The Bad Karma Diaries (7 page)

9) 4.20pm. Aleesha pins the tail, bang, on the donkey’s bum. Aleesha also won the Parcel and Musical Statues. Aleesha is an adorable girl with red pigtails and red freckles like Pippi Longstocking. Suspect Anna cheated to help her win the parcel. Chloe: ‘She
wins every
thing!’

10) 4.30pm. Chloe wins Musical Statues Mark 2. Musical Statues Mark 2 hastily improvised because we had no games left, but Chloe needs to win a prize (Mrs Mahony says so). In Musical Statues Mark 2, the prize is for the Most Interesting
Statue. Aleesha contorts herself into a hideous and Most Interesting Statue like a Troll. Chloe stands straight and vacant like supermodel on the end of the runway. Chloe gets the prize. Mutterings of discontent (
‘
her
statue wasn’t interesting!’ – ‘yeah, it was
rubbish
!’
) No prizes left so we had to improvise a prize of some sweets which were left over from the hunt. Chloe not impressed with prize …

11) 4.38pm. Tea-time! Chloe is elbowed off the head of the table by Karen. Karen has short, black hair and demands to be addressed as Carl. (Aleesha saves the day: ‘It’s Chloe’s birthday, Karen,
she
has to sit at head of table!’ All the other little girls: ‘Yeah, Karen, it’s
Chloe’s
birthday!’ Luckily, little girls are a) do-gooders and b) nerdy about rules).

12) 4.54pm. Cake appears. Karen: ‘That’s a
rubbish
cake!’ Chloe …

13) 4.56pm. Bedlam! Something about our cake has unleashed the demons within the nerds. Karen started by digging her hand into cake and flipping a splotchy bit at Aleesha … Everyone froze. Then everyone went mad flinging cake! Except Chloe …

14) 5.01pm. Food fight over. Order restored by yours truly and Mrs Mahony. Anna too helpless with laughter to restore order. Everyone singing ‘Happy Birthday’, but no cake left to sing it to. Cake all over the little girls. Chloe unappeasable.

15) 5.15pm. Enter Mr Mahony. Chloe and little girls by now cleaned of cake and Playing Nicely – Anna has given them
pieces of paper to draw their Ideal Cake on. Karen’s Ideal Cake is just like ours – a splotchy sagging mess. Chloe sees her father – ‘Daddy … … my cake …’ Mr Mahony is tall and thin with enormous eyes behind glasses – obviously the source of the supermodel. He backs away from the room and his daughter’s brimming eyes as if he’s just witnessed a child being fed to a crocodile.

16) 5.38pm. Last child gone home. Chloe: ‘My party’s o-o-o-over!’

17) 5.42pm. No Going Home Bag for the Birthday Girl: ‘Where’s
my
Going Home Bag!’ Anna: ‘It’s a
going
home bag, you’re not
going
home, you’re
at
home!’

18) 5.44pm. ‘Where’s
my
At Home Bag?’

19) 6pm. Me and Anna leaving. Chloe: ‘Wouldn’t you like to stay and play with my new toys?’ Us: ‘We can’t, sorry.’

The party was worth it – not just for the money (not
even!
) but cause it’s such a good story. Everybody is laughing about it. So now I know: Anna was right – these parties are good for a comedy blog. (N.B. Must get going on blog soon!)

David Leydon has started hanging out with Brian and Derek. This figures. Brian and Derek have attitude. They have long fringes, and listen to music which sounds like vomiting or cats screeching and they try hard not to try to be popular, and make
like they consider the rest of us spoilt little rich kids, which is not very observant of them because Anna and I are definitely not spoilt or rich, but some others are, it’s true (naming no names!) If you’d asked me and I’d thought about it I guess I’d have guessed David Leydon would hang out with them. Although he might have got friends with J.P. and he still might. Although, maybe he’s too … young? Uncool? … for J.P. I mean I think he’s cool till I compare him to J.P. and then I see he’s more like the rest of us than he’s like J.P.