Authors: Brenda Harlen
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Gage arrived at the hospital only a short while after Paige, causing her to speculate that he'd either been on his way back from Manhattan already when Megan called him or he'd challenged land-speed records in his haste to get to his wife's side. In any event, Megan had finally been admitted, Gage's parents had shown up and Ashley had come by after school with Maddie.
Paige hovered in the background, reading some of Emma's favorite books to her and observing the scene. This part was unfamiliar to her. With Olivia, things had been mostly quiet and low-keyâher friend had told no one but Paige when she'd
gone into labor. She'd had no family hovering in the wings and no visitors had shown up until the day after Emma's birth. Of course, Paige hadn't thought too much about it at the time because she hadn't had anything to compare it to, but now that she did, she couldn't help but feel both sad and sorry that her friend had been so alone.
She smiled at Cameron when he came in to give his sister-in-law a quick pep talk and a hug before taking his daughterâdespite her vehement protests and heartfelt pleas to stay until her new baby cousin was bornâto her grandparents' house. Ashley stayed, almost as excited about the impending arrival of her niece or nephew as she was about the birth of her own baby due in another couple of months.
Because the waiting room was still rather crowded and Megan was pacing the halls and didn't seem as if she was going to have the baby anytime soon, Paige decided to take Emma down to the cafeteria for a snack.
Although she hadn't invited him to come along, Zach followed them into the elevator and, after he'd been so great with Megan, Paige couldn't bring herself to tell him to get lost. And even if she did, he probably wouldn't listen to her anyway.
Of course, he then insisted on paying for their coffee and Emma's snack, which made her feel even guiltier for wanting to ditch him. But when they were settled at a table and Emma was happily squeezing cubes of red Jell-O in her fistsâand occasionally stuffing one into her mouthâshe had to ask, “Why are you still here, Zach?”
He shrugged. “I'm curious.”
“About what?”
“The whole process, I guess. I never had a chance to experience any of the stages of pregnancy or childbirth with Olivia because I never even knew that she was pregnant.”
“And if you had known, you still would have been in Afghanistan while she was having your baby in Syracuse.”
“I could have asked for leave.”
“But there's no guarantee you would have got it, is there?”
“No,” he admitted, sounding so genuinely regretful, Paige felt her heart softening toward him.
“She was in labor nineteen hours,” she told him.
Zach's head swiveled toward her. “That's rightâyou were her birthing partner.”
She nodded. “I was surprised she chose me. I mean, we'd become pretty good friends at law school and were both pleased when we got hired on at Wainwright, Witmer & Wynne, but I thought there must have been someone else she was closer to.”
“She was an only child born late in the lives of both of her parents,” Zach remembered. “And she lost them both the year after she graduated.”
Paige nodded again and wondered why she was surprised that he knew those details. Obviously he and Olivia had engaged in conversation
and
sexâwhich was definitely not a path she wanted her mind to be wandering down, because just thinking of Zach and sex in the same sentence made her blood heat and her pulse race.
The attraction she felt for him was purely physicalâand not entirely unexpected, considering how long it had been since she'd been with any man and that she'd never known a man who oozed testosterone the way Zach Crawford did. She also knew her feelings were wrongâand self-destructive. Unfortunately, that knowledge didn't give her any more control over them, but it did help her refocus her attention on their conversation.
“I was hesitant at first,” Paige said, referring to the childbirth classes she'd attended with Olivia. “Or maybe it's more accurate to say that I was terrified that I would screw up or somehow let her down. But I finally agreed.
“Every week on our way to class, she would thank me
again, telling me how grateful she was for my support, as if I was doing her this huge favor.”
“To her, you were.”
“Maybe,” she acknowledged. “But I realized, as her pregnancy progressed and the date of Emma's birth drew nearer, that I was the one who was grateful. Because the whole process of growing a baby really is a miracle and I was thrilled to share in it.”
“Did Olivia know she was having a girl?”
“Yeah. She didn't like surprises, and she was determined to know the baby's gender so that she would be better prepared for her arrival.”
Zach finished his coffee. “Was she happy?”
“She was thrilled,” Paige said. “I'm not sure that was true in the very beginning. As far as I know, she struggled through the early stages of oh-my-God-I'm-pregnant-what-do-I-do-now? on her own. She didn't even tell me until she was through her first trimester, and then it was a very matter-of-fact âI'm pregnant. Yes, I'm keeping the baby. No, the father isn't going to be involved, and will you go to prenatal classes with me?'”
