The Black God (#2, Damian Eternal Series) (23 page)

“You’re not afraid?”

“Of course not. I can’t let emotion cloud my
judgment.”

She studied him. He was so different from
the teen boy she recalled. The danger of being with him and his
brooding nature had been a thrill to her when she was seventeen,
yet it was the quiet moments like this one that captured her
heart.

“Sometimes emotion helps you fight when you
feel like you can’t,” she murmured. “Sometimes you have to let
anger and pain and hope out.”

“For what purpose? So I become sloppy enough
to be killed?”

“No.” She rolled her eyes at him. “You view
emotion as a weakness. It can make you stronger, too.”

“I can’t afford to
feel,
Ash. Not for anyone
or any cause.”

Her instincts sparked. She’d always thought
he cared for her at some point, more so than he admitted to. If she
broke that barrier, if she reminded him what they once had, would
it be enough for him to understand what she and Charles needed him
to know? Ashley debated internally and then decided to do what she
did sometimes when she sparred: dive in and see how her enemy
reacted.

She kissed Jonny, resting against his
frame.

This kiss was light and quick. When she
leaned away, she saw his gaze riveted to her. The tension between
them grew thicker quickly, and they observed one another for a long
moment.

“You can’t sway my decision on whether or
not to send you out,” he warned her softly. “And if you open this
door, I’m not going to be the one to close it. I’m not good enough
to walk away.”

“I want you to remember what it’s like not
to be so alone,” she whispered. “If I have to walk through this
door, I will.”

“You know I’ll only ever hurt you, Ash.”

Her heart flipped over in her breast. “Yeah.
I know.”

“Is it worth it?”

“You mean, are
you
worth it?” she
retorted. “Yeah. You are. You always have been.”

“You’re a fool, Ash. You leap before you
look every time. You have no idea how deep I’ll take you.”

Her breath caught. Ashley hesitated, knowing
instinctively he wasn’t talking about a single kiss. She wanted to
tell herself she’d sleep with him for even the smallest chance to
save Brandon. But it was the voice whispering quietly in her
thoughts that made her pause, the one telling her she’d sleep with
Jonny no matter what or who was at stake. Not for his benefit or
Brandon’s or anyone else’s but because, from the first moment they
met again, she’d been forced to acknowledge that the feelings that
once held her captive had never really died.

“I’m ready to jump,” she whispered.

Jonny captured her lips with his and slid
his arm around her. She rested against him, marveling at his flavor
and the heated strength of his body against hers. Her arms went
around his neck while his other hand gripped her bottom and pulled
her hard against his hips. Her belly lit on fire and raced
throughout her until she was fevered, aching, hungry for him.
Jonny’s hands slid up her shirt, and she jerked when she felt the
heat of his broad palms against her bare skin.

“Last chance,” he whispered, pulling away
from the kiss.

“No, it’s
your
last chance,” she
shot back.

Jonny chuckled. “I missed you.”

Ashley pushed back to see his face clearly.
“You mean it.”

“Yeah,” he said with an uncomfortable
smile.

“Seven hundred and fourteen women and you
missed me,” she said and arched an eyebrow at him. “There’s only
been one for me.”

“Someone I need to kill?”

“No, idiot. Just you.”

Jonny’s smiled faded. “But we never ...”

“Shut up and kiss me,” she ordered, face
flushing.

Jonny obeyed and skated his palms up her
torso to lift her shirt over her head. He tossed it and she gripped
his shirt with trembling hands.

“Just …” She pulled back. “Just so we’re
both uh … clear …”

“Yeah, I know,” he said. “I remember what we
did and didn’t do. I know what that means.”

She was too embarrassed to say the
words.

“I won’t hurt you, Ash.” He rested his hand
on her cheek. “Not physically. Don’t give me anything but your
body. You understand?”

She nodded awkwardly. Fear floated through
her at the reminder that she’d never gotten over him the first time
around, and they’d never gone farther than kissing. Jonny was going
to crush her but in that moment, she didn’t care.

