The Art of Life (68 page)

               
“Thank you for hearing it.
 
So, that is why it is important for you to
love, because it is a great thing.
 
I do
not regret loving Kaitlin for a second.”

               
“One day, I hope I can be in
love,” I sigh, just looking at him.

               
Shrugging, Jeremy says, “I don’t
think I was in love with her.
 
It was a
different kind of love.
 
Not something
out of a steamy romance novel.”

               
“Yeah,” I mumble, my mind
drifting to last night.
 
What am I
supposed to think of that now?
 
What were
we doing?
 
Does it even matter?
 
He doesn’t remember.
 
Maybe that is a good thing.

               
“Want to know something else
about me?” Jeremy asks.

               
With a smirk, I reply, “Sure.”

               
“One of the first things you
asked me was if I sleep around and the answer is no, because I have never been
with anyone, but Kaitlin.”

               
My jaw drops.
 
“What!?”

               
“Nope, not
anyone,” Jeremy states.
 
“I never
have wanted to.”
 
He pauses, looks at me
and then looks away.
 
“I mean, the
situation has never risen.
 
You know
what, I need some coffee.”

               
“You will probably just puke it
up,” I reply.
 
“Maybe you should lie
down.”

               
Jeremy gets up on his knees and
grimaces.
 
“Okay, I think I agree with
you, no coffee.
 
A bed sounds good.”

               
“Do you really think Kaitlin
would want you to get wasted on the anniversary of her dying?
 
Would she want that to be the way you
celebrated her?” I sternly ask.

               
Stopping, Jeremy turns and looks
at me.
 
“I have never thought about it
that way.”

               
“Well, maybe you should start
to,” I retort.

               
Humming, Jeremy says, “Hmmm,
yeah.
 
See, it’s good to have you around,
you make so much sense.”

               
“Thanks,” I reply, standing
up.
 
I grab him by the armpits and pull
him to his feet.
 
“You need to go lie
down.”

               
“Aye, aye, captain,” Jeremy
says, saluting me.

               
I roll my eyes.
 
“Go to bed.”

               
He walks into his room and falls
onto his bed.
 
I walk over and close his
door.
 
Quietly, I walk to my room and
shut my own door.
 
Not knowing what to
do, I sit down on my bed.
 
It’s then that
the tears come, the tears about last night, the tears for Jeremy and
Kaitlin.
 
I put my face in my hands and
cry.

               
After I stop crying, I sit and
stare at the wall.
 
I knew last night
didn’t mean anything, but to have him forget completely.
 
That makes it painful.
 
I shouldn’t be upset, should I?
 
It was fun and maybe I should just take it as
that.
 
I just can’t get rid of this
nagging feeling.

               
Then you add on Kaitlin. It
hurts me to know he is in so much pain about it, but then part of me feels
uneasy.
 
He calls me his best friend but
I obviously will never live up to Kaitlin.
 
Is it wrong of me to feel this way?
 
Part of me feels angry or jealous about how close they were.
 
It makes me feel inadequate.
 
Is he only helping me because of her?
 
How much of our friendship is a reminder of
her and not about
us,
or me even.
 
And the worst part is that I can’t talk to
anyone about it.
 
I would go to
Cassandra, but I can’t talk about any of it.
 
Maybe about last night, but even then, do I want to admit to that?
 
And what if it got back to Jeremy!?
 
I can’t, I just can’t talk about it.
 
So, I sit and cry a little more.

               
A few hours later, I check my
eyes once again to see if they are still red.
 
Finally, they aren’t.
 
I go out
into the kitchen.
 
I grab the tea kettle
and put it on the stove.

               
Suddenly, I hear my phone go
off. I walk over to the kitchen table.
 
My eyebrows shoot up when I see that it is Eric.
 
I quickly answer it.
 
“Hello?”

               
“Isabelle?”

               
“Yeah, hey
Eric.
 
How are you doing?” I ask,
somewhat awkwardly.

               
“I am doing great and yourself?”

               
Rolling my eyes in exhaustion, I
say, “Pretty good.”

               
“Awesome,” he replies.
 
“Anyway, Jack and a bunch of us are going to
Legend’s to have pizza and play mini golf.
 
We were wondering if you would like to come.
 
Jeremy too, of course, if he doesn’t find it
lame
.”

               
I think about it for a
second.
 
You know what, I need this.
 
“Okay, Jeremy isn’t feeling well today, but I
would love to come.
 
