The Art of Seduction (78 page)

Mix Pleasure with Pain • 379

Symbol:
The Precipice. At the edge of a cliff, people often feel
lightheaded, both fearful and dizzy. For a moment they

can imagine themselves falling headlong. At the

same time, a part of them is tempted. Lead

your targets as close to the edge as

possible, then pull them

back. No thrill

without

fear.

Reversal

People who have recently experienced a lot of pain or a loss will flee if you try to inflict more on them. They have enough in their lives already. Far better to surround these types with pleasure—that will put them under your spell. The technique of inflicting pain works best on those who have it easy, who have power and few problems. People with comfortable lives may also feel a gnawing sense of guilt, as if they had gotten away with something. They may not consciously know it, but secretly they long for some punishment, a good mental thrashing, something that will bring them back down to earth.

Also, remember to not use the pleasure-through-pain tactic too early on. Some of the greatest seducers in history—Byron, Jiang Qing (Madame Mao), Picasso—had a sadistic streak, an ability to inflict mental torture. If their victims had known in advance what they were getting themselves into, they would have run for the hills. In truth, most of these seducers lured their targets into their webs by appearing to be paragons of sweetness and affection. Even Byron seemed like an angel when he first met a

woman, so that she tended to doubt his devilish reputation—a seductive doubt, for it allowed her to think of herself as the only one who really understood him. His cruelty would come out later on, but by then it would be too late. The victim's emotions were engaged, and his harshness would only intensify her feelings.

In the beginning, then, wear the mask of a lamb, making pleasure and attentiveness your bait. First get under their skin, then lead them on a wild ride.

Phase Four

Moving In for the Kill

First you worked on their mind—the mental seduction. Then you

confused and stirred them up
—
the emotional seduction. Now the
time has come for hand-to-hand combat—the physical seduction.

At this point, your victims are weak and ripe with desire: by show-.
ing a little coldness or uninterest, you will spark panic
—
they will
come after you with impatience and erotic energy (21: Give them
space to fall
—
the pursuer is pursued). To bring them to a boil, you
need to put their minds to sleep and heat up their senses. It is best
to lure them into lust by sending certain loaded signals that will get
under their skin and spread sexual desire like a poison (22: Use
physical lures). The moment to strike and move in for the kill is
when your victim is brimming with desire, but not consciously ex-
pecting the climax to come (23: Master the art of the bold move).
Once the seduction is over, there is the danger that disenchant-
ment will set in and ruin all your hard work (24: Beware the

aftereffects). If you are after a relationship, then you must con-
stantly re-seduce the victim, creating tension and releasing it. If
your victim is to be sacrificed, then it must be done swiftly and
cleanly, leaving you free (physically and psychologically) to move
on to the next victim. Then the game begins all over.

Give Them Space to Fall—

The Pursuer Is Pursued

If your targets become too used to you as the ag-

gressor, they will give less of their own energy, and the

tension will slacken. You need to wake them up, turn the

tables. Once they are under your spell, take a step back and

they will start to come after you. Begin with a touch of aloof-
ness, an unexpected nonappearance, a hint that you are grow-

ing bored. Stir the pot by seeming interested in someone else.

Make none of this explicit; let them only sense it and their

imagination will do the rest, creating the doubt you desire.

Soon they will want to possess you physically, and re-

straint will go out the window. The goal is to have them

fall into your arms of their own will. Create the

illusion that the seducer is being seduced.

Seductive Gravity

In the early 1840s, the center of attention in the French art world was a young woman named Apollonie Sabatier. She was so much the natural

beauty that sculptors and painters vied to immortalize her in their works, and she was also charming, easy to talk to, and seductively self-sufficient—

men were drawn to her. Her Paris apartment became a gathering spot for writers and artists, and soon Madame Sabatier—as she came to be known,
Omissions, denials,
although she was not married—was hosting one of the most important lit-
deflections, deceptions,
diversions, and humility
—

erary salons in France. Writers such as Gustave Flaubert, the elder Alexan-
all aimed at provoking this
dre Dumas, and Theophile Gautier were among her regular guests.

