The Bermudez Triangle (28 page)

“What were you doing?” Mel asked.

“Dancing.”

“I mean, why?”

“She asked,” Nina said. “I didn’t know what to do.”

Mel peered over Nina’s shoulder to the tie girl.

“She’s so cute.”

“She’s nice,” Nina said. “Her name is Alex.”

Mel’s focus was steady now. Tie Girl definitely interested her.

“Who’s that girl you were with?”

“Her name is Kathy. She kind of talks … a lot.”

“Ask Alex next time,” Nina said. “She’s nice, and I don’t think she’s here with anyone.”

Rather than rejecting Nina’s idea, Mel looked hopeful. Then she glanced over at Kathy and bit her lip.

“What do I do?” she said. “I feel kind of… responsible now. For her. I think she wants to stay with me.”

“I’ll free you up.”

“How?”

A good question—with only one answer.

“I’ll ask her to dance.”

“Are you serious?”

“I’m completely serious,” Nina said. “I just danced a second ago.”

Kathy was talking to two other girls in the corner. She was going to have to interrupt a conversation and then ask another girl to dance.

It’s for Mel
, Nina told herself.
You can do this.

When the music was right, of course. Or whenever Kathy looked like she was going to approach Mel again. Whichever came first.

Nina reached up and touched her hair. She looked down at her black miniskirt and the pearl gray sleeveless sweater she had on. She had tried to strike a balance between party wear and casual, but she’d ended up dressing like a paralegal. This outfit was way out of place.

Nina felt like she knew what guys were interested in, but it occurred to her that she had no idea what girls were looking for in other girls. There was the very real chance that Kathy might take one look at her and say, “No thanks.”

What if she got
shot down?

“Are you okay?” Mel asked.

“Great.”

The music slowed.

“Okay,” Nina said. “This is us.”

She walked right up to Kathy, who had turned to look around the room, probably for Mel.

“Hey,” she said brightly. “Would you like to dance?”

Kathy seemed surprised by this. She did, in fact, look Nina up and down and take in the officewear.

“Okay,” she said.

It wasn’t, Nina noticed, said with a lot of enthusiasm. It was a pleasant but lukewarm “Okay.”

Kathy and Nina were about the same height. Kathy wasn’t a great dancer either, but she wasn’t nearly as timid. She pummeled Nina with questions about where she went to school and who she knew. By the end of the song Nina had the strange feeling that she’d just been interviewed for something. An inclusion into the local gay and lesbian alliance, possibly. Maybe even a job.

Nina glanced over her shoulder and saw that Mel and Alex were dancing. Their scheme had worked.

When the song was over, Nina hurried out through the lobby and stood outside in the frosty night air. Her brain was reeling. This situation was no longer hypothetical. She had just danced with two girls, who probably thought she was gay—and for good reason. Showing up at a gay dance. Dancing when asked. Asking other girls to dance. These signals were pretty unambiguous.

That was it. She was going to sit in the car, scrunch down low in the seat, and play with her phone for the rest of the night.

“She’s from Albany,” Mel said, rushing out and joining Nina. “Oh my God. Am I all red?”

“A little,” Nina said, managing a smile. It had been a long time since she had seen Mel this excited.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine.”

“Thanks,” Mel said. “For doing this. I know it has to be weird.”

“It’s not weird,” Nina said, smiling even more broadly to cover the hugeness of the lie. “It’s just dancing. It’s cool.”

“We don’t have to stay….”

“Did you get her number yet?”

“Oh God.” Mel looked thunderstruck. “I can’t. That’s too weird.”

“So ask for her e-mail address.”

Mel thought this one over.

“It feels weird,” Mel finally said. “I feel like I’m cheating on her or something. I know that’s crazy.”

“It
is
crazy. No crazy talk. Avery’s not here. But Alex is.”

“I saw her on Valentine’s Day. We talked.”

“Who? Avery?”

“Yeah.”

“What did she say?”

“Not a lot,” Mel said.

Nina leaned against the door and sighed.

“That’s good, I guess.”

They both fell quiet. Mel kept staring at the shapes her breath was forming.

