The Beach House (23 page)

Chapter 12

The next day Eric had just walked in from his third attempt to coax Josi into coming back with him when the telephone rang. It was Julia, and she sounded as if she'd been crying.

“I got a letter from Joe in today's mail,” she said.

“I wondered why he didn't leave anything at the house for you.”

“I understand now.”

“Does it help?”

“I didn't think anything could, but it does. He asked me to forgive them. Can you imagine? He was so afraid I would stop going to the beach house because of the sad memories, and he didn't want that to happen.” She paused. “I'm glad now that I didn't tell them I was going to sell the house.”

“Maybe you should rethink your plans.”

“I have.”

“And?”

“I still feel the same. There's nothing for me down there anymore. Everything, everyone I loved, is gone.”

Eric should have felt the sting of her words. Instead he thought of a picture he'd once seen of an Alaskan grizzly standing on a rock in the middle of a river, a salmon inches away from its open mouth. In that frozen instant, the salmon would forever shimmer with life. His feelings for Julia were like that.

“Then I guess it's simply a matter of deciding when you'll put it on the market.” It was pointless to try to get her to change her mind, so he didn't even try. If he had to pursue her long distance, so be it.

“It may not come to that. Peter said he was interested and that I was to let him know when I'd made up my mind about selling.”

“Isn't he supposed to be back soon?” He didn't care when Ken's old best friend, Peter Wylie, was due back; the question was simply a way to keep up his end of the conversation.

“Next week.”

“And what about the family that has the house in August?” He needed to know how long he had to work things out with Josi.

“They usually wait until the first weekend to come down and then stay over Labor Day.”

“You caught me as I was leaving,” he said. He wanted her to feel a sense of loss, too, if only in their conversation.

“I'm sorry, I should have asked if you were busy.”

“So, I guess this is it.” Damn it. Why the lump in his throat now? “Have a good life, Julia.”

She didn't answer him right away. “You've been a terrific friend. I owe you a lot.”

Gratitude was not what he wanted from her, but plainly she wasn't ready to give anything else. “You don't owe me anything.”

“Will you let me know about the book?”

“Yeah—sure,” he said.

“Please? I really do care.”

“Give me your address. If it sells, I'll send you a copy.” He grabbed a pencil and wrote it down on the back of a manuscript page.

After that there was nothing left for either of them to say except good-bye. Eric hung up knowing he'd taken a risk by creating even more emotional distance between them, but she had to miss him before she asked herself why.

 

Two days later, Josi met him at the door when he brought her the first of the day's fresh food. Instead of eating, she sat at his feet and looked up at him expectantly.

“What's going on here?” he asked.

She circled his legs, wrapping her tail around his ankle as if it were a fifth appendage, meowed once, sat back down, and stared up at him. “You're going to have to be a little clearer than that,” he said. “Remember, I'm not a cat person.”

She stayed where she was, never taking her eyes off him. Finally, figuring it was worth a try, he picked her up. She settled into his arms and let go of a purr that sounded like a drag racer warming up at the line.

Early the next morning, before he'd even had breakfast, Eric was back at the computer with Josi asleep on top of his manuscript when the phone rang.

“When can you come to New York?” It was his agent, Mel. “There are some people I want you to meet.”

“What's up?”

“I went ahead and sent the first half of the book out to test the water.”

“And?”

“You said it was important that you feel comfortable with your editor—it's time to decide which one it will be. You've got a half dozen to choose from.”

“Someone wants to buy the book?” Eric said, incredulous. “But it's not even finished.”

“There are a lot of someones, and they obviously had enough to make up their minds that they wanted it.”

“They're offering me a contract—and money?” He was having a hard time accepting the concept. “And they're doing this before I've even finished? What if it falls apart at the end? What if it doesn't, but it's not what they expected?” Old doubts mixed with new, and he had trouble telling them apart. “I thought you told me I had to finish the book before anyone would look at it.”

“That was before you sent me the first half. Stop worrying, Eric. It really is that good.”

“I'm going to have to take your word for it.” For the last couple of weeks he was convinced everything he'd written was crap.

“So, when can you get here?”

He looked at the wall where he'd hung the picture that Jason had drawn for Joe and Maggie. “I'll let you know in a couple of days. There's something I have to do here first.”

He moved Josi's tail out of the cord's way as he hung up. Staring at her, he said, “And what do I do with you?”

With dry food and plenty of water she'd be all right while he was gone on an overnight trip to Sacramento, but there was no way he could leave her alone while he was in New York. Maybe he could have one of the neighbors come in. But what if they forgot, or what if she thought he wasn't coming back and took off?

Eric laid his arms along the length of his desk, propped his chin on his hands, and did an eye-to-eye with Josi. “I guess I could look for that good, loving home that Joe asked me to find for you.”

She yawned and closed her eyes.

“You could at least have the decency to look worried.”

That brought a sound Eric could only describe as a feline chuckle. He remembered something he'd read about cats a long time ago—you don't own a cat, they own you. Not until Josi had he understood what that meant.

Before he had time to reconsider, he picked up the phone again and called Julia at home.

