The Arrow: A Highland Guard Novel (The Highland Guard) (15 page)

God knew, there had been enough of them. Cate could not change the past, but she was no longer willing to make excuses for him:
you aren’t old enough
, she would tell herself,
he doesn’t see you yet; just be a little more patient, and it will be you
.

She was tired of being patient, and she wouldn’t let him do anything to break her heart before she’d had a chance to give it to him.

He would thank her for it.

Eventually.

She hoped.

But his expression yesterday at the kirk definitely hadn’t been thankful. It had been more an “I’m going to give you an ear-blistering lecture” kind of look. Until he had a chance to calm down a bit, she thought a little evasion was prudent. There was a difference between cowardly and not stupid.

Perhaps she’d go on an extra-long ride this morning? After checking with Ete that Eddie and Maddy were taken care of, and swiping an apple and a piece of cheese from the kitchens since she’d missed the morning meal, Cate clambered down the wooden stairs of the tower house into the bailey below in search of Pip. Though he’d never sat on a horse before arriving at Dunlyon, the lad had taken to riding like a fish to swimming. As she thought she might ride out to Loch Tay to visit her friend Anna, Willy’s older sister, she wanted Pip to accompany her. It would give him a chance to build on their conversation of yesterday.

Assuming she would find him in the barn with the pup, she ducked inside and was about to call out when she came
to a hard stop, feeling as if she’d just slammed into a stone wall.

Her breath caught, her heart lurched and hung weightlessly in the air, and the blood racing through her veins drained to the floor. The shock was so profound, it took a few blinks to process what she was seeing. And then she wanted to close her eyes and block out the image forever.

No. He can’t be kissing her. Please let it not be Seonaid. Anyone but Seonaid
.

But there was no mistaking the perfectly coiled plaits of long blond hair beneath the veil, the fine dark blue velvet gown, and the generously curved backside. Seonaid was standing on her tiptoes, her arms twined around his neck, her body stretched out against his. His head was bent, silky golden-brown hair slumped to the side, as he deftly tipped Seonaid’s chin with his fingers to tilt her mouth to his.

The wide, sensuous mouth that Cate had imagined so many times pressed against hers was kissing another’s. No, not just another’s,
Seonaid’s
.

She’d seem him kiss other women before, but this time it was different. This time the hurt was bigger and more powerful. The white-hot knife of pain stabbed through her heart and stayed there burning, twisting, digging deeper as the kiss went on.

Stop. Please, stop
.

She swayed, her legs suddenly weak. They want to crumple to the floor like she did.

God, it hurt. How could he do this? This wasn’t supposed to happen. This wasn’t what she’d planned.

It’s supposed to be me
.

Seonaid’s taunts came back to her. Was this what he wanted, then? Someone like Seonaid?

This is the kind of man he is
.

No. It couldn’t be. But then why was he doing this?

Cate felt the tears threatening to storm, hot and tight in
her throat. She wanted to turn and run before he saw her, but her feet had turned to lead.

Then it was too late. A fierce barrage of yapping rang out as the pup came tearing across the barn toward the embracing couple. The tiny terrier obviously didn’t like what he saw either, because he started to growl ferociously (as ferociously as a five-pound pup could) and nip at Gregor’s heels.

Gregor had to push Seonaid back to break the kiss. That he seemed to do so with obvious relief didn’t make Cate feel any better.

“What the hell?” He tried to move his feet around to untangle the pup, but the pup had no intention of letting go.

Seonaid, who at first seemed furious to have been disturbed, started to wail as if terrified by the tiny ball of fur who was barely big enough to fill two hands. “What is it?” she cried. “Oh God, kill it!”

Pip appeared out of nowhere to pluck the dog from Gregor’s heels to the safety of his arms. “It’s only a dog,” he said scornfully to the whimpering woman.

Finally, Gregor turned in her direction. Their eyes locked, and the blow landed anew, reverberating through her chest in a heavy drum of hurt, pain, and disappointment.

