The Art of Unpacking Your Life (5 page)

Matt wanted to stall her somehow. He had prevaricated about telling his friends and family for months. But Katherine had had enough. She wanted to share their news. He didn't. He couldn't tell her that, to be honest, he was embarrassed, although he knew that she sensed his reluctance. He was a straightforward, uncomplicated bloke. He wanted a life that conformed to the norm, which he took to mean mirror the life of
his stockbroker father and housewife mother. When he married his first wife, Annabel, a fellow solicitor at his law firm, Clifford Chance, he had thought his life would mirror Connie and Julian's with a large family and a nice house in one of the Home Counties.

The group would know Katherine had put Matt up to it. It could never have been his idea. Connie would disapprove. Worse would be Julian's vocal disbelief and Sara and Lizzie's concern about poor Mattie beholden to his East Coast princess.

He sighed. He didn't want to ruin the start of his first holiday with his oldest friends for decades. The last few months had been stressful. Katherine was exhausted by it. She was highly emotional and complained of constant headaches.

All he wanted to do was enjoy his friends against this stunning backdrop. Forget the drama for one night.

What could he say to stop her? Why had he never been able to stop her?

A number of lawyers from his solicitor's firm were downtown at the end of a week of team bonding in New York. One of the partners' PA had got them a dinner reservation at Minetta Tavern in Greenwich Village for their last night. They had had dinner and were revving up to cocktails, when Katherine appeared, like a modern-day mermaid. Her eyes matched her gleaming green chiffon dress with its tiny waist. Long glittering earrings set her red straight hair on fire.

‘Hi, I am Katherine,' She gently handed him her white slim hand.

Unbelievably, she seemed to have singled him out from the dozens of suits out of sync with the lush setting, the red velvet curtains, flamboyant customers and dark Prohibition-style bar. Matt believed he was averagely attractive – a full head of hair
and good skin – but he wasn't remotely like the body-beautiful men you saw in London and New York. Men appreciated him for that; women didn't tend to fancy him.

He offered her a drink, yet imagined she must be waiting for some handsome buck. She ordered a rhubarb martini. Even her choice of drink made him feel like an aged brown bear beside a young magpie. All paws.

‘I'm Matt, by the way.'

‘Hi, Matt.' She was glistening.

‘Do you live in New York, Katherine?' Christ, was that the best he could do.

‘Yeah, for now. Where do you live, Matt?'

‘Accent's a bit of a giveaway, I'm afraid.' What was he saying? ‘London.'

‘Great.' She looked him directly in the eye. For a moment, he wondered if she was keen, but immediately dismissed the idea.

‘Do you need to talk to your co-workers? Feel free.'

‘No, it's okay. We've been living in each other's pockets all week.'

‘Are you married, Matt?'

Matt ruffled his hair nervously. He was unused to such a direct question and the answer was too complicated to share with a complete stranger. ‘Errr…I was. Divorced.'

She gently combed her hair with her fingers. ‘I'm dealing with this situation with my long-term ex-boyfriend. He didn't want to get married and have a family. And I do. I want to have children. It is the only thing that will complete me.'

Katherine sighed in a way that was familiar to Matt. The outward sound of a broken heart.

‘I'm sorry, Katherine. Sounds shit,' he paused. ‘He's a fool. He'll realise that and come back begging.'

She looked up at him with a slight smile. ‘No, he won't. But thank you.'

There was a stillness between them, broken by Katherine turning to wave at a petite blonde girl, who stood looking lost in front of the curtained doorway. She turned back to Matt. ‘My girlfriend. We're having dinner here.'

‘Great. Have a wonderful evening, Katherine.' Matt turned away.

‘You don't want to take my card?'

He turned back quickly to catch her expression. Her eyebrow was raised in that definite way he would come to love.

‘Of course,' he said hastily.

She opened up her handbag, produced a purple leather card holder and slipped out a white card, holding it for Matt to take. He wondered if he should offer her his card, but wasn't sure what the American etiquette was.

‘Are you going to call me?'

He blushed. ‘Well, I'm only here until tomorrow.'

Her friend was beside her. ‘Hey, Katherine.'

