The Bad Girl (4 page)

I had a theory about Kerstan and our debts. Even though I was pretty sure he had an immaculate book keeping system, I think it was the part of the psychological hold on us that made him feel so powerful. I mean honestly, where would we go once we left? What would we do? A resume with “red light entertainer” wouldn’t be impressive to anyone and we’d get judged for it. It would be instant and never ending and we’d probably come back to his house begging to be let back in until we aged into grandmother’s for the next person that would take over. It was an ongoing vicious cycle in the red light district; when one proprietor, I guess you could call him, aged out or moved on, there was another one ready and waiting to take his place with the eagerness of a salivating jackal.

But what became of them when they aged out or quit? The house owners? The men that conducted the sexual fantasies of so many others, what did they end up doing? Surely they wouldn’t have to want for anything, because I was damn sure that they kept all if not a huge percentage of the money that we made for them.

I guess the only way to know for sure is to ask.

“Can I ask you something?” I said, sitting in his big leather chair in front of his desk.

“If the question was if you could have my chair, I think you’ve already answered that,” he replied shaking his head.

“No, not that. I was ... Well, I guess I was just wondering. I think it’s safe to say that our lives are pretty much over after this, but what about you? What do you go on to do?” I asked, pulling my legs onto the chair and hugging them close to my chest.

“What do you mean?” he asked, sitting in the smaller leather chair across from me and crossing one of his legs over the other.

“I doubt that you’d ever quit this lifestyle. Are you a lifer?”

A knowing smile spread across his face. He finally understood what I was getting at, now the question was, would he actually answer me truthfully.

“I’ve been thinking about how to get Minikin out of there,” he said conversationally, completely disregarding my question.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. I don’t know why I expected an answer. Kerstan wasn’t built that way.

“And?” I asked tiredly.

“Well, you know how I told you that I couldn’t send you to Luuk? I think that’s our best shot at this point. I only said it in front of Betje, because I’m sure he’s had a few things to say about the great Lieve and she wouldn’t be able to deal with my sending you. Truthfully speaking, if you want Minikin back, you’re going to have to go get her.”

“Fine. Just tell me where to go and when I can leave,” I said getting to my feet.

“Wait,” he said seriously, holding a hand up. “I don’t think you’re mentally ready for this yet. I’m going to have to figure out how to prepare you for this, Lieve.”

“For the last goddamn time; my fucking name is Amity and you
promised
you’d call me that when we were alone,” I replied letting my breath out impatiently.

Kerstan got to his feet and came over to where I was standing looking like an angrily little girl. Okay, so maybe I was behaving like a spoiled brat, but the perk of going to get Minnie alone would be that he wouldn’t be able to make me hold up most of the bargain we’d struck.
He
didn’t do all the dirty work. Now it would be up to me.

Seven

Luuk

I was standing on the balcony of my bedroom looking out into the dark pink skyline. How Kerstan had made it past the front gate to get onto my property was something that I would make everyone answer to. I wasn’t given notice that he would be here and he had not only seriously injured my most expensive whore, he had trespassed into my home like it was my own. I know that it seemed as if though Famke were dead, but he didn’t kill her. The angle at which he dislocated her shoulder made the others believe that she was dead and I let them think so while she recovered in my room.

To them Famke was dead and Kerstan was a monster, which is exactly what I wanted. They would do anything they could to avenge their fallen “sister” and I would put their anger and hurt to good use.

“Luuk?” Famke asked in a tired voice from my bed.

“What?” I barked.

“Nothing,” she replied in a small voice.

I turned slightly and glanced at her over my shoulder. She was sitting up now and looking longingly at the bedroom door. I knew she wanted to leave and I knew she wanted to let the other girls know she was okay, but that would foil my plan.

Famke would just have to stay dead a little while longer.

I sighed and looked out over the skyline again. Somewhere out there was the real reason I was in Amsterdam. Somewhere out there was the
only
reason I had taken on this facade of owing a house.
Somewhere ...

