The Battle Lord Saga 02 - Her Battle Lord's Desire (25 page)

was rough against her chest when he released her mouth to search for her throat and neck. As his

tongue tasted her, she heard him groan, and a second later his hands were under her knees, lifting

her legs, spreading her thighs, readying her for his long-awaited entry.

Atty opened her eyes against the dim lantern light to see his face poised directly over her.

She tried to inhale, but all she could manage was a shaky breath. “Yul!”

“No more denial, Atrilan? You’re ready to take me back as your husband?”

She reached up for him as a tear trailed down the side of her face. “No more denial, my

beloved. Never again.”

He released her legs to plant his arms on either side of her shoulders. Then, as he

descended downward to plunge his tongue into her mouth, his erection plunged deeply, forcibly,

into her body.

The indescribable surge of fire that passed between them caused them both to shudder

from its intensity. It had taken them many nights of lovemaking for her body to learn how to take

and accept as much as it could of his whole incredible length. Regardless, her flesh remained tight

and restrictive, making his initial thrusts as soul-splitting as they had been those first few weeks

after they had first become lovers.

As he began to move inside her, Atty cried for the sheer joy of having him fill her once

again. She found herself alternating between lying passively beneath him as he pounded into her

in his urgency to assuage his need for her, before joining him to demand he move harder, faster,

and deeper inside her. He rocked her against the pillows, pressing her repeatedly into them as

flesh slapped against flesh, and bright, needle-sharp pleasure speared into the very center of her

womb.

Yulen grunted as he plowed into her. His hair swept across her throat and chest, tickling

her breasts until it felt like tiny fingers of fire setting her aflame. She dug her fingers into its

reddish-gold thickness, guiding his mouth back to her neck, to the overly-sensitive areas he was

more than willing to attack with his teeth and tongue.

They were both panting, yet unable to stop the craving that had overtaken them. Sweat

glistened on their bodies as they tumbled, rolling across the pillows and blankets, as the focus of

their beings concentrated on the fusion of their bodies.

At one point Atty flipped herself to be on top of him, where she could ride him hard and

rough. Her hair flew about, surrounding her like a wild mane. Jerking off the circlet, she tossed it

to the far side of the tent where there was no chance of them landing on it. Yulen’s hands poured

over her skin, lifting the dress higher above her waist, over her breasts, until she raised her arms

over her head so he could pull it completely off of her and toss it to one side. Reaching down,

Atty grabbed the ends of his tunic and drew it over his head and shoulders, and threw it to join the

rest of their clothing.

Now, totally naked, she bent over his chest and circled his body with her arms, pressing

her face to his sweaty neck. Yulen responded by clutching her thighs and taking total control of

their thrusts.

Exquisite waves of lust washed over her. Unable to stop herself, she whimpered from the

sweetness, and little words of love passed her lips. Beneath her she could feel him reacting to her,

to her words, and to the breathless perfume of their passion, until he could no longer suffice with

her on top of him.

Growling throatily, he rolled her over onto one of the larger pillows, to where she lay

arched beneath him over the soft cover. Reaching under and behind her, he held her firmly by the

shoulders as he began his final assault on her body, shoving himself so far inside her rich, hot

depths he could swear he touched her soul. Atty cried out as he rammed himself repeatedly into

her, caught up in his invasion of her senses, lost in the feelings of sizzling sweet pain and pleasure

that slowly rose to envelope them, devour them, and ultimately consume them in one shattering

climax. Her body lifted off the pillow as every nerve went into rigor, and Yulen felt his bones and

muscles turn into water. Together they fell back onto the pillow and slowly slid off onto the floor

in a semi-comatose heap.

How long they lay there, gasping for breath, bodies vibrating uncontrollably in the

aftermath, they could not fathom. At some point they both fell asleep, with Yulen still deeply

buried within her, but neither of them willing to draw apart. A loving blanket of bliss swaddled

them in contentment while outside the celebration continued into the early hours of the morning.

It was much later when Atty awoke to feel fingers tenderly stroking her hair around her

forehead and temples. Bit by bit her mind took inventory of her body. She was lightly covered

by Yulen’s body, his warmth keeping them both protected against the night’s chill. He was still

inside her. She could feel him like a second heartbeat, her legs wrapped about his waist. They

were lying at an angle with large pillows supporting their backs.

Before she opened her eyes, she smiled tenderly. A fingertip traced her lips.

“I am so in love with you,” he whispered.

She caught his finger with her mouth and kissed it. “Not any more than I am with you.”

“Then why, my only love? Why?”

This time she opened her eyes to see him studying her face a few inches away. She looked

down to see where his hand had left her face and was twirling a lock of dark blue hair between his

fingers. Twisting it until there was a little tuft left at the end, a tuft he used to reach over and

tickle one pale pink nipple. Watching him playing with her allowed her to make her confession

without having to see the pain she knew would come into his face.

“Do you remember that little green bag of herbs I was searching for before we left Alta

Novis?”

“Yeah.” Silently she could hear his next, unvoiced question.
So?

“They weren’t herbs. They were...they were tunsul leaves. They’re a...contraceptive. I

was taking them to keep from getting pregnant,” she confessed softly, as if the gentleness in her

voice could somehow make the words less hurtful.

The fingers stopped twirling her hair. His hand disappeared from view.

“I know what a contraceptive is,” he responded quietly. There was no emotion in his

voice, although she strained to find one. “Why didn’t you tell me about this earlier?”

Unbidden, Liam’s words came back to haunt her.

Yulen wants children. If you’re going to deny him that dream, at least love him enough

to let him know.

