The Autumn Palace (12 page)

A
nother day. Another pile of laundry. Hamish was off somewhere else, spying on staff. Ondine's job stayed the same. Going through people's clothes for lost objects felt wrong, but the Duke wanted her to work in here and report anything suspicious. Surely it was an invasion of privacy? On the other hand, it had to be done. Ondine pressed her fingers into a pocket and felt something small and chunky. Urgh! In her hand lay a crusted tissue that had something wrapped inside it. A voice in her head said,
Look away, look away!
but she couldn't.

Teeth. Several of them. All small, off-white and triangular. The exact sort of teeth Biscuit the dog no longer had in his mouth.

‘I'm going to be sick!' Ondine said, dropping the
dirty parcel on the floor with a soft
fwob
.
⁵⁵

Draguta came back at that point. ‘You have Infanta's basket. She is worst. Never know what you pull out of pockets. Last week, I found dirty spoon and sticky lid from medicine bottle.'

Ondine nearly placed her hand over her mouth to stop herself queefing. In the nick of time, she remembered her hand had touched the gritty tissue. The laundry trough, soap and hot water beckoned.

‘She's really winning me over, that Infanta,' Ondine said to Draguta. ‘I met her one night, in the kitchen. She was spoon-feeding her dog soup, and I swear to Pluto and back she kept putting the dog spoon in the pot.'

‘Excuse, please.' Draguta pushed Ondine out of the way and promptly vomited in the trough. ‘You should told me before ate soup. So much leftovers. I have double helpings.'

Mentally, Ondine filled in Draguta's speech with
all the definite and indefinite articles the laundress had left out.

‘I'm so sorry, I didn't think.' Guilt ebbed through Ondine as she took in Draguta's pale grey face. ‘You must be on a hair trigger. I only just said it and you puked, yet you've been eating the soup every day.'

‘Urgh.' Draguta wiped her face with a cold wet towel, then draped the cloth over the back of her neck for good measure. ‘Feeling rancid last couple days. Thought coming down with something. Now I know. Dogs have more bacteria in mouths what are people in Brugel.
⁵⁶
I surprised more are not sick.'

Draguta's words proved truly prophetic. For the next few hours, a great many people in the palechia were sick, most of them staff, who regularly ate soup because there wasn't much variety on offer. Of those who were sick, most were caught completely by
surprise and nowhere near a laundry trough or basin at the required moment. This in turn translated into an increased number of dirty towels, sheets, pillow cases, blankets and rugs arriving in the laundry. Another problem with so many people being sick? Fewer able-bodied staff to do the cleaning up.

Old Col appeared at the doorway, her face drawn and pale. ‘Ondine, I need clean towels and bedsheets.'

‘What's wrong?'

‘Nothing,' Col said, noticing all eyes in the laundry were on her.

‘Are you sick?' Ondine asked.

‘Of course not. Whatever gave you that idea?' Col said as beads of sweat appeared on her top lip.

Panic sliced through Ondine and she ushered her great aunt out of the laundry and into the hall so they could grab a word in private. ‘You look terrible.'

‘I'm only pretending it's for me. I was trying to tell you that, using ESP, but you're mentally deaf.'

Smackdown! ‘Gee, thanks.' Ondine rolled her eyes. ‘So why do you need linen? Is Hamish sick?'

‘Ixnay on the icksay, it's the ukeday.'

Confusion creased Ondine's face. ‘What on earth are you talking about?'

Old Col kept her voice to a low murmur: ‘We're pretending the Duke has only lost his voice so that nobody panics. He's here, confined to bed. Tell nobody.'

Oh dear! Oh dear, oh dear, oh double dear! Checking the hall to make sure nobody was within earshot, Ondine asked, ‘Is the Duchess here too?'

‘No. She left for the city yesterday evening, and will be back tomorrow. She took Vincent with her, he's going to stand in for the Duke at the Opera.'
⁵⁷

‘But that's terrible!'

‘He's lucky. It's one of the shorter productions, only three hours.'

