The Battered Heiress Blues (28 page)

“What are the risks for you?”

“Hemorrhaging.”

“How can we be sure that she’ll wait and you won’t go into labor at home?”

“My exams have been okay and my blood pressures have been good. By scheduling the C-section at thirty-six weeks, we should be fine.”

“Should be?”

“Yes.”

“Why aren’t they keeping you at the hospital- just in case?”

“I don’t want to be at the hospital, Tru. I’m more comfortable here.”

“It’s too risky.”

“If I were at any great risk, Dr. Brandon wouldn’t agree to let me stay at home.”

“I can’t lose you or her.”

“Emma Grace will be fine. She’s a fighter.”

He grinned proudly. “My mom will be ecstatic to hear you named her granddaughter after her.”

“I know.”

“And us, Jewels? What’s to become of us? Do I live here? Do I buy a house close by? I don’t know how to be with you and be apart.”

“I don’t want to punish you. Yes. I did ask you to leave. I recall that night perfectly- every pain filled moment. I’ve thought of little else, confined to this bed day in and day out. We tried again and it didn’t work out.”

“You know, you have this insane ability to just move past people. Most others would drag around and be depressed, but you just pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You get on with it. You never wallow. There isn’t one person you couldn’t live without if you absolutely had to. Me? I’ve been a wreck, but you- one foot in front of the other.”

“Always,” I said proudly. “I run forward toward the next thing.”

“You’re not running toward anything. You’re running away. Don’t you realize that relationships are hard? It’s not supposed to be all sweet smiles and smooth sailing. You and I are very headstrong. We are going to disagree. We’re going to fight. Two passionate people together do not always equal peace and harmony. Where has this idea of perfection in relationships come from? You certainly didn’t have the example growing up with John. Tommy is married to the Church. Jackson was a bust. Why would you think that we’d never experience adversity?”

He made a good point. I was a runner. There were no arguments to be proffered in my defense. Relationships were hard and sometimes messy. Getting through the difficult patches was what made the love enduring. In my heart, I knew that, but in my mind, I still had this crazy idea of obtaining perfection. I couldn’t answer any of his questions. There were no adequate words. Instead, I just stared into his gorgeous eyes and became mute while he continued analyzing our situation.

“I’ve thought about this- a lot today, since no one except your brother would speak to me. In thinking about the words that were spoken that night, I was so wrong to imply that you were in any way responsible for Connor’s death. I wanted to hurt you as much as you were hurting me. I’m ashamed for saying that to you. I hope you can forgive me. I truly didn’t mean the words I spoke.”

He grabbed my hand from my lap and squeezed it tightly. With his other hand, he tilted my chin to his face so I had no choice, but to look in his eyes.

“The real sticking point in our relationship has always been the fact that I was working for your father. You were more upset about my job with Spencer Industries than anything else. I really believe that this whole mess is born out of the animosity that you and your father share. It’s a bloody game to you both. Our relationship became the casualty in this life long war with John. He wanted to take the thing you loved away to punish you and you sure as hell enjoyed knowing that I was forbidden fruit. Well…I don’t work for your father anymore. I chose you. You win.”

“You shouldn’t have done that for me. I can’t make you any promises. This probably isn’t the best time for you to be leaving anyway.”

“What does that mean?” he inquired curiously.

“It means that Emma Grace and I are not a package deal. You and I have trust issues. Regardless of how you ended up in New York, if you loved me so earnestly, Tricia wouldn’t have found her way into your bed. You wouldn’t have let that happen.”

“Tricia was a mistake. She was the result of a broken heart and too many drinks.”

“Alcohol isn’t a defense…and you were so quick to condemn me when you thought Jackson and I had slept together that night. Oh how the tide has turned. It’s not so black and white anymore, is it?”

“I’m a horrible person. Does that make you feel better?”

“Not really, no.”

“Good. You know, you’re every bit as horrible for not telling me about Emma Grace. Look, the bottom line is that I’ve chosen you. I’m choosing my daughter. Nothing else matters now.”

“You will always have your daughter, Tru- you have my word on that, but you should probably consider alternant living arrangements for after the baby is born. I’m sure this isn’t the time to house hunt with the business of the holiday season.”

“That’s it then?” he said frustrated.

“You need time to come to terms with all the changes in your life. I don’t want you falling back into a place of comfort just because it’s easy. My life has changed a lot since you left. I have a responsibility to Mattie- even if you don’t understand that connection. Gabe and I are the best of friends. He accepted my gift. They’ll be in my life forever. Our daughter and Mattie will grow up together. If you can’t get past your misplaced resentment for Gabe, then you and I have no future- not even as friends.”

“May I at least stay here, in this house, until Emma Grace is born?”

“Yes.”

With those words, the baby kicked so hard that I lost my breath. I winced. Henry flew into panic mode, throwing his arm around my back and scooting closer to me.

“What is it? What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. She’s kicking. Emma Grace always finds that one spot in my upper ribs to pound me. Here…let me have your hand,” I said sweetly trying to change the tone of our conversation.

Pulling up my pajama top and exposing my big fat belly took some bravery. I was huge. No matter how much cream I slathered on my abdomen night after night, I was still developing unsightly stretch marks. I grabbed Henry’s hand and placed it on my side. His touch was so warm and loving. I’d forgotten how much I missed our closeness.

“Wait. Be patient. She never stops with one wallop.”