“I'm glad that she didn't seem to have any doubts about having the babyâif a little surprised,” he admitted. “She seemed so completely focused on her career. During the time that we were together, she certainly never said anything to meâshe never even hintedâabout wanting a baby.”
“I don't think she had thought about it, not until she realized she was pregnant. But she was a wonderful mother.” Tears stung her eyes as she thought about Olivia with Emma, how much her friend had loved her baby and everything Emma had lost when she'd lost her mother. “She was so patient with the baby. Sure, she got overwhelmed and frazzled on occasion, but she never took it out on Emma. She simply and completely loved her little girl.”
“Tell me about when Emma was born,” he said.
“You really want the details?”
“Yeah.”
Paige shrugged. “Her water broke at three o'clock in the morning, so she knew that labor would be starting soon, but she figured she had time to shower and shave her legs firstâas if the ob-gyn cared about her razor stubble.”
“I can see Olivia worrying about something like that,” Zach said and smiled.
“Yeah, well, she took a chunk of skin off her ankle bone because she had the razor in her hand when the first contraction hit.”
He winced. “Ouch.”
“And that was only the beginning.”
“When did she call you?”
She thought back, trying to remember. So many details of that day were permanently etched on her memory. Others were less clear. “It was around four, I think. She'd managed to finish her shower and dry her hair and get dressed, but the contractions were coming every fifteen minutes or so, and she knew she wouldn't be able to drive herself to the hospital.”
“Which proves that she'd considered it,” he noted.
Paige nodded. “Thankfully, I only lived a few blocks away, so we were at the hospital before five. Of course, her doctor didn't show up until seven, and even then, he wasn't ready to admit her because the labor hadn't progressed very far.
“Anyway, long story short, Emma was born just after ten p.m. that night.”
“Why do I get the feeling that you skipped over a lot of stuff?”
“Because I didn't think you wanted to hear about the contractions stalling and the baby being in distress and finally being delivered by emergency C-section.”
Nor did she want to think about those complicationsâand the accompanying terrorâwhile Megan was in labor. Of course, she was confident her cousin could handle just about
anything. Because from the minute she'd learned that she was pregnant, Megan had been reading everything she could find on pregnancy and labor and childbirth. In fact, Paige wouldn't be surprised if the mother-to-be couldn't teach the doctor a thing or two.
Still, Paige would feel a lot better once the baby was actually born. Because although it was true that women had been having babies since the beginning of time, it was also true that even with all of the progress in modern medicine, there were still occasions when things went wrong. And although Paige knew it was both silly and futile, she crossed her fingers under the table, hoping that nothing would go wrong for Megan or her baby.
“Yeah,” Zach finally responded to her comment. “It's hard enough to think about how differently things could have turned out fourteen months after the fact. I can't imagine what sheâand youâwent through at the time.”
“Olivia was a trooper throughout the whole thing,” she told him. “But when they finally pulled the baby out, we both cried right along with Emma.”
“Thank you,” Zach said softly.
Paige looked over at him, surprised. “For what?”
“For telling me,” he said. “But especially for being there, for Olivia and Emma.”
“It was my pleasureâand an absolute thrill to hold Emma in my arms when she was only minutes old.” She glanced at Zach again and felt an unexpected twinge of guilt, as if she'd stolen an experience that should have been his. But then she remembered the point she'd made earlierâthat even if he had known about Olivia's pregnancy and wanted to be there for the birth, things might not have played out any differently.
Except that there would have been no question about the baby's custody when Olivia died. Or maybe the accident never would have happened, because Olivia wouldn't have driven to New Jersey to tell Zach about the baby because he would
already have known. But it was pointless to play “what if” at this stage. All they could do now was move forward, even if neither of them knew exactly what direction was forward.
Emma wriggled, trying to get out of the high chair, just wanting to move. Cubes of Jell-O were scattered on the tray and on the floor, but clearly she'd had enough of her snack and was ready to escape her confinement. Paige glanced at her watch and frowned. “I can't keep her here all night.”
“I couldâ” Zach began, then snapped his jaw shut.
She sighed. “I know I'm being unreasonable. I just can't seem to stop myself.”
“And I don't know what to say or do to reassure you that I'm not going to disappear with her.”
Paige put her empty cup on the tray beside his. She didn't know if it was the eagerness with which he'd listened to the story of Emma's birth or the attentiveness she'd observed in his interaction with the child, but she decided that it was timeâmaybe past timeâto give him the benefit of the doubt. “Would you trust me with your Jeep?” she asked him.
