The Art of the Pimp: One Man's Search for Love, Sex, and Money (36 page)

In her e-mail she said she wanted me to help her do it, and I was seriously torn. I told Suzette, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

She agreed. “You can’t. You can’t touch this. You’re taking this precious thing from a young woman — her virginity — and selling it like it’s a cantaloupe. The media will jump all over you. They’ll portray you as a sleazebag, which is the image you’ve been fighting since you started in this business.”

I spoke to the young lady — she was using the name Natalie Dylan — and listened to her story. She was bright and driven and
was hoping to become a therapist, and had in fact secured all the necessary school loans, but then her stepfather went into her bank account and disappeared with all the money. It was a pretty gripping story, but I still didn’t know what to do.

I called a few friends, media-savvy people, and they disagreed with Suzette. They thought it was a
great
story, and one of them thought it would probably sell as both a book and a movie. I remained torn, so I reached out to the King of All Media, Howard Stern, and he absolutely loved the idea.

The following week — this was back in September 2008 — Natalie Dylan told her story on his show. The media went nuts. I put Natalie on
The Tyra Banks Show
and Tyra attacked us mercilessly.
The poor girl will be scarred for life. Have you no decency? How can you even think of doing this?
Yada yada yada. The show got monster ratings. We were asked to do Maury Povich’s show, but before that happened they subjected Natalie to a lie-detector test.

I got a call the day before we were supposed to tape. “She failed the lie detector test,” the producer told me.

I didn’t believe that was possible. I confronted Natalie. “What’s going on?” I said. “Povich’s people say you failed the polygraph.”

Natalie insisted she was still a virgin, but she wasn’t exactly as pure as the driven slush. “I’ve had sex, sure. I give my boyfriend blow jobs every day. And from time to time I’ll do anal. But I’ve never had vaginal intercourse.”

I was too relieved to be angry. I went back to Povich’s people and told them they should subject her to another polygraph, but they needed to rephrase the question. “You’re asking her, ‘Have you had sex?’ and the answer is yes, she has. What you need to do is ask her if she’s had
sexual intercourse
.” They did it my way and she passed, and Povich had her on the show. Again, the ratings were astronomical.

Within a month, Natalie had a dozen men ready to pay a million dollars for her virginity. I wanted to close the deal, but Natalie thought she was worth more. At one point she was back on the air, joking that she was kind of hoping Barack Obama would join the bidding, because he was her ideal man. That didn’t happen, understandably, but the offers kept pouring in. Finally an Australian businessman put all the other offers to shame with a bid of $3.8 million. Before we could close the deal, however, he reconciled with his estranged wife and rescinded his offer.

The winning bid, for $1.2 million, came from an American who wanted Natalie simply because he had never slept with a virgin. When we got down to the actual negotiations, however, the deal slowly fell apart. Natalie did all right, though. She got a book deal and a movie deal, as predicted, so she didn’t have to sell her virginity after all. And not long after, she did what most girls do and gave it away for free.

Now I was getting e-mails every day from other virgins all over the world. They all wanted to sell their virginity and most of them thought the bidding should start at a million dollars. It was crazy! I had turned into the P.T. Barnum of Pussy.

They also shared one insurmountable problem. They wanted to remain anonymous. As I told one of the girls, “How can I sell you sight unseen? If I was trying to sell you a car, wouldn’t you want to at least kick the tires?”

Suzette had been wrong. There was nothing “precious” about virginity — at least not to the hundreds of girls who kept deluging me with e-mails and photographs. I can’t share the photographs with you for legal reasons, but I can tell you that many of these girls were smoking hot. As for the e-mails, I’ve included a few, just to give you a taste, but I’ve changed the names and other identifying details.

• • •

Hello Dennis,

First I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my email. I know a successful man like you doesn’t have a lot of time on your hands. To keep it very brief and simple, My name is Julie. I’m 19 years old from the Bay Area, California. Money is very limited to me right now and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to live a comfortable life. So that is why I want to proceed in auctioning off my virginity. I really hope you will be willing to accept my offer at the fabulous Moonlight BunnyRanch and would get back to me. Enclosed are some pictures of myself. Nothing really too fancy because I am just your normal girl, Ha ha.

