The Black God's War (34 page)

“I am not sure if
I
did anything,” he said.

He thought he knew who died. There were only three Rezzians there, and the Haizzem’s bodyguard went everywhere with him. It had to be him. It was still disturbing to remember the emotion in the air after the royal daughter screamed.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything else you want to tell me about how you got there?” he asked.

“I
told
you. I came back and found your note and started walking to the lake. I didn’t expect to find you until I got there, if I could find you at all.”

“I can’t fathom how you escaped the citadel. Aayu seemed awfully skeptical.”

“I traveled all the way from Kannauj without anyone discovering me. All it took was the right disguise.”

“Could you hear our conversations?”

“Once I heard your voices I stayed far behind you. I was afraid if I came closer that you’d send me back.”

“Because if you want to talk about anything you heard, we can.”

“I couldn’t make out your words. I was too far away.”

Maybe she was telling the truth. Though if she’d heard the conversation about her background, she probably wouldn’t admit it.

“I want you to lay still and let the medicine work. If you keep following my advice, you can be healed before you have to fight.”

“I feel much better already, physically, except for the sensation in my head.”

“That’s because you feel overwhelmed and your body is telling you to rest. You need to relax your mind and save your energy for tomorrow.”

Rao exhaled loudly and felt a calm tingling in his chest. He recognized where she was right. His mind had been like a monkey stung by bees since the tragedy two nights ago. He’d never before known such guilt, and the feelings wouldn’t leave him alone.

He inhaled the scents and let himself be transported by them. The recent days spanned out like a panoramic timeline before his inner vision. He focused his attention on the last couple days, reliving the entire melee with the Rezzians. He breathed deeply as he recalled all that had occurred.

In the aftermath, he and Aayu managed to use Rao’s primary
sadhana
to escape and take Narayani with them, but they didn’t want to travel far in their wounded condition. They spent the night in the forest and the next day practiced intense healing breaths and ate medicinal herbs that Narayani found in the woods. By the end of that day, they were found by the soldiers his father sent. Even though Rao insisted on walking the next day, the men had orders to carry him on the throne they brought with them. At least the men had strong shoulders.

“I wish you weren’t doing this. I wish you would change your mind and leave here with me.” She took the cloth off his face and put it back in the wooden bowl. “Drink up.” She handed him yet another cup of
ashwa
tea.

He puckered his lips before letting more of the soul-rattling bitterness trickle down his throat. “We’ll be together when this is done, I promise you. We’ll get away from here as soon as we can.”

She fell to the bed and lay with her back turned to him. He heard a sob and then her voice carried the emotion. “I don’t want to wake up tomorrow. Let’s stay awake as long as we can. When they come for you, you can just tell them you’re not going. Their Haizzem looked so angry when I saw him.”

“After I defeat him and their army flees,” Rao knew his voice sounded flat, so he tried harder to sound reassuring, “we can go anywhere together. Think about that.”

“They’ll find another reason. They won’t stop.” Narayani’s brow relaxed and her eyes widened into pearls of compassion. She caressed Rao’s cheek. “It wasn't your fault the man died. He attacked you first.”

Rao didn’t want to cry, but his chest clenched and he felt moisture escaping his eyes. “I was just protecting Aayu. We were walking and laughing and then I saw the spear go into Aayu’s chest. Everything else was instinct. There was no deliberation behind what I did.”

“You had to do it then. You didn’t mean for him to die. It’s not your karma.”

“But I reversed the karma. I sent it back to him.”

“Then it isn’t your fault. He received the fruit of his own action. If he hadn’t received it then, he would’ve received it later.”

“But I became involved. Now I’ve entered that chain of reactions. It wasn’t completely an accident. I knew what could happen to him, even if only for an instant.”

“And what if you had let Aayu die? Wouldn’t that be worse karma for you?”

“Yes, I think it would have been worse.”

But I’m still involved now and I don’t want to die.

“When you kill their Haizzem and end this, you will make everything right. That will be
good
karma if you are able to save so many lives.”

“I hope so, for everyone’s sake.”

She snuggled closer and wrapped her warm legs around his, stirring his passion.

“Can you make me dream about you and make it last forever?” she asked. “I want to dream about going back with you, back through the mountains, past Kannauj and through the forests. I want to see the leaves flashing their colors. I want to go all the way out to the beaches in Ashown. I want to sit on the sand and watch you swim. We should make love in the middle of the day when no one else is around—hearing only the ocean. Slowly, so it lasts an eternity. I want to dream till the end of time, with just me and you together, only living on our love. Can you make me dream it?”

He wiped his face on her shoulder. “Narayani, we're going to have time to do all those things together. We’ll do it when this is over, I promise. Someday when we have children, they won’t have to grow up being afraid for their father’s life as you and I had to. We are going to make life better for everyone.”

“I don't want to live here anymore. I want to dream forever. With your powers, can’t you control dreams? Can’t you just make them last forever? We would be so much happier that way. You can let your father fight a duel. You’re too young. We should just be happy together.”

