The Battered Heiress Blues (20 page)

Mattie eagerly got out of the car at the beach. I sat at the water’s edge allowing the waves to crash against my feet. I was starting to gain weight and the loose dresses I wore weren’t going to hide my belly for much longer. After thirty minutes of chasing the birds, we decided to tackle some ice cream. I was starving- a common, daily complaint for me.

The ice cream parlor was crowded. There wasn’t an available parking space in the lot. We parked at the business next door and walked over. As I opened the parlor door to allow Mattie to enter, he ran past all the people waiting in line to view the various flavors offered for the day. He pushed himself between two women and started banging on the display case. The woman’s face soured and she started to scold him. I interceded quickly but Mattie wouldn’t budge from his spot. She looked back at me as I walked up behind him.

“Your kid could use some manners.”

“He’s a child. What’s your excuse?”

“You’re just as rude as he is.”

Another day, at another time, I would have pounced on this woman with every catty word in my repertoire, but not in front of Mattie. A lady, standing further down the line, but still in front of the case, motioned for us to move in front of her. Mattie still wouldn’t move. As it became time for the line to move forward, I waved people ahead of us until the nice lady was behind us.

“I’m sorry. Thank you for being so nice. Mattie has autism. He doesn’t quite get the concept of waiting yet. It’s something we need to work on.”

“No problem. Don’t worry about it.”

People didn’t usually surprise me. Maybe I’m not as much of an optimist as I should be. I expected the cranky customer to rear her ugly head and try to steal our joy, but the nice lady full of compassion made me take pause. God seemed to send me those small glimmers of hope for encouragement.

Finally, it was our turn to order. Gabe had instructed me to stick to buying Mattie vanilla cones, but what is vanilla? How would he ever learn about the world eating only vanilla? I started buying a new flavor each trip. He didn’t care for pistachio, but that was good to know. He loved blue cotton candy. Who would have thought? Today we would try another new flavor. The man approached and asked for our order.

“I’ll have a chocolate turtle milkshake and this young man would like a scoop of mint chocolate chip in a waffle cone.”

As soon as I placed the order, Mattie became agitated. He started to bang on the display case and shook his head no. I felt the stares of everyone in the long line, mentally willing us to wrap it up and move forward to pay. Again, Mattie wouldn’t budge. The man asked again if I wanted to order something different. How did I know? I knelt down to Mattie and asked if he wanted some other flavor. He continued to tap his finger on the case.

“Just tell me what you want Mattie and we’ll get it. I don’t understand.”

The man’s head turned to take in the anxious looks of the waiting customers. I was beginning to feel a little self-conscience myself.

“Just go ahead and give us the mint chocolate chip, please.”

When the man turned to grab the cone, Mattie tugged my arm. As I turned, he opened his mouth to speak his first words.

“Blue. Blue. Blue.”

“What did you say?” I stared into his face and felt tears pooling in my eyes.

“Blue. Blue. Blue,” he said as he pointed to the display case.

I threw my arms around him and squeezed him so hard. He didn’t hug me back. He just pushed me off of him and continued to say the word blue. No one understood my pure happiness over hearing that one glorious word. I was privileged to be the first to hear his beautiful voice. I stood up and addressed the employee.

“Give him a scoop of blue cotton candy in a cone, please.”

I wiped away the tears that rolled down my cheek as I pulled out my phone to text Gabe. I wasn’t sure what to write. What if he got to the parlor and Mattie said nothing. I typed
9-1-1 ice cream store
. After the man handed me my milkshake and we paid, I sat to wait for Gabe’s arrival. Mattie wouldn’t leave the display case. He stood there eating his ice cream cone as patrons passed him in line.

I heard the sounds of sirens approaching and thought that it might not have been the best idea to text him that message. His sport utility came to a screeching halt and he flew through the front door, as I stood to greet him. He looked harried and upset.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing is the matter.”

“You texted me 9-1-1, Jewels.”

He looked mad as he scanned the room for his son.

“Mattie is fine, but something has happened…something wonderful. That’s why I texted you 9-1-1.”

“What? Have you been crying?”

“Never mind me. Come here.”

I pulled him over to Mattie who had just finished his cone and was banging on the display case for more.

“Tell Mattie that you’re going to order him a mint chocolate chip ice cream cone.”

“What? Why?”

“Trust me. Just do it.”

Gabe looked at the next person in line and asked politely if he could cut in line. The man shook his head yes.

“Can I get my son a mint chocolate chip single scoop cone, please?” He looked to me, standing beside him, as he ordered, wondering why he was humoring me with this ridiculous request.

Mattie became agitated again. “Blue. Blue. Blue,” he shouted as he tapped the display case. Turning to face Gabe, with no particular attachment, he said, “Dad.”

Gabe looked at me in shock, his mouth hanging open, unable to speak. All I could do was shake my head and hold my arms up in front of me, mirroring his same disbelief. He pulled me to him, hugging me tightly as we laughed and cried. When I broke his hold and pulled us apart, he kissed me. It wasn’t a lover’s kiss. It was a kiss of convenience with no passion; the release after a build up of emotions that the mind is unable to sustain. The meeting of our lips was alien to me. He wasn’t Henry.

“I’m sorry, Jewels. I got caught up in the moment. I don’t know why I did that.”

“I’m pregnant.”

I don’t know why I blurted out such a stupid thing during such a momentous occasion. I guess it was a defense mechanism. I couldn’t handle any complications in my already messed up life.

“I’m not sure what they taught you in Sex-Ed Jewels, but you don’t get pregnant from kissing,” he chuckled.

