The Autumn Diaries (14 page)

Autumn flipped back over and, hot after the dildo action, started rubbing herself. “You have to fuck me,” she breathed. “How about CHURN IT?”
 

“I don’t understand CHURN IT.”
 

“It just looks like you kind of squat, and I put my legs over your shoulders, and you plow into me that way.”
 

They got into what looked like the correct position, but Jake’s ankles weren’t flexible enough to get into a low enough squat to fuck her without tipping over backward. He could get a few strokes, but then he’d roll out.
 

“Move back against the wall,” she said. So they did, and the wall propped his back up and kept him from tipping, and he filled her pussy with jizz. Then he stood.
 

“Come up here,” he said.
 

Autumn came to her knees, spilling cum onto the floor. Jake rotated, then rotated and swung back, hitting her hard in the face with his drooping cock.
 

“OW! What the fuck are you doing?” she yelled.
 

Jake pointed at the computer monitor. “SMURFING.”
 

The scowl dropped from Autumn’s face as she rubbed her cheek. “Oh,” she said. “Well done.”
 

After they’d covered the basics, things got more difficult. They’d covered the most mundane activities, but still had a lot of the more questionable acts remaining. None had the obvious we-can-skip-it of FUCK DOG or REDNECK, but all were outside of the norm.
 

“We can do ANAL and TEABAG,” said Autumn, “but we’re showering first.”

Jake tapped the screen. “A GOLDEN SHOWER?”
 

“Oh, hell… I’m not letting you pee on me.”
 

“It doesn’t have to be in your mouth. Maybe I could just piss on your leg or something.”
 

Autumn thought about it, then nodded. “In the shower, okay?”
 

But once they were in the shower together, Jake got performance anxiety. They’d already washed off and Autumn was anticipating her ANAL, so she wanted him to hurry.
 

“I’m sorry,” Jake said. “I’ve never pissed on anyone before. Do you have to keep staring at me?”
 

“Fine,” she said, spinning around.
 

A moment later, he said, “Okay, let’s fuck you in the ass.”
 

“You did it?”
 

“Yeah.”
 

Autumn turned, spread her pussy, and fired back. “How do you like it?”
 

“Oh, shit, Autumn! Gross!”
 

“You just did it to me, you cock!”
 

Slightly annoyed with each other, they dried off. But by the time they were out, the awkwardness was gone and Autumn had her back to the floor while Jake squatted above. He was almost all the way down when he suddenly stood and turned around so he was facing her instead of her feet.
 

“What?”
 

“I figured I wouldn’t put my butthole right over your face. I’m being a gentleman.” Then, like a gentleman, he lowered his sack into her mouth. She sucked it briefly and declared TEABAG accomplished. Then he rolled her over onto all fours and stuck a finger up her ass.

“I… ooh!” Autumn said. She then prepared to give directions for ANAL, but a cool, slippery sensation dripped down her ass and she realized he’d grabbed the lube.
 

“Now go in slowl… oooooooooh, wow…”
 

Jake was balls deep in Autumn’s ass before she had time to tell him to take it easy, which was surprising. She’d never had a loose butthole, so she must be more turned on than she realized. Interesting. It was the scavenger hunt aspect of the whole thing. Her pussy was positively dripping. The butt action felt good, but she’d never been able to cum from ass fucking. He needed to switch it up. Fast. Immediately.
 

“Do another!” she yelled back at him.

The laptop was on an endtable. She felt Jake swivel to consult it, then he punched her in the back of the head.
 

“What the
FUCK?”

Jake pointed at the computer. “Sorry. DONKEY PUNCH.”
 

“I am going to
fucking kill you!”
But he was still in her ass, and her pussy didn’t want him dead.
 

He said, “Well, in for a penny, in for a pound” There was a flurry of activity behind her. His cock came out, and seemed to quickly go back in. Then he was rubbing a finger across her upper lip.
 

“What the hell are you doing?” said Autumn, glaring at him.
 

“DIRTY SANCHEZ.”
 

“You did not just…”
 

“There’s nothing there,” he said quickly. “You have a very clean ass.”
 

Autumn glared at Jake, then turned her anger toward the computer. She tackled him, knocked him onto his back, and pinned him down. Autumn was petite, but Jake wasn’t exactly hulking. She held him down, then turned around so her ass was above his face.
 

“What are you doing?” he said.
 

“I am going to give you such a HOT KARL!”

“Noooo!” yelled Jake, twisting away. Autumn held firm. She sat on his face and in spite of the tussle, his nose in her pussy felt good. She wondered if she could cum like this before he died. Then she raised up and resumed her squat.

Finally Jake kicked out and rolled away.
 

“You weren’t really going to poop in my mouth,” he said, his eyes wide and frightened.
 

“It’s on the list,” she said. “See? The orange one is the girl.” Then she let the serious expression fall from her face. “No, I guess not. But you gave me a DIRTY SANCHEZ, you asshole.”
 

“Just a tiny one.”
 

Autumn lightly shivered on her way to the bathroom where she vigorously scrubbed her upper lip and then, with the air of a woman who’s just remembered something important, walked out of the bathroom and unceremoniously sat on Jake’s cock. She put her feet in front and leaned back, then instructed him to rub her clit while she fucked him.

“What is this move?” he asked, his breath heavy.

“This is GET AUTUMN OFF BECAUSE SHE’S BEEN A TROOPER.”
 

