The Best Goodbye (16 page)

Addy’s eyes filled with unshed tears, and she sniffed and nodded her head. “OK. Yeah. I want you in her life, too. She wants you there. She’s already telling everyone at school her father is the biggest, strongest man on earth.” She blinked back the tears. “Our past will come up sometimes. It’s impossible for it not to. Emotions will get tangled, and I don’t think we can stop that from happening. But I want Franny to have you in her life. I want her to have what we didn’t.”

Addy had already given her that, but I understood what she meant. I wanted that, too. I just had to protect Addy from me while giving them both what they needed.

Things at work went smoothly with Captain after he came over. I tried not to wish for more. Every time he smiled at me or made a joke, watching me to see if I’d laugh, my heart melted a little more. I knew that guy. River was beginning to show through, and every time he did, I fell just a little more.

Brad had taken a major step back, and I was actually relieved. I didn’t want to feel like I had to be careful around Brad if he flirted with me. Captain had said he wouldn’t do it again, but I simply didn’t like the idea of Captain having a hard time watching Brad and me together. Maybe that was a weak-woman thing, and maybe I should be stronger. Make him suffer. But I didn’t play games. I wasn’t going to start now.

I wasn’t interested in Brad romantically, so using him to get to Captain was wrong. Luckily, Brad had taken Captain’s hint and backed off completely. Now he simply nodded when he saw me. I rarely even got a smile.

When that didn’t sting, I knew that Brad had just been filling the emptiness I’d lived with for ten years. He deserved better than to be the filler guy. He was a great guy. Just not the one I wanted.

Tonight was our dinner night with Captain. Franny had been bouncing off the walls since she’d gotten home from school. She had asked me three times if her sundress was pretty. It was her favorite sundress, and seeing her so eager to please Captain made me smile.

“Come here,” I told her, drying off my hands after washing up the rest of the dishes from this morning.

She walked over to me, looking up at me with eyes so much like my own.

“Your father thinks you’re the most beautiful, perfect little girl he’s ever seen. He’s proud of you. He’ll love this dress, but he would also love the denim shorts and T-shirt you were wearing earlier. He doesn’t care what you wear. His love is not something you have to earn. He loved you the moment he found out you were his. It’s the way a good parent is. We love unconditionally, because we can’t help it. You’re ours.”

Franny let out a sigh and smiled, looking like I had just taken a huge burden off her shoulders. “OK,” she whispered. “That’s good. Because I don’t want him to leave.”

That kind of fear was something I never wanted her to deal with. I was going to talk to Captain about it. I had been honest with her about not being able to control what happened with Captain. He could still leave Rosemary Beach, but I hoped he wouldn’t. He needed to know Franny was struggling with it. Only Captain could ease her mind about this. Not me. She knew I’d always be here. We were a team. Captain hadn’t made the team yet. She didn’t trust him in that way. He had to earn that.

“Let’s enjoy tonight. You’ll have his complete attention,” I told her, avoiding the rest of her comment.

Franny gave me a crooked grin that was her father’s. I didn’t point that out to her. “Not all of his attention,” she said, then turned and flounced into the living room.

I didn’t ask her what that meant. Her thoughts bounced all over the place.

“He’s here!” she squealed, just as the tires from his truck crunched over the shell driveway. “He’s early!” she added, running to the door.

He was ten minutes early. That would mean a lot to Franny. I waited where I was and let her open the door and greet him.

Captain’s eyes immediately dropped to her as she swung the door open when he hit the top step.

“Hey,” she said, in her bubbly tone that meant all was right with her world. Thanks to him.

Captain grinned, and the corners of his eyes crinkled, which was new for me. They were marks of a man. A man who had smiled over the years. He’d had reasons to smile. I was thankful for that. I didn’t want to think of him as unhappy.

“Aren’t you a pretty picture?” he said, and I seriously could have kissed him right then. He’d said exactly what she needed to hear. I also wanted to kiss him because, in that button-up blue shirt and faded jeans, he was a bit overwhelming. A man shouldn’t be that beautiful. It wasn’t fair.

“It’s my favorite dress,” she told him, and spun in a circle to show him how it flared a little at the bottom.

