The Beautiful People (28 page)

            “Nope. You
don’t have to hang out, I’m fine.”

            “Okay, call
me if you do need something.” I listened for the front door to close before I
pulled Chelsea’s business card out. She was an assistant costume designer for
Warner Brother’s studios.

I grabbed a notebook
out of the drawer and started jotting down my escape plan:

1)
     
Close
out bank account

2)
     
Get
oil change and tune-up on car

3)
     
Buy
a GPS

4)
     
Get
a new cell phone number

5)
     
Set
up PO Box and have mail forwarded

6)
     
Pack

7)
     
Write
mom and Grant letters so they won’t worry about me

8)
     
Ensure
that bridges aren’t burned and Marco won’t kill Grant for my departure and
won’t put a hit out on me.

9)
     
Write
a letter for Dominic, explaining why I had to leave.

10)
 
Do
all of the above and leave.

Items one through six
were easy, but the last three were a hell of a lot more complicated and my window
of opportunity was closing. By now I was completely exhausted. My shoulder
screamed at me and I knew I needed to rest. I set the notebook on the table and
tried to sleep, but the pain kept me awake. Finally, I gave up and went to take
another pill. Before drifting off to sleep, I tried to think happy thoughts,
hoping to keep the nightmares at bay.

I woke up refreshed. By
some miracle I slept a deep, dreamless sleep. Besides feeling stiff and
experiencing a little twinge of pain every now and again, my shoulder felt
pretty good.

It was close to noon
and I didn’t have much time to get things in order. I called down to the
concierge and asked them to call me a cab. I quickly brushed my teeth, brushed
the tangles out of my hair and freshened up. I didn’t look fantastic, but I
wasn’t looking to impress anyone. I called Grant and told him I was going to
nap and that he didn’t need to stop by until he was on his way to work.
Fortunately, he sounded relieved and I didn’t have to worry about him
discovering my absence.

My first stop was the
nearest branch of the Philadelphia Credit Union. I closed out my checking and
savings account. After I left, I wished I had made it my last stop because walking
around with close to twelve grand in cash on me was stressful. I went and
picked out a new cell phone and number. I would cancel my old contract once I
left the city. Radio Shack also sold Garmin, so three items on my list were
eliminated in one afternoon. Once I was able to drive my car, I could cross
item number two off. With the easy stuff taken care of, I would be able to
focus on the more challenging tasks.

I made it back to the
apartment in time to change back into my lounging clothes and hide my new
purchases before Grant stopped in. I was tired from the exertion of shopping
and didn’t have to put on an act for him.

He helped to clean my
wound which had scabbed over on both sides of my shoulder. Another day and still
no infection - that was a good sign. I was more tolerant of the cleaning
process this time around and only hissed a few times.

            “Ouch!” I
blurted out.

            “Sorry, I’m
almost done. Hold still.” He had a firm grasp on my elbow to prevent me from
moving. “This isn’t right Nat. I shouldn’t be cleaning your bullet wound. You
shouldn’t even have to know what it’s like to be shot,” he shook his head in
disapproval.

            “I
shouldn’t know what it’s like to kill a man and neither should you, yet here we
are.” I shuddered at the memory and this caused my shoulder to bump harder
against Grant’s hand. I winced at the contact.

            “Hold
still,” he reminded me, tightening his grip. He finished taping the gauze to my
skin and sat back to look at me. “Did you eat anything today?”

I had to think about
it. “No, I didn’t,” I admitted. I didn’t have the energy to lie to him. He
frowned at my response.

            “You need
to eat Nat. You need all of your strength in order to heal.” He went into the
kitchen to survey the options. He pulled out a can of soup and I scrunched up
my nose. He sighed and put the can back in the cabinet. He pulled out a jar of
peanut butter and grabbed the loaf of bread off of the counter. The first
slices he pulled out were fuzzy with green mold. He grimaced and tossed the
whole bag into the garbage. Still determined, he opened the freezer and spotted
one of my favorite treats. Triumphant, he spun around and dropped a bag of pot
stickers on the counter.

My stomach growled when
I eyed them. “Cook ‘em up. You know I could house that whole bag in one
sitting.” He started me out with six and then prepared six more. It was like
having a personal chef. I was going to miss Grant. Despite all the craziness of
the past few months, our bond did grow stronger.

When I was full, and
Grant was satisfied that I had eaten something, he got ready to leave. “Tell
everyone at work I said hi,” I told him as he stepped out the door. It was
extremely difficult acting normal. I was just going through the motions. As
soon as I had my follow up appointment with Dr. Russo on Monday, I was leaving.
I just hoped that Dominic didn’t come home in the next four days. There was
still a lot I had to accomplish in that short period of time.

