The Birthright (32 page)
Though the morning brought the first autumn chill, Anne and Nicole elected to ride together in the hired coach, leaving John with Charles and Judith riding in Charles’s carriage ahead. Some of the bundles that would not fit on the roofs of the carriage and coach had to be placed on the seats alongside the two women. One of the coach’s windows stubbornly refused to close, so that the brisk weather hustled inside, carrying occasional leaves and the sounds of the road—clopping horses, creaking wheels, and the intermittent cracking of the driver’s whip. Anne and Nicole nestled together beneath a large woolen travel wrap to stay warm.
It was all a distinct reversal as to how things had been expected to be, with Anne remaining behind in Harrow Hall and Nicole preparing for yet another seaborne adventure. At first they traveled in silence. Now and then a trivial word was passed back and forth, but the immensity of the occasion seemed to have stilled their tongues. Then Nicole finally spoke to the feelings of her heart. “I wish you were sailing with me. The voyage would be much more pleasant with you and little John along.”
“I wish you were staying,” Anne said. “I shall miss you so.” She hesitated for a moment and then continued. “No, that’s not quite honest. Deep inside, I know what you are doing is right. You would never have been truly happy here.”
Nicole breathed deep, finding release in Anne’s forming the words she had so avoided speaking herself. “No.”
“Duty bound, yes. I’ve no doubt you would have performed your duty well. But I fear that true happiness would have eluded you.” Anne glanced at the world beyond the coach’s window and then turned back to Nicole. “I’ve watched you. You have come to wear the social graces like a well-sewn garment. However, your eyes have never lost their restless longing. Often I have looked your way and found a hunger and a thirst.”
“I was not aware that it showed. I tried so hard to mask it.”
“I know you did, and I admired that about you. You would have set your chin and gone about what you considered your duty to Uncle Charles without a thought to your own happiness. I am so glad that Uncle Charles saw what I saw and was willing to free you from your sense of obligation.”
Again there was silence.
“That does not mean I shall miss you any less,” added Anne with a sigh. She reached over and clasped her sister’s hand under the heavy blanket. “I cannot imagine what it will be like without you.”
Nicole had to blink back tears. She asked in a subdued voice, “Will you ever return to the colonies?”
Anne took a moment before answering. “I cannot say,” she said at last. “I thought when I first left that I could not travel back soon enough. On the ship over, I was wishing to turn around and head back to the safety and security of home. But now…life keeps moving forward. I still long for family and the village. And I ache for the life I knew with Cyril. We had such a wonderful marriage. I had not fully realized how blessed I was until he departed.” She paused then, gathered herself once more, and continued on, “But that’s gone now, and I shall never have it again. There was a time when I thought I could not bear to live without Cyril. But God has sustained me. I am still here, still alive. At first I felt dead inside, yet how can one be dead if the pain is so sharp? And I had John. He gave me reason to keep on fighting, to hold on to sanity in an insane world.
“I believe God knew how much I should need my little lad. At least he was there with me…when Cyril died. And how I thank Him that Cyril was alive to see his son. That’s something I can share with John. I can say to him, ‘Your father held you in his arms. He prayed for you with his dying breath. He loved you greatly.’ I tell him these things every night when I tuck him into bed. I want John to know and feel the love of the good man who was his father.
“I was befogged from medications during the birthing, so I did not realize at the time just how great a gift God had given me in allowing John to be born before Cyril passed away. But God had my good, my future peace and happiness well in mind when He planned as He did. I thank Him daily for that blessing.”
Nicole stirred restlessly. It was still hard for her to hear Anne talk of her loss. She tucked the blanket close under her chin. Anne released her hand to wipe the corners of her eyes.
“So you see, I still don’t know what God’s plans are for me in the future,” Anne continued. “I do hope I have enough discernment to hear and enough obedience to follow His will, whatever it may be. For now, in a way I cannot express, I feel His presence. His peace. His gentle assurance that I am where He intends me to be. I cannot explain it. I don’t even understand it. Perhaps…perhaps He’s led me here more for John than for me. I have this…this inner sense that this is right, though I cannot tell you why. I feel there’s something ahead that will show me without a doubt why He’s brought me here—what He has in mind for me and John.”
She paused, drew a deep breath, and half-turned to Nicole. “Now and then I dare to hope that Father and Mother might decide to return to England. Perhaps bring Grandfather Price back to the land of his birth. But I will not press for that. It must be of God if it is to be at all.”
Nicole felt her heart lurch. She wanted to cry aloud that she needed them there with her. Whatever would she do if Anne were to find some way to hold them here? But she halted the words before they formed, in time to hear Anne say, “And then I stop and remind myself that such thoughts are, well…”
Nicole murmured. “I confess to such selfishness myself.”
Anne pressed firmly down upon Nicole’s hand. “They are happy in Georgetown. Mother has never known any other life. She would be so distressed, lolling about a morning room. She has to be active, involved, helping those in need. And Father would find it impossible to return to life as a country squire. And Grandfather…I doubt he even claims England as his homeland any longer.”
Nicole felt herself relax.
“And what of you?” Anne asked. “Will you return to Louisiana?”
Nicole shook her head. “Not unless I feel a very clear and direct leading from the Lord,” she answered. “Some days I long for the bayous and the village. And especially for my folks. But I know I would not fit there now. Things have changed. I have changed.” She remained thoughtful for a while as the face of Jean Dupree flashed momentarily in her memory. She had not thought of him for many months. She soon dismissed the thought and went on. “Life does not stay the same for very long, and one cannot go back to how it used to be. No, I don’t suppose I shall ever return to Louisiana—at least not to stay. But as to my future, I expect there will be many changes ahead for me, things I cannot now sort through nor plan. Only God knows what they are to be.”