His brows rose. “Is there any reason I shouldn't?”
She responded by digging her car keys out of her purse. “Leave me yours and you can have mine to take Emma back to my place. It's easier than trying to move her car seat,” she explained, then couldn't resist adding, “That and I have antitheft tracking, so if you take off with the baby, the cops won't have any trouble finding you.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” he said drily, as he unhooked the tray from the high chair.
Desperate for freedom, Emma flung herself forward. Paige had a flash of panic as she remembered that she hadn't fastened the grimy safety strap around the little girl's waist, but Zachâobviously having anticipated the moveâblocked her easily with a hand.
Emma frowned and opened her mouth to protest, but before she could make a sound, Zach had deftly plucked her
from the seat and set her on her feet. She looked up at him, grateful but still wary, and took a few tottering steps toward Paige.
“Pawk?” she said hopefully.
It was her new favorite word and her favorite place. There was a small park at the end of the block where they lived in Syracuse and a bigger park even closer to the house on Chetwood Street, and Paige had gotten in the habit of taking Emma there after her nap. The little girl had been most displeased to be going in the car instead of to the park when she woke up today and clearly hadn't forgotten.
“You're going to go home with Zach,” Paige told her.
Emma stole a cautious glance in his direction, then shook her head. “Pawk,” she said again.
“I can't today,” Paige said.
“But I can,” Zach said.
Emma stole another glance at him, but continued to cling to Paige.
“What's your favorite thing at the park?” he asked. “The swings or the slide?”
Emma seemed to get what he was saying and her love of the park apparently outweighed her lingering uncertainty about this new man who had suddenly appeared in her life, because she looked right at him this time and said, “Pawk?”
He nodded.
Emma released her hold on Paige and held out her arms to Zach.
W
hen Paige returned to the maternity-wing waiting room, she found that Gage's brother, Craig, and his wife, Tess, had joined the party. There were also two other, older couples, who she figured were the prospective grandparents of some other baby.
She slid into the vacant chair next to the sofa where Ashley sat close to her husband. Her head was on his shoulder, and his hand was on the curve of her belly. The baby must have kicked because Cam's hand snapped back and Ashley laughed.
“You'd think I'd be used to that by now,” he murmured.
“You'd think,” Ashley agreed.
Paige felt an unexpected pang of envy as she watched them interact. She couldn't be happier for both of her cousins, even if she'd never thought she wanted what they had. For certain, she'd been shocked and panicked when she'd learned that she had been named Emma's legal guardian. And in that moment,
she'd been certain that she did
not
want the responsibility of an infant.
Of course, her feelings had soon changed. Now she couldn't imagine her life without Emma and she refused to worry what Zach's presence could mean for the status quo she'd established with Olivia's baby, or what it could mean to the idea that had only recently begun to take root in her mind and her heart of someday having a baby of her ownâa brother or a sister for Emma.
Ashley looked over at her. “Where's Emma?”
“She went home with Zach.” She glanced at her cousin for reassurance. “Please tell me I haven't made a very big mistake.”
“You haven't made a very big mistake,” Ashley said obligingly.
The words did little to alleviate her concerns. She chewed on the edge of a thumbnail, as she sometimes did when she was worried, but she didn't realize she was doing it until Ashley gently tugged her hand away from her mouth.
“He hasn't been alone with her before,” she said, trying to explain the origin of her concern.
“Then it's probably time he was.”
“She's going to be wanting dinner soon,” she suddenly realized. “And I didn't tell him what to feed her.”
“I'm sure he'll manage,” Cam told her.
But Paige wasn't nearly as certain.
“Do you remember the first time you babysat Emma?” Ashley asked her.
She nodded. “I didn't have a clue.”
“And Emma couldn't say a word to tell you if she was hungry or thirsty or tired.”
“She doesn't say much now,” Paige noted.
“Well, Zach looks to me like a man who's capable of figuring things out. But if you're really not comfortable with the situation, why don't you go home, too?”
“Because I want to be here when Megan's baby is born.”
“Well, if you're determined to stay, then stop chewing your nails. You're making me nervous.”
She flushed and pulled her hand away from her mouth again.
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Baby steps,
Zach reminded himself as he sat Emma on top of the toddler slide.
He had to be patient, to give both Paige and Emma time to get to know him and feel comfortable with him. Unfortunately, that might take more time than he had.
His heart had torn wide open the first time Emma looked at him and started to cry. As ridiculous as he knew it was, he felt as if she'd rejected him. Just the latest in a string of women who had done so.
