The Best Medicine (22 page)

Roughly, Scott pinned both her hands above her head with one hand applying the perfect amount of pressure. His lips seemed to attack her mouth and her neck. With every kiss, their tongues tangled with the water that streamed down them.

Scott ground against her clit, hitting her in a place that made her think she might lose it right then. Finally, just when Lauren didn’t think she could wait any longer to have Scott inside her, he grabbed the backs of Lauren’s thighs and lifted her up until she felt his tip at her entrance. Then he thrust hard and deep inside her, stretching her with every stroke.

Her back slipped against the cool tile as Scott’s warm body pressed hard against her. Her orgasm had been building since they’d entered the shower, but she tried to hold off, wanting to enjoy the fleeting feeling of the two of them moving together as one.

“Fuck, Lo,” Scott groaned. “This is better than any fantasy I had of you. You’re so fucking soft.”

He pumped into her faster and without reservation until she let go and allowed herself the release she’d been craving. Her nails clawed Scott’s back as she yelled in relief. The spasms that coursed inside her were enough to make her legs loosen their grip around Scott’s waist. But she wanted to give Scott the same pleasure he’d given her, so she focused on him—a look in his eyes like he wanted all of her and didn’t want to let her go.

He slammed into her long and slow until he finally came—a look of complete satisfaction on his face. Scott stayed inside her for a few moments longer before pulling out of her and slowly lowering Lauren down. At his absence, she nearly shivered even while standing under the warm spray of the shower.

Scott grabbed two towels and put one around Lo, hugging her with his warmth before discarding the condom and putting his own towel around himself to dry off. When both of them were dry, Lauren raised her lids to look up at Scott, whose eyes held a possessive sweetness.

He pressed a knuckle softly under her chin and raised her head to kiss her gently. “Stay,” he whispered.

Delusional Disorder

Scott drove Lauren home the next morning on his way to work so she could get ready for class. Despite the fact that she’d only stayed the night two other times, it had felt surprisingly natural. They’d stayed up to watch
Wedding Crashers
on TV—a movie they quickly realized they both could quote on demand. And they’d spent the rest of the night in Scott’s bed. But they hadn’t had sex again. Instead, Lauren enjoyed the comfort of Scott holding her as she drifted off to sleep and thought about how perfectly she fit in his arms.

Scott parked his car in front of her apartment and gave her a gentle kiss. His lips lingered on hers for what seemed like a moment too long to be a just a quick kiss good-bye. “Call you later?” he said as he pulled away slowly.

Lauren felt her brows furrow in confusion. “Are you asking me or telling me?”

“Well, I mean I don’t want you to think I’m a Stage Five Clinger or anything.”

Lauren laughed at the reference from the movie they
had just watched, but she couldn’t ignore its implications. It was Scott’s way of asking if he was overstepping. She hoped her laughter made him feel more at ease. “I’ll talk to you later,” she said with a smile that she was sure would stay with her as she got ready for class.

After getting dressed, Lauren trotted toward the kitchen for a cup of coffee when her cell phone rang. “Hi, Mom,” she said as she brought it to her ear.

“Hi, Laur. What are you up to?”

“Nothing. Just getting ready for school. What’s up with you?”

“Not too much. We’re having a little bit of a lull this morning, so I thought I’d check in since I haven’t spoken to you since Thanksgiving.”

Perfectly executed guilt trip, Mother.
“Yeah, I was getting caught up on schoolwork and then I was bored so I went with Scott to his brother’s house for dinner yesterday.”

Pam was quiet for a long moment, taking a deep breath before she began speaking again. “What are you doing, Lauren?”

“What do you mean?”

“With Dr. Scott. What is going on between you two?”

“Nothing. We’re friends. Can’t I have friends?”

“Don’t be smart, Lauren. Of course you can have friends. But don’t try to convince me your relationship with Dr. Scott is that simple. I know it isn’t.”

She was right, and Lauren didn’t have it in her to try to convince her any differently. “Why does it matter what we are?”

Pam sighed, her voice softening when she spoke. “It matters because he’s your boss. And sleeping with your
boss is not a stigma you want to carry, especially just as you’re getting ready to pursue your own career in the health field. I don’t want you getting mixed up with another authority figure who could derail your entire life again. It isn’t responsible.”

Lauren opened her mouth, but quickly closed it again, finding herself in too much shock to reply. Unsure of what exactly to say, she settled for the only truth she had. “This is different, Mom.”

“How? Explain it to me, Lauren, because I desperately need to understand.”