“Okay.” Nina stood up straight and adjusted her skirt. “We’re standing outside in the freezing cold talking about things that suck when you could be
inside
talking to Alex, your hot new girl.”

“She’s not my girl.”

“Not yet,” Nina said, giving Mel a gentle push. “But I have a good feeling.”

Nina slipped out
from under her heavy down comforter and pulled up her blinds. The sun had decided to come out after days of flurries and overcast skies. It reflected off the thin coat of snow on the ground, making everything intensely light and radiant.

It looked like an eighteenth birthday. Kind of gleaming.

Things had gotten better for both her and Mel in the last few weeks. Mel had been e-mailing and IM-ing Alex for almost a month. They hadn’t actually managed to set up a date yet, but it seemed like that was the way things were headed. Mel had her own timetable, and at least Avery was coming up in conversation less and less. They were both getting used to that fact.

Parker had been Nina’s major development. He had kept his promise to the letter—he was a perfect not-boyfriend. When she was busy, he made himself scarce. He didn’t bog her down with text messages and notes. At school or in front of Mel he didn’t even hint at the fact that there was anything going on between them. But there was. He was always there, waiting at the other end of the phone or online. She’d get in touch and he’d
appear, and they’d go for coffee. Sometimes they’d just take Nina’s SUV (the Roach had personality, but there was no getting used to that hole in the floor in the winter) and just park in the lot behind the Visitors’ Center. But each time felt like a separate event. It wasn’t building to anything. It was just the arrangement they had worked out, and it was good.

Tonight, he wanted to take her out. That was fair enough. It was her birthday, and it was a beautiful day.

She switched on her computer and ran down the list of e-mails that had come in. It was a love shower this morning. Birthday e-mail. There were about five e-greeting receipts waiting for her, two messages from Rob, a string of thirteen notes from Parker. But what caught Nina’s eye was a note in the middle.

Carson88. Steve. The subject line simply said “Hi.”

Hi.

Very casual.
Hi. Remember me?

Nina sat for a solid ten minutes before double clicking on the note.

Dear Neen
,

Happy birthday, first of all.

I know it’s weird that I’m writing and that you may not want to hear from me, so I’m going to tell you why.

Diane and I broke up. It happened two weeks ago. She’s a good person, but I honestly was thinking about you the whole time and even talking about you a lot.

So I’ve been sitting here for two weeks, going nuts, trying to figure
out what to say that wouldn’t make me seem like some kind of ASS because I’m really, really nervous even writing this now.

I guess I should mention that I got into Stanford too. So you’re going to see me even if you don’t want to, and if you don’t want to, I’ll totally hide in the hills and stay clear. But I’m really, really sorry for what I did. I think I went insane. It was raining here all the time (big surprise) and some kind of pernicious (SAT word) mold completely took over our bathroom. My dad’s been out of work (lots of lentils) and everything was just kind of grim and sucked. I was just kind of depressed, I guess, and I felt like I was never going to see you again. Last summer was the best time of my life. I got lucky. I met you. I felt so weird when we both had to go home. I figured it would be easier to pretend like you weren’t even there and see someone else. Does that make sense?

I sound so lame.

I miss you and I’m sorry and I’ll do anything I can, but please, I am telling the complete truth.

I hope my writing doesn’t make you sick or anything. I don’t want to ruin your birthday. I just want to say that I’m sorry and that I’m here anytime you feel like talking about this, if you ever do. I want to keep writing, but I should probably stop.

—
Stickboy

Nina curled her arms over her stomach. The feelings came back all once, in a surprise attack. There were the scary ones that she’d had
to beat down when he wasn’t writing and after they split up. There were the warm ones—the ones that caused her whole body to shake when she heard his voice.

She couldn’t think. There was something so real about what he was saying, but she kept picturing him with the girl with the similar hair, imagining all the things they’d been able to do together. So many things she’d never know about.

Nina went over and climbed back into her bed. She wondered if she could stay there all day. She’d never faked being sick before. But a birthday was a way too obvious time to start. Besides, she didn’t want to be stuck alone with that e-mail all day. She’d definitely lose her mind.