“Be with me now, my love. This is all we have. The future is always in doubt. Maybe I will die tomorrow. Maybe we'll die together a hundred years from now. The only thing we know is that this won't last forever. But I know how to fight him. His gods are a projection. They are just as false as this world. I know that. I will win.”

Rao knew that reason wasn’t going to get through to her now. She squeezed him so tightly that all he could feel was her soft flesh against his body.

“Just make me dream I'm with you tonight. Make it last forever. You can make it last forever.”

Neither said another word as sleep overcame them. In the dream they shared together, they rode off in an old wagon toward the mountains, stopping whenever possible to buy fruit and trinkets from the farmers and merchants along the roads that led throughout the charming hills of Pawelon toward the western sea ...

Chapter 52: The Weight of Death

A COOL MIST filled the chamber along with hints of sunrise. Rao woke up long before the darkness turned deep shades of purple and the birds’ songs welcomed the morning. He cherished the sound of Narayani’s uneven breathing.

A very long time passed.

Heavy footsteps and deep voices echoed from the stairwell. His heart seized up, hard and cold. He’d savored the intimate warmth of Narayani’s body against his own throughout the night, but those moments were gone forever. The day had begun. By nightfall, Rao would have either killed a beloved man or he himself would be dead.

“Narayani,” he moved his hand gently across her warm back, “We need to get up. They are coming.”

She sat up, startled, then her eyes settled into a caring mood. “You made me dream it, Rao.”

“I didn’t cause it, but I dreamed it, too.”

The marching footsteps grew louder until a strong voice shattered the peace: “Rajah Devak has come to speak with you.”

Narayani kissed him, leading to a long kiss that reminded him of all of their nights of passion.

“Prince Rao?”

He pressed Narayani’s chest against his own.

“Master Rao, are you there?”

Eventually he broke away. “Yes. Tell my father I will meet him in his chamber soon.”

“Very well, my Prince.”

Rao’s father was leaning against the front of his desk when Rao entered the chamber. The Rajah wasn’t sitting calmly or reading reports. He wasn’t staring out the window. His father was staring at the door.

Right away, Devak made long strides toward him and wrapped his heavy arms around him. The rajah’s chest felt like a rock wall against Rao’s body and face. The old man had a human scent all his own, a smell Rao remembered from his youth, mingled with a musty odor from his battle uniform. It was strange, his father touching him. It could have been awkward—it was the only such intimacy Rao could remember—but it was more than a temporary refuge. The moment was a vehicle for a transcendent ecstasy, a bliss felt throughout Rao’s being that assured him he could die knowing that he and his father had at least once expressed their love for each other.

“Come,” his father said before breaking off contact and leading Rao across the room to the table against the opposite wall. “I’m sorry circumstances haven’t allowed us to spend more time together.”

“Me too.” Rao felt like he was ten years old again, watching his father set off for the canyon with his monstrous army.

“Whatever happens, I’m proud of you. You are risking a charmed life with a beautiful woman. Because of this, our people already admire and respect you.”

“You’ve been a good father.”

His father expelled a puff of air in disbelief and his chest heaved with a brief laugh. “That’s rubbish. You’ve turned into a good man despite me. By the way, you did a really stupid thing, leaving here.”

Rao glanced down at the dark wood table. The surface looked as though it had been carved into at random places over the course of the war with a knife. “I feel good now. I’ve had just enough time to heal.”

The rajah seemed to be struggling to find words. “Good.” His father’s face was so busy with pits and scars, but Rao focused on his emotionless eyes.

“You killed his protector,” his father said. “We’ve confirmed it.”

“Damn. That’s what I thought.”

“What do you think this will mean for you today?”

“It’s possible it could help me. My opponent might be too upset or angry to focus.”

“Anger is a good emotion, Rao, and it’s essential when you’re battling for your life. For a Rezzian praying to his gods, anger is the perfect emotion.”

I’m afraid you’re right.

“I’m going to tell you something now, something I had always intended to tell you. You deserve to know and now you need to know it. You need to match their Haizzem’s passion.”

Rao felt his chest tightening in anticipation. “Passion and anger may benefit a praying man, but it does not benefit a sage.”

“Don’t argue with me again.” His father waited for agreement, continuing his empty stare.

“Yes, Father.”

“King Vieri ordered the killing of your mother and your brothers. He ordered your killing, too.”

Rao scrambled mentally, wondering how he should feel. Vengeful? Sad? Empty? Detached?

“We captured one of the assassins and found out as much as we could. Your mother hid you under her chair when it began. They were in the western section of the palace in a room that was built for you and your brothers. It was full of toys. The Rezzians hid in a closet. Your brothers were killed first and as far as I know your mother saw it done. They cut her straight across her throat.” The painting of his mother still hung behind his father’s desk. “There were two of them. Our guards quickly put them down, but too late.”

Rao walked over to the window and placed his hands on its ancient stone. He looked down on the square formations of troops within the citadel, then to the east where Rezzia began. The scene played out vividly in Rao’s mind. His father had given too many details.

“Where?” Rao asked. The location was an unimportant detail. Something for Rao to distract himself with while he tried to make sense of everything. Rao heard his father coming up behind him and then felt his hand on his shoulder.