The Arrangement Anthology (26 page)

CHAPTER 6

The night seems to take forever. It seems like the sun will never rise. I get up before dawn. I can’t sleep anyway. I pull on jeans and a sweatshirt.

As I yank my hair back into a sloppy ponytail, Amber stirs. She groans, “Where are you going, freak? It’s not even 6:00am.”

“Go back to bed, Skankzilla.” I glance at her. Amber isn’t really awake. I doubt she’ll even remember talking to me. I yank on my sneakers as she rolls back over and disappears under her covers. I wish I could sleep like that, but I can’t. I hardly sleep at all anymore. There are too many thoughts racing through my head, too many memories that flash just as I close my eyes. My body aches, tired from lack of sleep—tired from life.

Grabbing my wallet, I shove it in my back pocket, take my book
bag, and fish my keys out of my purse. I walk down the hall alone. No one is awake. The kids that stay up forever are passed out somewhere. The only sound I hear is the hum of the florescent lights overhead. Adjusting my bag on my shoulder, I run down the flights of stairs, and push open the door.

Frigid air blasts me in the face. It feels like I walked into a freezer. I welcome the onslaught of sensations, the way the air pricks my skin, stinging it. It reminds me that I’m alive and I need that right now, I need that today.

After getting my car started, I drive to the beach. I’m not searching for the lost necklace today. That’s not what this is about. I need to hear the waves and feel the sand. I need the peace that eludes me and I know that I can find it there, despite everything that’s happened to me.

The roads are fairly empty once I hit Ocean Parkway. No one goes to the bea
ch this early, not when it’s freezing outside. I shiver in my car, as I drive along, watching sea and sand fly by my window. It isn’t until I pull into Field 5 and step out of my car that I feel like I can relax a little. It’s too cold. I know I can’t stay long, but I can’t shake the crushing grief. It snuck up on me in the middle of the night and wouldn’t let go. For some reason, sitting and watching the waves makes me feel better. This is my security blanket, the one thing that makes me feel better even on the worst days.

I walk onto the sand and head toward the water. Glancing up and down the beach, I see no one. Seagulls screech overhead and fly away when they see I have no food. I sit on the dry sand and stare out at the wave
s. The sea is smooth today, like a sheet of black glass. It laps at the shore, almost hugging it as if they were friends. Solace finds me and an unexplainable inner-warmth swirls within my stomach.

Everyth
ing will be okay.

I stare, unblinking at the sea, allowing the wind to chill my skin until it’s numb. I wrap my arms around my knees and pull them to my chest, locking my fingers. I breathe, and blink.
Sometimes it’s the little things that help me get through the big things. Taking one moment at a time, one breath at a time. It seems manageable, even when my life is not.

The sun is creeping over the
horizon, lazily spilling orange and pink streaks across the sky.  It isn’t until the sun is halfway up that I see someone dressed in a heavy coat down the beach. They’re standing so far away that I can’t see their face. The man is speck on the horizon, a black dot in a warm coat.

My throat tightens. I react to him. I know it’s
him
. I sense it. The wind ruffles his dark hair. The man turns his head as if he can feel my gaze. My heart beats harder. I wish it would still. I wish Sean didn’t make me respond this way.

I ignore him. Maybe I
’m wrong. Maybe it’s some other guy. I can hope. My tongue presses against the back of my teeth as I lock my jaw. I try to relax and ignore the man, but I can’t. I stare at the slow waves and the next time I look down the beach, the man is gone. The tension lining my spine softens and I breathe in deeply.

I blink and decide to fall back in the sand. The urge to lay back and look at the sky overwhelms me. Things like the sky and the sea calm me. They remind me how small I am. Maybe that makes other people feel lost, but it makes me feel like maybe my problems aren’t so large, like maybe I can really survive this life and all the things that
have happened to me. If a grain of sand can stand to be pounded by the sea, then I can take the beating I’ve been handed.

