The Bakery Sisters (47 page)

“What do you want to blame me for this time?” she asked.

“Nothing. Do I do it that often?”

“More than I would like,” she muttered, stepping back and letting him in. “I take it Brittany got home.”

“A couple of hours ago. We had a talk. How are you? Are you okay?”

“I'm fine.”

He cupped her face and kissed her. “Brittany's grounded. I took her car away from her.”

Nicole didn't know what to say. “That's a good thing?”

“You were right about me not acting like her parent. I didn't take responsibility and I didn't make her take responsibility. I kept hearing your voice in my head, Nicole. The one telling me the right thing to do. That's what's happened. When I wasn't paying attention, you crawled inside of me. I never thought I'd care about anyone again. But I do. I love you.”

He stood there looking so hopeful and proud. Nicole told herself she should be happy—that this was everything she'd ever wanted. Only she knew it wasn't going to be that easy. She didn't know what had brought Hawk to this point, but she had a bad feeling it wasn't reality.

She desperately wanted to believe, to hope, to have this be the moment her dreams came true. But she wasn't comfortable taking that leap of faith. Not with her heart on the line.

“You don't love me,” she said as she pulled back. “You can't possibly have room in your life or your house.”

“What does my house have to do with anything?”

“It's a shrine to Serena. I know she was your wife and you loved her, but it's been what, five years? Six? Nothing has changed. You've never moved on. You still use her to keep everyone at bay and when that doesn't work, you use Brittany. You're happy just being on a team of two. There's no room for anyone else, Hawk, and you don't want there to be. You're trading on your looks and your charm.”

He glared at her. “If you're not interested, just say so.”

“I wish I wasn't, but I am. This isn't about me trying to hurt you or be mean.”

“The hell it isn't. I love you.”

The words cut so deeply because she wanted to believe them so much.

“Do you?” she asked. “Seriously? You love me? Are you sure? Are we getting serious now? Are you proposing?”

He took a slight step back. “I want us to get serious.”

“How serious? What about a family? Do you want kids with me?”

He took another step back. “It seems early to be having that conversation.”

“I guess. I just wondered where you saw this going.”

She waited, hoping she wasn't reading the look of panic correctly, even though she knew she was.

“I don't know what you want,” he told her. “I care about you. Isn't that enough for now?”

It was as if he wanted to be rewarded for suddenly realizing she was more than a convenience. Talk about special, she thought with a sigh. She might as well get it all out there right now.

“I'm pregnant,” she said, staring into his eyes as she spoke. “We're having a baby.”

She held her breath, hoping she was wrong, desperate for him to be happy. She wanted to see him smile, then laugh. She wanted him to say that they would work everything out now that they were having a baby together. She wanted him to know the truth and
then
tell her he loved her.

Instead he turned and walked away.

N
ICOLE SAT CURLED UP
on the sofa, eating ice cream. She really wanted wine or a margarita, but that was out of the question, thanks to her pregnancy.

“You'd better be worth it,” she told her stomach as she scooped up another spoonful.

She felt empty inside. Drained and not even hurt. She suspected she was still numb and the pain would come later. Then she would have to deal with the reality of carrying Hawk's child, loving him and knowing he didn't or wouldn't love her back. But until then, there was the smooth escape of a sugar rush.

“Nicole?”

Nicole ignored the high-pitched shrill call of her name.

Brittany raced in through the kitchen and into the great room. “How could you do this to me?”

Nicole didn't even look at her. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“You're pregnant!” Brittany yelled. “You had sex with my dad! I thought you were my friend. How could you do this?”

“Aren't you grounded?” Nicole asked, still concentrating on the ice cream and ignoring most of what Brittany said. Right now there wasn't room for a teenage drama queen in her life. “Aren't you supposed to be at home in your room?”

“That isn't your business.”

“That would be a yes,” Nicole said conversationally. “I also heard your dad took your car away from you. I'm going to take a stab here and say he didn't tell you about the baby. Which means someone else told you.”

She was guessing Hawk was going to take a few hours to absorb the news. No way he would have dumped this information on Brittany. No one else knew except…

She raised her head and saw Raoul hovering behind Brittany. Apparently he'd heard the conversation she'd had with Hawk.

That
pain she did feel. It felt a lot like betrayal. She looked at him. “You told her?”

Raoul shuffled his feet. “I had to do something.”

“And you thought letting her know was a good idea?”

“Not anymore.”