When she came into school, Nina saw the balloon tied to her locker from halfway down the hall. As she got closer, she saw that the locker door had also been covered in streamers and had a
happy
birthday
sign attached to it. These were all things she expected, and she was grateful, but she didn’t want them today. She wasn’t ready for today anymore. She needed her birthday to be postponed at least a week. She hurried to her locker, hoping to avoid any major contact. If she could just get to the council office and sit for a few minutes, she would probably be fine.

A small crowd screamed a greeting when she walked into the room.

Georgia had decorated the student council office in streamers. There was an extra-large pile of muffins on the table. These weren’t
just the nasty raisin-bran ones that she usually brought in. Today Georgia had obviously stolen the good ones as well—the lemon poppy seeds, the glazed orange, the chocolate cheesecakes. The underclassmen reps had stuffed her box full of cards and small gifts: a Glinda the Good Witch magnet, two car-nations, one pink rose, a mini—Chinese food carton full of candy. She duly sat at the table and opened all of these, thanking each person with a hug.

As she was carrying her armload of gifts back down the hall, she was caught again, this time by Mel, who was running up to her with a huge smile on her face.

“Hey!” Mel said. “We’ve been looking for you!”

The “we” included Parker, who stood behind Mel, waiting his turn.

“I got ambushed in the office,” Nina said.

Parker was smiling broadly. For a moment, it looked like he was going to lean over and kiss her.

“I need her for a second,” Mel said. “I’ll bring her right back.”

She pulled Nina down to the bathroom and then checked it over to see if anyone was there.

“Okay,” she said. “Special news. I’m telling my dad tonight.”

“
Telling
him, telling him?”

Mel nodded.

“Oh my God.” Nina tried hard to curb her feelings for a moment to show some enthusiasm. The best she could come up with was a wet smile. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Mel nodded. “It’s time.”

“Why now? I mean, I’m glad, but …”

“After I went to the dance, I felt really good. And Avery wasn’t…. Avery was different. Avery didn’t want to talk about it. All those people there—they were just being
normal
about it. It made me feel normal. Does that make sense?”

“Completely.”

“Alex came out when she was fourteen. She said she thought her mom was going to freak, but she was really good about it. She’s had girls over for dinner and everything. I don’t think my mom would be okay with that, because, well, you know my mom. But my dad might. I think my dad would, right?”

Mel was speaking breathily and pacing the bathroom, touching all the pink tiles above the sink with her index finger as if they were huge buttons—all systems go.

“You’re dad’s great.”

“I know. And I had to pick a date, so I figured why not your birthday? Mine’s not until May and I don’t want to wait that long, because then it’s prom, and that’s a whole different thing I have to explain anyway. They even have a prom! In Albany! And I have it all figured out. I’m making my dad’s favorite dinner, this chicken thing, and then I’ll tell him right afterward. I’m telling him everything. Even the parts about Avery, because he’ll figure that out anyway.”

This was the most Mel had ever said in one go. She was barely even taking breaths. But Nina’s brain was still stuck on one note.
Steve is back. He didn’t mean it. Similar Hair is outta here. Steve is sitting in the rain, thinking about me. Steve was sad. Steve cheated on me and gave up. Steve misses me.

Would he like her new hair? She reached up and touched the springy tips—her new nervous habit.

Screw him. He would be lucky to
see
her hair again.

“It’s all working out, Neen,” Mel said, coming close. “It seemed so bad before, but it’s working out.”

The door opened, and Mel quickly backed up.

“It’s great,” Nina said, stepping forward and grabbing Mel’s hand very deliberately. (So what if the soccer girls standing on the other side of the room were watching? Whatever. They could go bend it like Beckham and shut up.) “It’s the best birthday present.”

She wanted to tell Mel everything—explain to her that the reason that her eyes were misting over had more to do with Steve than anything else. Forget Steve. This was Mel’s shining moment….

“It’s great,” she said again. “Everything’s great.”

When she got
home from school, Nina spent half an hour sitting in front of her computer, not writing a reply to Steve. This was pretty much in keeping with her entire day, which she’d spent composing e-mails in her head that she knew she wasn’t going to be sending to Steve.