The deadline had me
antsy and once again I couldn’t sleep. Instead, I stayed up to write the
letters to Grant and to my mom.

           
Mom,

            Sometime I
will be able to explain to you why I had to leave. There are a myriad of
reasons and many I can’t tell you right now. There is one reason I can tell you
now, and I know you will understand – I am putting myself first. Life has spun
out of control for me these past nine months and I need to go get my head
together.

            I know we
haven’t always had the best relationship, a lot of that has to do with me. When
we do see each other again, I want to wipe the slate clean and start from
scratch. I’m all about new beginnings these days…

Please
don’t try to find me. I will contact you when I’m ready. This hasn’t been an
easy decision to make, but I need to do it. I started to lose myself, just when
I was beginning to figure out who I am.

Love,

          Natalie

This
was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. By the end I had a lump in
my throat from tears I refused to spill. I moved on to Grant’s.

Grant,

First
of all, I know I promised to stay and I hope that my leaving doesn’t put you in
harm’s way. As I told Mom in her letter, I was starting to lose myself. Not
just physically shrinking, but my mind, my life, my goals…everything. You seem
destined for this lifestyle, but it’s not for me. The more I tried to conform
to it, the more lost I became. I have nightmares full of death and violence.
Now I’m responsible for destroying a life and I am at my breaking point.

Please
let Marco know that I am not going to the feds. The only information I have
implicates you, Dominic and now me. I would never turn against my own family
and I think Marco will understand, and I hope appreciate that.

Please
don’t try to find me. I’ll be ok. You have protected me thus far, now it’s time
for me to protect myself. I wish I could be there for your wedding. You and
Miranda are perfect for each other and I wish you a lifetime of happiness. You
really are the best big brother. Thank you for all you’ve done. I will be in
touch, when I feel it’s safe.

Love,

Nat

That was the solution
to Marco and I hadn’t thought of it until I started writing Grant’s letter. It
made sense that I didn’t pose a threat to exposing the Grabanos since I was
just as dirty now. Grant would soon officially be part of the family and that
should count for something too. I hoped it was enough. I debated writing
Dominic’s letter since I was on a roll, but these two letters had already left
me drained. His letter would have to be written another day.

I was still in bed when
Grant came over the next day with a fresh bag of bagels. “Based on the food
situation in your kitchen, I thought you could use these for breakfast.” On our
nocturnal schedule it was common to eat breakfast at one or two in the
afternoon. Using the bagels as bait, Grant drew me out of bed and I followed
him into the kitchen. I chattered on about random things just to fill the
silence. Grant set down the bread knife and eyed me suspiciously.

“What?”
I asked.

“Aren’t
you going to ask me about Dom?” Shit, I wasn’t keeping up the façade very well.

“How
is he doing? Still improving I hope?” I asked, recovering quickly.

“He’s
doing great, better than expected. Dr. Russo is letting him go home to his
parent’s house this weekend. He’ll probably be home here by Monday,” Grant was
still eyeballing me as if gauging my reaction. “He’s been asking for you. I
think you should go see him this weekend. He would like that.”

“Yeah,
I can do that. Definitely.” My deadline had just been moved up by a day. I
might not be able to see Dr. Russo before skipping town. If Dominic was coming
back Monday, I needed to be gone by then. My mind went into overdrive
reconfiguring my schedule.

“Nat?
Natalie?” Grant snapped his fingers in front of my face to get my attention.

“What?”

“You
were zoning out again.” He set a toasted sun dried tomato bagel (my favorite)
in front of me and snatched up the bottle of pain pills. He opened the bottle
and inspected the number of pills inside.

“What
are you doing?” I asked him.

“You’re
not yourself and I just wanted to make sure you weren’t overdoing it with these
things,” he shook the bottle like a rattle.

I
rolled my eyes at him. “I’m not taking any. I took a couple the first night,
but that’s it,” I paused. “You’re right though, I’m not myself. You’re probably
used to lodging bullets in people’s heads, but I’m not.”

“Oh,
right.” Grant quickly set the bottle of pills back on the counter. “How are you
doing with that?”

“Can
I ask you something? Do you ever stop seeing them…the people you’ve killed?
Every time I close my eyes, his face is there. I’ve had terrible nightmares,
not just the guy I shot, but of those three men you shot at the after-hours
place.”