‘Not that! I mean Vincent's acting as if he's the Duke already!'

‘Keep your voice down. I'm sure this is one of those
twenty-four-hour things and Pavla will be all right again. Now get me the clean linen.'

Ondine did Col's bidding, then quickly told her what they'd seen in the Duchess's ledger. As she got back to the laundry she couldn't help wondering if they'd completely failed in their mission already. Vincent wanted to take over; standing in for his ill father was the first step.

Back at work in the laundry, Draguta scolded her. ‘If told more people about dog soup, we not have such mess.'

Ondine felt chastened, even though it wasn't exactly her fault. ‘But it was the first night I was here. And people are suddenly sick now? It doesn't make sense.'

‘Infanta making dog soup each night I bet.'

That could be it. One night of bad food might not make too many people sick, but night after night, week after week? Then again, Hamish had said the farmers hadn't been cleaning the vegetables properly, so perhaps that was part of it? When she swallowed, she felt something niggling in her throat,
like the start of a cold. Definitely the time of year for it at any rate.
⁵⁸

Draguta hauled wet washing into a basket. ‘No chatty-chat with me, not in mood.'

As Ondine hosed the sick off yet another rug, she hoped the mess and illness would all be over soon. Lost in thought, she very nearly hosed the blur of fur as it ran towards her. ‘Shambles, what are you doing here?' she cried.

Draguta stared daggers at Ondine. ‘I said no pets!'

Gulp
. Ondine grabbed Shambles and took him outside, so they could chat in private.

‘Is it the Duke? Is he all right?'

‘Aw, lass, ye've never seen so much sick. Col's doing her very best tae get him through it.'

‘And Kerala's not here while everyone else is throwing their guts up.'

A thoughtful look crossed the little ferret's face. ‘Now that ye mention it . . .'

‘Do you think – but no. It can't be her. Do you think? I mean, why would she harm him? She loves him. And if anything happened to him, it would all go to Vincent anyway. She's not in line. Maybe . . .' Ondine kept thinking out loud. ‘Maybe it's Vincent making the Duke sick?'

Just thinking about Vincent turned Ondine's stomach. She had once fallen for his charm. What if Vincent was working his charm on someone here at the palechia? Someone young and naive like Ondine had been.

‘Aye, Vincent's a dirty wee bast –'

‘H'hem!' Ondine cleared her throat as she saw laundry workers approaching with clean washing.

Shambles kept his voice low. ‘And another thing, the teacher is giving ye a test first thing tomorrow. Overheard her the day before yesterday at afternoon tea with the Duchess.'

‘You're taking afternoon tea with the Duchess? Half your luck.' Ondine looked at the laundry flapping in the breeze and wondered what had happened to her plans for a grand adventure with Hamish.

‘Dinnae be angry with me, lass. I would have told ye earlier only I've been busy with all me responsibilities.'

Ondine couldn't help thinking Hamish loved having such an interesting job, with all those responsibilities.

Shambles gave Ondine a scratchy kiss on the cheek. ‘I know ye'll give it yer all. It's maths and yer a big win at that.'

If only it were proper Hamish, not ferret Shambles, kissing me
, Ondine thought with a sigh. ‘Thank goodness it's not a history test. I'd suck at that.'

‘I thought ye liked history?'

‘Not any more.' Ondine felt guilty taking a break while everyone else was working so hard. ‘Sorry, Shambles, I need to get back to work.'

Shambles gave her another whiskery kiss.

‘Thanks for the warning, I'll swot up tonight,' she said.

‘Yer welcome. Oh, and I nearly forgot another thing. So much going on, so little time. Tomorrow, yer invited tae afternoon tea.'

‘Really?' Ondine said, feeling a rush of excitement. Finally, something more interesting than laundry!
‘Wow, that is such an honour to get an invite. Oh dear! I've nothing to wear.'

‘Col has something for ye. It will look well on ye, too.'

