The Bathrobe Knight: Volume 2 (21 page)

              “You think they have a boat for sale?”

              “I bet they do. That weird squirrel fisher is too busy chasing nuts to ever hit the seas with me,” Stevens said, still laughing at the red-faced ‘Tubs.’ “I reckon he should easily part with his pretty princess boat for a little coin.”

              “How far away is the town?” Eve asked

              “Missy, with one of those little magic, whirly-twirly, doodad spells, does it even matter?” Stevens asked.

              “It’s forty miles, maybe fifty from here. You’ll find the road pretty easy to follow. We only have two leaving the town and it’s the one heading east,” the man called Tubs spoke up, his color returning to normal..

              “Forty miles is a dang long walk,” Jason muttered. “Tubs, I mean, Frank, get a pair of horses for these two. That’ll cut the journey down to half a day if they ride hard. Oh, and get them some supplies for the road. No skimping either, you cheap bugger.”

              “Yeah, yeah, I’m on it. You better pay me back old man, savior or not. I’ll be dead without new horses for the route,” Frank said, lifting his fat belly and walking off.

              “Well, there. That’s the best we can do. We would normally be able to send you off with money to buy the horses, but . . .”

              “The Panda King?” Qasin finished his thought.

              “Yeah, the Panda King. We sent him another tribute hoping he’d save us from the pirates. We didn’t have enough for the pirates to be satisfied with the looting the last time they came through . . . so we knew this time it’d be a fight to the death.”

              “What happens if you don’t send him a tribute? Is he worse than the pirates?” Qasin wondered.

              “That’s putting it mildly. One of the Human towns west of us didn’t have enough fish to make a tribute for a year, and well . . . there ain’t even ashes left,” Jason said. As he talked, everyone but him and Stevens slowly dispersed. They were either injured, helping someone injured, or just cleaning up debris around the town. The spell had been cast, the excitement was over, and they had things to do.

              “I can see the reason for your ire. Perhaps we could make a detour . . .” Qasin said, feeling his sword itch again.

              “No, no, you don’t need to make a detour,” Eve said sternly.

              “What do you mean? Our people, good Humans, are being butchered and ignored . . .”

              “I mean you don’t have to make a detour. Where do you think Darwin is as we speak?”

              “Oh. Well, you were right then. We probably need to start moving quickly in that case. We don’t want him to leave the place before we get there.”

              “Qasin,” Eve said, leaning in very close to his ear.

              “Yes?”

              “There won’t be anyone to kill when we get there,” she whispered, her icy tone bringing back Qasin’s earlier irritation.

              “That’s not why I wish to go. I merely want to make sure we find your brother and make sure that these people are treated better.” Qasin felt pierced from her words. She was dead on the money.

              “If you say so, but until then, you need to keep that sword in check,” Eve whispered back as Frank approached with two horses in tow, both loaded to the brim with saddlebags of supplies. “We’re not on an adventure to wet your blade; we’re on an adventure to save the world.”

              “Here you go, you two,” Frank said, handing the reins to Qasin. “If you end up taking a boat and not using the horses, make sure to get the town to send them back. Horses aren’t easy to come by in these lands. Them animal people don’t take too kindly to domesticating a beast.”

              “We will, and thanks for the help.” Qasin took the reins, handed one pair to Eve and then hopped on the nearest mount.

              “Nah, thank you,” Jason said, “We won’t forget this. You said you were the King of the Humans?”

              “I am,” Qasin admitted.

              “Well, maybe . . .” Jason seemed to want to say something important. “No, forget it. Have a safe journey, and I hope you reach your destination in time.”

Chapter 4:  Cheat Codes Over Reset Buttons

Darwin
:

              “She was all, ‘Nya nya,’ and you were all stab stab, and then it was all KASPLAT!” Minx said excitedly, acting out every detail as Kitchens sipped his tea and Darwin ate his third chocolate chip cookie from the rather large pile the kind woman in a white dress had managed to fetch for him upon request. “That was great, mister! You really were cool!”

              “I wasn’t scary?” Darwin asked, remembering her first reaction to his Hunger flashing during the fight.

              “Scary? Like scary rawr rawr?” She adopted her T-rex pose again. “Yeah, mister is really scary. But Minx knows mister wouldn’t hurt Minx, so Minx the Lynx won’t question the Sphynx.”

              “The Sphynx?”

              “Don’t question me, Sphynx, I’m too young to die,” she said, sticking out her tongue as she did so. Darwin wasn’t sure if this is just how she always was, or if this was just how she was after eating sugar in a VRMMO. Wait, would eating sugar in a VRMMO have any actual impact? How would you get a sugar rush from a video game?

              “How old are you exactly?” Darwin asked, still curious about the figure. She was short enough to be a kid, but certain features of hers were very much those of a woman. Given it was a video game, it wasn’t unheard of for someone to embellish, but what motivation would a child have to pad the front of her resume in such a fashion?

              “Don’t be a rude, rude dude! Ask a woman her age? Not cool.” She crossed her arms over her chest and looked away.

              When Darwin looked at over at Kitchens, he just shrugged, sipped his tea, and changed the subject. “Thank you for the tournament and what you did for Minx.”

              “It’s no problem. I’ve been where Minx was. It only felt right to help,” Darwin said before stuffing his face with another cookie.
Mmmm, cookies.

              “Psh, I did good good, didn’t I, Kitchens?” She said, unfolding her arms and looking at the guy in the tank top. “I told you he was a good swordsman. You wanted water, I got you water! Enough to fill a hundred cups.”

              Kitchens looked like he wanted to correct her about the water part again, but instead just patted her head. “Yes, you did, Minx. Yes, you did.”

