The Billionaire's Second Chance (12 page)

Turning his body towards her so that they were less than a foot apart he continued, “What I say next is more important than anything
that came
before, and hopefully you’ll hear what I’m trying to say even through a well-deserved case of suspicion”

That last comment certainly got her eyes flying directly to his, which was what he wanted, and once he had her firmly in his view with all the sincerity that he could muster, something which was right on the edge of a cry from his soul, he simply looked into her eyes and said, “What I did was wrong. The words I said to you were not how I truly felt. None of what took place after I’d been called back to New York was right. It was all wrong. Everything.  Every stupid word in that wretched note I left for you. I was a complete coward for having done that by the way. And every heartless thing which came out of my foolish mouth that last time we spoke contained not so much as an iota of truth.  There’s so much more and I hope you’ll give me a chance to explain but nothing else is more important than this ….I’ve
missed
you, Shannon.”

His eyes
and the message they sent
were
riveting
and he seemed so moved and genuine in what he was saying but at the same time the thought screaming through Shannon’s head was
he missed me
? Really, he missed me? He said that as if my absence from his life was
somehow
my decision. As if I had gone off and left him. As if he had the right to miss me because I was the one who’d gone away. She wanted to strangle him in that moment.

Something long denied snapped inside her; not being able to
stop herself she bit out at him,
“You missed me?” a bit more hysterically than she’d intende
d.
“That’s what you have to say? You missed me?”

All the hurt and pain which had visited
her over the past eight years
piled into her lap
as
a reminder of what he put her through. She turned on him
with anger blazing in her eyes
and said
,
“Explain to me exactly how you could miss something that you voluntarily threw away?”

Whatever Nick expected
it certainly wasn’t that. H
e had to hand it to her; she never was one to dance around the subject. Whatever she felt, you knew about it because she sure as hell was going to let you know. Any fool who took her sexy good looks, tousled blond hair, expressive turquoise eyes and sweet as hell bow tie lips for granted and thought that she was an empty airheaded female was in for a huge surprise. This little lady really did pack quite a wallop.

Taking a deep breath then heaving a bottomless sigh, Nick was sure there was more to come, and there was.

“I’m glad for all your help today, Nick and I thank you for your assistance.” she thundered in a prissy, prim
,
mother superior voice as she tried to look down her nose at him.  She drew a shroud of long-ago hurt and pain around her like a cloak before continuing.

“But don’t think for a second that accepting your assistance in a crisis means that I’ve forgotten your cruelty when we parted. You made your contempt for me and our relationship quite plain,
quite
clear. And thank you very much, that’s not something I’m likely to forget.”

The unladylike snort of disbelief which followed pretty much summed up what she thought of his admission. Shaking her head in disbelief she muttered, “You missed me? Cut me a break.”

“Shannon, we clearly need to talk. I understand your anger and your disappointment in the way I behaved. Hell sweetheart, if I’m being honest I’m angry and disappointed in the way I behaved towards you too. You deserved better.
WE
deserved more and I grant you that I didn’t handle myself or the situation I found myself in very well.”

Sitting back some in his chair to lessen the intensity of a conversation which had the potential to get fiery, emotional and out of control if they weren’t both careful, Nick opted for calm sincerity; hoping that right here and right now he could defuse some of her anger and disillusionment
.
Before he could get another word out in his defense she erupted in an emotional tirade that shut him up pretty damn quick.

“You want honesty Nick?  Really? That’s what you want? Let me give you a little of
my
honesty
.
” she spat out in a blazing blow by blow account of how devastated she’d been by his denial of their love affair.

“You were the sun the moon and the stars to me, and while I realize that’s a bunch of romantic foolishness
,
it’s
how I felt. I will grant you that I’m responsible for my own feelings
but
I
have
also had to
totally own the fact that while you were my universe I was your…well, I don’t even know what.”

She was mad, that was clear. He had to let her be mad and he had to allow her to vent on him because after all, it was his actions that brought all this about. He had decided for her; made conclusions about what was best for her future when he had shut down their relationship. Nick knew he was an arrogant fool, what guy wasn’t? But at the time what he had done was absolutely necessary. She was right about her romantic notions, but not in a bad way. He loved that she saw him in starry-eyed terms. In his mind that actually gave them room for the future.

Unleashing the full measure
of
her glaring turquoise eyes on him he marveled for just a second at how fiery that icy scowl actually was.  God, she was magnificent when she was worked up.  The fringes of those frosty orbs were dancing with deep golden sparks of emotion that accentuated the changing cast and hue of her unusually colored eyes.  They told a story and as he watched her get ready to lay in to him verbally he also caught and marked each emotion as it played on her face and tucked those impressions away for later.  Now was certainly not the time to
remind
her that he could read her like a book.  Those eyes of hers were like a study guide above a mouth so shockingly sensual that even when she tried to look stern and serious
she
still just looked lush and begging for his attention.

He also knew from the tone of her voice and the way she pulled herself in so rigidly as to give the words
up
and
tight
new
meaning
,
that he had just stumbled into the hornet’s
nest at the heart of their predicament.