But now there was also anger. She’d believed in him, defended him to this very woman, and he’d made her look like a naive fool. She’d thought there was more to him than the handsome heartbreaker. More to him than the untouchable rogue. She’d thought she understood him. That they had a special connection, and that one day he would see it.

But maybe one day would be too late. Maybe she didn’t understand him at all. Maybe the only connection they had was in her mind. Maybe he was just as untouchable as he seemed. And maybe, just maybe, all he would do if she let him was break her heart.

But she wasn’t going to let him. If Seonaid and her big breasts and beautiful face were what he wanted, he could have them.

“Aye,” she said, looking straight at him. “It’s just a dog.”

Gregor knew she meant him, and not the demonic scrap of fur that had done its best to sink its tiny teeth into his boots.

The barb was well aimed. He felt no better than a dog when he saw her face. She’d looked shattered, and he felt like a man who’d just taken a hammer to her fragile dreams.

Christ, this was what he’d been trying to prevent. He’d never wanted to hurt her. But one look at her face, and he knew just how badly he’d done that.

It was the disappointment, however, that cut him to the quick. He hadn’t realized how much her belief in him mattered until it was gone. From the first, Cate had looked at him like some kind of hero. God knows, he’d never wanted it, and had always known he would somehow tarnish that shining-armor image she had in her mind, but he hadn’t realized how much he’d come to depend on it, how much it would bother him when it was gone, and how much it would remind him of the other person he’d disappointed.

His father had been ashamed of Gregor’s “pretty face” from practically the day he’d been born, yet ironically it was all the man ever saw. “Christ, just look at him!” his father would say to Gregor’s mother. “The lad will never have to work hard for anything. See how people bend over to make him happy. He’ll be a wastrel and a popinjay for the rest of his life.”

His father’s portent had proved true. In Gregor’s youth, it seemed that whatever he tried to do, it always went wrong. By the time he’d turned fourteen or fifteen he’d given up trying and entered a period of full-fledged rebellion, where he took great pains to throw his irresponsibility
in his father’s face. That had changed when he’d gone off to join the fighting at eighteen, but by then it was too late. No matter how hard Gregor worked to prove himself, his father had never seen him as anything other than weak and unreliable. And now Cate was looking at him the same way, and he hated it.

But it was her own fault, damn it! He’d never asked for her faith. Hell, he’d never wanted it. Why was she so surprised? So what if he kissed another lass? He could kiss whoever the hell he wanted!

Although next time it wouldn’t be
this
lass clutching his chest as if a swarm of rats were circling around her feet.

Nay, not rats,
rat
.

His gaze fell on the scraggly-looking pup tucked protectively against the chest of another scraggly-looking creature. Both were black-haired and scrawny, and both were looking at him as if
he
were filth under their feet. The lad was silent; the pup, however, was not, and its frantic, high-pitched yapping was too reminiscent of another terrier he’d rather not remember.

“Shut that thing up,” he snapped.

“Which one?” Pip replied, with an eye to Seonaid.

Gregor might have cracked a smile—Seonaid’s high-pitched wail was just as annoying as the pup’s—if he hadn’t heard Cate muffle a sharp laugh.

Shooting them both a quelling stare, while silently agreeing, he attempted to calm the lass whose arms had taken on the distinct feel of tentacles.

He never should have kissed her in the first place. It had felt wrong from the very beginning. If it wouldn’t reinforce everything Cate thought about him, he might admit that he didn’t even like Seonaid. In fact, he would have pulled back the moment their lips touched if he hadn’t heard the footsteps and sharp intake of breath that had identified Cate.

No matter how unpleasant, however, the kiss had served
its purpose. Cate had been disenchanted. She was no longer looking at him with the heart-in-the-clouds adoration of a young girl. No, the way she was looking at him was far too clear-eyed.

It was what he wanted, wasn’t it?

“Here,” Cate said, reaching for the tiny beast. “Let me take him. He’s probably just scared by all that caterwauling.”