“I can see why,” he replied, and she beamed even brighter.

When he lifted his gaze, it locked on me, and I wished my heart didn’t beat a little faster. This was not what we needed. It was not what he wanted. It was a big mistake for me to be attracted to him. It was an even bigger mistake to feel things for him. He could destroy me.

“Like mother, like daughter,” he said with a slow grin. “Ain’t every day a man gets to take out two of the prettiest girls in town.”

Franny giggled and turned to look back at me. I managed to get hold of myself and smile back. I walked over to the sideboard, where I had left my purse. With my back turned, I took a deep breath and gave myself a small pep talk in my head.

“All right, lucky man, let’s go.” I tried to sound teasing, but I was afraid my voice wavered a little.

Captain held out his hand to Franny, who instantly stuck her small hand in his and led him out the door. I wanted to stop walking and just watch them go. He was so big and masculine, and at times he seemed dangerous. But seeing him with Franny’s little hand in his, her head tilted up, chatting away, was breathtaking.

I touched my stomach and ordered my ovaries to calm down before they combusted.
Get over it, Addy.

Franny climbed into the front of Captain’s truck and tried to scoot over so I could fit, too. But I needed the space to get myself together again. I opted to get into the back of his extended cab. Franny buckled up happily and began to tell Captain about every moment of her day.

I listened to him respond when he needed to, and it was obvious he was enjoying himself. I couldn’t imagine him leaving Rosemary Beach. Not when he wanted this relationship. For Franny’s sake, this was another conversation I’d have to have with him.

Deep down, I knew that I didn’t want him to leave for selfish reasons as well. Although Addy came first in all things, for the first time since I’d held her in my arms, I wanted something for me, too. Something I could never have, so I had to deal with it, and fast. Franny’s happiness came first.

I couldn’t get out of my truck fast enough. Chatting with Franny was incredible. She wanted to tell me everything, and I loved it. But God help me, Addy smelled so damn good my hands were sweating. Her scent had engulfed my truck, and every small move she made was like an electric jolt to my senses. I was so wound up by the time we parked that I jerked open my door and climbed out just to take a deep breath that wasn’t filled with Addy.

Clearing my head was the most important thing right now. I was getting to know my daughter and building a friendship with her mother. Not getting a fucking hard-on every time I thought about Addy’s soft skin was the most important thing right now.

Jesus, I was fucked.

I took one more breath of Addy-free air before walking around the front of the truck to open Franny’s door and help her down. Addy opened her own door and climbed out. I’d wanted to help her, too, but she hadn’t waited, so I let it go. She wanted to define this thing with us, and I had to let her.

I was caving fast. My good intentions were hard to hold on to when she smelled like heaven, looked like an angel, and was wearing a fucking red sundress. Damn dress was making it hard to keep my attention off her.

“What place is this?” Franny asked.

“It’s the best burger place around, and it’s on the water. I thought I’d take us out of Rosemary Beach for a change. This is Grayton Beach. You’ll like it. There’s live music outside on the water if you want to listen after we eat.”

She smiled brightly and nodded. I was beginning to think she’d be happy to do whatever I suggested. That was a humbling realization. This little girl had just met me, and she already wanted to be near me, to talk to me, to have me in her life. This should have been harder, but with Franny, nothing was hard.

Now, with her mother . . . I shook that thought off. I wasn’t thinking about Addy right now. I’d do that at home alone tonight.

“I can play the guitar,” Franny announced, watching me closely. “Mommy taught me. But she plays better.”

Unable not to look at Addy, who was walking quietly behind us, I let myself get lost for a moment, in a time when we were us, when she would only play for me. I remembered when I’d traded my baseball card collection that my dad had given me, which his dad had given him, for a used guitar at a pawn shop. Addy never knew how I got that guitar, and I never told her, but she’d loved it. We had kept it hidden under her bed, and she had only played it down by the pond or whenever my mother wasn’t home. When she’d left—when I thought she was gone—I’d gotten the guitar from under her bed. It was in a box, stored safely in my boathouse. I hadn’t taken it out in years.