“Don't talk about me like I'm not here!” Brittany stamped her foot. “I hate this. I hate all of it. My dad was never mad at me before he met you. You've changed everything. I didn't think you would do this. He doesn't love you. I know he doesn't. I want you to know that. You're not going to take him away from me. He loves me best.”

“Brittany, stop it,” Raoul told her. He grabbed her arm and tried to pull her out of the kitchen. “Don't talk to Nicole like that. You don't want to do this.”

She jerked free of him. “Don't tell me what to do.” She spun around and faced Nicole. “I'll never forgive you.”

“Back at you.”

“What?”

“There's nothing like a crisis to bring out a person's character. I'm not impressed with yours. Good thing you didn't get married, Raoul. Trust me, you wouldn't want to face this every day for the next thirty years.”

“You bitch!” Brittany yelled.

Raoul stepped between them. “That's enough,” he told his girlfriend. “You don't get to talk to her that way.”

“You will not take her side.”

“I will. She's been good to me. She took me in and Sheila.”

“But you love me.”

“I do, but I respect Nicole and you should, too.”

There was a quiet dignity in his words, a maturity Nicole didn't expect. His defense of her soothed the wound of betrayal. She watched them, wondering who would blink first.

Brittany squared her shoulders. “I'd like you to take me home, now.”

“All right.”

She walked out of the kitchen. Raoul looked at Nicole.

“I keep screwing up. I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. I'm not doing any better myself. Life is nothing if not interesting.”

“Are you happy about the baby?”

She put down her spoon and covered the ice cream. “I am. Despite everything.”

“Good. I'm glad. Hawk will come around.”

Nicole didn't want to talk about that. “You'd better get Brittany home before her dad finds out she's gone. I doubt he's in a mood to be patient with her.”

“Yeah, I know.” He hesitated. “You said stuff like this shows a person's true character. You're doing great.”

If only…“Not for long. I'm planning a breakdown for later in the day.”

“I'll be around if you need me.”

“Thanks, but I'll get through it.” By herself. She was good at that.

Raoul left and she was alone in the house.

The silence didn't bother her that much. She curled up on the sofa and flipped channels. There had to be something on to distract her from her earlier conversation with Hawk and his reaction to her pregnancy. Something to help her stay numb.

But the pain was there, creeping closer. She'd allowed herself to hope and then she'd fallen in love and then she'd been unable to protect herself. Sure, this wasn't what either of them would have chosen, but if he really loved her, he would have wanted to at least talk about the pregnancy. He wouldn't have run for the hills. He wouldn't have made it so clear how much he still loved Serena.

 

H
AWK STOOD
in the middle of his living room, seeing it for the first time in years. Everything was exactly as it had been when Serena had still been alive. The paint on the walls, the furniture, the pictures. Even the damn ceramic rabbits he'd always hated.

He crossed to the fireplace and fingered the pictures there. So many of them. Brittany, Serena, wedding pictures and vacation pictures. There were more in the hallway and going up the stairs. Serena's presence was still tangible in the house, as if she'd lived here until yesterday.

Hawk hadn't meant that to happen. He loved Serena; he would always love her, but he'd never meant to build a shrine to her. He'd never meant to use her to put his life on hold or keep people away.

Nicole was right…he'd been getting by on good looks and charm. His relationships had never gone anywhere before. Most of them had ended after he'd brought the woman in question to his house. Now he knew why.

At the time he hadn't been interested enough to figure it out. But what if Nicole had left?

He didn't want to think about that. Didn't want to think about losing her. He'd meant what he said. He loved her. Not that she was likely to believe him.

Brittany ran into the house. “Daddy, Daddy, where are you?”

“In here,” he called.

She raced toward him and threw herself at him. “Oh, Daddy, it was so horrible. Raoul heard you and Nicole talking and he told me about the baby. Daddy, tell me it's not true. Tell me you didn't do that with her. Daddy, you can't have another child. You can't.”

A baby. He'd ignored that part of what Nicole had said, had pushed it from his mind. It had been too much to deal with. A baby? Now?

He looked at his teenage daughter, the little girl he'd loved so much. Loved and failed.

“You're grounded. You weren't supposed to leave your room.”

“Oh, please.” She rolled her eyes. “Nicole is pregnant and you want to talk about me being grounded?”

“Where did you go?” And then he got it. “You went over there, didn't you?”

“I had to talk to her. I had to find out if it was true. I told her it didn't matter, that you'd never want to be with her or have another child. It's disgusting.”

