The Blacksmith's Wife (21 page)

Any lingering doubts Joanna might have had vanished as she watched the girl’s face light up at the sight of her father. Hal bent and caught the child, swinging her high in a wide circle, their identical raven curls flying out behind them. Her shrieks of excitement split the air, ripping into Joanna like a knife. She clutched on to the wall, digging her nails into the stones.

There was worse to come. As Hal lowered the girl and they walked together down the hill, the door opened and a woman came out. She was tall and slender, her dark hair neatly wound beneath a plain cap. She bent to her knees and the girl let go of Hal’s hand and ran to where the woman waited open armed. The woman said something to Hal who laughed in response, deep-throated and warm. His reply was too low for Joanna to discern, but the woman and child laughed as well.

Joanna’s stomach clenched. A hot sweat began at the back of her neck, creeping across her scalp and down her back. Her heart tightened in her chest, squeezing the air from her body. A loud thumping filled her ear, rhythmic and rapid. She realised it was her heartbeat.

The girl broke away and skipped to the stream where she began throwing pebbles into the water. Hal and the woman stood side by side, watching. The scene was one of such contentment that Joanna had to force down the wail of loneliness that rose in her throat. She gave a soft moan as nausea enveloped her and she sank to her knees retching and thankful she had eaten nothing all morning.

A sob burst from her and she clasped her hands across her mouth to silence it. The pain that overwhelmed her must be how Roger’s mother had felt. At that moment Joanna forgave Lady Danby all her sour words towards Hal. She pushed herself to her feet and leaned against the wall of the house. Hal and the woman were walking back towards the house, swinging the squealing girl between them.

Her eyes blurred. She wiped the tears away roughly with her sleeve. Why should this discovery shock her? The child was clearly older than their marriage. A marriage she had entered into knowing she was a means to an end for Hal and not expecting, or wanting, his love. Hal himself was the product of such a tryst. Hadn’t he even hinted it to her when he said he would not make his father’s mistakes? Bitterly she wondered if he had ever intended to share his secret with her or if there would have been excuses and reasons to delay even further.

Hal glanced in her direction and their eyes met. His smile vanished. Joanna threw herself back around the corner, breath catching in her throat. She had to leave. There was nothing to keep her here in any case.

Chapter Twenty-One

‘J
oanna! Stop!’

Joanna froze and turned around. Hal was running towards her, his face twisted in surprise. He seized her by the arms. ‘How did you find me?’

‘I followed you,’ she muttered. ‘On Rowan.’ She gestured needlessly to the horse, then burst into tears, arms limp at her side as sobs racked her body.

‘On horseback? You rode alone?’ Hal’s eyes widened with worry and Joanna felt an unwanted rush of affection that his first concern had been her welfare. She hammered it down.

The painful knot in her head tightened and she swayed alarmingly. She felt herself pulled into Hal’s arms. For one sweet moment she forgot what she had seen and everything Roger had told her. Her body moulded itself to his and she closed her eyes, drinking in Hal’s warm, musky scent.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to distress you,’ Hal soothed. He brushed the hair from her face where it stuck to the tracks of her tears and enveloped her tighter in a caress at once so fierce and gentle that her heart cracked. She leaned against his chest, dizzy with confusion as her longing for him and her anger at him fought for supremacy.

‘Why have you come here? Is something wrong?’ Hal demanded urgently. ‘Are you hurt?’

Joanna stiffened in his arms. A high-pitched laugh erupted from her at the irony of his questions and she clapped her hands across her mouth in surprise. Hal’s brow wrinkled in confusion.

‘Hurt?’ she murmured. ‘Yes, I’m hurt. I’m hurt beyond imagining and I cannot conceive of the physician who can heal my wounds.’

Hal uttered a low cry and his arms tightened once more around her. He buried his face in her hair. ‘Tell me what happened. Did someone harm you? Give me a name and I swear they will regret it.’

She had planned to shout and confront him with her knowledge, but her heart cooled into a hard ball of lead that lay heavy in her chest and exhausted her. She took a slow, ragged breath that tore at her dry throat and pushed his arms away from her body, stepping back out of his embrace. How could she have thought her anger had diminished, or that she would be able to contain it? At the memory of Hal laughing with his child and woman jealousy rushed through her like molten iron in her veins. She advanced towards him, her legs trembling with anger, her voice rising in pitch until it sounded unfamiliar in her ears.

‘The name you seek is your own, Henry Danby. I know everything you’ve been keeping from me. I know about your mistress.’

The colour drained from Hal’s face, leaving it grey beneath the tanned skin. His voice was uncharacteristically deep when he spoke and Joanna could hear the fury bubbling just below the surface.

‘Leaving aside your deceit in following me, what do you believe you saw?’

‘I saw what there was to see!’

‘I want to hear it from your lips,’ Hal said quietly.

‘A child! A woman!’ Joanna trembled as she spat each word out. ‘You have a family, Hal.’