              “So, why are we waiting? Let’s go go! Let’s conquer the world. Or maybe a dungeon . . . or an entire country! I’ll be all stab stab and Darwin will be all chop chop, and you can be all slice slice.” She had given up sitting down and was standing on top of the stone bench circling the table acting out her impression of how each one of them fought. “Come on! Let’s go! We’ll get tea later.”

              “I believe he was waiting on me, young one. My apologies for taking so long. The old bones don’t move as fast as they used to,” a panda wearing a loose black robe with white trimming and a large, ornate, golden sash said as he approached with Kass next to him.

              “Kass!” Darwin exclaimed. “You’re here!”

              “Yeah, I am,” she said with a look he couldn’t make out. “And I see you couldn’t even wait a few minutes for me before you left.”

              “Well . . . actually, I . . .” Darwin was trying to search for an excuse when Minx popped up and helped him out.

              “Sorry, old lady! It was my bad!” she said, causing Kass to visibly redden at the ‘old lady’ comment. “I stole him away ‘cause we needed a third fighter! My bad bad! Sorrrrrryyyyy.”

              “There’s no need to say you’re sorry, young one,” the panda reassured Minx. “He, as well as the both of you, performed magnificently, and we have you to thank for that.”

              “Right right! I did good!” Minx’s ear-to-ear, full-toothed smile shined again.

              “Ah, introductions if you don’t mind, young one,” the panda asked Kass.

              “Oh, right. This is the Great King Robin, ruler of the city,” she said, first gesturing to Robin, and then gesturing towards Darwin and the two friends of his who had now finished standing up, “Robin, this is my friend, Darwin, and his friends . . .”

              “I’m Kitchens. This is Minx,” Kitchen said as he bowed his head while pushing Minx’s head down into a bow too.

              “Hahaha!” The Panda King bellowed out a laugh. “Bowing? For an old man like me? Nonsense. Stand up straight, young ones. We have no need of formalities here. You are winners, and I come humbly bearing gifts, not demanding respect.”

              “Gifts? Presents? Like it’s Christmas? Oh! Oh! Do they come with bows and in fancy packages?” Minx popped up from her bow like she was loaded with springs.

              “Nothing that fancy, nothing that could truly recompense you for the performance you treated us to. All we have here are a few Gold and three tokens to the royal armory,” the panda said, motioning to the girl who had been supplying Darwin with tea and cookies. “Dear, please be so kind as to award each of them their due.”

              “Tokens for the royal armory?” Minx asked, tilting her head to the side.

              “Ah, you didn’t know what you were fighting for, young one? The royal armory has the finest weapons and armors in all of the land to award to the most outstanding and exceptional warriors,” the King explained. “Unfortunately, it’s hard to say at any tournament what the preference for weapon or gear is going to be, so we bring tokens that you can exchange for any piece on display at the armory.”

              “Wow, that’s actually very neat,” Darwin said, looking at the golden token with two swords crossed over a shield on one side and a halberd in front of a helmet on the other. “Thank you very much, Robin. I’ll be sure to use it wisely,” he said, putting the token in his inventory.

              “That is good to hear,” the King smiled, “but perhaps before you use it, the three of you wouldn’t mind taking a moment to listen to the request of an old man?”

              “Ooo! It’s a quest! A unique one, straight from the King! Kitchens, Kitchens, can we do it? Please please, Kitchens?” Minx pulled at Kitchens’ tank top. “Let’s do it.”

              “Let’s listen first, Minx. Then we can decide. Don’t be too eager,” Kitchens said, returning his hand to its usual perch.

              “Okay okay, sorry sorry, Mr. King, sir.”

              “You needn’t apologize so much, young one,” the King said, “It’s I who am asking you a favor. A very important favor too,” he said, bending over till he was at face height with Minx. “A favor that only you can help me with.”

              “Hmmm,” was Kitchens’ only response. Kitchens’ face didn’t move, but Darwin could sense his feelings on the subject.

             
I understand you perfectly, Kitchens: a man who talks with compliments first and insists about being humble when in public  . . .
He looked to see what Kass’s expression was, but she seemed to not notice the look on his or Kitchens’ face. Either to her nothing was out of the ordinary in the way the King spoke, or her poker face was peerless.

              “You see,” the King dove right into his request, motioning them to sit back down as he walked over and took a seat too, “we’ve been struggling to handle a bandit situation. It’s been several years since they began their attack on our territories, and we’ve found ourselves rather helpless to handle the problem.”

              “Bandits?” Darwin asked.

              “Bandits, pirates, thieves, you can call them what you want,” the King said, taking a cup of tea from the attendant as he finished sitting down. “No matter what they are called though, they have been preying on our people for almost a decade now.”

              “A decade?” Darwin found the amount of time striking. “That is indeed a long time to have a problem.”

              “Indeed, young one, indeed. Unfortunately, they have learned well that just as there is strength in numbers, there is also strength in a lack of numbers,” the King said, sipping his tea just like Kitchens. “If we mobilize against them, they scatter. If we try to send only a few men, they fortify.”

              Kitchens nodded. “A grain of sand will scatter on the wind before the coming storm.”

              “Indeed, young one, and that is the base of our problem,” the King said. “In order to catch them, we must use a force that will crush them before they scatter.”

              “So you held a tournament looking for the greatest fighters,” Darwin finished the King’s thought. “You only allowed groups of three in because that size is small enough to travel unnoticed?”

              “You are both very bright,” the King said with a grin. “I see I am leaving this task in very capable hands.”

              “My deepest apologies, Your Excellency,” Kitchens said, “but I am not sure it is in our best interest to accept your request.”

              “What? Kitchens! They need our help! Can we? Can we? Come on! There are bad guys who need a good stabby stabby,” Minx shouted in protest at Kitchens’ denial.