The Bad Judgment Series: The Complete Series (22 page)

Holding hands was lovely, but it was
so
not enough. Not anymore.

He shook his head, shaking off his arousal, and grabbed my hand. I could still see his hardness; it was such a shame. It was big. Really big. And I was wild for it — I didn’t want to waste it. What if it didn’t come back? What if it didn’t like me by the time I was ready? What if it liked Minky Lucca better?

“I can see the look on your face. Stop,” Walker whispered. “I will wait for you.” He dragged me upstairs and we went in to brush our teeth. He winked at me in the mirror as I tried not to stare at the bulge in his shorts, which was now half-mast. I was beginning to get depressed.

No one would hear us,
said an evil, wanton voice inside my head.
Not if you’re quiet.
No one would ever have to know.

Except those people who bugged the house and are listening to us. Duh,
I thought back, looking covertly over at Walker’s bulge again. I knew I would scream with
that
, and no, that was not going to happen. Not tonight.

I watched the bulge disappear and I sighed to myself.

“Ready?” Walker asked. He led me to the bedroom, and we lay down on the bed together for the first time. We didn’t bother with the charade of opening and closing the door.

He leaned over to gently kiss my cheek. “I don’t care how long it takes,” he whispered, holding my hand. “You’re worth your very expensive hourly rate. You’re also worth the wait.”

T
he next morning
when I woke up we were still holding hands. Walker was smiling in his sleep, his gorgeous face relaxed and open, vulnerable. I watched him for a minute, his chest rising and falling slowly, peacefully.

I decided to get up and shower; a few minutes alone would be good. I went downstairs and went through my bag, rummaging for my makeup. I grabbed Tammy’s large compact of bronzer and brought it upstairs, too. She’d said I looked pale and even though she always said I looked pale, she was usually right.

I tiptoed past Walker so I wouldn’t wake him and I took a long, hot shower, briefly remembering all the physical contact we’d had the day before. I didn’t let myself linger on it; it had been a mistake, a luxurious one, but we couldn’t do that again. It was too dangerous. We needed each other, and the easiest way for us to be separated would be someone finding out that we were having a relationship. Then I would get disbarred and everything would be over. What I had to concentrate on now was getting Walker’s case together, quickly, and finding out if there was any evidence that could implicate Lester Max. We would be watched and followed, but we would be careful, and hopefully, no one else would get hurt.

I didn’t know why they had attacked the pizza delivery guy. It didn’t make sense to me. I had used my credit card; my credit card was hardly interesting. It wasn’t interesting enough to warrant killing a man.

My thoughts swirled around me as I got out and carefully brushed my hair, pulling it back in a headband so I could do my makeup. I put on a little foundation, eyeliner and mascara. It was only seven o’clock in the morning, but it would be nice to look presentable before His Highness woke up. I grabbed the compact from Tammy and opened it. There was a note taped to the mirror.

TRUST NO ONE.

IT’S WORSE THAN YOU THINK.

What the fuck,
I thought, hazily. I saw black splotches in front of my eyes and grabbed the countertop for support; the world went fuzzy around me.
Walker,
I thought,
I need to show this to Walker.

But then I wondered… did Tammy mean I couldn’t trust
him
?

I stayed where I was for a long moment and thought it through, forcing myself to use the logical part of my brain, the part I’d always relied on.

I was breathing heavily, but I collected myself. I had the eerie feeling that I was running out of time, and that I needed to keep my shit together in order to see all of this through. I trusted Tammy, and I believed her note. But she didn’t know what I already knew — about Lester Max, about the Miami sub-corporation and the fact that the firm had been involved in siphoning off some of Walker’s funds to supposedly protect them.

Still, her note confirmed a couple of things for me. First, that everything I’d feared was true: there were bad people following us, that Lester Max was no longer trustworthy (if he’d ever been trustworthy), and that the government’s charges against Walker were most likely questionable. So I couldn’t trust the people who worked for Walker, and I couldn’t trust the people Walker worked for; and I wasn’t sure which one of them was following us, or if it was some interested third party that I hadn’t even been able to dream up yet.

That was the first thing.

The second thing, the “it’s worse than you think” thing, confirmed my previous suspicions. The firm had taken money from Walker, and even though David said it was in his best interests, I didn’t know that for sure. There was something fishy about the
Advent
file, too, but I didn't know what it was. So the firm was another thing I could no longer fully trust, no longer rely on. Maybe Tammy knew something about it and was trying to warn me that it was more than just crazy, angry Norris Phaland that I needed to worry about.

