The Best Intentions (21 page)

The scene is Henrik Bergman's room, at first empty of people and movement. Then the door jerks open, and Henrik comes in backward maneuvering his metal-edged trunk through the narrow door. Everything has already been taken out and flung around on tables, chairs, and floor. He starts packing unsystematically and listlessly and finally
sits down on the floor, lights his pipe, and props his elbows on his knees. He sits there, and in that position, for quite a long time.

Suddenly Anna is there in the doorway, behind her the dirty, narrow, sunlit window facing the street. She is in mourning, her hair up under the sable beret, the mourning veil making her face pale and obscuring her eyes.

Henrik
(
not moving
): I was almost frightened.

Anna
(
not moving
): Were you frightened?

Henrik:
I was sitting here thinking about you.

Anna:
And then I was suddenly there.

Henrik:
It's like in my dream.

Anna:
I've something for you.

Now she is in the room. She falls to her knees by his side, searching in her little silky black bag.

Henrik:
You're different.

Anna
(
looks at him
): So are you.

Henrik:
You're more beautiful.

Anna:
You look sad.

Henrik:
Probably because I am.

Anna:
Sad just now, or all the time?

Henrik:
I've missed you.

He falls silent and swallows, takes off his glasses and flings them on a pile of books, then looks over at the window.

Anna:
But I'm here now, Henrik.

Henrik:
Is it true?

Anna:
Yes, it's true. I'm here.

Henrik:
This is like in my dream. First you come and say something I don't understand. Then you've suddenly disappeared.

Anna:
I'm not going to disappear.

She smiles and rummages in her bag, finds a small object wrapped in tissue paper, puts it into his hand, lifts the veil off her
face, and pulls off her hat. It lands on the floor. A strand of hair falls over her forehead.

Henrik:
Anna?

Anna:
Look and see what it is. I bought it the day we left Florence. It's nothing special, and certainly not genuine.

He unwraps the paper. It's a small statuette in darkened wood of the Annunciation of the Virgin Mary. Henrik lets it lie in his open hand.

Henrik:
It's Mary without the child. It's the Annunciation.

Anna
(
looks at him
): Yes.

Henrik:
It's warm. It's warming my hand. How strange. Feel.

Anna takes off her glove, and Henrik puts the figure into her open hand. She shakes her head and smiles.

Anna:
No, I can't feel it warming.

She puts the figure on the pile of books beside Henrik's glasses, then picks up her glove.

Henrik:
Your father died?

Anna:
Yes. The funeral's the day after tomorrow.

Henrik:
Is it hard?

Anna:
I lived in his love, if you see what I mean. I never thought about it, except when it sometimes bothered me. Now I'm miserable because I was so childish and ungrateful.

Henrik:
What have you done with Ernst?

Anna:
He's waiting down in the courtyard.

Henrik:
Aren't you going to ask him up?

Anna: No, no. Later. I didn't dare come here alone. It was sheer speculation. I knew you'd moved out of town. And yet I couldn't help it. So I said to Ernst: Come on, let's leave this house of mourning and go for a walk; we could go down Ågatan; maybe we'll bump into Henrik. It was like a joke. We laughed. When we came past your house, Ernst said: Go in and see if he's at home; bet you five kronor he is. You nearly always win our bets, I said. So I went in. There you were, and Ernst has won five kronor. Incidentally, I know you never got my letter.

She gets up quickly and goes over to the open window, pushes aside the curtain, and calls out to Ernst in a low voice. He is sitting on a pile of planks, smoking a cigar, bareheaded and in somber clothes, with a white necktie and a mourning armband. He at once turns to look up at his sister and smiles.

Ernst:
I'm fine where I am. Just tell me when you feel like company.

Anna:
I owe you five kronor.

Ernst doesn't reply but makes a little gesture with his cigar. Anna feels she is bursting with joy all over, in her breast, head, legs, and loins. She turns back to Henrik, who is still sitting on the floor. Maybe he thinks the dream will dissolve if he makes the slightest move. Anna sits down on a rickety wooden chair with a broken back. They are silent and slightly at a loss.

Henrik:
You wrote me?

Anna:
Yes, it was a rather urgent letter. But it went astray.

Henrik:
How do you know it went astray?

Anna:
I just know it did.

Henrik:
And what did you say in it?