Heather was the first. Of course, he'd been a lot younger then and his emotions much more vulnerable. She'd been a model, stunningly beautiful, and he'd been blinded by lust. They'd dated for almost two years, and she'd seemed happy enough to be with him so long as he worked around her schedule. She'd even told him that she loved him. But when Zach got his first overseas assignment and their relationship was no longer convenient, she'd unceremoniously dumped him.
The first heartbreak had been as bitter as first love had been sweet, and losing Heather had taught him a valuable if painful lesson. Since then, he'd guarded his heart.
He'd had relationships with other women, of course, but because of his career, none were long-term or serious. His relationship with Olivia had been no different, despite the fact that a baby had been born of it. And yet it hurt to realize that Olivia had rejected him and any efforts he would have made to be a father to their baby by refusing to even tell him about her pregnancy.
Yeah, she'd changed her mindâtoo many months
laterâbut that knowledge failed to appease him. And although he knew it served no purpose, he couldn't deny that he was angry with Oliviaâfurious at the way she'd first cut him out and then blindsided him with the information that he was a father.
Emma slid down the gentle slope, her face split with a wide grin, her blue eyes sparkling. When she giggled it was the purest and happiest sound he'd ever heard. And in that moment, looking at the beautiful little girl Olivia had given birth to, all his residual anger was washed away by a tide of joy and love so huge it took his breath way.
He caught her at the bottom of the slide and it was only when she wriggled that he let her go. He wanted to gather her in his arms and lavish her with all the love and attention he hadn't been able to give her in the first fourteen months of her life. Of course, he had to get past not just Emma's uncertainty but Paige's wary protectiveness first. Definitely not an easy task.
However, he'd never been one to shirk from a challenge.
Except when that challenge was a phone call from his youngest sister, he amended as the phone in his pocket trilled again and Zach ignored it again.
He'd never admit it to her face, but he missed her like crazy and, more than anything when he'd come home from Afghanistan, he'd been looking forward to going out to California and seeing not just Hayden but his whole family again. He hadn't actually canceled those plans so much as he'd delayed them, and he didn't want to delay for much longer.
Emma had an extended family who wanted to meet her.
Or they would, when he finally figured out how to tell them that he was a father.
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It was past midnight before Paige finally left the hospital, and despite her pleasure at seeing both her cousin and the brand-new baby doing well, she felt tense and uncertain as
she drove toward home. She didn't realize it was worry over Emma that had lingered with her until she got close enough to the house to confirm that her car was in the driveway. She didn't have to go much farther than that to find both Emma and Zach.
The baby was curled up on one end of the sofa, her favorite blanket clutched in one little fist, the thumb of the other hanging out of her mouth. Zach was on the floor, his back against the sofa. His legs were out straight, his head was tipped back, and one of his hands was resting protectively on the sleeping child's back. At any other time, the peaceful scene might have warmed her heart, but she was too busy gaping at the chaos around them to fully appreciate the serene image of man and child.
She took another slow and careful survey of the room, stunned. Okay, so maybe she'd wondered how he would fare on his own with the little girl, and maybe she'd even hoped that Emma wouldn't make things too easy for him. She hadn't expected the living room to look as if a Category 4 hurricane had torn through it.
But that was exactly how it appeared to Paige, with toys and plastic bowls and sippy cups and clothes and diapersâshe sent up a quick prayer that they were at least clean diapersâstrewn absolutely everywhere.
She must have gasped because Zach was immediately awake and on his feet, every muscle in his body on alert. He was so tall, so strong, so completely and undeniably male that, for a split second, the disaster zone faded away and there was only Zach.
His eyes locked on her, the air crackled, her skin prickled. The intensity of her reactionâthe unexpected force of the attraction she feltâstartled her enough that she looked away, breaking the seductive spell of those blue, blue eyes and reminding her of the chaos she'd stepped into.
“What the heck happened?” she asked, keeping her voice
low so as not to wake the sleeping child while she attempted to hold her churning hormones firmly in check.
He tore his gaze from hers to glance around and winced as if he was seeing the room for the first time. “Hurricane Emma,” he muttered.
His explanation was so close to what she'd been thinking that she might have smiled if the condition of her living room didn't make her want to cry. Instead, she just shook her head. “I need a cup of coffee.”
“Waitâ”
She paused in midstep. “You're going to tell me that the kitchen is just as bad, aren't you?”
“Probably worse,” he admitted.
“As long as I can find the coffeepot.”