She answered on the second ring. “Hello.”

“It's Eric.”

“Hi. . . .” How was it possible for her to feel excited and wary at the same time? Only days ago they'd said what she'd believed to be their final good-bye. Why the peculiar reaction now?

“I have a favor to ask.”

“After all the favors you've done for me this summer I can hardly say no. Ask away.” She carried the phone outside to the back deck and curled up in her favorite chair. A hawk circled overhead. She had an insane urge to tell Eric about it, to describe her surroundings, to share with him how the sweeping hills and dense forest brought her the only peace she could find anymore in her increasingly hectic life.

“I have to leave town for a couple of days and I need someone to watch Josi.”

He could have given her a hundred guesses what his favor might be and she wouldn't have come close. She felt guilty about hesitating but knew that having Josi there would be a daily reminder that she'd lost Joe and Maggie, too.

God, she was becoming such a coward. “Of course I'll watch her,” she said.

“I'll drop her off at your house on the way to the airport if that's all right.”

“I'll fax you the directions. That was a fax machine I saw on your desk, wasn't it?”

“That's what they called it at the store. I'm not even sure the damn thing works.” He gave her the number. “You'll be the first one to use it.”

“I'm glad you thought to ask me to take care of Josi. I was afraid the way we left things—” The words scraped her throat like emotional sandpaper, leaving it raw and tight. “I guess what I'm trying to say is that I finally figured out that I don't want to lose you as a friend.”

“I don't want that to happen, either,” he said.

Having Eric as a friend was a milestone of sorts. He was the first she'd made that past year and the only person she knew who hadn't known Ken. It was as if she'd finally taken a step into what was to be her life from then on. The realization left her a little sad. In her mind she'd known she couldn't live in the past, but her heart just hadn't been able to let it go. Now time and circumstance had made the decision for her.

“When should I expect you?” she asked.

“I'm not sure. I haven't booked the flight yet. There's something I have to do before I leave.” A long silence followed. “I have to go to Sacramento to see the kids. They still don't know about Joe and Maggie.”

Her heart went out to him. It was obvious in everything he said and did how much he loved his children. And now he had to tell them something that was sure to hurt them. “How do you think they'll take it?”

“Susie will do okay. She's still too young to realize what dying is all about. It's Jason who worries me. He figured out what was happening to Maggie when we had to take her to the hospital. I just don't know how I'm going to explain that Joe's gone, too.”

“The picture,” Julia said, remembering something she hadn't understood at the time. “
That's
what it was about.”

“I don't know what you mean.”

“The one Jason drew that you have hanging by your computer. I saw it when I was there, but couldn't figure out what it meant. Jason was telling them good-bye.”

“Joe had it with him when he died.”

“Don't worry about Jason, Eric. He settled up with Joe and Maggie before he left. It's all there in the picture.”

“I hope you're right.”

“I know I am. You can trust me on this one.”

“I'll call when I know what day I'll be coming.”

It was one of those lines meant to steer the conversation to a close. “I know it's none of my business, but where are you going? Never mind,” she added quickly. “It really is none of my business.”

For a second she thought he was going to tell her anyway, and then he said, “I'll see you in a couple of days.”

“I'll look forward to it.” What was wrong with her? She ended business calls with more warmth.

“Me too.”

There was nothing more to say. “Good-bye, Eric.”

“Good-bye, Julia.”

Eric hung up, sat back in his chair, and stared at the blinking cursor on the computer screen. It was strange how some life-altering moments arrived with a clap of thunder and how some came so softly, it would be easy to miss them if you weren't paying attention.

He looked at Josi. Without the cat to prompt him, he might never have called Julia. And he might have missed hearing the whispered voice that insisted what he felt for her was real. He supposed there had been stranger romantic catalysts than a twenty-pound feline; he just didn't know any.

 

Eric put off calling Shelly until later that night. When he did reach her, he told her that he would be coming up in the morning to see the kids and why.

“I think Jason knows,” she said. “He's been talking about them as if they were already gone. I've never seen him like this, Eric. It's as if he's a wise old man in a little kid's body.”

“They were special people, Shelly.”

“And it's the first time he's ever lost someone,” she added.

He considered reminding her there were degrees of loss and that Jason had gone through far too many of them in his few years, but he knew he would only be taking out his frustration on her.

The trip went better than Eric had dared hope. Shelly had been right: Jason had already accepted his friends' deaths. He didn't even question that Joe was gone, too, as if instinctively understanding Joe and Maggie were a pair and that what happened to one happened to the other. He'd even guessed that Josi would come to him and Susie through their father.

Strung out from the emotional seesaw he'd been riding, Eric decided to drop off Josi when Julia was at work. He wasn't ready to see her yet. His defenses were down, and there was no way he could keep her from discovering how his feelings had changed. He wanted something she wasn't prepared to give. Maybe she never would be. Unlike him, she'd had the perfect relationship. Why would she want to take a chance on someone who'd screwed things up so badly his first time out?

The way he saw it, he had only one sure thing going for him—she loved him, too. She just didn't know it yet.

PART FOUR

August