‘No!’ Hal stepped towards her and reached for her arm, then drew his hand back. He ran his hands through his hair, his expression changed from belligerent to wretched.

‘Is that the sort of man you think me?’

She shook him off. ‘A man keeping a mistress is commonplace after all. Your father kept his when he took a wife he did not want, why shouldn’t you? Do you deny it?’

‘I deny it completely,’ Hal snarled. He passed a hand across his eyes. ‘It’s because of what my father did that I would never do the same. Do you think I would inflict my life on another?’

‘You’re lying.’

She threw his hand off roughly. Her heart thundered in her chest, threatening to burst free. A cart trundled across the bridge. Joanna and Hal faced each other, the silence thick between them until it had passed beyond earshot. Hal was staring at her with an intensity that made her stomach churn.

‘The resemblance is so strong that child could not belong to anyone else! Who else could she be but your daughter?’ Joanna demanded.

Hal turned abruptly away. He walked a dozen paces, his shoulders tense. When he turned back his cheeks were flushed and his lips a thin line of anger.

‘Am I really the only one who could have produced a child with those features?’ he asked. He folded his arms and glowered at the ground. Joanna gasped in shock at the venom in his voice. ‘I hoped by now you would trust me more, but it seems I was too optimistic.’

‘You ask for my trust after proving yourself capable of keeping such a secret from me!’ Joanna said incredulously.

He raised his eyebrows and gave a sigh, then nodded and spread his hands wide in a gesture of acknowledgement.

‘I am her guardian and I pay for her keep, but the child, unless I am very much mistaken, is not mine. She’s Roger’s.’

‘Why should I believe you?’ she said. ‘You’ve lied to me, kept secrets from me all through our marriage.’

His face twisted into a grimace of distaste and despair.

‘I don’t deny I’ve kept things from you, things I should have shared long before now, but it’s the truth. Her mother’s name was Katherine. Kitty. She was my lover for more than a year. I would have married her.’ His eyes were filled with a sorrow greater than Joanna had witnessed before.

‘I intended to, until my brother seduced her and she tried to pass her swelling belly off as my doing. Fortunately I can count and my apprenticeship had taken me away for long enough for that to be impossible.’

‘But you still visit the woman who was unfaithful to you?’ Joanna asked.

A shadow crossed Hal’s face. To Joanna’s shock his eyes glistened.

‘Do you still love her so much?’

Hal ran a hand through his hair, then passed it across his eyes.

‘Do you?’ she demanded, hating herself, hating that she pushed him to answer.

Hal blinked and the hint of tears was gone. He stared back at Joanna with heavy eyes. His face took on a softness that cracked her heart in two.

‘Kitty died bringing Anna into the world. The woman you saw is a nursemaid, a respectable woman who I pay to raise the girl. My brother—the fine, honourable knight you admire so much—refused to acknowledge the child as his. As far as he cared the baby could have been exposed on the moors at birth. He doesn’t even know where she lives. Just as I always have, I took on the responsibility of cleaning up the havoc he leaves behind him.’

Roger’s revelation about Hal’s role in their relationship flashed through Joanna’s mind. After the enormity of what she had discovered here she had almost forgotten she intended to confront him with that, but she flooded once more with rage.

‘Is that why you forced him to leave me? Was it revenge for stealing your lover that made you determined to take me from him?’

‘What are you talking about?’

Joanna crossed her arms and regarded Hal coldly, though inside she was burning.

‘You told Roger to break off our betrothal. He told me so himself.’

Her hands shook so she balled them into fists. She bit the inside of her lip until the pain overcame her hurt.

‘Tell me the truth,’ she hissed.

Hal stared at her for an age. Silence surrounded them, blocking out all sounds of the ordinary world they stood outside.

‘Yes, I did,’ he admitted. ‘And I don’t regret it. Haven’t you listened to what I’ve been telling you here? Isn’t the evidence before your eyes enough? You aren’t the first woman Roger has seduced and you won’t be the last. Oh, I know you were a virgin, but sooner or later Roger would have talked you into bed and you would have been ruined.’

‘You didn’t know that,’ Joanna cried, though his words were terribly plausible. ‘If he had known of our betrothal he would have returned for me, whatever you had told him to do.’

‘He did know!’ Hal spat the words out.

Tears welled in Joanna’s eyes. ‘You’re lying! He never got my letter, there wasn’t time for it to reach him!’

Hal’s expression darkened. ‘Roger knew about our marriage before he left York. I told him the night your uncle put the idea to me and he told me to do as I wished. He never intended to marry you once he discovered you would not inherit from Simon.’

Hal stared coldly at Joanna as she heard the final confirmation she needed. He folded his arms and lifted his chin.

‘As we’re sharing our confidences, when did my brother tell you this information?’

‘This morning,’ Joanna admitted. ‘He came to the house soon after you left.’

‘Did he?’ Hal muttered. His dark eyes flashed with suspicion. ‘And was that his first visit?’