She lifted a hand over her eyes. “I’m frightened, Yul. I...there are so many reasons why.

So many excuses. I don’t know how to be a mother. I don’t know if I
can
be a mother. I’ve

seen so many women die in childbirth, and that alone terrifies me. And then there’s the chance the

baby would be Mutah, and that scares me even more. And I...and I...” She tried to explain

further, but the air wouldn’t leave her lungs. She couldn’t catch her breath, and all at once she

felt as if she was strangling.

She pushed him away and out of her, and sat up, gasping between breaths as hot tears

rolled down her cheeks. Yulen sat up next to her, yet he kept his hands away from her, not

touching her, but waiting to see what she would do next. Waiting to hear what she would say

next, as if there was anything else she could tell him that wouldn’t make it hurt any worse than it

already did.

“Please...please don’t hate me,” she begged, trying to keep her face averted from his.

“I can never hate you, Atrilan, but I can’t believe you wouldn’t discuss this with me first

to see if we couldn’t come to some sort of solution together.” There was a slight pause, then he

asked, “How long have you been taking this stuff?”

“Ever since we escaped Bearinger, back when I killed Collaunt. I found some in the

woods. I took my first leaf the night we made love for the first time.”

She dropped her face and let her hair slide over her shoulders, until she was hidden

beneath its thick, blue waves. She needed to feel his arms around her, needed his love if not his

reassurance.

“I’m so sorry. You’re right. I should have discussed this with you first. But everything

was so new between us. I...I knew nothing about physical love. All I knew was what Mohmee

had told me.”

“Your mother told you about these leaves?”

“Yes.” She sniffed, taking a corner of one blanket to wipe her nose.

“She told you about sex and about how babies are made?”

She felt him draw up his knees to clasp his arms over them. “Some of it,” she admitted.

“When I went into the caste and took my oath of celibacy, we spoke no more about it. I mean,

why would I need to know more?”

Silence fell between them. Outside the tent a cold wind flapped the pennants on the roof

and pushed against the cloth walls. It was Yulen who resumed the discussion.

“Talk to me, Atrilan. Why does having a Mutah baby frighten you? Do you think I

would hate our child if it was Mutah?”

He was still calling her by her love name. Her intimacy name. The realization gave her

hope. Tucking some of her hair back behind her ear, she sat up slowly, yet still kept her eyes cast

downward.

“No.” She shook her head. “I know you couldn’t hate our child. Our own flesh. But

that doesn’t mean others wouldn’t.”

“Others? You mean other Mutah and Normals.”

Atty nodded. “There have been half-breeds born before. I’ve seen them. I’ve seen what

they’ve had to endure. Belonging to both people, but accept by neither. I...I couldn’t bear to

have our baby go through that.” She pressed a hand to her face. “Oh, God, Yul. I’ve suffered so

much physical and emotional agony just so I could be with you. I will never allow that to happen

to our baby, even if it means never giving birth to our child. I couldn’t bear to see...” Her throat

closed up, blocking off all air. Gasping for air, it finally came out in one choking sob. “I can’t

bear the thought of our child having to suffer that kind of pain, simply because I gave birth to

him!”

This time his arms did encircle her, and Yulen drew her to his chest where she trembled

against him. He pulled a blanket up to cover her bare back and shoulders, then held her until she

managed to stop shivering.

“Let me guess. You couldn’t find your leaves, so that’s why you wouldn’t make love with

me. You feared getting pregnant. Were you waiting until we got to Wallis so you could get more

of these leaves? And that’s why you’ve finally allowed me back into your body?”

“Yes...and no.”

His warm hands pulled her away from his comforting chest, and fingers lifted her chin until

she was forced to look at him. “What are you trying to tell me?” he asked patiently.

Biting her lips, she confessed. “There are no more tunsul leaves. At least, not until next

spring.” As she expected, his expression grew quizzical.

“But if there are no more leaves, then how...why...”

“Because I love you,” she repeated. “Because I couldn’t go another day, another night,

not having you inside me, or sleeping beside me. Or touching me and loving me. There are no

mornings without your good morning kiss. I can’t sleep without your warmth surrounding me. I

couldn’t go any longer having you believe I didn’t desire you any more, or thinking I didn’t love

you any more. When in fact there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t love you harder and

stronger than I did the day before.”

She reached out with tentative fingers and stroked the soft golden-red hairs running down

the center of his chest. They were like strands of warm silk along her fingertips. “I had to come

to a decision, so I made the only one my heart would let me make. I’m putting myself completely

in your hands. And I pray that if I have a child, you’ll help me to protect it. And love it. And

teach me to be the kind of mother I need to be. Because Liam was right when he told me—”

“You spoke to Liam about this?” His demeanor instantly hardened. “When?”

Atty nodded. “That night when we almost... You remember, on our way up here. When

you rolled off of me and left the tent, and sent him in here to talk to me.”

Running a hand through his shoulder-length hair, Yulen sighed loudly. “I never sent Liam

in here,” he told her. “Yes, I was upset and afraid and frustrated. I went outside and vented to

Liam, but I never asked him to come talk to you. What did he say? What did he tell you?”

She glanced down to see where he was holding her hand. It was almost an unconscious

gesture, them holding hands. They did it all the time whenever they were together. Even when

they were outside their bedroom, in the lodge, or outside the lodge, out among the public who

had noticed. It was as if having just that minor contact was enough to keep them grounded. As

though the surety of their being with each other, and knowing they were both safe and whole and

happy and at peace, could be centered in the touch of their fingers.

“I asked Liam for another contraceptive, but he turned me down.” She watched his

fingers squeeze hers gently before they laced between hers.

“Why did he turn you down?”