Sucking in a deep breath, I smile and fall back onto the sand. When I look up, I expect to see the colors of the sunrise painted across the sky, but I don’t. I see
a man’s upside-down face, looking at me. I screech and push up on my elbows, crab-walking away from him a few paces, until my brain registers that he isn’t here to kill me—that I know him.

“What the hell, Ferro?” I grab my heart through my sweatshirt. I can’t breathe. I don’t look up at him. There’s something about his eye
s that will make me believe whatever he has to say. I can’t be here, not with him. Not now.

Sean looks down at me. I can feel his gaze on my cheek. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to startle you. I was—”

“Well, what the hell were you doing, standing that close if you didn’t mean to startle me? I mean—fuck—could you be any creepier? Damn, Sean.” I stand up and brush the sand off my shirt and my jeans. I walk away from Sean before he answers. I don’t want to hear it.

Sean’s behind me, following me. “Avery, wait. I wanted to tell you—”

But I don’t stop. I’ll never stop—not for him—not ever again. Sean’s mouth is filled with lies. His voice makes deceit sound like music. If I stop, if I look at him, I’m screwed. I’ll cave in and hear Sean out and I don’t want to. There’s nothing he can say that will fix what he’s done. He flambéed any chance we had for anything. I walk faster, but my feet just sink into the sand. It fills my sneakers, but I don’t stop.

“Avery!”
Sean calls behind me. “I need to give this to you. Wait a second.”

I hear him running up behind me. As I step onto the boardwalk and off the sand, Sean catches up with me. He manages to grab my elbow. I whirl around, heart pounding. Everything he does puts me on edge.
Sean can’t speak without my pulse roaring in my ears. My brain registers the touch as pain. My arm sears like he’s burned me. I yank it back, hard, and then swing. I throw my shoulder into the punch, not holding back.

Shock flashes across
Sean’s beautiful features swiftly. My fist is on a collision course with his face. At the last second, Sean steps to the side. My punch lands on his shoulder. He grabs my wrist and holds it tight. Sean looks down at me like I’ve lost my mind. “What are you doing?”

I try to pull away from him, but he doesn’t release me. Every inch of my body is shaking with rage. It courses through my veins and I feel like I’m going to explode. Still, I don’t look at his eyes. He’s a goddamn snake, a viper. He’ll steal my soul and devour me.

I scream in his face without looking higher than his chin. “What am I doing? What are you doing? This is my place, not yours! You have no fucking right to—”

“To what?”
He yanks my wrist and pulls me closer, making my body smack into his. The scent of his cologne hits me hard. Vivid memories of his body intertwined with mine flash through my mind. “To what, Avery?” His voice makes me want to cry. The way he talks to me—it sounds like nothing’s happened—that he still regards me exactly the same way he did before, and it kills me. It kills me because that means that I meant nothing to him, not before and not now.

I twist my hand out of his grip and
pull away. I feel reach toward my shoulder and evade his hand so he can’t touch me. “To nothing! Nothing… Just leave me alone.” My voice no longer shakes. My neck feels tight like it might turn to stone. I lock my jaw to keep from speaking. I hasten my pace and walk away from him. I hear Sean’s expensive shoes following me down the boardwalk. I don’t look back. I just walk faster.

“I have something for you.” Sean says it like he’s going to hand me the piggy kite, like nothing went badly between us. I don’t turn back. I don’t look over my shoulder when I no longer hear his footfalls inching closer and closer.

I’ll never go back to him. He can go to hell.

I manage to start my car and leave without speaking to him. Sean doesn’t follow
me. I don’t see his car. He lets me leave. I don’t understand why he was here, why he followed me. I can barely think, so I don’t think at all. I don’t know why Sean was here, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing he does matters anymore.

CHAPTER 7

The rest of the week is more of the same—more sleepless nights, more tension that won’t ease out of my muscles, more distance from my friends. Mel watches me closely. It makes me feel brittle, like I’ll lose it if she says something to me, so I avoid her for a few days. Marty is even worse. Ever since he broke that
test tube in lab, he’s become more distant. I wish I knew what I did that made him like this, but I won’t ask. I know he won’t tell me.