The only problem is
that Jeremy is sleeping and he is my money supply.
 
He isn’t feeling well, so I don’t want to
wake him up, and I refuse to go into his wallet.
 
So, yeah, I don’t know IF I can go.”

               
“Oh, I can totally pay for
you.
 
No big deal what’s-so-ever.
 
We are meeting up in an hour and half.
 
If Jeremy is sleeping you will probably need
a ride, right?”

               
“Yeah,” I groan.
 
“I still haven’t gotten my license yet.
 
I have to learn to
parallel
park
and that’s it.”

               
“Well I can come pick you
up.
 
Where do you guys live?”

               
Trying to remember, I give him
directions.
 
“If you get lost,” I finally
say, “Just call me.”

               
“I will honk the horn when I get
there,” Eric says very happily.
 
“So….I
will see you in a little bit?”

               
“Definitely,” I reply,
smiling.
 
“See you in a few.”

               
We say our good byes and I hang
up.
 
I kind of stand
there, for a moment, in shock.
 
I know
it’s not a date, but Eric called to actually do something with me.
 
This is great.
 
This is greater than great.
 
This is epic!
 
I quickly dart to my bedroom.
 
Opening
my closet, I stare at my clothes.
 
I have
no idea what to wear.
 
Cassandra!
 
I immediately dial her number.

               
It rings and rings and finally I
hear her voice.
 
“Hello
Miss. Isabelle.”

               
“Hi,” I spit out.
 
“I need your help.”

               
Sounding concerned, Cassandra
asks, “What’s wrong?”

               
“Nothing is wrong,” I sigh.
 
“Eric just called me and asked me to do
something.
 
It’s not a date, there are
going to be other people there.”

               
“That can still be considered a
date,” Cassandra counters.
 
“But that’s
neither here nor there.
 
What do you need
my help on?”

               
With a groan, I say, “I don’t
know what to wear!”

               
“What are you guys doing on this
non date?”

               
“Mini golf and pizza,” I answer.

               
There is a moment of silence and
then she says, “The black plaid skirt and your red button up.
 
Wear the boots with them.”

               
“I am not wearing those boots
mini golfing!”

               
“Fine,” she giggles.
 
“Wear the black flats.
 
You have to call me later and tell me how it
goes.”

               
With a happy sigh, I say, “I
will, but I am going to go get ready.
 
Thank you for your advice.”

               
“Anytime, have fun!”

               
“I will thanks.”
 
With that, we hang up.
 
I quickly undress.
 
When I pull out a bra, I pick one of my nice
ones.
 
Yeah, no way in hell he is going
to see it, but it will make me feel a little more daring.
 
I put on the skirt and shirt and look in the
mirror.
 
Using one of the smaller
scarves, I cover my neck.
 
I am going to
be really happy when I have to stop wearing these.
 

               
When I go into the bathroom to
fix my hair and make-up, Jeremy’s door opens.
 
My heart drops down a little.
 
I
just continue to put on my make-up.
 
He
walks up next to me.
 
“Where are you
going?”

               
“I am going out with Eric,” I
reply matter-of-factly.

               
There is an awkward pause, and
then Jeremy asks, “Like on a date?”

               
“I don’t know,” I reply.
 
“There are going to be other people there,
but he is picking me up, and paying for me.
 
So, I don’t know what that suggests.”

               
Crossing his arms, Jeremy
suddenly gets a different air around him.
 
“I can give you money if you need it.
 
He doesn’t have to pay for you.”
                                          

               
“Jeremy,” I state.
 
“You were passed out and hung over, I wasn’t about
to wake you up.
 
Eric offered to pay and
I think that is nice of him.
 
He is a
good guy.”

               
“He better treat you well,”
Jeremy snarls.

               
I look at him.
 
“Behave yourself and calm down.”

               
Jeremy steps forward and puts
his arms around me.
 
He brings his lips
to my cheek and kisses it ever so softly.
 
“I worry about you.”
 
That kiss
sends shivers down my spine.
 
I suddenly
push back and shy away from him.
 
Jeremy
looks at me concerned, “What’s wrong Izzy?”

               
“Nothing,” I mumble.
 
“I just need to get ready.”
 
My chest is tightening at the thought of him
forgetting.
 
I will always remember what
happened.
 
The touches and what they felt
like, but that isn’t even a concern for him.
 
So now what do I do?