The Bad Karma Diaries (21 page)

But then I said, ‘What about the boys?’ and everyone laughed, including Joanne Dunne, who’d come to get kissing volunteers.

But Anna backed me up, ‘Yeah,’ she said, ‘the boys have to be up for being kissed too! Otherwise it’s sexist.’

There was practically a gasp – she’d used the
S
word! – and Joanne Dunne looked very nervous and very calculating all at once. So next we knew boys were being put up for the stall too, and that was thanks to me and Anna! They will raise twice as much money and it is all down to us!

Of course Tommy was immediately nominated, and he will be mobbed, poor him. Nobody put up J.P. – like I said people are just not honest about fancying him.

I am quite surprised the teachers allowed a kissing stall at all. Probably there was an argument about it in the Staff Room, but since there’s no songing allowed, just the quickest peck on the lips,
and
it’s for charity, it probably comes under the heading of Good, Clean Fun.

And of course – you’ve guessed – Anna had a stall. She was the only person under third year to get a stall. She came up with a pretty neat idea: a fashion stall. People donate clothes they don’t want and then we sell them on cheap. At the end of the day the left-over clothes (and the money of course) go to charity.

It was quite an unusual idea for Anna cause she doesn’t exactly care about fashion.
Possibly
it was actually Renata’s idea …

But back to my task! Before being released to spend the day wandering the stalls and giving up our money to charity, all the classes had to convene briefly with their form teacher. So we went to O’Toole’s class and he gave us a short speech and
wished us happy Christmas and said he’d see us after the holidays and then we all got up to go. But I lingered. He looked up when everyone had gone and saw I was still there and raised his eyebrows.

So I said, ‘Mr O’Toole?’ He nodded. ‘In confidence.’ He nodded. ‘Well,’ I said, ‘the thing is, that girl, Jayne O’Keeffe––’

‘Whom you wrongly accused?’

‘Yeah, that girl, well the thing is, she
was
guilty of something …’ He raised his eyebrows again. ‘She’s been bullying my sister …’

He looked at me carefully, and just nodded. ‘Before or after?’

I looked confused. He said, ‘Before or after you wrongly accused her?’

‘Before
and
after, but it’s in confidence because my sister didn’t want me to tell you. She’s embarrassed about it, and she’s afraid telling will make it worse.’

He nodded grimly.

I said, ‘well, umm, thanks…’ and started to go, but he said, ‘Denise?’ so I stopped and looked at him.

‘You’re sure this is the truth?’

I looked amazed and outraged, so he explained, ‘You’re not just trying to get back at Jayne because she’s the reason you were in trouble?’

My face cleared, ‘God, no,
that’s
all over,’ I said airily.

It was too. It was nothing compared to our new crisis. He just nodded. He’d done a lot of nodding and eyebrow raising.
This must be his ‘hearing confidences’ face.

So then I left to join Anna and Heeun setting up the stall.

Heeun said, ‘Do you think he believed you? You didn’t give any
proof
.’ She looked worried. I looked worried too. Because I had a motive for making it up, that was the problem.

But Anna said, ‘Nah, he’ll do what he did to us… he’ll check it out with someone else in their class, pretending that he knows
already
, and then he’ll approach Jayne with a full case against her.’

That was cleverly worked out! And that’s what he’d do, for sure. Those are just his sly tactics. (I must remember in the future if he tries them on me again!) So I relaxed. My job was over. I could enjoy the stalls and all. Not like poor Justine. She had to wait all day practically. And Heeun had to wait a few hours …

We’d been collecting clothes for days so we had a good selection. We started hanging stuff on hangars. We had two plastic mannequins Anna had managed to borrow off Dunnes Stores! She has loads of nerve, Anna, but also (she explained), if it’s for charity, people always want to help you. Heeun started dressing the mannequins. We suspected she’d be the best stylist and sure enough, no sooner did she start matching stuff than it was bought. I was pretty jealous of this talent. She could take some old blue top and drape a scarf round it and it would suddenly look amazing. So our stall was going pretty well. There was a big crowd round it, and our cash till was going
ping! ping! ping!
and Anna was looking delighted. I think she loves the jangle of money even more than the sound of Jim Morrison’s voice (allegedly her favourite sound).

Just as Heeun was re-dressing the mannequin, cause we’d just sold the dress off her, Declan came in with this girl in his class, Siobhan Reilly. I felt my face fall into impatient, haughty lines. I couldn’t help it. That’s just the expression my face assumes for Declan.