Miss
Black called me midweek and told me that I would be an escort this weekend, to show up at her place on Friday night at 6:00pm and she’ll go over the details. It’s an hour before our meeting. I’m trying to pin up my hair into a loose up-do. I hope it looks sexy and not sloppy. There’s a fine line with hairstyles and I’m never really sure which side of the line I’m on.

I slip into my only dress and heels and head for my car. On the way outside, I see Marty walking toward me in the parking lot. His eyes sweep over me and he grins.
“Hey, hooker. Got a hot date?”

I smirk in response.
“Maybe. And calling me ‘hooker’ is really weird.”

“Yeah,”
Marty replies, looking at me from under his lashes like he’s a big kid. He’s all smiles again. It’s nice. “I’d rather call you tramp anyway.”

I lightly punch his arm and lean into him. I’m surprised when he pulls me in for a bear hug.
Crumpling my dress, Marty holds me so tightly that I can’t breathe. Whatever made him upset with me seems to be gone. Thank God. I need him. I had no idea how much support he gave me until he was gone. Marty spins me around once and sets me down.

Laughing, I smack his chest.
“You ass! You wrinkled my dress. And, if you’re going to call me by my nickname, at least get it right. I’m Tramperella. See,” I say pointing at my silvery shoes, “glass slippers.”

Marty laughs
, but there’s an oddness to it, like he won’t ever call me that. His eyes dart away. “Better get going, right? It’s not like you can skip it tonight, is it?”

I shake my head. “No. I have to fix this. I’ll see you later. It shouldn’t be all night.” Marty perks up at that. He smiles, says he’ll
wait up for me and heads into the dorm to look for Mel. For some reason, she’s home tonight. Maybe she has a stash of cash and only works when she runs out. I wish I could plan ahead like that. I kind of suck at planning. Obviously.

I arrive at Miss Black’s and take the elevator up to her floor. When I step out, Gabe is standing there. I nearly walk straight into him. “Oh,” I say, startled
, and step back. “Is Miss Black here?”

The large man nods and says nothing, gesturing for me to go around him. I walk around him slowly and wonder what’s going on. As I walk back toward Miss Black’s office, I hear her heels clicking on the floor, coming toward me.

“There you are. You’re late.” Miss Black glances up at me and takes in my outfit. She looks like she’s going to have a coronary. “Avery, we’ve discussed this. You cannot wear the same outfit day after day.”

I glance at my dress.
“Why not? This is a different client and the dress is clean. I don’t smell bad, do I?” My stomach flips as I consider sniffing my armpits. I stop myself and wait for her answer, but Miss Black doesn’t dignify me with a response. Instead, she walks swiftly to the wardrobe she has hanging in her office.

When I walk into her office, Miss Black is reaching into the back of her closet.
She pulls out a hanger with a dark red dress. It’s sleek and long, and from the looks of it, way too small for me. “Wear this. And as soon as you work off this debt, you have to purchase your own attire. Is that clear?”

I nod and take the dress. I strip down to my undies and bra before trying to slip into the dress. Black is behind her desk, looking for something. When she glances up at me, she sighs like I’m an idiot. “Lose t
he bra. It has a built in. Since the client didn’t purchase your company for the entire night, the dress code differs.”

The red
gown is around my hips. I’m trying to shimmy it up as she speaks, but it won’t go over my curves. The zipper bites into my thigh. Miss Black stares at me with an expression on her face that makes me nervous. “It doesn’t seem to fit.” I step out of the dress and look down at the fabric in my hands

She d
oesn’t answer. Miss Black steps around her desk, and takes the dress from my hands. She snaps, “Bra off. Now.” She’s practically tapping her foot. I have no idea what she’s doing. That dress won’t fit me. My hips are too wide. I don’t have the guts to refuse, and I need to go on this date, so I yank off my bra and drop it on the chair next to me.