Hawk had been annoyed with his daughter before. And disappointed. But he'd never been truly angry. “Nicole has been nothing but kind and supportive of you. Even when you were running off with Raoul, she was understanding. And this is how you thank her?” Hawk pushed her away.

Brittany stared at him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because you're a selfish, thoughtless person and not at all who I thought my daughter would be. I'm angry and ashamed of how you've acted.”

She blushed and tears filled her eyes. “You can't mean that,” she whispered.

“I absolutely do. Hand over your phone.”

“What?”

He grabbed her purse and pulled out her cell phone.

“Daddy, no! You can't take it. This is crazy.”

“You're right. This is crazy. I've screwed things up, but I'm going to fix them. Let me be clear, Brittany. You're my daughter. My child. You are not an equal or an adult. You're spoiled and immature.”

“Takes one to know one,” she said, practically spitting the words. Apparently her embarrassment had been short-lived.

“You're right. I haven't been on my best game, either. But that's going to change, starting right now. We're both going to grow up. I think I'm going to have an easier job of it, but I'm willing to be wrong.”

“I hate you.” Tears spilled onto her cheeks.

“I'm okay with that.”

“I'll never forgive you.”

“Not a problem.”

She fled the room and thundered upstairs. Her cell phone began to ring. Hawk turned it off.

He'd screwed up royally. With Brittany and with Nicole. He needed his daughter to figure out her responsibility in all this, and he had to make things right with Nicole. But how? How to convince her that he'd been surprised by the news, not angry.

A baby. They were having a baby.

He'd never thought about having more children, but why not? She would be a great mom and he would know more than he had with Brittany. Besides, he loved Nicole and wanted to be with her. If she loved him, then they could be a family together.

But how to convince her he meant what he said? How to show her that he was the right man? How to win her back forever?

 

T
HE LAST THING
Nicole wanted to do was go to a football game. But it was the last game of the season and Raoul had wanted her to see him play.

They'd spent more time together this past week. With Brittany grounded, he'd been home every night and they'd spent quiet evenings reading or watching TV. It was like having a baby brother around and Nicole knew she would miss Raoul when he went off to college.

As she settled on the bleacher seat, she thought about how much her life had changed in the past couple of months. She'd lost Jesse and she still couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not. Her heart cried out for Nicole to find her sister and bring her home. Her gut and her head said Jesse had to figure it out on her own.

There were other changes, too. Raoul and Sheila. Nicole had never thought of getting a dog, but she liked the company. Now she was going to have a baby.

Even though her child was probably the size of a pea, Nicole was still excited. She ignored the fear that said she'd totally messed up with her sister. After all, she'd been a kid herself. She knew a lot more now. She wanted to have a baby, be a family. While she'd never seen herself as a single mother, she wasn't worried about being on her own. She was more than capable. Not to mention the fact that she had a great support system in place.

She hadn't heard from Hawk in a couple of days. She knew she would eventually. Even if the thought of another child horrified him, he wasn't the type of guy to walk away from his responsibilities. So he would want to work out a sensible arrangement. It was too bad that he couldn't be enough in love with her to put his past behind him and live in the present.

But he wasn't. She appreciated that he'd been willing to say he loved her. That meant something. He just didn't love her enough to want it all.

Several of the parents called to her. She waved, but didn't try to talk to anyone. She would simply get through the game then go home. It hurt to be here. It hurt to try not to look at the field and then have her gaze shift that way so that she could see Hawk.

She wondered how long it would be until she could see him and not feel that painful combination of need and longing. The sexual draw was as strong as ever, but even worse was the love that welled up inside of her. She'd fallen for yet another disaster of a man and didn't seem to be in any hurry to get over him.

Maybe she should give up on romantic love. She could fill her life with other things. Oh, but she would miss him.

She shifted her attention to the guys on the field and easily found Raoul. He looked up and waved. He was too far away for her to be sure he was smiling, but she sensed he was. He felt responsible for her, now that she was pregnant. Crazy but true, and she adored him for it.

“Nicole?”

Nicole turned and saw Brittany standing next to her. Nicole went on alert, not sure what the teenager intended. But instead of screaming, Brittany sat down and ducked her head.

“I'm sorry,” she murmured in a low voice. “About how I acted before. My dad says I'm not very mature, and I guess he's right. I've had a lot of time to think while I've been grounded, and Raoul's been yelling at me about how I hurt you.”