The Bad Mother's Handbook (39 page)

‘And did you know he’d been engaged to someone else
when she met him?’

I put the photo back down, surprised. ‘No. She never
said anything.’

‘Yes, really. She snaffled him! Can you imagine Nan
doing something like that? I reckon she was a bit of a minx
when she was a girl.’ Charlotte shook her head in mock
disapproval.

‘She must have really been in love.’ I thought of my
own wedding album, stuck underneath the wardrobe in
shame. ‘And she was right too, they were devoted to each
other for over forty years.’

‘My God, that’s fantastic.’ Charlotte picked out
another; Nan in a gaberdine-type coat and a group of
young girls in pinafores. They were standing, along with
a big, stern man wearing a watch and chain, in front of a
vintage bus. ‘Nan said that was a charabanc. They called
it Whistling Rufus and they went on trips to Blackpool
and Southport in it. She couldn’t remember who those
people were, though.’

‘Looks like a school party. Unless, no, she’s about
eighteen there so she’d have left school. It must be mill
workers. She always said she had some good times at
Jarrod’s, but they don’t seem so happy there, do they?
Maybe good times are relative . . .’

But Charlotte wasn’t listening. ‘Have you seen this
one, Mum?’ In her hand was a very faded, creased and
yellow photograph of four people: from left to right, a little
girl, standing, with ringlets, hands folded in front of her;
sitting, a grim old lady in black silk and wearing clogs with
their curved-up soles; a boy, younger than the girl, standing
awkwardly in a dark outfit with a large white collar,
something like a sailor suit; and a pretty, anxious woman
in her twenties, perched on a straight-backed chair, an
oval locket against her white blouse. ‘Do you know who
they are?’

We huddled together and gazed at the four solemn
faces. Only the boy was smiling, as if he couldn’t keep his
energy and youth from spilling out.

‘Well, that’s Nan,’ I said, pointing to the girl. ‘And
that’ll be her grandma next to her.’

‘Florrie Marsh, that’s right. I’ve written it on the back.
She looks a right old battle-axe, doesn’t she? The other
woman’s Nan’s mother, Polly. She’s sad there because
Nan’s father kept leaving them, apparently, then coming
back again. He was living with some trollop in Chorley
when that picture was taken.’

I thought Polly looked tired to death. ‘Poor thing.
Awful not to know where you stand, so humiliating.
Especially in those days. Nan would never tell me much
about it, too ashamed, but I knew there was something
funny about the set-up. Well, well.’ I put my finger gently
to the boy. ‘I can guess who he is, what a little angel.’ His
dark suit was spoilt by a white crease in the paper running
the length of his body. ‘Terrible to die so young.’

‘Nan’s brother Jimmy. Aww, see, one of his socks is
coming down.’

‘Did she say anything about him?’

‘He drowned in the canal.’

‘Really? Poor lamb.’

‘She cried when she told me, I think they were pretty
close. But she was all right after,’ she added hastily. ‘I
started telling her about Will puking into Ivy’s shopping
bag and she cheered right up.’

We shuffled the pictures together and Charlotte slid
them back in their envelope.

‘I tell you what, Mum,’ she said as she put the lid
back on the shoe box, ‘I’m going to take that portable
tape deck and record some of Nan’s stories because
they’re really interesting, How We Used to Live and all
that. I could keep the cassettes for Will when he’s older,
his family history.’

(My family history, I thought.)

‘It’s like . . .’ Charlotte put the box at the bottom of the
stairs and came back in. ‘You know when the TV’s on but
you’re recording a different channel to the one you’re
watching? It’s like that with Nan. What you see on the surface
isn’t what’s going on inside. We think she’s mad half
the time, but it’s just that she sort of lives in a different
dimension to the rest of us.’ She rescued Will from where
he had wedged himself against the hearth and held his
face up to hers. He laughed and tried to swipe at her
hair. ‘Well, her time frame’s different, anyway. Nan’s past
is
her present. I mean, there’s not much this decade
has to offer her, is there? You know, if someone in their
twenties was widowed and then disabled, everyone would
be going on about how tragic it was, but because Nan’s
old she’d expected to get on with it. She’s a really amazing
woman actually. I reckon there’s more going on with Nan
than anyone ever realized.’