Anna:
That's unimportant. It's unimportant
now.

Henrik:
I've got a temporary position in a small parish not all that far from here. They've just extended it by six months. That's why I'm packing. Professor Söderblom, you know who I mean?

Anna:
Yes, of course I do.

Henrik:
Professor Söderblom has told me to apply for an appointment in Forsboda parish, up in Gästrikland. I've been told it's a difficult parish. Mama was upset, of course. No doubt she'd hoped for something more genteel.

Anna:
And now you're not lonely anymore?

Henrik:
No, no. I can change, can't I?

Anna
(
practical tone of voice
): Of course, we'll go there and see for ourselves.

Henrik:
Of course if I'd known . . .

Anna
(
soberly
): Henrik, don't be stupid. If you've promised, then you've promised. You can't change things like that.

Henrik:
The parish priest is said to be old and ailing.

Anna:
We'll take a look at him, too.

Henrik:
You realize the stipend is poor.

Anna:
We won't bother about that. (
Leans forward
.) And, Henrik! You'll make a
brilliant match
if you marry me. I'll inherit lots of money. (
Whispers
.) A fearful amount of money. What do you say to that?

Henrik:
I have no intention of letting you support me.

Anna:
Just listen to me, Henrik! (
Practical and decisive
.) First of all, we must get engaged, as soon as the funeral is over. We'll order the rings this afternoon so that we have them on Saturday at the latest. Then we'll get engaged and invite Ernst to an engagement party here in your room, but we won't tell anyone. Next week we'll go and see your mother. I want to get to know her as soon as possible. You write to the parish priest and tell him you and your wife-to-be will be coming to Forsboda at the end of the week to inspect the parsonage, church, and the parish priest himself. Then we'll get married in September, or at the very latest at the beginning of October — and it's to be a
grand wedding,
Henrik. What are you looking at?

Henrik:
I'm looking at you.

Anna:
We've waited long enough. Mama always says, “You have to make decisions and take the responsibility.”

She falls to her knees, takes Henrik's head between her hands, and kisses him on the mouth. He at once loses his balance and falls over on the floor, pulling her with him in the fall.

Henrik:
One mustn't forget the kisses.

Anna:
No, kisses are important.

And so, ardently and thirstily, they kiss each other. Anna sits up, her black mourning clothes now rather dusty.

Henrik:
Your clothes are dusty.

Anna:
Yes, goodness, what on earth do I look like! (
Laughs
.) Now let's just tidy up and then we'll go down to Ernst and invite him to our engagement on Saturday.

Henrik:
What do you think your mother will say?

Anna:
After Florence, what my mother says or thinks is of no importance whatsoever.

Henrik:
Has something happened?

Anna:
You could say that.

Henrik:
And I'm not allowed to know?

Anna:
Perhaps. Perhaps one night when we're lying close together in our bed in Forsboda parsonage and the winter storms are raging outside. Then perhaps I'll tell you what happened. But only perhaps.

Henrik:
Is it anything to do with the letter?

Anna:
Henrik! I think lovers always assure each other they will be honest through and through, and they will never have any secrets between them. That's stupid. I'll never ask you to tell me your secrets.

Henrik:
But the truth?

Anna:
The truth is different.

Henrik:
We'll be truthful. Faithful to the truth.

Anna
(
with sudden gravity
): We'll
try
to be truthful.

Henrik:
We'll have to practice.

Anna
(
smiles
): We'll have to practice. What did you think of my meatballs? Weren't they . . . ?

Henrik:
Disgusting!

Anna:
You see! (
Smiles
.) And so on. Will you help dust me off?

So they help each other, but also have to hug and kiss, hot cheeks and hands. In the end, they manage to get out into the corridor and down the narrow wooden stairs. Ernst gets up from the heap of planks and gestures with astonishment when he catches sight of the intertwined couple. The friends approach slowly, stop a short distance away, and look at each other with joyful tenderness.

Ernst
(
to Henrik
): You look completely improbable.

Henrik:
I
am
improbable.

Ernst:
And you, little sis. Your lips are so red.

Anna:
Yes, they are.

Ernst:
A moment ago you were pale. As a whitefish.

Anna:
I have proposed, and Henrik says he will have me. Can you imagine how simple things can sometimes be?