“That thing at Dartmouth was a bad patch. You know that. I’m not that immature, naive little girl anymore. I can’t explain to you how it’s not the same with Scott other than to tell you that the way I feel, the way he
makes
me feel, is totally different.”

“I don’t like it, Lauren.”

“I can’t change it, Mom. And I don’t want to.”

She heard her mom’s heavy sigh through the phone.

Lauren hated disappointing her mother, and she had the sinking feeling that that was exactly what she was doing.

“I’ll talk to you later, okay?” her mom finally said. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” Lauren brought the phone down from her ear, but continued to stare at it for a few seconds after her mother had hung up. Finally Lauren got her coffee, gathered her stuff, and headed out the door to school, trying desperately to ignore the fact that what she’d just admitted to her mother, and herself, had changed everything.

*   *   *

Somehow Lauren managed the drive to school without giving much thought to what was happening between her and Scott. She’d assured her mom that the situation with him was different from the situation she’d gotten herself into with the professor at Dartmouth. And it hadn’t been a lie. It
was
different.

It wasn’t until she sat in her Advanced Psychology class listening to Dr. Bauer’s lecture that she took the time to evaluate just how far the relationship with Scott had progressed.

Her
relationship
. She let the word bounce around in her head like a racquetball in an empty court. Though she tried, its echo rang much too loudly to ignore.

She and Scott were more than just friends with benefits, whether they wanted to admit it or not. For months they’d both believed that they were nothing more than two people who had an undeniable sexual chemistry, two people who laughed with each other and enjoyed spending time together. But she was crazy if she thought that all of those elements, when combined, did not equate to some sort of relationship beyond the casual sexual arrangement they’d claimed to maintain.

“Almost
everyone
exhibits some form of delusional behavior during their lifetime,” Dr. Bauer insisted. “It’s only natural for our brains to want to hold on to what they’d like to believe is true, rather than what
is
. It’s easy to accept a false belief even with overwhelming evidence to the contrary.”

Lauren’s hand shot in the air before she’d even decided what she’d planned to say. She just knew she had to say
something
. Since her undergrad days, she’d made it a habit of trying to participate in all of her classes, but
she usually found it tougher in Bauer’s class. Though his lectures were always informative, he just didn’t have the same charisma as Dr. Peterson. But today’s topic begged her to engage.

“Yes, Miss Hastings?”

Lauren sat up straight and glanced from side to side as if someone nearby could help her make sense of her jumbled thoughts. “You said nearly everyone exhibits some sort of delusions, right?”

“That’s correct.”

“So then, almost everyone could be diagnosed with a delusional disorder?”

“They wouldn’t be diagnosed with a delusional
disorder
, necessarily, if that’s what you’re asking.” Dr. Bauer paced back and forth slowly at the front of the room as he ran a hand through his thick gray hair. “Nonbizarre delusions serve as our mind’s defense mechanism—a way of protecting ourselves from how the truth will make us feel, so it isn’t uncommon for even people without any psychological problems to exhibit that behavior from time to time.”

Lauren’s mind was a jumbled mess of information and emotions, and she couldn’t even begin to make sense of any of it.
She
could admit that what she had with Scott was more than what they’d claimed it was. But she was almost certain that Scott couldn’t.

Lauren sat back in her chair, feeling herself sink down a little lower as the implications of what Dr. Bauer was saying settled over her. “So,” Lauren continued, “if someone exhibits that behavior, as you said, how would you get them to stop having those delusions? If we had a patient like that, I mean.”

Dr. Bauer cocked his head to the side and looked at Lauren a moment too long, as if he knew the real reason for her question.

Damn psychologists.

“Well, since delusions are a symptom, and not the problem in and of itself, our best course of action,” he continued slowly, giving Lauren time to process his words, “would probably be to figure out what was causing those delusions. Once we can assess the underlying issue, we can finally begin to make some progress. With the patient, of course.”

Lauren probably would have been embarrassed by Dr. Bauer’s callout, had her mind not been reeling. She knew the underlying issues Scott was dealing with. He’d told her not twenty-four hours ago. But his first instinct was to brush those issues aside, ignore how much they really affected him. Lauren sunk back in her chair, her teeth nibbling on her pen cap as she contemplated that even though
she
was ready to move forward with Scott, he was more than likely not in the same mental place. Her heart sunk at the realization that Scott may walk away from her before they ever really got a chance to take any steps together.

*   *   *

Most of Dr. Scott’s morning had been hectic. Three back-to-back appointments—two of which were new patients—had kept him busy for the first few hours. By the time he got a chance to breathe, it was nearly time for lunch.

He was at the nurses’ station, looking over the chart from his last patient of the morning, when Pam’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “I don’t know how else to say this, so I’m just going to say it.”