• • •

I’m an african american lady in her late 20s, I read an article on elle.com about the ‘V’ auction and I was wondering what it would take for mine to be auctioned as discretely as possible and as soon as possible as I have come to a crossroads in my life and the people I thought cared the most, especially the one I was reserving it for, proved a lot less than deserving. Please advise.

• • •

Hello Dennis, I’ve done quite extensive research on this matter and I’d really really like to sell my virginity. I am an 18 year old girl, my hymen is still intact as far as I know . . .

• • •

Hi, i am 19, black, a miami resident, and i am very interested in auctioning off my virginity. I just want to know how everything works and how it will be possible. I also rather be anonymous while doing it and staying out of the media would be perfect. I’ve never had intercourse, and willing to take any lie detector tests and other tests to prove it. I’ve attached a few photos but will send more
if needed. Although nervous about it being my first time, im very excited about the opportunity :) I want my first time to actually be worth it instead of losing it to a guy who’s going to break my heart anyways . . .

• • •

Mr. Hof,

I have tried contacting you many times through both phone and email. I know you are a VERY busy man i am just looking for a small amount of your time. I want your help selling my virginity. I realize you must have a million girls emailing you regarding this but I am the real deal and I’m dedicated . . . I’m 5'8 130lbs long blond hair green eyes. The 18 year old girl next door from California. You know we can sell this. Please call / text /email / anything! I so look forward to speaking with you I know what an honor it is!

• • •

Im 24 years old girl from Finland beautiful and smart, clean and very kind girl and i want sell my VIRGINiTY coz im very poor and my mother is sick :( i have born originally in india but im half india. Please if you can help me answer to me. Im waiting, you are my god. Please help me from my poor life :(

• • •

My name is Joy Friedman and my friend’s name is Sarah Mark. I am a 20 year old speech pathology and french major and she is a 19 year old dance education major. We are beautiful virgins looking to sell our virginity and we know that the BunnyRanch is a reputable business. We would love to work with you during this process so what’s our first step? Also, we are very honest and wouldn’t mind taking a lie detector test to prove that we are telling the truth.

• • •

As a perspective business woman, I like to weigh the fiscal reward of cutting back on certain aspects of life. Whether it’s shopping online and paying for shipping instead of shopping in store and paying for gas or buying e-books instead of paying for the hard copy of the same book, every decision has a lose-gain ratio to keep in mind. But as the very prominent business man you are, I’m sure you’re well aware of these things. Not only do I like to weigh my options in everyday matters, I also like to figure out the things that I could cut out completely but still benefit from. This is where you come in. I am of legal age and, with your help, I would like to negotiate the sale of my virginity.

• • •

Hello! I am an 18 year old virgin and I’d like to sell it using the BunnyRanch. I am a complete virgin and here is a list of the things I am willing to sell:

– intercourse

– blow job

– hand job

– cunnilingus

– anilingus

• • •

Hi my name is Jane Jackson, I am 19 years old and I want to auction off my virginity on the bunnyranch website because I am in need of money. I opened my very own restaurant and I have been featured on the news for being a young entrepreneur. Things are getting very tough for me and my family financially and I want to do this to provide them and myself a better life and hope. I have included pictures of myself in this email and I would love to hear back from you as soon as possible. Thank you :)

• • •

DEAR MR. HOF,

MY NAME IS ALEXANDRA. I’M A PRETTY ASIAN GIRL WITH A GREAT WILL TO WORK AT YOUR “PLEASURES EMPIRE”. I AM A PURE AND NATURAL VIRGIN WHO WANTS TO START THE FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE WITH YOU. I DON’T POSSESS THE MODEL-TYPE MEASUREMENTS, BUT A LOT OF MEN JUST LOVE MY GRACEFUL MINIATURE FIGURE AND SWEETY CHILDISH FACE.