“Henry. He’s the father.”

“Oh.”

Mattie tugged his dad’s jacket and the moment was forgotten. Gabe picked him up and spun him around, finally demanding that the man prepare another blue cotton candy cone for his magnificent son. We sat, like a happy family, wondering what the future held for our precious Mattie. Gabe called his Mom who instantly cried. She was packing a bag and would arrive in the evening to hear her grandson’s voice.

Gabe stepped outside to make his next call. I imagined that he was trying to reach Kate to share the good news. The call was quick. He must have had to leave a message. When he walked back in, he told me that he had to finish out his work shift and that he would probably be home after his mom’s arrival. He hugged Little Man and we went our separate ways.

Mattie gave no indication that anything had changed, but I knew that he was smiling on the inside. After getting back to the main house, we painted in the sun room, making a fantastic mess. He was quite a good little artist. We hung up each masterpiece and stared at them for a long time, side by side, in deep thought, as if we were the world’s best art critics. He repeated the word blue as he pointed to the color on the paper. Connor didn’t get his miracle, but maybe Mattie had.

14

W
e ordered a pizza for dinner and ate it down at the boathouse. Being there again brought back a heap of memories. The table still held melted candles and an empty bottle of champagne was turned over on the wooden planks below. I grabbed a few of the floor pillows from the back corner for us to sit on. Within ten minutes, I had eaten half of the pie, blaming it on the baby to make myself feel better. Mattie threw pieces of pepperoni to the fish, lying on his stomach with his head sticking off the dock to get the best view as they nibbled the morsels.

All I could think about, in this special place, was Henry. Well, Henry and now Tricia. Anger and jealousy seemed to go hand in hand. Tricia may indeed be the owner of a face that could shatter glass, but all I could imagine was Heidi Klum.

His jacket was still hanging on the hook above our invented bed. Walking over, I picked it up and held it to my nose. The smell of salt and fresh air had replaced his scent, but I put it on none the less, wrapping my arms around me, remembering his hold. Images played in my mind of our night together. The proposal seemed like just yesterday, but months had passed. When I relaxed into those distant thoughts, the sound of that horrid woman laughing over the phone invaded my mind. In my heart, I knew that Henry had crossed the line. Reality began to set in. Things were different now. The jacket slid down my arms and fell to the floor.

I gathered Mattie and we made our way home, using the old jars I’d found in the boathouse to catch the fireflies that lit the tree lined path. The day had been emotionally exhausting. After a quick bath for Mattie and a phone call to Tommy, we collapsed under the multiple layers of linens on my bed. We watched an animated movie he had chosen from my brother’s old video collection. My eyes were as heavy as Mattie’s as we both struggled to keep them open. I knew we’d never be able to stay up long enough to greet Gabe’s mom. The house seemed cold. I tucked us in tight, just leaving our arms on top of the comforter. I placed my hand across Mattie’s chest and we surrendered to sleep.

I heard the door creak open, but felt too sleepy to become alert enough to get up. I felt an arm over my waist, but the weight of it was too heavy to be Mattie. Slowly opening my eyes, I saw Gabe’s face close to my own. Mattie was sandwiched between us. Gabe was still asleep. He probably lay down for a second, with the intention of carrying Mattie to the guest room, as he had always done before, but fell asleep instead. Startling him by moving his arm off my waist would wake Mattie.

Suddenly, I realized that I’d forgotten about Gabe’s mom. The creaking of the door with Ms. Martin’s expected arrival made me realize that she was here. I was thankful. In my tired state, moving her boys seemed like a big task. We’d have to get them situated before I could get her settled into a room for the night.

I carefully turned my head toward the door and surprise claimed every muscle in my face. In the doorway, Henry and Kate stood, mouths open, bewildered by the scene they were taking in. Kate looked furious and disappeared from sight. Henry stood a little longer with the most hurtful expression on his face. I didn’t move. I couldn’t say anything. He finally relinquished his stare and left. If I followed him, he’d know that I was pregnant. One embrace would divulge my secret. If I didn’t go after them, I knew I was destined to lose them both.

The front door echoed its slamming throughout the house followed by the sound of two car doors shutting. Gabe and Mattie didn’t flinch. My head retreated down to the pillow and silent tears wet my face. My decision was made without careful consideration, but with no remorse. Depression had become a fertile breeding ground over the past several months in which to cultivate my new apathy.

Two hours passed before Gabe’s mom knocked on the front door. I was awake for every second replaying the events of the night. Had I made the right decision? My answer to that question changed continuously. The knocking intensified, even though I was sure that the front door was open. Henry and Kate left in such a hurry that they certainly didn’t waste even a second locking the door as they departed. I nudged Gabe. Opening his eyes, he realized that he was holding me and apologized while instantly removing his arm from my waist.

“I seem to be accosting you today. Sorry.”

“No worries. I think your mom is here. It sounds like someone is knocking at the front door.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost midnight.”

“I’ll move Mattie into the guest room.”

“You’ll wake him. It’s fine. Leave him here with me for the night.”

He sat up and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to wake up, before standing and leaving the bedroom. Reaching for the remote, I turned off the television which had illuminated the room. I sat up and pulled the covers off my side, stumbling to the bathroom in the dark. I waited until the door was closed to turn on the light so I wouldn’t wake Mattie. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust. Turning on the faucet, I leaned down and splashed my face with cold water. When I stood upright, the reflection in the mirror scared me. My white gown was stained red. I decided that I wasn’t actively bleeding, wasn’t in pain, and I wasn’t cramping. I needed to be calm and think.