Joanna’s cheeks flamed, remembering the previous visit she had kept from Hal. Her fingers moved to her lips as she remembered the kiss Roger had forced upon her that for one, brief instant she had not regretted.

Hal’s lips twisted scornfully. ‘I thought not. You accused me of infidelity, but perhaps you should consider your own conduct!’

Joanna launched herself at him with a cry of fury. Hal seized her by the wrists, still gentler than Roger’s grip had been, and held her at length until she stopped struggling.

‘Here is not the place for this,’ he said quietly.

She lifted her gaze and met his eye defiantly.

‘Where is? All I’ve heard today are lies and secrets. How many more are there?’

‘Perhaps you should tell me that, seeing as you appear to have kept plenty of your own,’ Hal said with a grimace. He let go of her wrists. ‘What else did you and Roger discuss this morning?’

Joanna’s hands moved unconsciously to her belly, cradling the baby growing within and remembering Roger’s sneering accusation. Hal’s face twisted as his eyes followed her movement. She was not showing signs yet, but understanding blossomed in his eyes.

‘I see,’ he said, his voice utterly devoid of emotion. ‘Go home, Joanna. There’s no purpose to carrying on this conversation now. I have not finished my business here yet. Aside from everything else I shall have to explain why I left so hurriedly just now. I’ll be back this evening and we can speak later.’

He took hold of Valiant’s bridle and unhitched it from the post.

‘If you think Roger will make you happy then go with him. I’m tired of living with the knowledge that you would prefer another man to me in your bed and life. I won’t stand in your path.’

He walked back to the cottage, his head down and shoulders set.

Joanna mounted Rowan and blindly started towards Ravenscrag, not knowing how she would endure the pain that threatened to consume her.

* * *

By the time she reached the stones Joanna’s head was pounding insistently. She dismounted and walked across the spongy ground. So many thoughts assailed her that she could not unpick a single one without causing others to shift like a pile of rocks poised to fall and crush her.

The ugly words that had passed between her and Hal replayed themselves, none more painful than the devastatingly quiet two he had uttered when she had unwittingly revealed her pregnancy. It had not been how she intended him to find out, but if Joanna had needed proof of Hal’s indifference towards her this was it.

I see.

And he had told her to go home as if what she had told him was of no consequence. His suggestion that she might wish to go with Roger was a knife in her heart. She had believed he cared for her, but he would give her up in a heartbeat even though she was carrying his child.

Roger’s vile suggestion reared up, turning her stomach. His certainty that Hal would not believe she had been unwilling had been correct. The accusation struck her and her cheeks flamed once more, but worse still was the thought that Hal believed she still cared for Roger. How could Hal even think for a moment she could contemplate such a thing after Roger’s treatment of her?

She put her head in her hands. Because she had never told him what Roger had done when he’d visited.

The unfairness of her accusations against Hal struck her and she squirmed. What did it matter now that Hal had prevented her marriage? He had been right to do it; Roger cared nothing for her and never had. She had failed to win Hal’s heart, too.

The moss was soft and she was exhausted. Rowan stood patiently by the road, grazing. The breeze she had craved blasted her, colder than she had expected, and she regretted leaving her cloak behind. She sat down and leaned back against the largest rock and closed her eyes, drinking in the sweet scent of heather. She’d rest just for a while before thinking what to do.

* * *

When she next opened her eyes the sun had almost sunk beneath the horizon, casting long shadows before her. Clouds were gathering over the sea, promising a storm to thin the heavy air. She looked to where Rowan stood, but the horse was gone. She called, but there was no sign of the mare. Hoping desperately that Rowan would have the sense to return home, she realised she had no choice but to walk back to Ravenscrag. Joanna’s stomach growled, tightening painfully. With all that had occurred she had eaten and drunk nothing all day. No wonder her legs shook and she felt lightheaded.

A short way beyond the stones the beck trickled over the edge of a small gully. Her dry mouth ached at the thought of cool water. She pushed herself to her feet and crossed the spongy moss. Water oozed over her boot as her foot sank into a hidden pool to the calf. Wrinkling her nose, she pulled her foot out. The moss was a darker green band that lay between her and the beck. Beyond it lay darker clumps of tangled heather and grass. Probably a better way to cross. She edged closer, took a step back, swung her arms and jumped across the moss.

The landing she expected never happened. Her feet carried on through and beyond the heather, deeper by far than she had anticipated. She flailed her arms wildly, but was unable to prevent herself sliding down into the gully that was much closer than she had realised. Heather whipped her face, a bough caught her temple, sharp pains that stung and sent flashes of light bursting behind her eyes. She came to rest half over the edge, her legs scraping painfully against the bushes that grew out over the edge.

With her hands clutching at woody stems of heather Joanna twisted herself on to her front. She tried to climb back up, but her feet skidded against the slippery moss and she slid further down, only coming to a halt by digging her fingers deep into the bushes.