Scott made his last note on the chart before putting it on the desk and turning his attention to Pam, who had appeared next to him. He heard the abruptness in her voice, but something about her expression held concern.

“I know about the two of you.”

Scott opened his mouth to respond, though he wasn’t exactly sure what he would have even said. No explanation would justify the fact that he’d been sleeping with her daughter.

Pam continued, her voice softening as she spoke. “She’d probably kill me if she knew I was even saying anything to you, but I’m her mother and my job will always be to protect her. I need you to know that she’s been through a lot.”

He felt a deep pang in his chest as he thought about everything Lo had revealed to him. Things she hadn’t even told her own mother. “I know.”

“She assures me that this is different, Scott. And I have to believe her. When I saw you dancing with her at the benefit . . . Well, I should have known what was going on then. Even before then really. So I’ll just say this once and expect you to do the right thing.” She sighed heavily as if the weight of what she was about to say had been physically pulling her down. “When Lauren loves someone, she loves them with everything she has.” Then Pam touched Scott lightly on the arm as she spoke. “Just be careful with her heart. She’s all I’ve got left.” Without waiting for him to reply, she turned around and walked down the hall.

Pathological Lying

Scott tried to ignore the unsettled feeling in his gut. Ever since his talk with Pam the day before, he’d been racked with nerves. How the hell had he and Lo gotten so off track? How had he
let
them get so off track? They had agreed to a certain set of rules before they’d begun their sexual relationship, and Lauren had broken the most important one: she’d gotten attached when she’d promised she wouldn’t. And now they were in one hell of a predicament.

He felt his face get hot as he clenched his jaw. She’d screwed everything up, but
he
was the one who’d have to fix it. And it’d be a messy fix, one filled to the brim with hurt feelings. Scott fucking hated messy.

Scott hadn’t called her the previous night like he said he would. He didn’t want to be that guy who ended things over the phone. Not with Lo. Because no matter how pissed off he was, he still respected her more than that.

So he’d waited until she’d come in Tuesday. Waited until she’d gotten herself situated and started on her work
for the day. He waited . . . for a reason not to do what he knew he had to. Finally, as lunch was approaching, he saw Lauren go into the filing room.
This is as good a chance as any.
So he gave a discreet look around before following her inside and softly shutting the door.

And because he just couldn’t resist pressing her up against the wall once more, he leaned one hand above her head and rested the other on her hip. Then be lowered his face to hers, needing the proximity. One more time.

He noticed her physical response to him, and it only twisted his stomach more. “You promised,” he whispered.

When she replied, her voice was thick with desire. “Promised what?” She licked her lips and he had to bite back a moan.

He didn’t answer right away. He just looked at her, thinking about how much he’d miss being up against her. Scott wished he could go back and change the course they were on so they wouldn’t end up where they were. But there was no going back. If he allowed it to continue, he’d only hurt her more. “You promised you wouldn’t fall in love with me, Lo. You promised.” He heard the regret, the disappointment, the hurt in his voice. And part of him hoped that she heard it too, so she’d understand that this wasn’t what he wanted, but what needed to be done.

“I . . . I’m not.” Her eyes were wide, the panic clear in them.

It was all the confirmation he needed. He lowered his forehead so that it was flush against hers. “You also said you weren’t a liar.” His head drifted into her hair and he inhaled her scent. Then, he pressed a soft kiss to her
temple and pulled away. He allowed the finality of the moment to pass between them. He didn’t need to say it. It was clear from her slackened posture and the moisture building in her eyes that she knew. It was over. Summoning a willpower he didn’t know he had, he stepped back from her—knowing that he could ease the pain in her eyes, but refusing to allow himself to do so. He couldn’t be weak now. It was better for her to think he was a prick than to give her hope that he could be what she needed. He gave her one last look before turning and walking away, closing the door behind him as he left.

*   *   *

Lauren went through the rest of the day on autopilot, too focused on the whiplash she’d received, compliments of Dr. Scott.
What the hell happened?
The previous morning they’d been fine.
More
than fine. She’d felt like they’d finally gotten over the defenses the other kept so firmly locked in place. But then Scott had swooped in and slammed his down again, effectively shutting her out.

The more she contemplated it—the more she watched him actively avoid her—the less upset she was about his rejection. Instead she was pissed. If Scott thought that he could cast her aside like she didn’t matter, then he had another thing coming.

At six, she couldn’t take it anymore. She waited a little while longer for everyone else to leave for the day before she barged into his office, taking in his shocked expression when she threw the door open. “We need to talk.”

He released a heavy sigh, like he was annoyed by her.