Seonaid had calmed enough to narrow her eyes on Cate. “That thing, scared? It was the one who attacked us.”

The pup had quieted, and was nuzzling its small head into Cate’s hand like it couldn’t get enough of her touch as she petted it.

What would it feel like to have those hands on him? Gregor’s blood surged.
Incredible
. God, he knew without a doubt that it would feel bloody incredible.

Oblivious to Gregor’s unwanted and illicit thoughts about where he would like to have those nimble fingers stroking him, Cate looked back and forth between Seonaid and the pup. “You must have been terrified,” she dead-panned. “He is quite vicious.”

Seonaid’s gaze hardened, and there was something cruel in her eyes that made Gregor uneasy. Had he unwittingly struck deeper than he intended?

“Fortunately, I didn’t need to act like a man to protect myself.” Seonaid latched onto his arm again. “I had a real one by my side to do so.” She blushed, casting him a coy glance from under her lashes. “Well, not exactly at my side.” She laughed and turned to Cate. “As I’m sure you saw.”

The gloating in her voice left Gregor no doubt of just what a big mistake he’d made. If they’d been friends once, they weren’t any longer.

“I hope you are not too disappointed, Caitrina,” Seonaid added. Cate’s face went white. She seemed frozen in place, her fingers stiff in the dog’s fur. Seonaid batted her lashes
at him, and he wondered how he’d ever thought her pretty. “You know she has a little
tendre
for you. But I told her a man like you would be more … 
discerning
.” She laughed as if him desiring Cate were the most ludicrous thing in the world.

If she only knew.

Gregor’s eyes shot to Cate’s. He didn’t know what he’d expected. To see her embarrassed? Humiliated, as Seonaid had intended?

But he hadn’t given her enough credit. Cate didn’t look like an immature girl at all when she lifted her chin almost regally and looked down her nose at the other woman. “It wasn’t a
tendre
, Seonaid. I said I loved him.”

The soft, matter-of-fact declaration shocked the blond viper into silence.

She wasn’t alone. Gregor felt as if he’d just been struck in the ribs with a war hammer. The air seemed to have left his lungs. He’d heard countless declarations of the like from many different women, but none had ever affected him like Cate’s simply spoken words. Hell, for a moment they almost sounded true.

In contrast to the gloating Seonaid, who’d cornered him in the stable to offer her body up as a ploy to a wedding ring, Cate’s straightforward admission was a breath of fresh air and the polar opposite of the coy games and schemings he’d come to expect from women who thought sleeping in his bed would earn them a proposal. How many times had he walked into a room and heard some woman boast about how she would be the one to trap the elusive warrior?

“ ’Tis no secret,” Cate continued. “I’m sure Gregor knew my sentiments just as well as you.” Her gaze flickered to his only for an instant, but it was long enough to make something in his chest tighten.

He pulled his arm away from Seonaid’s, reaching for her. “Cate, I—”

“Sorry for the interruption,” she said too chirpily, quickly stepping away from him. “Come, Pip, let’s take the pup to the kitchens to see if we can find him something to eat.”

She was gone before he could stop her. But what could he say? “I’m sorry you think you love me? I didn’t want to break your heart? I’m not the man for you?” All were true, but none would ease the sting of what had just happened.

Time was the only thing that would do that. Aye, in time she would see it was all for the best.

Eight
 

Two days was long enough.

Hearing the clatter of swords on the opposite side of the bailey beyond the barracks, Gregor quickened his step as he descended the tower house stairs. Although he was curious to see all the improvement John kept talking about, it was Cate—and not her swordplay—that he was anxious to see.

He couldn’t take the tension any longer.

Cate wasn’t ignoring him or avoiding him … exactly. But the way her mouth pursed when their gazes happened to meet, or the way the bland smile never seemed to reach her eyes when he tried to make her laugh at the midday meal, or the way her chin came up as if bracing herself whenever he addressed her directly, told him that she was still furious with him. Maybe more than furious. Maybe he’d finally succeeded in wresting every star from her eyes.