The Beats in Rift (19 page)

“You got a man in there?” I ask, my voice hostile.

She looks at the house again, then walks towards me, grabbing my elbow and trying to steer me away from the house. “No, no I haven’t,” she mutters, trying to move me but I stand firm. No way can her little frame move me. She gulps, a mist clouding over her eyes as the front door opens.

Her drunken friend from the bar steps onto the porch holding a toddler. She begins to speak then her eyes find me. Her eyes bulge, her mouth becoming slack as she mutters, “Fuck.”

I know I messed up, but the way they’re acting, anyone would think I’m the grim reaper coming to collect their souls.

“Mommy,” the child calls, holding her arms out. It takes me a few seconds to realize this child is actually calling out to Beats. My head swims, everything disappears and then whooshes back in, nearly knocking me on my ass. I stagger backwards on my feet, completely stunned. My heart’s attacking my chest, trying to break free and land at her feet so she can stand on it. She has a kid! With who?!

The front door creaks open further, putting an end to my internal head fuck until another toddler curls around the drunken friend’s leg. She looks exactly like the first. Her podgy cheeks lift when she spots Beats. She takes off running to her, arms out, calling, “Mommy!”

I swear my head is about to explode. Beats turns from me, opening her arms as she walks forward, collecting the child from the top of the steps. “Hey, baby,” she says as she strokes down the girl’s hair and kisses her temple.

Water fills her eyes as she turns to me. My mind is clawing for some explanation. Maybe she lives with her friend and they are so close that her friend’s babies called her Mommy as well?

I tear my eyes from Beats to the child in her arms to see if there is any Beats in her. She’s staring at me, her thumb tucked into her mouth, her long eyelashes blinking over her auburn color… eyes …

Stepping forward I scan my eyes between the baby Beats is holding and the one the drunken girl is holding. Holy shit! They look like me and Justin.

I lose my footing, faltering backwards as realization hits me like a boulder in the face. All my emotions are there on display, raw, and fuck me I feel a lump in my throat.

“Beats?” I choke.

She lets out a small sob then turns to her friend. “Crystal, can you please take the girls in and feed them?”

Her friend’s head bobs up and down as she scurries forward, taking the child from Beats. “I’m so sorry, Meds. I didn’t know he was out here. We saw your car and the girls got excited.”

“It’s okay, just take them in for me.”

Crystal hurries inside the house, taking the babies with her. Beats’ eyes find mine and she shakes her head. “I’m sorry. When I found out I tried to track you down but you were a ghost.”

Anger pools in the pit of my stomach, tearing up through my veins. “I wasn’t the fucking ghost, Beats, you were. I looked for you everywhere over these last two years! No one knew where you disappeared to, not even your Mom. Are you telling me you had my babies inside you and you looked for me?”

She fights back more tears. “I did look for you…and Justin.”

I study her face; she looks sheepish. My world collapses around me. The meaning in her statement hits me full force, knocking the wind out of me.

“Are they mine or his?”

My voice doesn’t even sound like mine. Something cold has taken me hostage. She lets the tears fall; she’s shaking all over, her small frame trembling. “I don’t know. It was when Mom got married.”

I want to roar at her. I want to punch the fuck out of my brother for ever going near her, and I want to find out if the woman I’ve always loved carried and raised my babies, or did the woman I’ve always loved have babies with my shithead brother, destroying my heart forever?

“Why didn’t you say anything when we hooked up a few weeks ago?” I shout, making her flinch.

“I didn’t get the chance.”

I pace the path, needing to move. “Beats, we talked in the bar, I ate your pussy on my bike. I took you to mine and fucked you twice. You had time.”

Anger and embarrassment flushes her cheeks. “Do you have to be so graphic? No, I didn’t have time. As you so elegantly put it, we were busy doing other stuff. I would have spoken to you if after you
fucked
me, you hadn’t taken off, leaving me to be woken up by some screeching bitch and a bunch of perverts asking me to give them a turn before I left!” she spits at me with venom in her tone.

“They asked you what?”

My temper is at boiling point. My brothers wouldn’t treat her like that if they knew who she was. “They were pigs, Rift! Where the hell was I?”