Grant shrugged his
shoulders. “I don’t know. It’s never really bothered me. If I stop to think
about it, I feel remorse. So, I don’t think about it and it doesn’t affect me.”
I shook my head in amazement. I didn’t know how he could just switch it off.
His ability to do that is probably what made him a successful soldier for the
mob. We may look alike, but that is where the similarities ended.

We stopped talking to
eat our bagels. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, just another breakfast with
my brother. I felt a twinge of sadness when I realized this was probably going
to be our last breakfast together for a while.

Grant set his bagel
down and cleared his throat. I looked up at him. “Nat, I don’t know if you’ll
ever stop seeing dead people,” his eyes twinkled when he said this. “But I will
do everything in my power to keep you from having to shoot anyone again.” I
always used to think Grant’s overprotectiveness was annoying, now I was
beginning to realize that it was just his way of displaying his affection.

“Thank
you.”

After we ate, Grant
checked on my injury and cleaned it. Each day it hurt less and less and I was
pleased with my progress. Grant left shortly after that. Once he was gone, I
surveyed the condo. I didn’t have much to pack. All of the furniture belonged
to Dominic. I had sold all my Ikea furniture from the apartment I shared with
Chelsea to another student. My winter clothes could be donated since I wouldn’t
need them in LA. I really hadn’t left much of an imprint here and that was
comforting. It would be easier to extricate myself.

Only having the use of
one arm slowed me down, but I managed to pack a bag of clothes and stashed it
in the walk-in closet so Grant wouldn’t see it. I called the concierge and
arranged for laundry to be sent out. The clothes would be returned folded and
easier to pack. Plus, I hated doing laundry, so much so I was willing to pay
someone to do it.

The afternoon was
slipping away quickly and I still needed to set up a post office box to forward
my mail. I called the concierge desk again and had them call me another cab. It
took longer than I planned and I was running late getting back to the condo.
Grant was going to stop by before heading to work. The cab sat in downtown
traffic and I started to get anxious. What if Grant got there early and came
across anything, like the notebook, or the suitcase. Finally, the congestion
freed up and the cab found an opening to turn down a side street. The sun had
already set by the time we pulled up in front of my building.

“Good
evening Miss Ross,” the doorman said as he held the door open for me.

“Good
evening. Has my brother been by here at all?”

“Yes
Miss. He is already upstairs. He arrived here a few minutes ago.” Shit.

Grant
was pacing when I opened the door. “Where were you?” he barked the second I
entered the condo.

“I
needed to get out, I went downtown.”

“You
were supposed to be lying low. It’s not safe for you to be wandering around out
there.”

“I
was feeling a little stir crazy, besides I’m fine. Nothing happened.”

“You
should have called me; I would have taken you out.”

“You
do enough for me already – you should be spending time with your fiancé.”

“Next
time call me,” he ordered.

“Fine,”
I said through my teeth. So far he was acting like this was the only issue,
which was a good sign. If he had uncovered any of my plans, I would be probably
be hauled away to some mafia style intervention. “Sorry. I’ll call you next
time.”

“Good.”
We both stood as if we were facing off. In a way we were, our stubborn streak
had caused us to bump heads many times before. I continued to glare at him,
just to give him a hard time. He clenched his jaw and then burst out laughing.
“You are hilarious when you try to act tough,” he teased.

“I
am tough. I’m a killer,” I attempted to joke back, but didn’t find it amusing.
I could tell by the stern look on Grant’s face that he didn’t find it funny
either.

“Are
you hungry?” he asked, changing the subject.

“I
could eat.” He smiled at my signature answer.

“Miranda
is on her way. She’s bringing pizza.”

At the mention of
pizza, my stomach growled. I wondered if LA had pizza as good as Philly. In
fact, I wondered a lot about LA. I had never been there and hadn’t really done
any research. It was like that game I played in elementary school, where you
spun the globe and wherever it stopped under your fingertip, was where you were
going to live. It was an impulse decision, but one I was going to stand by.

As if on cue there was
light knock on the door. Grant opened it and Miranda walked in carrying a pizza
box. She was dressed for work and looked stunning. I glanced down at my track
pants and flannel shirt. I looked like a bum in comparison. Miranda set the box
down on the counter and the light glinted off of her engagement ring.

            “You’re
going to blind somebody with that thing,” I teased.

            “Your
brother knows his jewelry,” she beamed at Grant and stepped up on her toes to
kiss his cheek. Grant blushed, for probably the second time in his entire life.
Yeah, he had fallen for Miranda hard. It was reassuring to know that I wasn’t
leaving him alone. He was going to be ok, even though Marco was going to be his
father-in-law.

            “Dominic
misses you,” Miranda stated. She must have misinterpreted my wistfulness.