Tonight I would. Holding it wouldn’t cause unbearable pain now. When the time was right, I’d give it back to its rightful owner.

Addy shifted her gaze to meet mine, and a smile touched her lips. “She’s a natural,” she said.

I made myself look away from her. “I bet she is. Her mother is incredibly talented,” I said, looking straight ahead so neither of the girls could see my eyes; they’d say more than needed to be said.

“Did Mommy play for you when you loved her?” Franny asked innocently.

When you loved her.
Those four words were too much. I just nodded.

“She used to play for me at night and sing me songs until I fell asleep. Then she taught me to play,” Franny continued.

Another thing Addy had given our daughter.

“Hey, they have homemade Key lime pie here!” Franny said, doing a little jump of happiness. “Look at that sign. It’s the world’s best. I love Key lime pie.”

“Then we’ll order a whole pie and eat until we’re sick,” I told her.

She giggled, then looked back at her mother. “I think he’s teasing. I won’t eat until I’m sick.”

Addy’s soft laugh sent warm tingles down my spine. “I’m sure he’s teasing.”

“Me? Teasing? I’m completely serious,” I said, glancing back over my shoulder to wink at her.

The flash of heat in her eyes didn’t go unnoticed.

Yeah. We were fucked. If she wanted me like I wanted her, we were so screwed.

Franny let go of my hand and ran up the steps to the door of the restaurant. I followed her and put our name in with the hostess. When I turned to find the girls, I saw Franny studying the large tank of saltwater fish. Addy was behind her, pointing out different fish and telling her what they were. The two of them were a lot to take in. I could see others looking at them. One guy from the bar was watching Addy with interest. I leveled a warning glare at him as I walked up behind them and placed my hand on Addy’s lower back.

The man’s gaze shifted to me and then dropped back to his drink. He got the message. I saw then that Addy was staring at me. She had gone very still.

It took me a moment to realize that my hand had made her tense. There was no way to get around the fact that I’d just touched her in a gesture of possession. As much as I didn’t want to, I dropped my hand and looked at the tank. “I’m impressed your momma knows all the names of these fish.”

Franny glanced back at me and grinned. “Mommy knows everything,” she informed me with complete sincerity, then turned back to the fish tank.

I disagreed. If she knew everything, she’d know that dress she was wearing and the perfume she had on was driving me crazy. My touching her back like she was mine wouldn’t have surprised her. If she knew everything, she’d know I was hanging on by a thread.

“Kipling, table for three,” the hostess said behind me.

“That’s us.” I took Franny’s hand.

“Yay!” Her small hand held mine tightly, and I kept it there as we followed the hostess to our table. I’d requested one by the window so we could have a view. Franny sat at the chair by the window and looked up at me hopefully. I knew where she wanted me. I took the seat beside her, and she beamed and looked back at the water outside.

Addy took the chair across from me. And I could smell her.

“Look, they’re playing volleyball out there,” Franny said, pointing to some kids on the beach.

I tried not to imagine things about Addy that I shouldn’t be imagining and tried to focus on my daughter. This night might be the longest of my life, but I couldn’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.

By the time Captain pulled into our driveway, Franny had fallen asleep in the front seat. He parked and looked back at me with a small smile. “We wore her out.”

“She wore herself out. I wish I had a fourth of her energy,” I replied, opening my door. “But she enjoyed tonight. Thank you for making it special.” I had the Key lime pie in my lap. Her eyes had lit up when it arrived at the table, and although she had barely finished one slice, it was important to her that he had bought the whole pie.

I climbed down just as Captain walked over to our side. He started to open her door but stopped and looked at me. “Did you have a good night?” His question was sincere. As if he wanted me to say yes.

I’d had a wonderful night, but there were times when I’d forgotten who we were and what we weren’t. The lines had blurred again, and the fantasy that we were the happy family the server thought we were was easy to buy into. I couldn’t let that become something Franny expected. “It was really nice. Thank you,” I replied.

He tilted his head and studied me for a moment. “Just nice, huh?”

The fact that this man needed reassurance was sweet. I wanted to kiss that look off his face, but I quickly snapped out of my giddy moment and stepped back.