• • •

My name is Alicia Alvarez and I am 18 years old. I live in Los Angeles CA and attend college, I am also a virgin. I’ve been told that I am very pretty and receiving male attention has never really been a problem but I have never met any guy/boy that I wanted to lose it to . . . There are many reasons why I want to do this but ill only list a few. The first reason is that, I don’t want to struggle as hard as I am struggling to support myself. I want to have the freedom to attend school full time without having to work a minimum wage job. I am majoring in Art. It has always been my dream to support myself through my work. Second reason is that at this point I will not meet anyone that I want to lose it to and I don’t want to wait forever. Don’t get me wrong, I know somewhere down the line I will find love and maybe a happily ever after. What I mean, is that I have already set my sights on selling my virginity that no one I meet could possibly compete with what i’ve conjured in my mind. The last reason is my family has always struggled financially; my parents are on the verge of losing the house that I grew up in. My household is crazy because there are times when no one at home will have even $5 for gas. I want to help my family. Attached to this e-mail are a few photos of myself. Thank you for your time and consideration and please respond at your earliest convenience. Thank you.

YOU DIDN’T THINK IT WOULD
all
be praise, did you? The BunnyRanch’s
inbox is regularly stuffed with fist-shaking denunciations and gleeful predictions that I will soon be burning in hellfires. A representative sampling:

Mr. Hof,

I am thoroughly disgusted by you and what you stand for. You falsely glamorize prostitution to these young and naive girls, promising them millions of dollars. These young girls don’t need money, but they need guidance and education. You turn innocent girls into whores by taking away their virginity. You take advantage of girls who have been raped and molested by using their vulnerability to pimp them out. You pimp them out and deface them. When they are all used up, I’m sure they are tossed out to the curb to be picked up by trash collectors.

You should be ashamed of yourself . . . Your parents must be disgusted by you! I would regret ever being born if I had given birth to you. You are the devil in every parents’ nightmare. You are enemy number one to every woman who fought back against male chauvinist pigs like you. You are enemy number one to every woman who worked hard for their education and broke-thru glass ceilings. You are the scum of earth for taking away self-worth, self-esteem and confidence away from girls. Be ashamed for one day you will meet your maker, and you will have to pay for what you’ve done to thousands of girls.

Watching You Very Closely,

NAME REDACTED

• • •

Bunnieranch,

Bible says all whores are the devils daughters! God hates whores who lay with satan! Stay off my tv set! God does not want whores in his country! Amerika is the land of the free and the brave and that means no whores! All whores want is money which is root of all evil! Bible says pimps take money from free men! Stay off my tv set!

HBO is the evil! HBO puts whores on my tv! God does not want whores on tv! TV is for those who are free and brave — not for whores! Our goverment needs less whores and more free men! Stop putting whores on tv or get the wrath of God! God sent locusts to Egypt and will send cockroaches to HBO! God will smite HBO and whores!

• • •

To Dennis Hof:

You piece of shit! You ruined my niece, turned her into an 18 year old hooker and sleep with her! You are a PIMP piece of shit who exploits naive young women and take half their money from them.

I wish you and your army of whores to burn in hell. You have destroyed my niece and no decent man will ever want her — she is damaged good thanks to your salesmanship in manipulating her to sell her body and soul.

You are an absolute pervert and scumbag for exploiting young women and you have no morality at all. Thanks to you my niece is destined to burn in hell along with you.

I shall pray for your soul, you evil pedophile.

PTL

• • •

Dear Mr. Hof:

Prostitution may be the world’s oldest profession, but it is also the most disgusting. The women you parade around on your HBO TV show are little more than pawns in your scheme to make money off their bodies. How would you like to have to have sex with a bunch of people that you don’t know or like? Like dozens of times a day? No, you would not, and they don’t either. They are just being exploited so you can buy expensive cigars. I wish the government would just put you out of business once and for all.