“I wasn’t always this angry,” I grumbled to the dusk sky.

“I didn’t believe that you could be,” she replied softly.

I huffed and gripped the railing tightly. I wondered how long Kerstan was going to keep testing my patience. I wondered how long he would keep from me the one thing we had bargained so furiously on. I wondered a lot of things lately, but I wondered most of all if forgiveness was possible.

I know it sounds odd to think of, because what could I possibly need forgiveness on? Many things. Many, many things that haven’t yet been brought to light.

“Luuk, when will I be allowed to leave your room?” Famke asked quietly.

“When I say you can. For now you need to heal and I need time to think,” I replied.

“Think of what?” she asked curiously.

“Many, many things.”

***

Amity

I was getting sick and tired of Kerstan speaking in code so I decided to stay in his parlor when he left. I decided that if I did some snooping, I’d figure out what the fuck was going on as opposed to waiting and finding out. I hated surprises with an unbridled passion. I had good reason though, the last time I was “surprised” I wound up out on the street and being dragged to Amsterdam.

I can’t say that my life completely sucked. I mean because I was such a good lay, I was able to get some perks out of my pimp and he hadn’t hit me in a really long time since before Famke showed up. Honestly, I think that Kerstan was starting to develop a little crush on me ever since I fucked him but it only happened that one time and that was the “thing” he kept asking me to do for favors. He told me that he had had many whores in his house and only fucked a few and I was definitely his favorite.

Because I knew I had this power over him, I kept my pussy away from him at all costs. I knew that eventually I’d let him in again, but only when I had no other option to get what I wanted.

As I watched him leave the room I thought of how I hadn’t really gone out to make money lately and I kind of understood why he needed me to go out and work. The other girls brought money into the house in droves, but what seven of them made in one night full of men, I could make with one man.

I spent the next half an hour destroying the room trying to find something, anything, that told me about our debts but I found nothing. It took me another hour to set the room back exactly as it was and fifteen minutes after that to realize that I still hadn’t seen Wendeline after she had been sent to his room.

I didn’t know where Kerstan had been going when he left, but I suddenly got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach and ran out of the room, leaving the door wide open and running as quickly as I could up the main staircase toward Kerstan’s floor.

When I reached his floor, I was out of breath which was kind of embarrassing considering the endurance I had for other things. The embarrassment gave way instantly to curiosity when I heard the sounds of quiet moaning coming from his slightly open door.

I approached quietly and looked through the the slit between the door and the doorway and saw Wendeline naked, face down on the bed, and ass in the air. I raised an eyebrow and opened the door a little more and almost gasped when I saw that Kerstan was fucking her gently. He was
fucking Wendeline.

His pants were around his ankles and he still had his hoity toity vest and shirt on, but the way he was moving and the sounds that were coming from her.

Motherfucker,
I thought with a twinge of jealousy. He had told me that after me he didn’t want to fuck any of the other girls in the house or anyone else, and here he was taking advantage of one of the girls I loved the most.

His hands gripped her hips tightly as he moved in and out of her. She turned her face slightly and locked eyes with me, tears streaming down her face, silently begging me to get him to stop.

“What the fuck is going on in here?”I yelled, shoving the door wide open.

Kerstan stopped moving and turned to look at me, a glimmer of laughter on his handsome face. He shoved Wendeline off of his dick and reached down for his underwear and pants, pulling them up but not securing them yet. I watched him walk over to the nightstand and grab a tissue, wiping himself clean of her. After he tossed the used tissue into the garbage can, he pulled them all the way up and zipped his pants closed.

“Get out of my room, Betje,” he said to her.

She quickly scrambled to her feet and ran naked past me, crying quietly.

I slammed the door closed behind her and put my hands on my hips, turning to face him.

“Well? What the fuck was that?” I asked.

“Precisely that. You won’t let me touch you so I guess I could say that she reminds me of you in a way. She was laying here asleep when I came in and I couldn’t help myself,” he replied simply with a shrug.