He smiled and we sat with his hand on my belly waiting for her to answer her daddy’s voice. He finally moved to the floor and knelt down in front of me to take it all in. There was a lot of me to take in.

“Wow. Did you feel that?” he asked. “That was amazing.”

“Yeah. I felt that,” I replied laughing.

Unexpectedly, he leaned into my belly and kissed the very place she had kicked. His lips sent chills up my spine, but I didn’t let on. He watched as she performed all her tricks; crawling from one side of my belly with her hands, to the other. I finally realized how selfish my choice had been to keep him from all of this. My scorn had left me with regrets.

“Is Kate coming?” I asked interrupting his baby watching.

“She’s afraid to see Gabe,” he said nonchalantly.

“She should be.”

“What happened with that?” he responded, never breaking eye contact with Emma’s tricks.

“She didn’t tell you?” I asked surprised.

“No,” he replied.

“She was embarrassed of Mattie. When you called and demanded that she join you in New York, I suggested that she invite Gabe and Mattie to accompany her.”

“I never asked her to come to New York, Jewels.”

“What?” I said perplexed.

“She got spooked. Not everyone can handle trying times with the same grace as you,” he said jokingly, pulling himself back up to the bed.

“I know. I’m one of a kind.”

“You are.”

He put one hand on my cheek and the other on Emma Grace as he leaned in, placing his forehead to mine. I could feel his lips in front of mine, his breath blowing gently over my face. My heart began to race. I finally got up the courage to speak.

“Good night,” I said, breaking our intimacy.

He opened his eyes and retreated back, as his hand fell from my cheek to his leg.

“Can I sleep in your recliner?” he requested.

“Do you promise not to stare at me all night?”

He shook his head in agreement and collapsed back into the chair. Taking a comforter off my bed, I handed him a pillow and covered him. He smiled as if he knew we would be all right. I wasn’t so sure.

19

M
attie pounced on my bed early. The sun’s rays were barely breaking through the windows. A big lick demanded my attention. The smell of puppy breath in my nose alerted my eyes to search out the source. There in front of me was a beautiful black lab puppy with a large blue bow around its neck. Mattie grinned and his expression was recorded in my mind.

“Mattie. Dog, dog, dog. Black. Bark.”

Pulling myself up in bed, I gave him a very tight Merry Christmas squeeze. He put his dog on the floor and they were gone in the blink of an eye. Gabe walked over and sat on the bed.

“Merry Christmas, Santa,” he said laughing.

“Santa? Seriously…another weight crack on Christmas, of all days? Shame on you, Gabe Martin. You might get coal in your stocking this year?”

“Now, I wouldn’t be so harsh as to make jokes about your weight on Christmas. I was referring to the ridiculously generous gift you gave us last night, or have you already forgotten?”

“Forgotten. I don’t keep an account of things like that. I wish you wouldn’t either. We have to remain on equal footing so you can tell me when I’m being an ass.”

“No problem there. Merry Christmas.”

Gabe gave me a soft hug and told me to get downstairs so Mattie could tear into the over abundance of gifts I had purchased for him. I wanted to have time for a shower, but I knew that the rest of the family was waiting on me. Henry’s presence made me want to achieve some form of beauty. I hadn’t felt that way in a long time.

Everyone was gathered around the tree awaiting my arrival. Mattie’s new puppy was tearing at the bows that adorned the packages. His eagerness mirrored my own excitement on this beautiful morning. My entire family surrounded me. I never imagined a scenario that included my father in my home during the holidays. With my brother keeping watch and trying to navigate the healing waters, the Spencer clan had come full circle. Together, we were a fearsome sight to behold. The Walker family should shake in their boots- even if I still liked Ms. Emma, his mum.

John motioned for me to sit next to him on the couch. Henry was in my crazy chair in the corner- the one I always gravitated to when I felt the least bit unstable. When I finally made contact with the seat cushion, Henry disappeared into the kitchen, returning with a plate full of food for me. He obviously hadn’t received the memo regarding the starve Jewels campaign. I was thankful. I could feel four sets of eyes scrutinizing my every bite. As quickly as he had placed the food in front of me, he retreated back to the chair, far away from my father.

Not to be outdone, Gabe brought me a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. He knew that no real competition existed between him and Henry- at least in my mind- but I suspected he wanted Henry’s gesture to be diminished as ordinary and common. In this house, I suffered from round the clock caregivers- like it or not. Gabe wanted to send the message that no brownie points were scored for such typical behaviors. The message was received. Henry shot him a dirty look and Gabe smiled back. He had gotten the better of the upper crust Brit.

Mattie’s joyful affect made the tree seem even more spectacular than before. The lights were brighter and the ornaments took me back to early holidays with my mom. Angels I had made her and old dough ornaments still hung from the feathery branches. The smell of the tree and Ms. Martin’s apple cider could make even the crankiest Grinch jovial.

Mattie opened gift after gift until the giving tree was exhausted. As typical with all children, he latched on to one gift- the least expensive- and was satisfied. He only had eyes for the marble maze I’d purchased for the collection he inherited from Tommy. The bike with training wheels, indoor basketball hoop, art easel, and Lionel train set couldn’t hold a candle to watching the marbles roll down the ramps and around the curves to the bottom. No matter how hard Gabe and I tried to get him to look at his other presents, he was completely disinterested. Finally realizing that he was in his time of bliss, we grew content. This had been the best morning ever.