second state, the secret of

Near the end of 1852, when she was thirty, Madame Sabatier received
true seduction. Vulgar
seduction might proceed by

an anonymous letter. The writer confessed that he loved her deeply. Wor-
persistence, but true seduc-
ried that she would find his sentiments ridiculous, he would not reveal his
tion proceeds by absence. .
name; yet he had to let her know that he adored her. Sabatier was used to
. . It is like fencing: one
such attentions—one man after another had fallen in love with her—but
needs a field for the feint.
Throughout this period,

this letter was different: in this man she seemed to have inspired a quasi-
the seducer
[
Johannes
]
, far
religious ardor. The letter, written in a disguised handwriting, contained a
from seeking to close in on
poem dedicated to her; titled "To One Who Is Too Gay," it began by prais-
her, seeks to maintain his
distance by various ploys:

ing her beauty, yet ended with the lines

he does not speak directly

to her but only to her aunt,

And so, one night, I'd like to sneak,

and then about trivial or

stupid subjects; he neutral-

When darkness tolls the hour of pleasure,

izes everything by irony

A craven thief, toward the treasure

and feigned pedanticism;

Which is your person, plump and sleek. . . .

he fails to respond to any

feminine or erotic move-

And, most vertiginous delight!

ment, and even finds her a

Into those lips, so freshly striking

sitcom suitor to disenchant

And daily lovelier to my liking—

and deceive her, to the

Infuse the venom of my spite.

point where she herself

takes the initiative and

breaks off her engagement,

Mixed in with her admirer's adoration, clearly, was a strange kind of lust,
thus completing the
seduction and creating the

with a touch of cruelty to it. The poem both intrigued and disturbed
ideal situation for her total
her—and she had no idea who had written it.

abandon.

A few weeks later another letter arrived. As before, the writer en-—JEAN BAUDRILLARD, veloped Sabatier in cultlike worship, mixing the physical and the spiritual.
SEDUCTION,
TRANSLATED BY

And as before, there was a poem, "All in One," in which he wrote,

The rumor spread

No single beauty is the best,

everywhere. It was even

Since she is all one flower divine

told to the queen

O mystic metamorphosis!

[
Guinevere
]
, who was

seated at dinner. She

My senses into one sense flow—

nearly killed herself when

Her voice makes perfume when she speaks,

she heard the perfidious

Her breath is music faint and low!

rumor of Lancelot's death.

She thought it was true

and was so greatly

Clearly the author was haunted by Sabatier's presence, and thought of her
perturbed that she was

constantly—but now she began to be haunted by
him,
thinking of him
scarcely able to speak. . . .

night and day, and wondering who he was. His subsequent letters only
She arose at once from the

table, and was able to give

deepened the spell. It was flattering to hear that he was enchanted by more
vent to her grief without

than her beauty, yet also flattering to know that he was not immune to her
being noticed or overheard.

physical charms.

She was so crazed with the

thought of killing herself

One day an idea occurred to Madame Sabatier as to who the writer

that she repeatedly grabbed

might be: a young poet who had frequented her salon for several years,
at her throat. Yet first she

Charles Baudelaire. He seemed shy, in fact had hardly spoken to her, but
confessed in conscience,

repented and asked God's

she had read some of his poetry, and although the poems in the letters were
pardon; she accused herself
more polished, the style was similar. At her apartment Baudelaire would al
of having sinned against
ways sit politely in a corner, but now that she thought of it, he would smile
the one she knew had

always been hers, and who

at her strangely, nervously. It was the look of a young man in love. Now
would still be, were he

when he visited she watched him carefully, and the more she watched, the
alive. . . . She counted all

surer she was that he was the writer, but she never confirmed her intuition,
of the unkindnesses and

because she did not want to confront him—he might be shy, but he was a
recalled each individual

unkindness; she noted

man, and at some point he would have to come to her. And she felt certain
every one, and repeated

that he would. Then, suddenly the letters stopped coming—and Madame
often: "Oh misery! What

Sabatier could not understand why, since the last one had been even more
was I thinking, when my

lover came before me and I

adoring than all of the others before.