“Stay away from her or I
am out of here,
” I seethed through clenched teeth. “She’s been through fucking enough without having to worry about being your fuck toy.”

“And where will you go?” he asked in amusement. “Home? Do you have a home anymore, Lieve?”

Oh great; here comes Mr. Cruel Fucker,
I thought to myself rolling my eyes at the ceiling.

“Cut the shit, Kerstan. You know damn well that if I have too, I’ll defect to another house,” I said impatiently tapping my foot on the carpeted floor. “Better yet, maybe I’ll talk the girls into tearing this place apart so we can see where we stand with your damn debt collection.”

“Do what you think is right, Amity,” he said in an even tone. “And I will do what I think is right as well. Now, I don’t have time for this. I have to figure out how to get Minikin back so I can get you to spread your legs for me again.”

Prince Charming, eat your heart out.

“I’ll give you until tomorrow afternoon to think of something. If you haven’t by then, then I’ll go to Luuk’s house, kick in the door, and fucking drag her out myself.”

Eight

Minikin

I don’t know how the other girls had convinced Luuk to let me stay in the house. After Betje was taken away and Famke died, I had such little faith in anything anymore, that I was too sad to work. Now I just lay around in the dormitories hoping that he would either kill me or just let me be. I didn’t want to work anymore. Everything that I loved was being taken or destroyed and I just didn’t have the will to do anything about it.

This must be what Lieve feels like. But how is she strong enough to push through it like it doesn’t hurt her? How can these things not crush her? Does she not feel like a normal person?

“Minnie?” a voice said softly into the room.

I didn’t roll onto my side to see who it was. I knew it was Ilse because of her voice, but I just didn’t have it in me to turn and face her.

“I promised Betje that if anything happened to her, that I would look after you. Sit up; I’ve brought you dinner,” she said as her footsteps made their way toward the bed.

“I’m not hungry,” I half said into my pillow.

“I don’t care. You haven’t eaten for a couple of days. You need some nourishment for your body. You can lay down again after, but for now you must eat,” she said setting a tray down on her lap. I felt her hands as she gave my leg a gentle tug.

With a sigh, I turned onto my back and used my hands to help myself sit up. Ilse smiled softly at me. She used a hand to gently push away the stray hair in my face, before she picked up the tray and moved up the bed, closer to where I sat. I let my arms fall limply between my legs as she spooned up some kind of white lumpy substance and began to feed me. I knew how proud she was, so for her to be doing this must mean that she really cared about me in some way.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly between spoonfuls.

“For what?” she asked, digging the spoon back into the yellow plastic bowl and wiping the excess off on the rim.

“For acting the way that I am. I just miss my friends. I miss Lieve, I miss Betje, I miss Famke, even though I didn’t really know her.”

“You have me though,” she said with a kind smile.

Yes, but for how long?
I wondered to myself. I didn’t dare speak the words out loud though. It was pretty damn clear that Luuk liked friendships in his house considerably less than Kerstan. At least
he
would tolerate it. With the exception of Lieve, who seemed to be his personal project.

Ilse stayed for another ten minutes to finish feeding me before she left with the tray full of dirty bowls, spoons, and an empty glass.

I lay my head down again on the pillow and turned my back to the door once more.

Something had to give soon, or I knew I would antagonize Luuk to the point of his taking me on a car ride.

One that I knew I would never come back from.

Nine

Amity

You’re a fucking genius kid,
I thought to myself with a sly grin. I had convinced Kerstan to let me go out into the gardens that night. I think he was so quick to comply because he saw how viciously angry I was at what he had done to Wendeline.

Of course by now he must’ve figured out that I had left the property. I mean the sun was fucking coming up already.

To be honest, I only had one fear with what I had done; that he would hurt Wendeline to get back at me for leaving. I was coming back, but I was coming back with Minnie. I refused to leave her in that new place by herself. I knew that she was a sweet girl and she had probably made a friend or two, but she belonged in
my
house.