Walking forward so I’m one foot in front of her, I lean into her face. “That place is my home, Beats. Those
pigs
are my brothers, my family.”

Her eyebrows furrow. “How can you live there? It’s a bar.”

“It’s a club, and I live there because I don’t need my own place. I have no old lady and no kids.”

Her eyes close then slowly open again. “Why did you come here, Rift?”

“You took off. I told you not to.”

“Your skank girlfriend threw me out and you didn’t come back.”

“She isn’t my girlfriend, she’s a bar bunny I gave energy to a couple times.”

She glowers at me, jealousy firing in her violet jewels. “Nice. So knocking up anyone these days huh? She was pretty pissed and acted like your girlfriend.”

A growl erupts from my chest, bubbling and needing an outlet. I point my finger at her. “She was never pregnant! I didn’t knock her up, and don’t fucking throw your judgment my way when you don’t even know if it was me who knocked
you
up!”

Stepping back like I struck her, she tries to compose herself but I read the pain etched in her beautiful features. “You’re right, I don’t know. But you knew I had woken up with Justin and you still pursued me. I might have been slutty for letting you, but I have two beautiful girls that came from that messed up week.”

Shaking my head, I murmur the thing no one has ever seemed to grasp. “You can’t have us both, Beats.”

Her laugh is manic. “I have neither, and I may love you both but it’s in different ways. There was never a choice for my heart. I just had to let my head rule sometimes.”

Her words penetrate all the way down to my soul. I’m her heart just like she has always been mine. “I want to know if they’re mine, Beats. Even if they’re not, they’re still my blood.”

Putting a hand through her hair, she takes a few steps back, sitting down on the steps. “Okay, that’s fair but I don’t want to let you in their life if you’re going to come and go from one year to the next. It’s not fair to them.”

Her words hurt. “If those girls are mine, Beats, they will be living with me. I won’t abandon my kids and if I’d known they existed, they would know me by now. Instead I’ve missed loads of their lives.”

Her body quivers as she stands, backing up the stairs, holding out her hands in defence. “You won’t take my girls, Rift.” I step towards her and she screams at me. “Back the fuck up! Don’t tell me you’re going to take my girls!”

“I didn’t say I was going to take them.”

“You said if they’re yours they will be living with you.”

I nod my head. “Yeah, they will, as will you.”

A million reactions play on her face. “What?”

“Beats, I came here to get you. We have wasted too many years apart and now I find out that there might be two girls in there made up of you and me.”

She breaks, falling to the floor. I rush the stairs and drop down next to her, dragging her heaving body into my arms. She shudders against my chest as I hold her. “This is such a mess.”

“We will fix it,” I assure her.

Minutes of silence pass. I worship the Gods for letting me have her back in my arms. Her soft heat encompasses me, making me feel whole again.

My phone vibrates against my leg. Pulling away from me she strokes away her tears. “Answer, its fine,” she sniffles.

I pull my phone from my pocket. “Who’s this?” I bark, answering the blocked number.

“It’s Drake.”

“What do you want?”

“You already know the answer to that.”

I look at Beats who eyes me with curiosity.

“Never going to happen. Did you know about the girls, Drake?”

Beats gasps.

“Of course I did, I‘ve known about them since she went into premature labor. You weren’t around.”

My hand fists, cracking down into the decking of her porch. “Don’t fucking push me.”

“Look, I phoned to inform you that you may get company. I had a phone call from your brother. He wanted the same information you did. Seemed only fair to give him his shot.”

“So you gave him her number?” The silence told me what I needed to know, he gave him her address the asshole.

I snap the phone shut.

“Was that
my
Drake?” Beats asks. Her calling him that stings like a bitch.

“Yours?”

She rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, he gave me your info and it seems Justin must have seen the same shit I did in the magazines because he’s on his way here thanks to
your
Drake.”

She shakes her head. “I can’t believe he would do that and not tell me, and since when do you read magazines?”

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is Justin’s antenna of me being near you must be twitching because now he’s on his way here.”

Her sexy as sin legs starts to pace. “That’s good. We can do a paternity test and get this over with.”