Katherine hooked her arm into her friend's. ‘Hi, Nancy.' She continued to stare at Matt. ‘Okay, we are having a light dinner. Then I'll come back to the bar. Wait for me.'

Of course Matt did. Women didn't ask him to wait; they didn't make a move. He was stunned. He was sure that he was missing something. She saw him as a sympathetic male with which to share her frustrations about her ex-boyfriend. No more.

In an attempt to re-bond with his colleagues and calm his nerves, he drank too much beer. When she returned, he was feeling positively cavalier.

‘Katherine, I have to say that I have never been chatted up in a bar. Actually, I don't think that I've ever been chatted up before.'

‘No?' She looked surprised.

His ego soared.

‘I thought that you were probably waiting for some incredibly good-looking guy.'

She smiled. It was like a conversion to some cult. ‘No, Matt, I was waiting for you.'

Even now, Matt couldn't quite believe it.

‘Ladies. And gentlemen.' Katherine stated with the East Coast old-fashioned politeness that had attracted Matt to her when they first met.

Lizzie and Sara continued chatting to Connie in a tight triangle to the right of the table. Matt liked to believe that they hadn't heard Katherine. He put his arm around her protectively. She looked elegant in her beautiful taupe safari dress and deep olive scarf. She was fragile and feminine compared with his English women friends.

Lizzie and Sara helped themselves to more drinks, while Julian insisted that Gus and Ben have one.

‘No, thank you,' Gus said firmly. ‘I don't drink while I'm out with guests. Got to stay alert.'

‘I can understand that,' Lizzie lurched over to him. ‘What would you have done if the lions had attacked us?'

If Lizzie sidetracked everyone, Katherine might never get out their news, Matt hoped. Maybe she would be prepared to wait until after the holiday…

‘I'd have got you out of there,' Gus explained earnestly.

‘What if you couldn't get us out of there?' countered Sara.

‘I'd have had to shoot the lion, though it's the last resort. We are taught rifle competency. We have to be able to fire three rounds in nine seconds.'

They all stopped talking. It was a sobering thought.

Gus turned round to the vehicle behind them on the track. ‘I've got a single shot rifle in there and five extra rounds on me,' he tapped his belt, which had bullets hanging vertically along the leather strap. ‘Listen, I would never choose an animal's life over a human life, eh.'

Katherine edged away from Matt and raised her voice uncharacteristically, her hands held out. ‘Lovely friends, with all this talk about life and death, I think that this really is an appropriate moment…'

Sara and Lizzie eyed each other and Matt eyed them anxiously.

‘…for Matt and I to share with you, our dearest friends, some awesome news.'

Katherine, with all her charm, smiled broadly. ‘This is a wonderful holiday that Connie has planned for us all. Thank you,' she gestured elaborately to Connie, before bringing her hand back up to her heart. ‘And it is particularly poignant, special and important for Matt and me, because it will be our last for some time.'

She paused. Matt knew Katherine wanted the group to guess, to burst out congratulations. He started to feel uneasy and queasy. He wondered if he should interrupt Katherine, get it over and done with.

Katherine seemed to be growing uncertain, thrown by the lack of reaction from the group. Luke wandered away, grabbing another Castle lager from the table, before throwing his empty bottle into the canvas bag.

Matt could see Katherine reacting from her gut. ‘I'm sure that you have sensed our excitement and happiness.'

She was going to confide in this spirits-soaked group. He winced with embarrassment.

‘Not to overstate it, our acute anxiety. Anxiety and not uncertain pain, for me. Undoubtedly, reinforcing my certain inadequacy as a woman.'

Sara muttered under her breath to Connie and moved to grab the last two kebabs, which she slid off their skewers and ate together as a sandwich. Katherine pursed her lips together. God, get on with it, he thought, feeling mean towards Katherine, but desperate to protect her from Sara's, not to mention Julian's, short attention span. Katherine smiled at him, looking for his encouragement. He couldn't give it. Right from the beginning, it was his role to give her emotional support. He was
her rock, she never tired in saying. Now he was back with the group, he was failing her.

Without him, Katherine looked lost. She rubbed her hands together. ‘It has been a really, really anxious time for Matt and me. I have suffered. I've had to take a lot of rest, because it has been such a draining experience. Physically and mentally.'