So he did, and then afterward, Autumn continued to be a trooper by leaning forward and sucking Jake until he blew yet another load down her throat.
 

Afterward, they laid together naked and spent. Autumn’s head hurt, but her pussy felt good. It balanced out.
 

“I don’t understand why all of these involve me getting the brunt of everything,” she said. “Except the HOT KARL, I guess.”
 

“
Involved
,” said Jake, emphasizing the past tense. “We’re done.”

Autumn turned. “No way.”
 

“Way.”
 

She flipped through the pages of sprites. Finally, she stopped and smiled. “Well. Here’s one left that will let me get you back.”
 

Jake looked and saw BONDAGE BUDDY.
 

“I don’t know that I want to be tied up,” he said.
 

“I didn’t want to be peed on or get the stink finger,” she said.
 

“Touche.”
 

So the next day they took a field trip for supplies.

And the day after that, they finished the list.

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10

I CAN’T DECIDE IF THE story I just wrote in my last entry is disgusting or sexy or hilarious. I gave it to Sam to read and he made faces, laughed so hard that tears came to his eyes, and then he bent me over and fucked me up the ass. We don’t do that often, so it’s noteworthy. He doesn’t dig the butt stuff much.
 

I came twice. Sam came once but it was powerful enough to hit the headboard.
 

I guess the story is all three things.
 

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21

BITTEN
IS FURTHER ALONG. I’M really liking it. I’m liking how I have this bigger story to spread out in, and it doesn’t have to be scene-scene-scene like my other stuff. It’s all fun, of course, but this is different kind of fun. I’m steaming ahead on it. I think I’ll be ready to publish it in maybe three weeks, after an edit.
 

Sales of other stuff are coming along too. And I’m getting more positive reviews, and even more email from readers who like (and appreciate) what I’m doing. I’m getting some haters, though. I understand that it happens, but it also sucks.
 

Kind of bummed out about that last point more than I’d like to admit. I know it’s stupid to obsess on the assholes instead of focusing on the many, many positive bits of feedback I’ve had, but I can’t help it.
 

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25

OH WOW, PERFECT TIMING. IT was just a few days ago that I was complaining about a few negative reviews I’ve gotten when what do you know, the guys on the podcast have Tucker Max on to talk about dealing with haters.
 

Tucker, being an asshole right up front in his branding, gets a lot of hate. And he gets HATE. Like serious hate. People wish he was dead; people want him arrested. But what he said on the show is that you have to understand that true haters have their own issues and that it’s not actually about you. They can say they don’t like your writing and everything, and that may hurt a little, but it’s at least legit… meaning that it’s their opinion. You can’t expect to get 100% positive feedback. It’s just not realistic. But most haters also just kind of hate in their own lives, and they need an outlet, and sometimes that’s you.
 

I guess it makes sense. If someone asked me what I thought of a book I’d hated, I’d tell them I hated it. But I probably wouldn’t go out of my way and take the time to log in and leave a shitty review. It just doesn’t make sense to me. It’s the whole “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” thing. It’s a story. Why would you feel the need to go out of your way to shit on it, especially if you got it for free, which a lot of people did? So that kind of says it right there — it’s often a certain sort of person. A writer has to develop armor to deal with criticism. And stuff like mine is so crazy and slutty that it IS going to turn some people off. I need to keep that in mind so I can keep negative comments in context.

I still don’t like it. Fuckers.
 

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28

OH WOW. I’VE BEEN PLAYING the Tucker Max episode of SPP over and over to position my head right about negative feedback, and I suddenly got this great idea: I need to write a story about being the female Tucker Max. And I need to get it into his world, and get him to promote it.

I mean, I’ve always liked Tucker Max. I’ve always thought that I was like the girl version of him. He screws random girls with no apologies. Until Sam, I always screwed random guys with no apologies. He’s funny and gonzo. I’m funny and gonzo.
 

But what if I made our worlds collide, right there in print? What if, by showing how girls can be just as slutty and carefree and unattached as men, I could be a kind of Tucker Max apologist? What if I could make him look better? And what if, in turn, I could write him into a story as a character? I mean, why not? I write in my family and friends, and I sometimes even write myself in the third-person point of view. I could write Tucker. Some kind of a story where I stalk him and try to fuck him or something.
 

Maybe I could get him to promote it. That could make my writing blow the hell up.
 

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29

SHOT AN EMAIL TO SEAN from the podcast to ask him to connect me with Tucker Max. He didn’t, but not because he was being an asshole. He said that Tucker’s email address is all over his website, so I could just contact him that way.
 

So I did. Just waiting.
 

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8

SAM WAS READING MY STORY about fucking in the post office and asked why we’ve never done that. I told him that I’ve tried OVER AND OVER AND OVER to suck him off in an alley or get him to fuck me in a bathroom somewhere and that he’s always too big of a pussy. I reminded him of the Fourth of July and asked if that counted. I also then reminded him that he was a total pussy about that too.
 

He said that he’s adventurous in spirit, but reluctant in practice because he doesn’t want to get arrested. We ended at an impasse, with Sam unable to say whether he wanted to take me to a club and do me in the middle of the dance floor or not. He then said that there was fucking in public places and there was fucking in front of a crowd. He wasn’t so much down with the latter.
 

I didn’t know what to say at that point, so I laid back on the bed and started playing with myself because our sex talk was turning me on. Sam put his face in my pussy and ate me out until I came. I jerked him off. It was a good night.