            “How is
he?” I asked and took a bite out of a slice of pizza. Grease dripped down my
chin and I had to set the slice down to reach for the napkin. Only having one
arm to use had its inconveniences.

            “He’s good.
He’s going to be moved to Aunt Angela’s and Uncle Rico’s tomorrow. He wants you
there,” she stared at me, her green eyes so much like Dominic’s. I knew I
needed to go see him. They would think it odd if I didn’t.

            “I’ll be
there,” I promised. My nerves started to flitter and I lost my appetite. The
half eaten slice remained on the paper plate, the grease beginning to congeal.

Sleep was elusive and I
tossed and turned, although my movements were limited - whenever I went to toss
or turn onto my injured shoulder I would wake up. I was awake when the sun
peeked above the horizon. The sky lightened and went from dark gray, to gray
and eventually to a clear blue. I watched nature’s canvas from the deck. A
blanket formed a cocoon around my body to keep out the morning chill. The ferry
boat, which looked like a yellow dot on the river, had made several trips back
and forth from Camden to Philly before I stood up to get ready. Miranda would
arrive soon to take me to see Dominic.

Leaving Dom was going
to be the most difficult. I had surrendered my heart, my soul, my whole being
to him. Not having him around this week had helped. I was already able to
imagine life without him. Now, I was going to visit him and was terrified he
would be able to see right through me and know what I was up to. The feelings
he brought out in me, even with just the touch of his hand, were going to be
painful reminders of what I was leaving behind.

As I got dressed, I mentally
prepared myself for our reunion. I needed to stick to my plan and not let my
heart interfere. I forced myself to focus on the images of the man I shot and
of Brittany after she had been all but destroyed by those men. This helped to
fortify my resolve. I could do this, I told myself. Miranda arrived and I went
downstairs to get in her Mercedes.

            “You look
tired,” she commented. “Trouble sleeping?”

            “Yeah, my
shoulder makes it hard to get comfortable.”

            “I bet.
I’ve never been shot before, I bet it hurts…what did it feel like?” She asked
with morbid curiosity. I thought about the best way to describe it so she could
relate.

            “Remember
when you got your ears pierced and you had the incredible pressure at first and
then as the blood rushed to the ear your lobe got hot?” she nodded her head,
her eyes focused on the road, but listening to every word I said. “Then the
pain starts. Like a stinging, burning, throbbing pain?” she nodded again. “Well
it’s like that magnified by a thousand times.” She slowed down for a red light
and turned to stare at me. Her mouth hung open slightly.

            “That
sounds horrible!”

            “It is.”
The light had turned green and she turned her attention back to the road. I
could see her glance at me out of the corner of my eye.

            “What?” I
asked.

            “What was,”
she hesitated. “What was it like to shoot someone?” She seemed intrigued to
know and kind of excited, like she was living vicariously through my big mafia
moment.

            “I think I
prefer getting shot.”

            “Oh,” she
said, sounding disappointed, “That bad, huh?”

            “Indescribable.
It was like I could see the moment life left him and he just toppled over.” I
shuddered and looked out the window. She didn’t ask any more questions the rest
of the way.

Miranda couldn’t find
parking anywhere near Dominic’s parents house. She parked two blocks over and
we walked through the South Philly neighborhood. While Dom lived in a brand
new, contemporary condo, his parents were old school. Their brick row home was
sandwiched in between other brick row homes. The white aluminum awnings over
the windows were identical to their neighbors. It was hard to tell the homes
apart. We could hear the people inside the house before we saw them.

            “Geez,
everyone seems to be here,” Miranda muttered as she opened the door. Voices
tumbled out onto the small porch and Miranda wedged her way into the crowd, I
followed close behind. The Grabanos had turned out in full force for Dom’s
homecoming. I recognized about half of the people pressed into the two front
rooms. Careful not to jostle my shoulder, I used my good arm to elbow through.
Aunt Gloria spotted me first.

            “Natalie!”
she cried and bulldozed through to reach me. She pulled me into a hug and I
winced as my shoulder connected with hers. She heard me hiss and pulled away
quickly. “I am so sorry! Did I hurt you?”

            “I’m fine,”
I assured her.

            “Natalie
dear, I am so glad you and Dominic are safe! What an ordeal. And you, quite the
heroine I hear!” she beamed. “Are you hungry? Franco and I brought plenty of
food.” She ushered me into the dining room. The large table was laden down with
every imaginable pasta dish, fresh baked rolls, antipasto and my favorite,
eggplant parmesan. Aunt Gloria grabbed a plate and started piling on heaping
spoonfuls of food. She shoved the plate into my hand.