‘Hey, guys,’ he said, ‘how you getting on?’

‘Sold loads already,’ said Anna cheerfully.

‘That’s Renata’s, right?’ said Siobhan Reilly, looking at the top Heeun was draping on the mannequin.

‘Yes, how did you know?’ said Heeun.

‘I think I remember it on her last year …’ said Siobhan, ‘but anyway, it kind of screams Renata, and given the connection …’ She smiled at Anna.

‘Try it on,’ said Declan.

Siobhan gave a loud laugh, very hearty, that went with her broad shoulders. ‘It wouldn’t even go over me.’

‘Hmm, it’s a bit … flowery,’ said Declan, frowning at it accusingly, ‘but this …’ He took a khaki jacket off one of the hangers.

‘Maybe,’ said Siobhan. He helped her on with it, and patted it down on her shoulders. It was short on her but that didn’t matter, it was aviator style.

‘Nice,’ said Heeun, moving in to zip it up.

‘Hmm,’ said Siobhan, admiring herself in the mirror, ‘what do you think?’ she turned to Declan.

‘Yeah, looks great!’ he said, reaching out to smooth her hair back behind her ears and turn her face to profile.

‘If you don’t buy it, I will,’ said Anna, and she probably meant it. The jacket was just her style. But Siobhan bought it and walked off with Declan. He took her arm, hardly bothering to wave good bye to us. We looked after them.

‘Whoa!’ I said.

‘Looks like he got lucky,’ said Anna.

‘She seems nice, I think,’ said Heeun, ‘and quite pretty in a tomboy-ish way.’

‘Too good for him!’ I said.

Anna started to laugh. ‘But she’s already making him look better, right? You’re regretting it, right …’

I pushed her. ‘He never fancied me anyway,’ I said, ‘I always said he didn’t and this proves it!’

‘No, it doesn’t. Just proves he got fed up of you doing the snotty face.’ Then she did an imitation of my face looking at Declan – exaggerated, I hope, cause she looked like someone wrinkling her nose up against a bad smell.

I don’t know did Declan fancy me ever. Possibly he is as pragmatic as Anna and was actually meeting hundreds of girls to help them with their blogs. I am glad I don’t have to make that face at him any more, but I am sorry that the number of my admirers has gone down.

At half-eleven we closed the stall to go and watch the athletics championships. The whole school did. Anna had suggested a betting stall with odds on who’d win, but this wasn’t allowed. It’s okay to bet on the wheel of fortune, but not on one’s fellow students apparently. Martha Connolly (from our class) was up for sprint
and
long jump, so we cheered like crazy but it went to Alison (in Third Year). When the races were over and everyone was moving back out to the stall, it was Heeun’s big moment. Me and Anna watched (surreptitiously) as she went up to Justine and started chatting to her. They were deep in conversation (about the races presumably) and Heeun steered them (surreptitiously) towards Jayne O’Keeffe and her gang, and as they passed Heeun managed to simultaneously put out her foot
and
shove against Jayne so that she tripped right over and came down –
hard!
– on her knees. She looked up snarling. Her jeans were ripped at the knee and it was obvious they were her best jeans cause everyone wears their best clothes in on the last day. Heeun was the picture of concern. We could see her, all fluttering hands and eyebrows – you’d have been insane to say she did it on purpose. But when she walked off with Justine, Jayne was gazing after them.

‘Brilliant!’ I hugged Heeun enthusiastically when she joined us back at the stall.

‘Yes,’ said Heeun modestly, ‘it went good, and I think … the
right
level of injury. Her legs were scraped, but not broken.’

She sounded very scrupulous, as if she’d worked out exactly
the amount of pressure that needed to be applied to the shove for
scraped, but not broken
. It was important to apply exactly the right pressure, because this was Jayne O’Keeffe’s final punishment. I mean we weren’t going to be tripping and shoving her every day, obviously. That would make
us
bullies.

‘How did she take it?’ said Anna, ‘we couldn’t hear.’

‘Well,’ said Heeun, ‘I think she suspects, but can’t prove. I said
oh sorry
sincerely, but then I said “It’s awful to hurt people”, emphasising
hurt
and then I took Justine’s arm, so you know I think she knew … but anyway there’s nothing she can do.’

No, nothing. That’s why Heeun had to do it. If me or Anna had tripped up Jayne it would have looked deliberate. Too much history between us.

Anna said, ‘The good thing is you look so sweet and non-violent, you can get away with loads.’ She sounded pretty jealous, as if she wanted to rework her own bolshy and aggressive image. People never think Anna’s innocent.