*

I was listening
to Radio 4 and they were interviewing
Kate Adie about what it was like to report on the conflict
in Bosnia. She said what made it difficult sometimes was
that the people there had no concept of an incident being
the result of a single moment’s action; when something
happened it was because of an accumulation of events,
sometimes stretching back for decades. She was sent to
cover a massacre that had taken place in a small town
near the main fighting.

‘What happened here yesterday?’ she asked an eyewitness.

‘In 1943 . . .’ the man began.

Everyone’s history is the product of someone else’s;
what we think of as our own experience is only what’s
been bestowed on us by others and you can’t walk away
from that.

And why should you?

SNAPSHOTS FROM THE FUTURE

Will stands up
on his own for the first time, falls over
and bangs his head on the marble hearth. For ten seconds
I think he might be dead, and in that gulf of horror I
realize then that I do love him after all. It must have
sneaked up on me when I wasn’t looking.

Mum comes home
from school with the news that Leo
Fairbrother’s getting married, shock announcement. Some
well-to-do fifty-something he’s met in Italy, Maria Callas
lookalike, though she actually comes from Oldham. How
will Mum take this terrible blow? To be honest she seems
fine about it; maybe they were only ever good friends.
In the event Mrs F provides Mum with twice the social
life (teaches her bridge, invites her to wine-tastings) and
passes on her old Aquascutum and Jacques Vert, all
contributions gratefully received. Now they go to the
Octagon as a threesome (though I think it stops there).

I come in
quietly through the back door. It’s Reading
Week at university, and no one’s expecting me. I can hear
voices before I get inside.

Mum is sitting on the toilet with the door open, blowing up a balloon, while Will rushes around the kitchen
shrieking. ‘Mummee!’ he yells when he sees me.

‘Good God, is there no privacy in this place?’ she
moans, her voice echoing off the tiles.

I put my bags on top of the fridge and lie down on the
floor so that my son can climb all over me, giggling.
It’s good to be home, but only because I don’t live here.
Maybe I’m a bad mother for not being around all the
time, but, hey, I’m doing the best I can. What more can
any of us do?

It’s a Friday
teatime in November and I’m phoning
home as usual.

‘Shall I put Nan on?’ asks Mum. ‘She’s been to a
funeral today so I brought her back for tea.’

‘Go on, then.’

There’s a scuffling and someone says, ‘Bloody hell
fire,’ then the sound of heavy breathing.

‘Hello? Hello?’ (‘There’s nobody there,’ she tells
Mum. ‘Yes, there is,’ snaps Mum, ‘have some patience,
for God’s sake.’)

‘HELLO, NAN.’

‘It’s dark here. Is it dark where you are?’

‘YES. I’M ONLY IN YORK.’

‘They’ve a big bonfire at the Working Men’s. Are you
having a bonfire?’

‘WE’VE GOT SOME FIREWORKS FOR LATER.’

‘Are they?’

‘NAN?’

‘It were a beautiful sermon.’

‘NAN.’

‘What?’

‘I LOVE YOU.’

‘I love you too.’ (‘Here, Karen, I’ve got myself fast
with this wire all round me.’)

THE BAD MOTHER’S HANDBOOK

Kate Long lives with her family in Shropshire.
The Bad Mother’s Handbook
and her second novel,
Swallowing Grandma
, are both top-ten bestsellers.

Also by Kate Long

SWALLOWING GRANDMA

QUEEN MUM

Acknowledgements

For their encouragement and guidance:
David Rees, Kath Pilsbury, Ursula Doyle, Leslie Wilson,
Katherine Frank and Simon Long.

For helping to get the ball rolling:
Judith Magill, Adrian Johnson, Lynn Patrick
and Peter Straus.

For invaluable practical support:
the Headmaster and staff of Abbey Gate College.

For inspirational background material,
and a whole lot of Oldham Tinkers LPs:
Mum and Dad.

First published 2004 by Picador

First published in paperback 2005 by Picador

This electronic edition published 2012 by Picador
an imprint of Pan Macmillan, a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited
Pan Macmillan, 20 New Wharf Road, London N1 9RR
Basingstoke and Oxford
Associated companies throughout the world
www.panmacmillan.com

ISBN 978-0-330-53170-2 in EPUB

Copyright © Kate Long 2004

The right of Kate Long to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

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