Jonny kissed her deeply and folded her into
his arms. He stood and lifted her onto his hips, moving slowly
towards the bed.

No regrets,
she told herself.

They made love for hours and then Jonny held
Ashley as she dozed for an hour or two, until shortly after
sundown. Their day had been nothing but feats of athleticism, first
in the sparring ring and then in his bed. She was everything he
expected – and everything he didn’t know he had missed. He hadn’t
slept with a woman who wasn’t under his spell in years, and
Ashley’s independence and lack of inhibition in bed were an even
greater turn on than the way she said his name.

Rejuvenated by her blood, recharged by the
post-sex rest, Jonny found himself returning to a thought he wasn’t
certain he wanted to entertain.

He had never really stopped caring for
Ashley.

But emotions didn’t have a place with him
now, no matter what Charles thought about him needing a motivation
to fight. He already had a reason – his vamps. He understood his
purpose and duty and how the fate of a race of creatures rested on
his shoulders and his decisions.

What he didn’t understand was how he felt
about Ashley or what to do about it. Emotion had no place in his
brutal world, no matter what he told himself about her promising to
stay in exchange for her life and her skills. She would always be
in danger, always surrounded by predators.

She shifted in his arms, and he
instinctively pulled her closer, not wanting to lose the feel of
her skin on his.

Then again, if anyone could survive his
world, it was Ashley, who had managed to earn the respect of vamps
in days where he had struggled for years.

“What happened yesterday?” she asked
sleepily. “Why did you lose so many?”

He was quiet for a moment, disturbed
whenever he considered what had gone wrong. “One of my sites was
ambushed,” he replied and rested fingertips against the strong
pulse in her neck. He had the urge to sink his teeth into her
whenever they were together, whether or not he was really hungry.
The primal side of him, the vamp he tried to keep under control,
yearned to claim her.

“I want to go tonight,” she said and twisted
onto her back.

He saw her face in the darkness of the room.
Jonny shifted to accommodate her movement and wrapped his arms
around her once more. Ashley snuggled against his chest and sighed
in contentment.

“Please?” she added hopefully.

He smiled. “Can you handle it?
Honestly?”

She was quiet.

“I’ll know if you can’t,” he teased and
nuzzled her neck.

She moved to expose the delicate skin to
him. “Does this help encourage you?”

“No,” he said and nipped her. “I’ll always
do what I think is best for my vamps. What’s best for you.”

“That’s kind of arrogant.”

“It’s who I am now, Ash. Get used to it.
You’re under my sphere of influence, which means I have the final
vote.”

She gave an exasperated sigh. “You’re worse
than Xander!” She touched his face with cool fingers. “I feel fine.
I don’t feel weak, and I don’t feel like I’ll have an episode any
time soon.”

He assessed her body. She retained some
exhaustion, but her ability to regenerate quickly was serving her
well. “You can go,” he said. “And you return right back here. To
me.”

Her breath caught. “I really am stuck with
you, aren’t I?” She displayed the palm with his brand on it.

“That was our agreement.” He felt her tremor
of uncertainty. He had long since identified the thought of escape
in her mind. She was there for Brandon and when this mess with
Valon was over, Jonny suspected Ashley was headed straight for
Xander.

But … it was a good thing. It would save him
the trouble of figuring out his own emotions.

“C’mon. Charles will want you ready to leave
soon.” With some reluctance, Jonny disentangled himself from her
warm body and climbed out of bed.

Ashley trailed. He listened to the sound of
her getting dressed and lifted his hands to his face, breathing in
her scent. The combination of blood and sex was beyond
intoxicating, and lust lit him on fire from the inside out.

“Thank you.”

He didn’t expect to hear the words and
turned to face her. “For what?”

“For being gentle.” Unaware he could see her
troubled expression in the dark, he studied her.

“That bothers you?”

“Sometimes I wish you weren’t. Sometimes I
wish it always hurt.” She was touching her neck.