They sat in silence as the carriage jostled over the rutted roadway. They both knew that when the journey ended there would still be so much that had not been said. Yet it was becoming harder to find the words to express their feelings.
“You will give them my love?” Anne asked softly.
“Right along with my own,” Nicole replied.
“I do miss them.”
Nicole gave Anne a look of sisterly understanding. “I know that,” she whispered. “So do they.”
Anne nodded, willing to take to heart this spoken truth.
Portsmouth was a town filled with clamor, sailors, and the briny taste of the sea. Charles sat with Judith and pointed out the great houses built by trade with the far-flung world, the ships at anchor, the bales and bundles of newly imported goods. A convoy had recently arrived from the Orient, signaled by tall stacks of cedar chests which gave off pungent fragrances of spice and tea.
The carriage clattered along the cobblestone quayside, halting by a group of seamen tying up a ship’s longboat. As Charles stepped from the carriage, a uniformed gentleman with bushy sideburns came forward and bowed. “A good afternoon to you, Lord Charles. Captain James Madden at your service.”
Charles grasped the man’s hand and wrung it gratefully. “What a pleasure it is to see you again, sir.” He turned to the woman emerging from the carriage. “May I present Mrs. Judith Mann, a relative by marriage and, I am delighted to say, a dear family friend.”
“An honor, Mrs. Mann.” Captain Madden bowed a second time, then gestured and said, “You remember my wife, perhaps.”
“Of course. A delight to greet you, madame.” Charles took note of her heavy travel garb and the bundles at her feet. “You don’t mean—”
“My younger daughter is with child, m’lord,” she explained proudly. “Word arrived with the same post as your request for a ship and formal escort for your niece. I intend to travel with my husband.”
Charles clapped the captain on the shoulder. “What glorious news! A finer escort for my niece I could not imagine.”
“If we make the tide this day and have a strong wind in our quarter, we might be there for the wondrous event,” Captain Madden declared.
“Give you joy!” Charles cried. “Give you great joy, and myself besides. I am positively delighted Nicole will be in such company for her voyage home.” He spun around at Nicole’s approach and said, “My dear, have you heard the wonderful news?”
Nicole curtsied. “It is indeed grand. I cannot think of a greater blessing upon the journey than to share it with such friends.”
Captain Madden doffed his hat again and said, “It is we who are honored, m’lady.”
“Indeed, ma’am.” Emily Madden’s smile was bright as the day. “I warrant I shall be offering you no more advice upon how to be a lady.”
“Advice such as yours will always be welcome,” Nicole said. “Always.”
The captain then signaled for his men to begin loading the trunks and bundles aboard the longboat. “We have less than an hour before the tide changes, m’lord. Best say your farewells now.”
Charles drifted back and observed as Nicole and Anne bid their tearful good-bye, fiercely embracing each other. The trip into Portsmouth and now the departure itself was proving a remarkable experience for Charles. All the emotions he would have expected to feel—anger, bitterness over his future, futility, defeat, disappointment with Nicole—none of these were present. Instead there was a peace so overpowering he wondered if it was a presage to his own death.
Judith moved alongside him and whispered, “Look how they cling together. It is hard to see where one girl ends and the other begins.”
“And not just here and now,” Charles murmured. “Young Crowley mentioned how they seemed as one spirit dwelling in two bodies. I could not agree more.”
Then Judith looked up at Charles. “Anne has shared with me what you have done. I was moved to tears.”
Charles glanced back at the woman and said, “Kind of you to say so.”
“I am not the one who is kind here, Lord Charles.” Her smile was so great and warm it revealed all the freshness that still resided in her, all the youth. “It is the gesture of a good man, the sort of which ballads should be sung and tales told for generations to hear and learn from.”
Charles felt his face get warm. “My lady, I am deeply touched.”
“As am I.” She started to reach for his arm, but stopped, for others were watching. “You make me feel as though there might yet be years left to live.”
He understood her words all too clearly. “I confess to having had the same thoughts upon our journey here.”
From beneath her bonnet, she cast him a gaze of such warmth Charles felt it in his boots. “Indeed,” she whispered.
“My lady, I have been married twice. Great unfortunate errors, the both of them. Done strictly for earthly gain, and the shame of these acts I shall carry all my days.” He grimaced. “And now, when the Lord has opened my eyes as to what a true union might hold, I find I am barred from knowing such gain.”
“Barred…” Judith realized her voice carried loudly. Softening her tone, she asked, “Barred how?”
“By ill health—my heart.”
To his astonishment, Judith laughed out loud. “My dear sir, please forgive me, but you are a fine figure of a man, with none of the signs one might expect of a coming demise.”
“Nonetheless, my lady, I could never ask anyone to take such a risk.”
This time the hand did indeed reach and rest on his arm. “Ah,” Judith said, smiling with her words, “but perhaps this lady is not asking.”
Nicole released Anne only so she might pick up John. She held the baby as long as she could. Baby John clearly realized something was happening, something that would leave him unhappy. So when Nicole handed him back to Anne, he expressed his disapproval in the loudest possible way. Finally Anne took him and her own tears back to the waiting coach.
Nicole felt hesitant about approaching her uncle. Her emotions were in such a topsy-turvy state, she had not an idea what she was feeling or why she was crying.
Captain Madden could not contain his impatience any longer. From his position at the head of the longboat, he called, “Your pardon, m’lady, but the tide waits for no man!”
So Nicole stepped forward and said, “Uncle, I cannot begin…”
“Don’t even try, my dear Nicole.” Then Charles held her so close she could hear the irregular thumping of his heart. “All that lies between us goes far beyond the realm of words.”
