The Bathrobe Knight: Volume 2 (3 page)

              "Good question," Gary responded as he pulled out his phone and punched in a quick text message. "I'll have one of the guys pull the ID number associated with it, and we should find out shortly.  We may not be able to track down our mysterious guest that way, but I'll my bet lunch we can get a number and location on a giant Hydra."

              "Game on," Robert replied out of habit. He and Gary had a friendly ongoing battle of wagers to see who would come out on top and have to buy lunch for the day. Since his work load had dropped off so much recently, Robert had been either skipping lunch entirely or going home early for the day and eating late. As a result, they hadn't made a bet in a while. 

              Gary chuckled, then responded, "You know, you're betting against your own programming, Robert. If we can't find it, then it's on you, anyway."

              "Hmmm . . ." Robert made a show of scratching his chin as he thought about it, tilting his head back slightly as if he were seriously considering the dilemma. "You might have a point there . . ."

              "I'll take that bet," Charles suddenly spoke up again, his voice resounding with the ring of a man filled with confidence. "I'm willing to bet both your lunches that you're both right." Charles leaned forward from his relaxed position slightly as he said this, pointing his finger at them as he spoke, his elbow never leaving his knee. "You can find the ID associated with the Hydra, but don't have a clue as to where it is or what it's doing right now."  

              Eyes around the table grew wider and wider as he spoke. A few people even dared lift their heads and stare openly, mouths slightly agape as he spoke. 

              Charles shrugged and held up both hands as if to say 'let's see; anything can happen' before dropping them both down again. Robert couldn't help but notice the smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth as he made the gesture though.

              "Eh," Gary and Robert exchanged a quick glance before they both shrugged their own assent, almost in unison. "You're the boss."

              "Well, while we're waiting," Gary continued, "we still have a few more things to address.  Whatever it may signify, that battle on the beach did give us a chance to find out how the game responds when there's a fight happening on such a massive scale. I don't think there were any major issues reported at all. It seems like everyone stayed synced to the server, no collision or detection problems, and, most surprisingly, latency didn't appear to be an issue at all. The software and the AI seem to have done an excellent job of handling all the flashy spells as well. I have to admit that even I'm impressed by how realistic it looked.

              “I will note, however, that we've decided to remove the appearance of damage numbers from the game. All those thousands of numbers floating around as people gave and received damage was too confusing. Even watching the videos, I had trouble at times figuring out exactly what was going on or who was being hit. And, let's be honest, all those numbers floating around just don't fit into the aspect of realism we've tried so hard to achieve--they're actually detracting from it." 

              Several heads around the table nodded freely at this. It was apparently so obvious everyone else agreed, but no one had bothered to speak up about it. 

              "Robert," Gary turned to look at him as he spoke. "How hard would it be to stop showing those numbers floating around randomly?"

              Robert was still nodding thoughtfully as he responded, then gave a slight shake of his head. "Not really a problem. Maybe an hour's work at most, depending on how long it takes me locate the exact call sequence. Do we want to remove it from all situations entirely? Players versus other players and players versus mobs as well? Fall damage? Interactions with the environment?"

              "Yeah, just get rid of it all. The game automatically logs all damage to a file accessible through the in-game command menu already. If a player is really curious, it shouldn't be a problem for them to open up the file and take a look. Anyone have any objections?"

              Gary's phone buzzed on the table in front of him and lit up showing he had a message as he finished asking the question. "Ah, looks like we have our answer," Gary said, scrolling through his phone to the message. "And the winner is . . ." He paused dramatically, while reading. "Our fearless leader, Dr. Charles. The ID for the Hydra still exists, and all indications seem to show that it's still somewhere in the game, but we have no idea where."

              "So we've got a massive Hydra on the loose, possibly roaming around the starter lands, probably killing everyone and possibly slaughtering villagers and doing only who knows what. Oh, that's just peachy," Catherine, one of the design team leads alongside Gary, finally spoke up in her quiet, high-pitched voice. She was a short, thin woman with black hair and a piercing through her eyebrow. Her voice always had a softness to it that reminded Robert of someone whispering even when she was speaking loudly. It made him think she had to work extra hard to project her voice, like she wasn't used to it.

              "Well, it could be worse," Stephen spoke up again "I haven't see anyone complaining about it yet. It doesn't take long for news like that to travel."

              "Yes, but how long before it decides it needs a little snack and goes all Godzilla on another town? We still haven't even figured out a reasonable way to fix that mess in Valcrest the players created." Catherine wrinkled her nose and forehead as she said it, clearly showing she wasn't happy about having their game world destroyed so casually by the players. "I really hate it when people do stuff like that. Don't they, like, know how much work they make for us?"

              "Yeah, but what can we do about it?" Gary asked. "We have to rely entirely on the users either submitting reports or complaints about it before we can act on anything. As it stands, we don't even have a solid method of tracking down any of these missing objects. The mobs, the Hydra, this mysterious figure . . . We have to either wait for them to show up somewhere and hope that we can catch them in time or wait on something to happen and the users to let us know. The only tools we have for it are either complaint and bug logs or messages on the forums."

              "Which, as we know, are more often useless and unreliable than good data," Robert added. He had spent more than enough time searching through the boards for feedback on how changes he made were working and being responded to in-game to be familiar with the usual deluge of drivel that made up a large portion of the forums. 