So you can leave when this
is over.
Jonny kept the words to himself.
He couldn’t risk getting too close to her, not again. And in truth,
turning the other cheek when she made her attempt to escape seemed
a safer long term option than keeping her around. Emotions made him
vulnerable, and he couldn’t afford to be weak.

“Means to an end, Ash,” he said as much for
his benefit as hers. He had done a great deal in the name of his
greater purpose, but he sensed Ashley didn’t have that same
ability. She loved too fast and fiercely, and her heart guided
everything she did. He envied her ability to feel without
consequence. He had always thought her pretty, but in the afterglow
of their lovemaking, and the knowledge of how she was everything he
had lost, Jonny found her more beautiful than he had ever thought
possible.

“I know,” she said. Resolution crossed her
features. “Let’s go find my brother.”

Jonny had the urge to touch her again but
crushed it. They’d need distance to prevent this from becoming
something more than he wanted. “You get one warning this time,” he
said firmly. “Any sign of a seizure and you stand down. If you
disobey me, you don’t go out again.”

The
no-way-in-hell
look she gave him made
him smile to himself. “Sure,” she said.

“You know I can see in the dark, don’t
you?”

“Fuck you, Jonny!” she snapped.

“Happy to, Ash.”

The troubled expression returned before she
spun away. Jonny crossed to the door and strode into the hallway,
too satisfied with his down time with Ashley. The sense this was
going to end in disaster made the pit of his stomach feel heavy.
He’d had companionship most nights since he became the Black God,
but he’d never had something like this. He’d never connected to
anyone else the way he did with Ashley, probably because she knew
what he was and chose to be with him. There was no need to alter
her mind, no need to hide from her.

She knew. Even if she still
resented him, she still understood. And this was something he
hadn’t thought would affect him. He didn’t have to be alone
anymore, if he chose it. If he chose
her.

Conflicted and wary of the emotions starting
to spill through the dam around his feelings, Jonny led her out of
the dorms and into the night. The vamps were gathering in their
assigned teams beyond the next building, and Jonny’s step slowed as
he approached the edge of his private time with Ashley. He was torn
between saying farewell, just in case the worst-case scenario
happened, and not acknowledging her again to maintain the distance
he felt was needed.

She stopped when he did, and he faced her.
Her features glowed from sex, her lips roughened by kisses and her
expression more open than he’d seen it. Rather than ease the
tension between them, the day together had only made it more
charged, more compelling, and he actively fought the need to be
closer.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “You didn’t
change your mind. If you did, Jonny, I swear –” Her features
flushed with anger.

“No,” he said, amused. He racked his brain
for the right thing to say. “Take care of Charles. Make sure he
returns.”

“I will.” She studied him. “Can I tell him
you said that? Because I’d really love to rub it in when he’s not
holding a Taser.”

Jonny laughed, startled by her vehemence and
then by the sound escaping his lips. How long had it been since he
laughed? How completely inappropriate was it for the Black God to
find humor anywhere? He’d forgotten how funny she was and it struck
him he hadn’t laughed this freely in years.

“No,” he answered. “Just make it
happen.”

“I will.”

It was all he could think to say. Jonny
began walking again and hardened himself once more as he turned the
corner to the open area where his troops were gathered. Charles and
the team leaders were dispatching vamps already to predetermined
places Brandon had found during his search. The night air was abuzz
with activity and anticipation, and he joined Charles.

“Which location did you choose?” Jonny
asked.

Charles handed him the iPad with the
locations of all the teams flashing in separate boxes. With the
more advanced knowledge of strategy, Charles was given free reign
to choose where the teams went. Jonny studied the color-coded
areas. Charles was always yellow.

“Small location,” he murmured. “So you have
a lead.”

“Instinct. We’ve barely missed him twice.
He’s smart enough to evolve his tactics, to use a couple spots as
decoys and then hide elsewhere.”

“Speaking of tactics, we need to move camp,”
Jonny said. “My instincts are telling me we can’t stay in one place
too long.”