The good clothes had all gone so the afternoon was gonna be hard work. You would have to be a genius salesperson to shift the tat we were left with – half the stuff was way old, like jeans with the bum rubbed right down (who gave
those
?) The other half was way out – an extraordinary purple and orange
tent
(well, dress). Heeun and Anna seemed to be relishing the challenge so I left them to it. Justine came on over, so they had her help.

Anyway, I thought it was my charitable duty to spend some money so I went to the wheel of fortune and staked on nine, my lucky number, and lost €3. Then I bought a hot-dog and smothered it with mustard and mayo and went over to check out the kissing stall. There was quite a commotion round it. I got there to see J.P. totally
songing
Celine and everyone whooping. It was quite something.

But then suddenly Mrs Moloney was at the front of the crowd and ‘A quick peck is what I think we agreed,’ she said quietly, not shouting, but everyone immediately stopped whooping and J.P. and Celine separated. ‘Time up, I think Celine,’ said Mrs Moloney and Celine looked kind of embarrassed and ran off. So the stall was empty. Joanne Dunne came over then, looking cross, and Mrs Moloney went over to have words with her.

‘Oh God,’ we heard Joanne say, ‘bloody over-sexed second years! Sorry Mrs Moloney!’ I looked at Elaine and giggled –
we
weren’t over-sexed. Then Mrs Moloney went off and Joanne looked harassed because Celine was supposed to do the full hour and now she’d no one to replace her.

‘I need a volunteer!’ she shouted.

Everyone just giggled and nobody was coming forward, but I’d an idea, so I raced back to our stall and said, ‘Heeun! They need you at the kissing stall!’

Heeun said, ‘What! No way Denise!’

I said, ‘It’s for charity! Go on! It’s an emergency! Celine’s
been banned!’

‘For what?’

‘For songing J.P.!’ – Anna and Heeun began to laugh – ‘So you go, but just a peck, no getting carried away, now!’

‘
You
go,’ said Heeun, ‘or Anna.
I’m
not.’

I said, ‘
You’re
flavour of the month, you know you are, after your party.’

‘Yeah, go on Heeun,’ said Anna. We were all laughing, Justine too, and Heeun let herself be pulled away which I didn’t think she would, but obviously the insane mood of the day was getting to her and she was still buzzed up from shoving Jayne.

We went up to Joanne, who said, ‘Oh God, no! Not another over-sexed second year!’ so Heeun looked highly offended.

‘I am only here for charity!’

I said, ‘Don’t generalise! Celine is Celine, we’re not all clones you know.’

So Heeun took her place and pretty soon Pierce came along sheepishly. I stayed to see what kind of kiss Heeun would give and sure enough it was the smallest butterfly flutter so Joanne looked relieved and I went back to take Heeun’s place at the fashion stall.

Anna went off to get food and me and Justine tried to flog the clothes. But they were too hideous so after a bit we gave up and started competitions on who could make the mannequin look most foul. Justine got a long leopard-skin scarf and wrapped it around her head and I got a shaggy fake-fur coat,
which looked like a dirty white carpet, and then Justine forced shiny gold leggings up her legs, and then we added a green leather bum-bag.

‘Hey, actually she doesn’t look too bad!’ I said, ‘in a kind of disco queen way…’

‘Hmm,’ said Justine, and added some sun-glasses, which totally worked, and then she began to laugh a bit manically, and took the red marker we were using to write prices and began
scrawling
on the fake-fur coat!

‘Justine!’ I howled. It was pretty anarchic. I remembered when we were small Justine was the one to carry things furthest in our games. She’s actually quite nuts! I’d forgotten this when she went all quiet. She scrawled
Now I’ve got arms
right across the front and back of the coat. This was a pretty loopy, but inspired, thing to write. We stepped back.

‘She looks amazing,’ I said devoutly.

‘She just needs gold boots,’ said a voice behind us. We turned round. It was Derek.

‘You like her?’ I said.

‘Yeah. Put her in the kissing stall,’ said Derek, ‘unless you’d like to go in yourself …’ and he gave me a cheeky smile. I blushed slightly, then laughed. I was surprised at Derek. This was a bold and daring thing to say, practically worthy of J.P.! ‘Go on, it’s for
charity
,’ said Derek, and he winked at Justine and said, ‘See you tonight, yeah?’ and walked off, leaving me staring after until I pulled myself together to yell, ‘I’m gonna be
dressed like her!’