t refer to all the cattle as cows,” Lampetia corrected me, stopping the golf cart at the end of the circular drive. “It’s offensive. Only the female cattle carrying milk are cows. Male cattle are bulls. Quite wild animals, the bulls are. They sleep in a separate wing from the cows so they won’t get too feisty. But yes,” she said, flourishing her hand dramatically toward the mansion. “This is the barn.”

“Wow,” I mouthed, gaping at the building as I took it all in. With multiple marble columns in front of the entrance, it was hardly what I imagined when I thought of the word
barn
. Then again, I supposed the immortal livestock deserved only the best housing arrangements.

We hopped out of the golf cart, each of us holding a pail provided to us by the resort. Hopefully they would soon be filled with sacred immortal milk. Lampetia led us through the front doors, which were flanked with two golden statues of cattle, and we stepped inside the black-and-white tiled foyer. It featured a bubbling fountain in the center, and had busts of livestock displayed along the walls. Even the sofas were covered in cow-patterned fabric.

“The cows live in the west wing,” Lampetia said, pushing a button to open a huge set of double doors. “This way.”

We followed her down the hall, which had walls lined with wide doors—large enough to fit a cow. Above each door was a portrait of a cow, each one looking down on us as we passed by. There were golden plaques below each portrait, each with Greek writing on them.

“The cows have their own bedrooms,” Lampetia explained, stopping in front of a portrait for a cow named Melina. “Melina is the calmest and kindest of our cows. If there’s a chance of one of them allowing you to milk them, I would place my bet on Melina.” She smiled fondly up at the portrait of Melina, as if the cow could smile back at her. I suspected that Melina was her favorite cow of them all. “Follow me inside, and I’ll introduce you.”

“Wonderful,” Danielle said, although from the way she scrunched her nose, it was clear she was less than enthused. I guessed she wasn’t an animal person. “Let’s get this over with.”

Lampetia pulled a key ring out of her pocket and opened the door, revealing a space the size of a large college dorm room. Inside, a huge black and white cow slept soundly on a plush, shaggy rug. Against the walls were matching, golden troughs—one filled with water, the other filled with feed. There was even a crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

This was the nicest barn stall
ever
.

“Melina,” Lampetia cooed her name, walking up to the cow and rubbing her hand over her head. “It’s time to wake up. I have some people here I’d like you to meet.”

The cow rolled over to upright herself, and she looked around at us, dazed. If the cow could talk, I would guess she would be asking why we were waking her up so soon after she’d just gone to bed. She blinked a few times, then twitched her ears and let out a quiet moo, looking at Lampetia in question.

“I know—you’re tired,” Lampetia said gently, reaching out to stroke her nose. “But would you mind standing up to meet your guests? It’s quite rude to meet your guests sitting down, you know.”

The cow huffed, then she slowly stood up, mooing at us.

I took a few cautious steps forward, but stopped in the center of the room, keeping a safe distance between the cow and myself. “Does she… understand you?” I asked Lampetia, looking from her to the cow and back again.

“Well, I can’t exactly have an intellectual conversation with her,” Lampetia said, an amused smile on her face. “But yes, she understands the basics.”

I hid the milk pail behind my legs. Apparently this was one smart cow, and since she supposedly hated being milked, I didn’t want to scare her when we were first meeting her.

“You needn’t worry about the pail,” Lampetia said. “Since the cows are never milked, they would have no idea what it’s for.”

“So, what should we do?” Kate asked. “Should we just… go up to her and milk her?”

“You may try,” Lampetia said. “But I can’t promise that she’ll cooperate. I’ll actually be quite surprised if she does. But by all means, please try. If this works, I
must
be here to see it.”

With that, she walked over to the only couch in the room and sat on it in full recline, as if preparing to enjoy a show. I half expected a fruit platter to appear in front of her so she could enjoy a bunch of grapes as she watched.

“Well,” Kate said, holding her pail in front of her and watching the cow with determination. “I suppose I’ll just try, then.”

I nodded and backed towards the wall. Blake stood next to me, so close that his pinkie finger brushed against mine. My breathing slowed, and while I didn’t look at where his hand touched mine, I didn’t move mine away, either.

Kate crept toward the cow, and once it was apparent that the cow wasn’t going to move away from her, she placed the pail beneath its udder. So far, Melina seemed unperturbed by us being there. Maybe Lampetia was right, and we would be able to milk these cows with no issues, because we were sent on this mission by the gods.

“The first thing I have to do is rub her udder, so she relaxes and the milk drops down,” Kate said as she kneeled onto the floor. She cracked her knuckles, took a deep breath, and said, “Here goes nothing.” Then she reached forward, brushed her fingers against the udder, and… the cow mooed and kicked her in the face, knocking her to the floor.

“Ow!” She rolled over and cupped her hands over her face. “My nose!”

Blood pooled in her hands, and I rushed forward to help. “Let me see it,” I said, coaxing her hands away from her face. Her nose was bright red, and it was already puffing up, the bridge of it crooked. A few drops of blood dripped out and landed on the floor. “It looks broken,” I said. “But I can fix it.”