Ernst goes up to Henrik and embraces him, takes a step back, looks at him, and embraces him again, striking him hard on the back. Then he kisses Anna on the cheeks, eyelids, and finally on her mouth.

Ernst:
You are and always will be the darlings of my heart.

Then off they go to the goldsmith's in St. Larsgatan.

This account turns arbitrary, main issues into subsidiary issues and vice versa. Sometimes it indulges in huge digressions in the tradition of oral storytelling. Sometimes it attaches great importance to a few lines in a letter. Suddenly it wishes to fantasize over fragments that appear out of the dim waters of time. Unreliability on facts, dates, names, and situations is total. That is intentional and logical. The search takes obscure routes. This is neither an open nor a concealed trial of people reduced to silence. Their life in this particular story is illusory, perhaps a semblance of life, but nevertheless more distinct than their actual lives. On the other hand, this story can never describe their innermost truths. It has only its own momentary truth. The desire to continue writing it, the friendly day-to-day insistent desire, is the only tenable motivation of the enterprise. The game itself is the driving force of the game. It is like in childhood — opening the white-painted doors of the toy cupboard and giving free rein to the inherent secrets of the contents. It could hardly be simpler.

Hence, the story takes a long stride across the moment when Anna holds up her hand with its shining engagement ring to Mrs. Karin's tired eyes. She almost certainly says very little: “I know, I know. I hope you can see clearly. There must be peace now. Henrik must know he is welcome in the family.”

Nor does the story mention how the bomb exploded the evening after the funeral, when the entire family was gathered in Mammchen's salon to discuss immediate practical problems.

Nor is it related here how Oscar, later that same evening, went to bed with his cancer-ridden, fading Svea. Holes appeared in her brimming reservoir of malice, and she trickled malignancies onto priests in general and Henrik Bergman in particular. In the end, Oscar spoke and said fairly authoritatively: “Svea, shut up. For God's sake, the risk is he may become a relative of ours!”

Mrs. Karin has summoned her family to a meeting in the dining room at TrädgÅrdsgatan. It is a few days after the funeral, and the July sun is
blazing down on the drawn blinds. The huge table with its lion feet has been robbed of its oilcloth and glows black, all in black, black on black against light wallpapers and colorful, shimmering paintings. Mrs. Karin has placed herself at the head of the table by the window, Oscar and Svea on her left, Gustav and Martha on her right. Carl is sweating with abstinence and boredom on Svea's right. The girls are curled up on the straight-backed sofa by the wall, and, finally, Ernst, Anna, and Henrik are sitting opposite Mrs. Karin.

Karin:
So I have asked you all to come here to discuss some issues. Before that, I wish to bid Henrik a warm welcome into our family. I now wish all conflicts and bitterness to be forgotten. We must draw a line through the past. If we make an honest effort, both reconciliation and friendship ought to be possible.

Mrs. Karin smiles at Henrik and Anna. The rest of the family do the same, a rather varied collection of smiles. A fly buzzes against the windowpane. Mrs. Karin twists the diamond ring, which is, as always, in its place between the heavy gold engagement and wedding rings.

Karin:
We have been to see Advocate Elgérus and gone through your father's last will and testament. If I have construed things correctly, every one of you without exception (
glance at Carl
) has accepted the stated dispositions and found them dictated with care and consideration. I am grateful for our unity During Johan's lifetime, he and I occasionally discussed what should happen to this building should Johan go before I did. He said that his definite wish was that
I alone
should be the owner and the other members of the family should be compensated with shares and capital. I dismissed the thought, did not wish to talk about it, but when the subject came up after his death, I felt I did not wish to keep it. Under no circumstances. So I asked Advocate Elgérus to investigate its sale. He told me yesterday afternoon that he had received an extremely generous offer from the School of Domestic Science on the other side of the street. The college has been overcrowded for a long time and is prepared to negotiate immediately. I said that I am in agreement with this proposal, but naturally I first have to discuss the matter with my sons, who live in three of the apartments. The college has offered to find equivalent apartments. As for me, I said that Fd be remaining here. But I intend to halve this apartment. I will have a wall built down the middle of the dining room and keep four rooms and the kitchen. I told Siri I will not be needing her after the first of October. Naturally, she was upset, since she has
been with us for nearly twenty years, but she will be given a good parting gratuity and will move to her sister's in SmÅland. Does anyone have any questions?