Zach took hold of her shoulders to steer her away from the kitchen, and when his hands came down on her, she jolted as if she'd been zapped by a live wire. His hands dropped away. “Why don't you take Emma up to her bed while I make the coffee?”
She decided it was probably good advice and, ignoring the tingles that coursed through her veins in response to his touch, turned back to the sleeping child in the living room.
By the time she'd returned to the kitchen after checking Emma's diaper and tucking her into her crib, the coffeepot was gurgling away.
“Boy or girl?” he finally asked, passing a mug across the counter to her.
For the first time since walking into the disaster zone that had once been her houseâat least for the summerâshe smiled. “Boy,” she answered. “Marcus Allan Richmondâfor both of Megan's and Gage's fathers. Eight pounds ten ounces, twenty-two inches with big blue eyes and gorgeous blond curls.”
“And how's the new mommy doing?” Zach lifted his own mug to drink.
“She's great. Amazing. Overjoyed. And Gage was so thrilled with both his wife and new baby, he actually cried.”
“I'll bet you did, too,” he guessed.
“Just a little,” she admitted.
“When did all of this finally happen?”
“11:47.”
Zach glanced at his watch. “You obviously didn't hang around for very long after.”
“Long enough to congratulate the new mommy and daddy and steal a quick cuddle with the baby. But they had more than enough company to keep them busy through half of the night.”
“Andâdespite the fact that you called four times from the hospitalâyou were worried about Emma,” he guessed.
“Obviously with good reason.”
He shook his head. “Nah, she was in complete control. If you were going to worry about anyone, it should have been me.”
She smiled again. “I do appreciate you staying with her,” she said, and realized it was true. “It would have been a nightmare trying to keep her entertained at the hospital all night.”
“Instead, you came home to a nightmare.”
She closed her eyes and held a hand to her mouth to stifle a yawn. “I'm trying not to think about that right now. Hopefully by morning I'll have the energy to tackle the mess.”
“You look exhausted,” he noted. “Why don't you head up to bed and I'll load the dishes in the dishwasher before I head out?”
“Don't worry about it,” she said. “You have to be at least as tired as I am.”
“I had a nap,” he reminded her.
“Yeah, you looked as if you were resting comfortably when I came in,” she noted drily.
“Believe me, your living-room floor is like a premium
mattress in a five-star hotel compared to some of the places I've had to sleep.” Zach grinned and her heart hitched.
Honestly, the man's smile was a potent weapon, and because Paige knew she was too weary to continue to fight, she opted for retreat. “Well, I'm looking forward to my real bed,” she said, taking her empty cup to the dishwasher.
“Go ahead,” Zach said. “I'll lock up when I go.”
She hesitated, still not entirely sure she trusted him and yet all too aware that he'd given her no reason not to. And if he was willing to make a dent in the kitchen, she was certainly willing to let him. “If you're sure,” she began.
“I'm sure. Good night, Paige.”
“Good night.”
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Emma was, as usual, awake by six the next morning, which meant that Paige was, too. After changing the baby's diaper, Paige tucked her against her hip and started down the stairs. When she stepped into the living room, she had a moment to wonder if she'd only dreamed the disaster she'd come home to the night before because the room was absolutely immaculate. Continuing on to the kitchen, she found that the same was true there.
She settled Emma in her high chair with a cup of juice and set about making a pot of coffee. Emma banged her sippy cup on the tray.
“Yes, I know you want breakfast,” she said soothingly, “but I
need
my caffeine kick in the morning.”
Emma banged her cup again but was somewhat appeased when Paige sprinkled a few Cheerios on her tray. She put the cereal box back in the cupboard and opened the fridge to retrieve the eggs and milk. When she closed the door again, the note tacked to it fluttered.
Please don't call the police. I didn't steal your carâI simply borrowed it to get to the B and B because you
still have the keys to my Jeep. I'll be back early in the a.m., but please call my cell (201-555-4757) if you need your car before then.
Zach
She set the eggs and milk on the counter before she retraced her steps to the living room, peering out the front window just in time to see her car pulling into the driveway beside the Jeep that was still parked there.
The driver's side door of the Audi opened and Zach stepped out.
His blue eyes were shaded from the sun by dark glasses and he was casually dressed in a Just Do It T-shirt that stretched across his broad chest and a pair of well-faded jeans that hugged his narrow hips. He truly was an exceptional specimen of masculinity andâjudging by the speed with which Melanie Quinlan raced down her walk, practically dragging her Chihuahua behind herâshe obviously wasn't the only woman who thought so.