did not deign to welcome

Several years went by, in which she often thought of her anonymous

him, nor even care to

admirer's letters, but they were never renewed. In 1857, however, Baude
listen! Was I not a fool to
refuse to speak or even look

laire published a book of poetry,
The Flowers of Evil,
and Madame Sabatier
at him? A fool? No, so

recognized several of the verses—they were the ones he had written for
help me God, I was cruel

her. Now they were out in the open for everyone to see. A little while later
and deceitful!
. . . 7
believe

the poet sent her a gift: a specially bound copy of the book, and a letter,
that it was I alone who

struck him that mortal

this time signed with his name. Yes, he wrote, he was the anonymous
blow. When he came

writer—would she forgive him for being so mysterious in the past?

happily before me expecting

Furthermore, his feelings for her were as strong as ever: "You didn't think
me to receive him joyfully

and I shunned him and

for a moment that I could have forgotten you? . . . You to me are more
would never even look at

than a cherished image conjured up in dream, you're my superstition . . .
him, was this not a mortal

my constant companion, my secret! Farewell, dear Madame. I kiss your
blow? At that moment,

when I refused to speak, I

hands with profound devotion."

believe I severed both his

This letter had a stronger effect on Madame Sabatier than the others
heart and his life. Those

had. Perhaps it was his childlike sincerity, and the fact that he had finally
two blows killed him, I

think, and not any hired

written to her directly; perhaps it was that he loved her but asked nothing
killers.
•
"Ah God! Will I

of her, unlike all the other men she knew who at some point had always
be forgiven this murder, this

turned out to want something. Whatever it was, she had an uncontrollable
sin? Never! All the rivers

desire to see him. The next day she invited him to her apartment, alone.
Give Them Space to Fall
—
The Pursuer Is Pursued
•
387

Baudelaire appeared at the appointed hour. He sat nervously in his seat,
and the seas will dry up
gazing at her with his large eyes, saying little, and what he did say was for-
first! Oh, misery! How it
would have brought me

mal and polite. He seemed aloof. After he left a kind of panic seized
comfort and healing if I
Madame Sabatier, and the next day she wrote him a first letter of her own:
had held him in my arms

"Today I'm more calm, and I can feel more clearly the impression of our
once before he died. How?

Yes, quite naked next to

Tuesday evening together. I can tell you, without the danger of your think-
him, in order to enjoy him
ing I'm exaggerating, that I'm the happiest woman on the face of the earth,
fully. . . . " • . . . When
that I've never felt more truly that I love you, and that I've never seen you
they came within six or
look more beautiful, more adorable, my divine friend!"

seven leagues of the castle

where King Bademagu was

Madame Sabatier had never before written such a letter; she had always
staying, news that was
been the one who was pursued. Now she had lost her usual self-possession.
pleasing came to him about
And it only got worse: Baudelaire did not answer right away. When she saw
Lancelot
—
news that he
was glad to hear; Lancelot

him next, he was colder than before. She had the feeling there was some-
was alive and was
one else, that his old mistress, Jeanne Duval, had suddenly reappeared in his
returning, hale and hearty.
life and was pulling him away from her. One night she turned aggressive,
He behaved most properly
in going to inform the

embracing him, trying to kiss him, but he did not respond, and quickly
queen. "Good sir," she
found an excuse to leave. Why was he suddenly inaccessible? She began to
told him, "I believe it,
flood him with letters, begging him to come to her. Unable to sleep, she
since you have told me.
But were he dead, I assure

would wait all night for him to show up. She had never experienced such
you that I could never
desperation. Somehow she had to seduce him, possess him, have him all
again be happy."
to herself. She tried everything—letters, coquetry, all kinds of promises— • . . .
Now Lancelot had
until he finally wrote that he was no longer in love with her and that was
his every wish: the queen
willingly sought his

that.

company and affection as

he held her in his arms and

she held him in hers. Her

love-play seemed so gentle

Interpretation.
Baudelaire was an intellectual seducer. He wanted to over-
and good to him, both her
whelm Madame Sabatier with words, dominate her thoughts, make her fall
kisses and caresses, that in
in love with him. Physically, he knew, he could not compete with her
truth the two of them felt a
joy and wonder of which

many other admirers—he was shy, awkward, not particularly handsome. So
has never been heard or
he resorted to his one strength, poetry. Haunting her with anonymous let-
known. But I shall let it
ters gave him a perverse thrill. He had to know she would realize, eventu-
remain a secret for ever,
ally, that he was her correspondent—no one else wrote like him—but he
since it should not be
written of: the most

wanted her to figure this out on her own. He stopped writing to her be-
delightful and choicest
cause he had become interested in someone else, but he knew she would be
pleasure is that which is
thinking of him, wondering, perhaps waiting for him. And when he pub-
hinted at, but never told.
lished his book, he decided to write to her again, this time directly, stirring —CHRÉTIEN DE TROYES, up the old venom he had injected in her. When they were alone, he could
ARTHURIAN ROMANCES,
T R A N S L A T E D B Y W I L L I A M W .