“
And let’s not forget that
you had a secret fiancée the entire time you were sleeping
in my bed
so don’t talk to me about honesty” Shannon hurled at him.

There it was. This was the issue he had to face truthfully and completely for her to have the assurance that she could trust him if there was any hope of them moving forward. She’d obviously done her research if she knew about his ill-fated engagement because it was barely public knowledge at the time of their final encounter.

Getting to his feet, Nick moved away from the sofa towards the windows across from the fireplace. If they were going to get into this he felt a little distance between them might be in order. Well, it was now or never… just go for it he thought. That’s all he could do, stop dancing around and just tell her the truth.

Acknowledging her account of what had happened with a small nod he went for broke.
“What you’re referring to is only the tent poles of the story Shannon. 
Truth is
,
there’s so much more.
I never should have allowed the engagement to gather oxygen in the first place. I wasn’t in my right mind.  There were literally thousands of people’s lives dependent on the company; the engagement was part of a business deal my grandfather had made with one of his long time cronies. Neither of us had even known about it until Randolph’s will was read.  Believe me when I tell you we were both desperate to find a way out. It was just one wrong thing in a bigger picture of a thousand wrong things.
I was not
secretly engaged. We were pawns in a business deal and that was all, no matter what the press might have been reporting
at the time
.”

He turned away from her and while staring blindly at the vista outside he let the whole story come flowing out. She deserved this much at least. Deserved to know the entire situation and hopefully see what a god-awful mess it had all been.

“When I came back from Africa everything changed in a heartbeat.  I
t didn’t matter what I wanted.
When my grandfather died everything had been replaced with a crushing responsibility that left absolutely no room for anything
but duty and responsibility.”
Whispering, remembering those confusing days when he battled with his needs and desires against the cold hard reality facing him
,
Nick let the words pour forth.

“You see, it wasn’t just about me and it wasn’t just about taking care of my mom and sister.  That was almost nothing compared to the thousands of employees around the globe whose livelihoods and futures rested in my hands.  So many people were counting on me to do whatever was necessary to keep things moving forward.”

The shadows in the room were deepening as the sun continued to set on what had started off as a brilliantly beautiful southern California Saturday. The uncomfortable energy swirling through him with this line of thought moved Nick even
closer
to the windows which looked toward the setting sun.

From her spot across the room, Shannon thought the fading light made him look vulnerable and
for just a second felt compelled to concede that maybe she hadn’t been the only one confused and hurting.

Shrugging away the discomfort Nick continued on. “The very idea of marriage at that time was a joke and nothing more.
Believe me when I tell you
she was no more thrilled about being sold off to the highest bidder than I was.”

With a bitter laugh he added
,
“We were
both completely furious.
After the announcement was leaked we
never even met together
. Although we’d known each other for years,
she and I
had nothing in common and would probably have never even spoken to one another if left to ourselves. It was a disaster waiting to happen.”

Long moments of silence see-sawed back and forth between them as Shannon recalled the crushing pain she’d felt upon finding out about his real life
,
while Nick remembered with detailed specificity the horror he’d felt as he came to accept that his life, at that time anyway, was not his own.

Shrugging with acknowledgement that it had all been an out-of-control disaster the words kept on coming. “And then I did what any self-respecting guy whose life was careening out of control does. I started drinking. At first just to blur the edges but within weeks
,
anesthetizing
myself
with alcohol was like a full time job.” he said in a tone dripping with self-loathing and regret.

“Six weeks later Jules and Ned stepped in right quick and I got it together; simply took control of my life and choices. I didn’t care about the business deal which had led to all of it and didn’t like the direction the company had been going.  Once I hit bottom so to speak the only way out really and truly was up.  I’d lost myself for a time but after that it was all my way or the highway.  If I had no choice but to be the head of a huge global behemoth then it was going to be on my terms.”

Moving from the window and turning back towards her so she could see the truth from his words reflected in his expression. “I’d been asked to sacrifice everything and I did, for the greater good, because that was the bullshit I was telling myself then. As I took control the first step was to end that sham of an engagement and then focus like a laser on making Barrett a company which at least didn’t turn my stomach.  And through all of that, over all the years to come I knew in my heart then just like now that there is no light without you.  You are my light Shannon.”

She realized that while she didn’t condone his actions and the horrible way he’d treated her, she’d only ever focused on her part of the story.  She never considered that a different reality might have been his.  Something totally opposite
to
the one she’d had festering in her imagination all these years.

In her mind’s eye, out of a feeling of self-preservation, she had formed an opinion of him as a self-involved rich kid who wanted money and position far more than he wanted her.  In Shannon’s narrative he had simply chosen wealth over her; she never considered that what he might have chosen was to sacrifice himself in order to spare her from something ugly which only he understood. 

The thought warmed her more than it should and she was shocked when a flush of sensual heat started in the balls of her feet moving in intensifying waves up her body till it bloomed in glorious color on her cheeks as her body shrugged off years of hibernation and quickened with a primal longing so strong it made her dizzy.