She was going to fucking kill him.

“Okay. Talk.”

She shut the door behind her in case anyone was still left in the office, before rounding on him. “You have a lot of fucking nerve.”

“You’re just figuring that out?” He shuffled some papers around on his desk like he was too busy for her nonsense.

“Stop being a dick and look at me, Scott.”

He did. And she saw it. The hurt, the unhappiness, the longing. All of it. He didn’t want things to be over. He couldn’t.

But that only made her rage grow stronger. What was he punishing them for? Lauren felt a peace with Scott she hadn’t felt in seven years. How dare he take that away without giving her a chance to convince him otherwise? “Why are you doing this?”

He stood. “We had a deal, Lauren. I’m not the one who broke it. You are.”

She felt as if he’d slapped her. “You can’t be serious. We’ve grown so much since that stupid deal. You
know
me, Scott. Like no one else does. Are you really going to sit there and tell me that I’m not worth more than a good fuck from time to time?” Her eyes watered as she said the words.

Scott didn’t speak for a moment. He continued to look at her blankly, as if he were looking at a stranger.

“Answer me.” Her voice was strangled, so full of emotion she could scarcely breathe over it all.

“I never lied about who I was or what I wanted,” he stated plainly. His tone was so detached and distant, her heart broke even more.

“So why are you lying now?”

He flattened his hands on his desk and leaned on
them. Scott was finally bringing some emotion to the table, but it wasn’t the emotion that Lauren had hoped to see. “You have a lot of nerve. You barge into
my
office, demand that we talk about something that never should’ve happened in the first place, and then call
me
a liar?
You
lied. You said you could handle this. But then I get a lecture from
Mommy
that I need to be careful with your heart. Well, I didn’t sign up for that, Lauren. I didn’t ask for your heart, and I don’t want it.”

Lauren felt herself wince from the impact of his words. The venom in his voice, the disdain that he used when he mocked her with the word “Mommy” had her reeling.
Who the fuck is this guy?
And worst of all was that she couldn’t deny that she did love the bastard. Even though he was quickly proving that he didn’t deserve it. Nor did he want it. “Really? You want to bring ‘Mommy’ into this, Scott? How about we talk about yours then. How about we talk about the fact that the reason you won’t admit that you have real feelings for me is because you can’t let go of what your own mother did to your father. Well, I got news for you, Scott. We’re. Not. Them.” She looked at him for a moment, scanning his face for any hint of remorse. When she didn’t see any, she said the only thing she could think to say. “I’m sorry.”

He pulled back slightly, his brow furrowing.

But Lauren wasn’t apologizing for what he probably thought. “I’m sorry I let my guard down. I’m sorry that I allowed myself to believe the bullshit you fed me. All that crap about how the last thing you wanted to do was hurt me.” She saw the firm line of lips, the rigidity of his posture. In that moment, she wished she’d never met him.

“But I’m mostly sorry that I ever told you a Goddamn thing about me. How do you think that feels, Scott? You know things about me my closest friends don’t know. Things about my brother . . .” Her voice faltered as the rising emotion made her fight for control.

“I trusted you with more than myself. I trusted you with Cooper.” Her voice was small, weak. But she couldn’t have that right then. Taking a deep breath, she refocused her glare on him. “But you couldn’t handle it, could you? You wanna know why? Because you’re a fucking coward. You’re so afraid of letting someone in, of opening yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt, that you run like the chickenshit you are.”

“You finished?” Scott’s face hadn’t changed. She’d put all her emotions out there, and he was still standing before her, radiating nothing but anger.

“You bet your ass I am.”

“Good. Because I have some things to say. I’m the same man I’ve always been. It’s you who thought I was different. I never claimed that.”

Lauren swallowed around the thickness in her throat. So this was it? All the past three months had boiled down to. “You’re right. Guess the joke’s on me.” She gave a defeated shrug. She watched him for another second, allowing herself the briefest bit of hope that he’d take it all back. That he’d try to fix what he’d broken before it was irreparable.

But he didn’t.

So Lauren turned and headed for the door. As her hand gripped the knob, she hesitated. Taking a deep breath, she spoke the last personal words she ever planned to say to Dr. Scott.

“I told you a while back that you always win because you never let yourself lose. But living this way . . . This isn’t winning.” Lauren waited for a moment, letting her words sink in before she started again.

“And just so you know, since you never waited for me to say it, I do love you. You’re the first person I’ve ever said that to outside of my family. That’s a regret I’ll have to carry with me. And the fact that I didn’t give that gift to someone who actually deserves it sucks.” Then she wrenched the door open and walked through it before slamming it shut behind her.