Grasping her shoulders, I put a stop to her pacing. “Listen, I wouldn’t be telling you this if he wasn’t on his way here, but Justin has changed a lot in the last two years.”

“What do you mean?”

Exhaling harshly I tell her the crap I hoped I wouldn’t have to. She’s light and beauty, and she loves with all her heart. She cares about people even if it causes her pain. “He didn’t take what you said about our Dad very well. He gave up football offers and went on a huge bender, cleaning out Dad’s credit cards. He drank a lot then when his money ran out he went back to our Father for more hand outs. Dad went missing, just upped and left, and Justin fell apart. He got himself into gambling, and into some scary situations with people you don’t want to know about. He blamed me for Dad’s disappearance. He couldn’t come to terms with the fact Dad just left him.”

“Blamed you how?”

“He thinks I killed him.”

“What? Why? Why would he think you would do something like that?”

“Because I would. I wanted to, and to be honest, if he hadn’t disappeared I might have.”

She gasps, taking a few steps back.

I step closer, her scent invading my nose. “What he did to you is unforgivable to me.”

Her head begins to shake from side to side.

“Beats, I’m not the same person that left when I was sixteen. My life hasn’t been easy and the life I’m in… I’ve done some bad shit. I protect the life I have, I protect the family I earned and I protect the woman I love. I always have tried to; it’s why I left in the first place.” Mom’s face invades my memories.

“Love?” she whispers.

I cup her face. “You know I love you. It’s always been you for me. You’re the beat in me.”

A lone tear falls to her cheek. My lips kiss it away. She inhales and her sad water-filled eyes look into mine, our lips a whisper away from each other. “I know it’s never been easy for us but we belong together, Beats. I know you know that.”

“You’re wrong. It
was
easy but then you left me broken. How can I trust you won’t do that again?” Her breath warms my skin as she speaks. Before I can erase her fears, the front door opens and her friend fills the doorframe, her arms crossed against her chest.

“Hey, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” she addresses Beats. “I made food.”

Beats turns to her and offers a weak smile. “Thanks, Crystal.” Breaking free from me she walks towards the door and turns to me. “You hungry?”

I nod as I walk behind her into the house.

The house has a warm feel. The cream on the walls is a canvas for lots of photos of the twin girls. My heart beats faster as I see their babyhood play out in pictures hung on the hallway wall. Their smiles are beautiful like their Mom’s. God, she’s a Mom and has raised these children without help from me or Justin.

Baby giggles fill the air as we turn into the living area. The girls are playing on a red rug laid out in front of a black leather sofa. The walls are a warm red, and family pictures cover them. I observe Beats as she lowers herself down to play with the girls and my heart pounds wildly against my chest as they both cling to her and giggle as she tickles them. Fuck, I never wanted to be a Dad. My own put me off wanting to share any of his genes but as I watch the woman I love wrapped around two baby girls who look like me, I pray they are mine.

One of the girls turns to me, her cute little face studying me as I stand there staring back. I drop down to my knees and hold up a hand to her. Beats smiles and shuffles closer to me, bringing the girls with her. “Girls, this is Jared, Mommy’s friend. Jared, these are Jasmine and Jules.”

Jules reaches out and grasps my finger. “Two J’s, huh?” I smirk.

“Time for a bath,” Crystal calls from behind me, and both girls jump up and run to her. Well, it’s more of a waddle on their wobbly legs.

“Food,” Beats says, standing. I follow her into a small kitchen; she reaches into a cupboard and pulls out two plates. She pulls a dish from the oven and scoops some pasta onto the plates. I take them from her and walk over to the table to place them down.

She goes to the fridge and bring over two beers and two forks.

“So, how do we go about getting tests done?” I ask as I dig into the food.

“We can buy a home kit and send it off to get the results.”

“Tell me how you ended up with Drake.”

Her fork clatters to her plate. “That’s a quick change of subject.”

“I want to know how a few weeks ago you were in my bed, and now you’re dating Drake. Or maybe you were already dating him?”

“That’s bullshit, Jared. I wrote
Change Me
so I’ve been working with him, and yes, we’ve been on a few dates.”