“Arms over your head,” she says and I pull my hands together on top of my head like I’m going to jump off a diving board. Miss Black manages to slip the gown over my head without messing up my hair. The buttery fabric falls into place, clinging to my curves. “Turn,” she snaps. I turn around and Miss Black inches up the invisible zipper on the side of the gown. I can
barely breathe, it’s so tight.

“There,”
Miss Black says when the dress is on. “Go look in the mirror behind the door.”

I turn from her
, walk to the office door, and close it. There’s a full length mirror for me to see my entire figure in this dress. When I look at the glass, I can’t believe it. I look older, more mature, with more curves than I ever dreamed possible. The dress makes my waist look tiny, while making my boobs look ginormous. Even my hips look perfect in this dress. I’m a bombshell, all feminine curves with each and every one on display.

I can’t find my voice at first. I’m shocked. “Holy… this dress is amazing.”

“Yes, it certainly is. Come over here.” I walk toward her slowly. The gown is fitted and clings to my body. It doesn’t flare out until it hits my knee. If I had to chase my car down Deer Park Avenue, I wouldn’t be able to run in this thing. It’s so clingy.

“This is your date for the
evening. His name is Henry Thomas. Normally, we don’t divulge full names, but he needed an escort for a business meeting. You are to be cordial and polite. Speak when spoken to, but otherwise you are an ornament—arm candy. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

Miss Black narrows her eyes at me. “If you blow this Avery, you have no place here. There are no more chances, no more do-overs. And, the debt will be taken in a different way, and believe me—you don’t want that. So no matter what happens, you are to make sure that Mr. Thomas has a wonderful night.”

I nod slowly, wondering
how else they’d take the debt. Swallowing hard, I ask, “What if he wants more? I mean, does he know that things are…” I don’t know what to call it. “Does he know that there’s no sex?”

“Yes, he knows.
” Miss Black leans her hip back against her desk. “He requested an escort for a business transaction. Your presence makes the meeting have a more social feel, which he thought would benefit both parties. Tension and testosterone often end poorly. Adding a beautiful woman to the mix makes things more palatable.

“
If Mr. Thomas requires additional services, they will not be tonight. There are no changes once a contract is executed. You are expected to act familiar, touch his hand or shoulder, kiss him if he deems it appropriate, but that is all. He is aware of the rules. Since, things have gone poorly for you, Gabe will be your driver tonight. He’ll be watching you and reporting back to me. If things are not up to par tonight, Miss Stanz—”

I cut her off, understanding her warning. “They will be. I will be everything you expect and more. I promise.” She nods, but looks skeptical. After a moment, I ask, “How many times do I have to do this to pay back the money I owe?”

“Too many, Avery. Odds are, you’ll have to be promoted to a call girl again to be able to earn that kind of money. If you manage to do well tonight, I’ll make it happen. There was a gentlemen here yesterday asking about someone like you.”

My heart is stone. The idea of having another man’s hands on me doesn’t make me shiver an
ymore. I know what I need to do. I know that I need to steel myself so that I feel nothing. Mel’s plan of having fun didn’t work. I seem to be monogamous to my core. It’s not exactly unexpected, but I’m still surprised. I guess I want what everyone else wants—someone to love. Love and sex aren’t the same thing. I know that now. I should have known it before, but that simple fact never fully sunk in.

“Thank you,” I manage.
Thank you for letting me be a hooker. Thank you for being my pimp
.

I wonder how I fell so far so fast. If someone told me that I’d be doing this a year ago, I would have laughed in their face. Now, nothing is funny. Truth is like that, sharp as a knife and twice as painful.

Miss Black goes over a few other details about the night, and I’m escorted to the front of the suite where Gabe is waiting for me. Gabe walks to the elevator and presses the button. Miss Black and I stand in silence for a moment. The doors slide open and before I can step inside, she clears her throat. I look back.

“Don’t disappoint me
, Avery,” Miss Black warns, and turns back without waiting for my reply.