Could it be worse than all that?

I really freaking hoped not.

In my heart, I knew there were some people I trusted. I had to trust them, or my life wouldn’t make sense. My father. Mimi. Tammy. Mandy and Alexa. If I was being honest with myself, I hadn't totally lost trust in David Proctor. Not yet.

And Walker…could I trust Walker?

I looked up at my eyes in the mirror and I knew myself, my thoughts. I trusted myself, first and foremost. And…I trusted him. With everything that I had. With my life.

“Walker,” I went to him, shaking him slightly. He sat up, disoriented, and looked at me.

“You okay?” he asked, and I put my finger over my lips to shush him and I nodded.

“I’m good,” I said in my fake voice. “I’m ready to get to work.”

I passed him the compact and mouthed to him: “From Tammy. Read the note.”

He read it and looked sunken suddenly, like someone had just landed another blow on him and he wasn’t ready for it. “I’m ready to get going,” he said listlessly in his fake-normal voice, but he looked weary, like he’d rather just roll over and go back to sleep, sleep through everything. I couldn’t blame him.

“I have to draft my Appearance and we need to file it with the Clerk’s office,” I said, trying desperately to sound normal. “And my dad,” I mouthed to him, and he nodded.

“I’ll go make us some coffee,” I said, and patted him on the back. I looked at the clock. It was only seven-thirty.

It was going to be a long day.

B
efore I drafted my Appearance
, which was really just a one-page form, I remembered that I had to deal with my laptop. I had opened up two new email addresses with fake names; I took my laptop and I highlighted all of the files I wanted, and then I emailed them to myself at my new fake address from my other new fake address. Then I deleted everything from the hard drive that I could, knowing full-well the firm’s IT guys could recover it all, anyway. I wasn’t worried about the IT guys.

It was everyone else that I was worried about.

There were three missed calls on my cell phone. They were from David Proctor. I poured myself some coffee, steeled myself for another lecture, and called him back.

“Nicole,” he said, after the first ring, like he’d been waiting for me. “I’m very upset about yesterday. I didn’t handle our meeting well. I don’t want you to resign. I don’t think it’s best for the case, I don’t think it’s best for the client, I don’t think it’s best for the firm. And I don’t think it’s the right thing for you, Nicole.”

I took a deep breath. “Thank you for saying that, David,” I said, watching as Walker walked down the stairs. He raised his eyebrows at me. “David,” I mouthed.

“I’d like you to come in and talk to me,” David said. “This all happened too fast. I don’t want you to leave the firm under circumstances like this. You won’t recover from it professionally, Nicole. And I know you want to win this case. And you could — but you need help,” he said, and I sighed because I knew he was right, but I didn’t want to know it.

“Listen,” David said. “You need to bring in your laptop anyway. Just come in and talk to me. And leave Walker at home.”

“I can’t do that,” I said, looking up at Walker.

“You can’t come in?” David asked. “Or you can’t leave Walker?”

“I’ll come in,” I said, and sighed again. “But Walker’s coming, too.” I hung up and looked at him.

“What was that all about?” Walker asked.

I got up and made him a coffee. “Can you text your detention officer so you can go out? We still have time left this week, so you won’t get into trouble. David wants me to come in this morning— to talk about the case. He doesn’t want me to leave the firm. He wants me to stay, and he wants to help.”

“You mean he wants the fee,” Walker said, following me into the kitchen. I handed him his coffee and we just looked at each other. I didn’t know the right thing to do, here. I didn’t know where to turn, or if David was either trustworthy or could actually help. Actually, I was certain he could help me with the case. It was the trustworthy part that was the problem.

I tapped the laptop and looked at Walker. “I stripped it,” I mouthed. He nodded.

“Maybe he can give me a more full explanation of the Miami payments. He probably looked into it. Let’s just go in and hear what he has to say,” I said, shrugging at Walker as if to say:
What do we have to lose?

“Okay,” he said.

“Tammy,” I mouthed at him, and he nodded. I could ask her about the note.

“Just let me get ready. I’ll be quick. I’ll call the officer, too.” He leaned over and kissed me lightly on the cheek, tucking my hair behind my ear. I kissed him back, softly, and he nuzzled his unshaven face into my neck. I kissed him on the lips tentatively, knowing I shouldn’t, and he deepened it, his tongue briefly searching my mouth. My back arched greedily as I leaned into him, feeling his hardness press against me.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, breaking our embrace, his fake-normal voice hoarse. Our eyes locked and my insides contracted painfully with need; I was wet and aching between my legs. I’d never wanted someone that much, and the fact that I couldn't have him was going to drive me absofuckinglutely crazy.