              Stephen was nodding his agreement as he said, "Yeah. There's definitely enough of that, for sure. But, as it turns out, there's sometimes a kernel of truth even in the most outlandish posts. I remember when one guy posted about being killed by someone with a spoon. I actually laughed at my computer screen when I read it, thinking 'Man these guys will come up with anything.'"

              "Yeah, I saw that as well," Robert said. "I brushed it off at first, but turns out the guy was actually on to something, not just crying for attention after all."

              "Okay, so, once again," Gary began, clearly unhappy with the direction the conversation was going. "What can we do about it?"

              "Well," Catherine started, "it would be nice if we could actually just use the GMs for what they're supposed to do. Use them to track these guys down. Don't we have the ability to move throughout the game world without being seen? Permanent invisibility and GM-level shields that prevent us from being hurt? Why can't we just zip around until we find this guy. It shouldn't be that hard. If he looks like what you described earlier, it shouldn't be hard to spot the guy. Look for the big, white clown with red eyes wearing a bathrobe, some spoons, a bunch of mobs and a giant Hydra following him around. The guy has to stand out like a sore thumb everywhere he goes."

              "She has a fair point," Stephen agreed.

              "Yeah, and then what?" Gary asked, pointedly. "What are we going to do once we find the guy. I mean, we're all assuming at this point that he's the locus of everything that's going on within Tiqpa.  Sure, that's great. But what are we actually going to be able to do once we find him? Kill him? If he's a player, he's just going to respawn and carry on about his merry way. Are we going to set a team of GMs to follow this guy around everywhere he goes and kill him over and over? Spawn camp him until he logs out in a fit of rage? Those kinds of things don't go unnoticed by the other players. They're going to know something is up right away, that we're giving this guy special attention for a reason. Imagine the backlash we'd receive for using GMs to repeatedly kill a guy over and over and make the game completely unplayable for him, especially without us having to explain why we're doing it. 

              “Maybe I wasn't clear earlier. This guy has no character data that we can find. There's no account or user information attached to the name 'Darwin' anywhere in our system. It doesn't exist. If there were, I would have just dropped a ban on the account and been done with it a long time ago when this whole mess started and never let it grow as out of control as it is now.

              “No, even if we dedicate an entire team of people to stopping this guy, it won't work. He could just log out and log back in whenever he wanted. Even if we could figure out where his bind point was when we killed him, which, let me remind you, could be anywhere, it would take people watching it twenty-four hours a day. I don't want to be the one to babysit a bindstone all day every day just waiting for this guy to log in. 

              "And as for the response from the other players? Why are they going to think that we're doing it? Because a GM raged and decided to abuse his powers and take it out on a player? How long before we decide to do that to someone else and completely ruin their experience as well. We'd look like a bunch of children throwing a temper tantrum. It's not the way you operate a game, or a business for that matter, and expect to keep a loyal player base for long. Give them one reason to ever be suspicious of you, mistrust you or think that you're abusing your privileges and powers, and they will always point back to that as a reason for distrusting anything else you ever do. 

              "I've seen it too many times in too many other games. All it takes is one incident and enough people to see it, and it can create a domino effect. Before long there are going to be talking about how we're openly showing favoritism to certain players or races because of the changes we make. Like, for example, the change to the damage numbers popping up we just discussed. It may not be a big deal for people fighting mobs in small groups. Of course, I'm sure that there are lots of players who like knowing what their different skills and magic spells do as soon as they use them without having to open up a log file via the console in order to check. However, for people fighting other players, it's a much bigger change. You don't have numbers flying around the screen as you duck, dodge and dive around the screen. Suddenly we're showing favoritism to people who prefer fighting other players over those who just want to fight monsters and explore the world. No, it's a slippery slope."

              Robert couldn't help but lean back in his chair and watch his friend as Gary reached for the water in front of him and took a long drink. "You alright there, buddy?" he asked. "Looks like you've given this a bit of thought already."

              "You don't design an entire project on this scale without being able to think ahead to how even the smallest changes affect everything else," Gary answered, taking another drink of his water. "I've been trying to--"

              "So what are we supposed to do?" Catherine interrupted him. "Nothing? Just sit back and watch whatever havoc this creates? Keep trying to ignore the issue and hope that it goes away? That it somehow solves itself?" She was clearly frustrated and annoyed by the entire problem.

              "Yes," Charles responded as he leaned forward in his chair and began to stand up, buttoning his jacket as he did so. "That's exactly what we're going to do. Nothing." Then he walked out of the room, leaving the group staring at him as he left.

Chapter 1:  Spoons for Swords

Darwin
:

             
Darwin stared out over the glass bowsprit at the ocean ahead.
Sleep. What I would give for sleep,
he thought, remembering how blissful it was to go to bed and wake up with a clear and refreshed mind. Nowadays, his brain felt like an old computer that couldn’t clear its temporary memory cache.
If I’m not insane yet, I will be.

              “Raise your arms,” Stephanie said as she came up behind Darwin, putting one hand on each side of his back.

              “Are you . . . Are you trying to Titanic me?” Darwin laughed, turning around to look at the beautiful blonde girl.

              “Shh, just go with it. Afterwards I can, like, paint you like one of my pretty French girls,” Stephanie said as she smiled.

              “Does that mean this will end with one of us wet and hanging onto a piece of wood?” Darwin laughed dorkishly at his own bad innuendo. He had been stuck thinking about so many serious things, even good serious things, that he hadn’t actually just laughed and enjoyed his time in Tiqpa much. There were only ever sparse conversations with Kass or Stephanie that took his mind off his mission to care for his people or how little he knew about how to actually do that.