 

55
   In most cases dirty objects are placed in baskets or rubbish bins. On the odd occasion you throw them towards the bin and they miss their target, they make this noise on landing
.

56
   Brugel is often used as a unit of measurement amongst the eastern states of Europe. For example, ‘Every day, an area of rainforest the size of Brugel is bulldozed in the Amazon.' It is true that a dog's mouth is a total bac-fest, but the exact number of bacteria is anyone's guess. If the dog's had a good clean-up at the vet, the numbers will be lower. If the dog has snaffled week-old road-kill, it's time to get out the hazmat suits
.

57
   Attending the opera should be a beautiful night out. In Brugel, however, their opera is monumentally bad. Noted Slaegalese critic Zarah Bragiç likened it to wailing cats. In a cement mixer. Which is why it was far too dangerous to allow Duke Pavla to attend – the shock to his system might kill him. There is a silver lining: where Bruglers fail in the singing department, they more than make up for it in earplug manufacture
.

58
   A traditional Brugel cold remedy involves equal measures of fresh milk, plütz, tomato juice and gunpowder. Mix and drink immediately. After that, a sniffly cold is the last of your problems. It's also expensive, as fresh milk can sometimes be hard to obtain
.

T
he next morning, Ondine arrived a few minutes early at the school barn door. Hetty was already there, smiling as Ondine approached.

‘It's so nice to have another girl my age at school. I'm so glad to have a best friend again. Someone to share my secrets. You'll share all yours too, won't you?' she said, smiling, her cheeks plump and round.

Something caught in Ondine's brain. Sharing secrets reminded her of lazy summer afternoons with Melody, pretending to read their futures in a pack of cards as they divulged all sorts of family stories. Now with Hetty, the rules were different, but she had to pretend everything was normal. Putting on her best secret-sharing grin, she said, ‘Sure.'

‘I probably sounded a bit desperate just then.
Sorry about that. It's so weird, this place.' Hetty gave a hesitant smile. ‘There are so many people, but it's so lonely at times.'

Ondine found herself nodding, but she started to wonder if maybe Hetty had some kind of agenda. Immediately she slapped that thought away. Since coming here she'd been off-kilter. Hetty was just being friendly, in an anxious kind of way.

Ms Kyryl arrived and opened the barn door for the students. Hetty talked all the way to their desk. She seemed so desperate for friendship. A bit too naive. What if Vincent had convinced Hetty to do his bidding? Ondine mentally shook the thought away. Hetty might be immature, but she wasn't silly. Or at least, not as silly as Ondine had once been.
Then again, she lives on a farm
, Ondine thought. Chickens were a fine source of salmonella if they weren't handled with the utmost care. Perhaps the illness ripping through the palechia originated with the chickens?

Ms Kyryl said good morning and announced the maths test. The class groaned. Ondine groaned, too, because she had to pretend she was just as
surprised as everyone else. In fact it was a convincing groan, because she'd studied into the night and still felt half-asleep.

The test itself hurt her brain, but she felt pretty confident she'd done a good job. There were a few questions where she didn't have a clue. The ones involving parabolas. They always turned her brain to concrete.
⁵⁹

It was over soon enough and they took out their textbooks to work though the next chapter of maths problems while Ms Kyryl marked the papers.

‘I love maths,' Hetty said to Ondine. ‘When my sister was at home, she used to help me with my homework and I really got the hang of it. I'll definitely be doing things with maths when I'm older. How about you?'

When Ondine thought about her future, she suddenly realised she hadn't given it much consideration. ‘I'm not sure what I want to do. I guess I . . .'

‘Don't leave me hanging. What is it? You can tell me. I'll keep your secrets.'

There was that word again, secrets. Secrets Ondine couldn't share, no matter how relieved she'd feel if she could unburden herself. Ondine couldn't deny the bond developing between them. Hetty was the only other girl her age in the whole palechia. They had to be friends, otherwise she'd have nobody. And perhaps if they became really good friends, Ondine could find out if Hetty was working for Vincent.