Matt couldn't help it. ‘Katherine and I are having a baby in eight weeks' time. A baby girl.'

Katherine frowned briefly at him and then rearranged her face into a smile, leaning into him. ‘Truly, in our hearts, we are happy. Aren't we, honey?'

‘Oh, Matt and Katherine. That's fantastic news. Congratulations,' Luke said, holding up his lager.

‘What great news.' Connie hugged Matt and Katherine in turn.

It took Matt a few minutes to notice Julian and Sara were both staring at Katherine's taut pelvis peeking through the hugging cut of the safari dress.

‘Oh, are you having one of those adorable Asian babies?' Lizzie said with visible warmth.

‘Really? Seriously?' Alan was such an overgrown child.

He saw Katherine pale and he desperately tried to interrupt. ‘Lizzie, Alan—'

Lizzie flowed on. ‘My friend adopted the cutest Vietnamese girl. She's a single mother. She said, “If I get to forty and I haven't had a baby, I'm going to adopt.” I admire her. I couldn't do it. But I'm happy for you both.'

‘Lizzie. For God's sake,' Matt was flustered. It hadn't come out right. They should have waited and told everyone when the group were calm and sober. ‘Listen,
everyone. It's not the kind of thing I ever thought I'd do. We employed a surrogate, you know, after trying the usual avenues.'

Katherine looked angrily at him. ‘Matt, I take exception to that. Employing doesn't come into it. Dawn, our surrogate, is a wonderful lady from Manchester. This is a highly personal relationship, it's not like employing a housekeeper. We are doing a lot to support her and her kids, I mean, far beyond what is legally required.'

Matt knew Sara too well. This comment was bound to unleash her complicated defensiveness about her own roots. She didn't disappoint him.

‘Mancunians are good northern gels with wide child-bearing hips. Thankfully, some are still poor enough to carry some spoilt Southerner's child.'

He heard a certain truth that he knew would come from his female friends. He was cornered. ‘Sara, that's unfair. Please, you are being judgemental, not to mention disloyal.'

‘Sorry, Matt,' Sara said. ‘But I don't believe it's right.'

Sara never wavered from her principles. Matt was bitterly aware he would have agreed with her a year ago. Still, he said defensively, ‘We were desperate for a baby. What could we do?'

Luke spoke up unexpectedly. ‘Exactly what you have done, Matt. You deserve a family – you would make a great dad.'

Matt was overwhelmed by Luke's support.

‘It's really good, Matt,' Luke said. ‘The love of your children is as good as true love.'

Matt looked at him, trying to read that perfect face, which gave little away. ‘Both is best.'

Luke nodded and tapped him gently on the chest. ‘You are going to have both, Matt.'

He wished he could take Luke away from the group and ask him what exactly had happened with Emma. He hadn't made the time to find out. He had been so wrapped up in Katherine and trying to have a baby that he had forgotten his old mate. Equally, Matt was desperate to confide in Luke about the bloody circus, from IVF to this horror show.

Katherine was focused on Sara. ‘You don't need to believe in surrogacy. You are a principled spinster with no experience of loving relationships and the desire for children.'

Matt winced. Sara seemed angry more than hurt. Matt knew she had no desire for family. No one spoke for a while.

Katherine started what sounded like a conversation with herself. ‘I feel extremely close to Dawn. I don't have a single girlfriend that would do for me what she has done.' Her eyes were wet. ‘In the face of her sacrifice, I feel totally inadequate. You cannot imagine. She has given me hope and the possibility of my own child to love. I don't know how you can mock me for that…'

The others looked mortified. He moved to hold Katherine.

Finally, Julian spoke. ‘I have to ask: how much does a surrogate get paid?'

Matt knew he was asking purely out of curiosity, he was a politician, after all. Though it would inflame Katherine.

‘Excuse me, Julian,' Katherine whitened with anger. ‘I am sorry, but I find that a totally inappropriate question. Dawn isn't doing this for the money. You underestimate her. She is a great human being. Anyway, we are looking after her. We are paying what are reasonable expenses.'

Sara was on her. ‘Oh please. Why else would you carry some unrelated person's baby, except for the cash? How much is she getting for carrying your baby for nine months? A few grand?'