see she was waiting for him to do something, to take hold of her, but he KIBLER

was not that kind of seducer. Besides, it gave him pleasure to hold himself back, to sense his power over a woman whom so many desired. By the time she turned physical and aggressive, the seduction was over for him. He had
He was sometimes so
made her fall in love; that was enough.

intellectual that I felt

The devastating effect of Baudelaire's push-and-pull on Madame
myself annihilated as a
Sabatier teaches us a great lesson in seduction. First, it is always best to keep
woman; at other times
he was so wild and

at some distance from your targets. You do not have to go as far as remain-
passionate, so desiring,
ing anonymous, but you do not want to be seen too often, or to be seen as
that I almost trembled
388
•
The Art of Seduction

before him. At times I was
intrusive. If you are always in their face, always the aggressor, they will be
like a stranger to him; at
come used to being passive, and the tension in your seduction will flag. Use
times he surrendered
letters to make them think about you all the time, to feed their imagina
completely. Then when I
threw my arms around
tion. Cultivate mystery—stop them from figuring you out. Baudelaire's let
him, everything changed,
ters were delightfully ambiguous, mixing the physical and the spiritual,
and I embraced a cloud.
teasing Sabatier with their multiplicity of possible interpretations.

— C O R D E L I A DESCRIBING

Then, at the point when they are ripe with desire and interest, when JOHANNES, IN SØREN

KIERKEGAARD,
THE SEDUCER'S

perhaps they are expecting you to make a move—as Madame Sabatier ex
DIARY,
TRANSLATED BY H O W A R D

pected that day in her apartment—take a step back. You are unexpectedly V. H O N G AND EDNA V. H O N G

distant, friendly but no more than that—certainly not sexual. Let this sink in for a day or two. Your withdrawal will trigger anxiety; the only way to relieve this anxiety is to pursue and possess you. Step back now and you
It is true that we could not
make your targets fall into your arms like ripe fruit, blind to the force of
love if there were not some
gravity that is drawing them to you. The more they participate, the more
memory in us
—
to the
their willpower is engaged, the deeper the erotic effect. You have chal
greatest extent an
unconscious memory
—
that
lenged them to use their own seductive powers on you, and when they re
we were once loved. But
spond, the tables will turn and they will pursue you with desperate energy.
neither could we love if this

feeling of being loved had

/
retreat and thereby teach her to be victorious as she pur-

not at some time suffered

doubt; if we had always

sues me. I continually fall back, and in this backward

been sure of it. In other

movement I teach her to know through me all the powers of

words, love would not be

erotic love, its turbulent thoughts, its passion, what longing

possible without having

is, and hope, and impatient expectancy.

been loved and then having

missed the certainty of

—SØREN KIERKEGAARD

being loved. . . . • The

need to be loved is not

elementary. This need is

certainly acquired by

Keys to Seduction

experience in later

childhood. It would be

better to say: by many

experiences or by a
Since humans are naturally obstinate and willful creatures, and prone to suspicions of people's motives, it is only natural, in the course of any se
repetition of similar ones. I
duction, that in some ways your target will resist you. Seductions, then, are
believe that these

experiences are of a
rarely easy or without setbacks. But once your victims overcome some of
negative kind. The child
their doubts, and begin to fall under your spell, they will reach a point
becomes aware that he is
where they start to let go. They may sense that you are leading them along,
not loved or that his
but they are enjoying it. No one likes things to be complicated and diffi
mother's love is not
unconditional. The baby
cult, and your target will expect the conclusion to come quickly. That is
learns that his mother can
the point, however, where you must train yourself to hold back. Deliver
be dissatisfied with him,
the pleasurable climax they are so greedily awaiting, succumb to the natural
that she can withdraw her