He walked upstairs and I just stood there, panting, thinking
what the fuck Nicole, what the fuck Nicole, what the fuck, Nicole?

Not for the first time, I really hoped we weren’t under video surveillance.

“
W
hat do
you think about continuing on with the firm?” I asked Walker, when we were headed downtown. I hadn’t told him about the supposed trust that Lester and David had colluded to set up; part of me still felt like I needed to shield him from all of this, at least until I had enough information so that I could make a rational judgment about it.

“I think it’s up to you, really,” he said. “You are the one I want as my counsel. I told you yesterday — I don’t trust them. But if you do, and if you feel that you’d be better served as being part of the Proctor team, I completely support you. I trust your judgment, Nic. I just happen to think you can do it on your own,” he said and smiled at me. “We can hire a temporary paralegal. They can help with all the documents you have to get ready for the trial, the scheduling, whatever.”

I thought about it. “If we hired someone and I had that sort of support, it would make a huge difference,” I said, working it through in my mind. “Even just to make copies for the discovery requests.”

“Works for me,” Walker said. “But hear David out, anyway. He was blindsided yesterday. He’s had some time to think it through. Maybe he’ll have more information…or maybe he’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse.”

“I’m not interested in anything he can offer me,” I said, thinking about Norris Phaland looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life, trying to make partner under that sort of pressure.

“Never say never,” Walker said.

“Never,” I said, just to be fresh.

Toby looked surprised but happy to see us; Walker tossed him the keys and told him to leave the car out front. “We’ll only be gone for twenty minutes. You know the drill,” he said, and handed him some cash.

Walker didn’t even try to hold my hand. He seemed all business this morning, even though he was in jeans and a tee-shirt. At least the tee-shirt showed his enormous biceps. When I could see his biceps, I felt like everything I’d done, and all that I might do — even every bad thing — was going to be completely worth it, in the end.

The receptionist seemed surprised to see us. “Hi, Nicole,” she said, obviously texting someone below the credenza. David must have said he was expecting us, because after she read the reply she smiled at us warmly. “David’s expecting you. You can head back there now.”

We walked quickly down the hallway, nodding at the people who were obviously staring at us, confused. Like most offices, news travelled fast, especially news about people leaving the firm. People did double-takes and then just nodded at us politely; no one ever seemed to know what sort of surprises the managing partners had planned, so they would just have to wait to find out what the gossip was, why we were here. I stopped when I got to my office. The lights were out and Tammy’s desk was cleared off and dark.

I looked at Walker out of the corner of my eye and we walked as fast as I could to David’s office.

“Hey, Linda,” I said, sounding out of breath, “where’s Tammy?”

She looked up with a curious expression on her face and David poked his head out. “Vacation,” he said. “She was upset yesterday so we told her to take some time.”

“Oh,” I said, relieved. I thought they had fired her or done something horrible like that.

“Come on in,” David said. “Walker, you’re welcome to join us.” I looked at him over my shoulder and shook my head,
no
. I was a big girl and I could handle David Proctor all by myself.

He stayed outside with Linda, who couldn’t seem to believe her luck two days in a row.

“I was very upset yesterday after you left,” David said, sitting down. He looked better today, calmer; his skin had resumed its ruddy glow. The pack of cigarettes was nowhere in sight. “You’re the best associate we have, Nicole. You are an enormous asset to this firm. You were hand-picked two years ago not only because of your grades and class rank, but because you demonstrated superior analyzation and writing skills. That hasn’t changed. You’ve grown into a fine young lawyer. The Management here envisions you as a partner someday — maybe someday sooner than you think.”

“What about Norris Phaland?” I asked. “How does he feel about my fast-track?”

David leaned towards me. “Norris is a partner here because of who he’s married to,” he said. Everybody knew this, but to hear David say it gave it a credibility that I almost couldn’t process. “We tolerate him, Nicole. He is arrogant and obnoxious as hell, and he has all sorts of opinions. Opinions the rest of us give very little weight to.” He smiled at me. “Just don’t tell him that.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I won’t.”

“Have you filed your Appearance yet?” he asked.

“Have you filed your Withdrawal yet?” I asked.

He smiled at me. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to.” He paused for a beat. “Nicole, Walker only wants to work with you. He’s a very important person and this is a very important case. I happen to believe that you are the best person for the job, but I don’t think you can try something this complicated as your first trial in Federal Court and be successful. Let us help you.