Kate nodded for me to get on with it, so I touched her nose, called on the white energy, and healed it. Afterward, she pulled a tissue out of her bag and wiped the remaining blood off her face. “Thanks,” she told me, turning around to look back at the cow. “That
hurt
.”

“I don’t think Melina liked that very much.” Lampetia laughed from her spot on the sofa, her eyes bright with amusement. “Who wants to try next?”

“Do you have any ropes?” Danielle asked. “Something we can use to tie her down?”

“Don’t be silly.” Lampetia scoffed and stuck her nose in the air. “We don’t
tie down
the sacred cattle of Helios. How utterly demeaning.”

“I’ll give it a shot,” Blake volunteered, looking over at Kate. “I just need to rub her udder?”

“Yeah,” she said. “But I want to try again. Maybe if I go up to her first and introduce myself, she’ll be more comfortable with me. After all, I wouldn’t want someone just coming up to me and touching me without a proper hello first.”

I chuckled, since she did have a point. I wouldn’t want someone doing that to me, either. The only time I ever had was with Ethan, after I’d inhaled the scent of the lotus fruit. But that didn’t count, since I was under the influence at the time.

“Be my guest.” Blake held his hands up and backed away, not looking too bummed about letting Kate try again.

This time, Kate slowly stepped up to Melina’s face and placed her hand gently on her nose. “Hi,” she said softly, stroking her fur. “I’m Kate. Your owner Lampetia here told me that you’re the nicest cow in this entire bunch.”

“Don’t refer to me as her ‘owner,’” Lampetia corrected her. “The immortal cattle are sacred to Helios and cannot be
owned
. I am a
guard
for all of the immortal livestock.”

Kate made a frustrated face, but when she turned to look at Lampetia, she was all smiles. “Sorry,” she said, turning back to the cow and continuing to stroke her nose. “Your
guard
Lampetia has told us how sweet you are. Now… we really need some of your milk, so we can save the world from the Titans and their supporters. I promise I won’t hurt you. Do you think you can relax for about thirty minutes, and not kick me in the face again, so I can milk you?”

Melina let out a soft breath, and nuzzled her nose into Kate’s hand.

“I think that was a yes?” I said.

“I hope so,” Kate said. “Let’s find out.”

She inched her way back around to Melina’s udder and kneeled next to it. “Here goes nothing,” she said, reaching for one of the teats.

The moment her finger brushed against it, Melina bucked up, kicking over the pail and running to the other side of the room. She huffed and glared at Kate, her nostrils flared, her backside up against the corner.

“At least she didn’t kick you in the face that time,” Danielle said brightly. “Progress.”

“As if you could do any better?” I asked. “Unless you have a secret way with animals that you haven’t shared with us yet.”

“Nope.” Danielle leaned against the wall and held her hands out. “I like to stay as far away as animals as possible, thank you very much.”

“Figured,” I muttered.

“I warned you,” Lampetia said. “The cows refuse to be milked. They get riled up whenever anyone tries. We’ve done everything in the books to calm them down—music, massages, incense, putting blue energy in their water—but nothing ever works. We eventually gave up and let them live in peace.”

“But we
need
that milk.” Blake clenched his fists, his eyes fired with determination. “There must be some way for us to get it.”

“I wish I could help.” Lampetia sighed and leaned back on the sofa, twirling her beaded necklace around her fingers. “But unless you have some magical ability you haven’t shared yet about how to get animals to relax, then it seems like all you’re doing here is wasting your time.”

“Bring Melina to the Land of the Lotus Eaters,” Ethan said with a chuckle. “
That’s
a place where everyone knows how to relax. She would let everyone there put their hands on her udder in no time.”

“That’s it!” I snapped my fingers, smiling as the solution came to me. “We might not be able to bring Melina to the Land of the Lotus Eaters, but we collected more fruit than we needed, to make sure we had enough. If we give Melina a bite, maybe she’ll relax enough to let us milk her.”

“I’ll go back to the boat and get the fruit,” Blake volunteered. “Let’s see how fast I can get that golf cart to go.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Kate said. “I have a piece of lotus fruit in my bag.”

“You
what
?” I gasped, my eyes wide. “Why are you carrying that around with you? It’s supposed to stay locked in the safe of the yacht until we’re ready to use it.”

“I know.” Kate shrugged and pressed her lips together, glancing down at the floor. “But I was careful with it—I made sure to double wrap it in plastic bags so none of us could smell it, and I brought a bottle of yellow energy water for us to share in case we needed to remove the fruit from the bags.”

“But why risk it in the first place?” Danielle asked. “You saw what that fruit did to us.” She shuddered, and I guessed she was thinking about those surfer twins we’d torn her away from on the beach.

“Think about it.” Kate straightened her shoulders and looked at each of us. “We have no idea what we’re going to face on this mission, and we know how much power that fruit has. I thought it could be useful. And if it helps calm Melina down enough so we can milk her, then I’ll have been right.”