The Arrangement (22 page)

The second woman pointed toward the back wall. Enticed by the smell, Evie followed Brooke and Morgan to the back table.

Brooke stood next to Evie and whispered in her ear, “The curly headed girl is Andrea. She’s a senior design major and tons of fun. The really pretty girl is Leigh,” she explained and nodded toward the slender girl who pointed to the hot chocolate, “but she has no idea she’s pretty. And Macey is the one who hasn’t said anything, but don’t expect that to last long.”

Evie watched as the girls giggled quietly until Morgan took a seat at the table and pulled a book from her bag.

“Okay,” Morgan began, “first, I think Brooke wants to introduce her friend and then we’ll get started.”

All eyes turned to Brooke, who leaned back to look at Evie. “This is Evie. We’ve been friends since,” she rolled her eyes upward as though the answer must be on the ceiling and looked back at Evie again, “well, since just about forever. She wants to get more involved in Bible study, so I thought this would be a great place to start.”

“Terrific!” Morgan clapped her hands together, inviting everyone else to applaud Evie’s presence. Evie blushed. “Last week I think we started talking about journaling as a method of making our quiet time deeper. Anyone tried that this week?”

Macey half raised her hand. “I tried taking only one or two verses and writing them out. Then I wrote them in my own words. I’ve actually been able to memorize a little more this week that way.”

“I wrote out my feelings about a passage…my initial impressions of what might have been different if people had acted differently or why they did what they did,” Andrea added as she pushed her dark-rimmed glasses back onto her nose.

“I love hearing what other people say about a Scripture and talking about it,” Brooke added, “but I’m not much of a writer. So I pulled out my crayons and drew a picture of the scene or my emotions.”

“Leave it to the elementary ed major to pull out the crayons,” Macey cracked.

Brooke nudged her with her elbow. “No, really, it helped me see the Scripture and make a little more sense out of it.”

“I can see that,” Andrea agreed. “I’m a design major, so I think in terms of where people and things should go, how to make stuff look good. Unfortunately a lot of these stories don’t look good. The Bible is full of sinners and the stories about their sins and the consequences.”

“But it’s full of beauty too, like creations and God’s love,” Morgan countered.

“I was getting there,” Andrea chimed in. “The beautiful things, like how God provides, how he loves us and how he protects us contrasts so much with how sinful we are. It makes for beautiful art. I just didn’t know drawing was allowed in journaling.”

“I didn’t know either,” Brooke continued. “But I just couldn’t write. I tried, but my sentences were all dull and emotionless. Like, ‘Dear God, I know you love me.’ But my feelings went deeper than that. I wanted to fall at the feet of God and worship him, acknowledge who he is, but my words couldn’t get me there. So I drew what I felt. The drawing isn’t pretty, but it’s my heart and I think God honors that.”

“Worship has no rules as long as God is at the center of it. We all worship in different ways. Some of us sing, some draw, some write. But that’s what this study is about, learning different ways to learn about and worship God.” Morgan pulled the group back to the discussion. “Brooke, would you have ever considered drawing out your feelings to God?” All eyes turned to Brooke, who shook her head. “So our lesson and our experiments have had at least one positive outcome.”

Evie’s mind whipped first one direction and then another as the group discussed different ways to journal. When they bowed for prayer an hour later, she almost reached a hand up to steady her spinning head. Brooke stopped to talk to Andrea for a minute on the way out, and Evie lingered in the large foyer as she waited.

“I think I’m going to head back to my apartment and order pizza. Want to join me?” Brooke asked Evie when she finished.

Evie bit her lip for a moment and checked her watch. She would have to almost run to make it back to the house in time for dinner anyway, and she had a lot of questions she wanted to ask Brooke. “Sure. Can you drop me off at the house so I can pick up my car?”

“No problem.” Brooke led the way toward the double doors into the courtyard.

Strings of bright white Christmas lights lit the way across the narrow front porch and down the long walk in front of the Center. Evie and Brooke gathered their coats tighter around them as the wind cut through their already thick layers. Neither spoke as they hustled down the sidewalk to Brooke’s green sedan. Evie’s eyes watered as the wind hit them and stung her cheeks. Her body ached as it shivered when she sat in the still cold seat of Brooke’s car.

She gave quick directions to her convertible. Once there, she hauled her backpack from Brooke’s car and into her own. With one touch her body started to relax as the seat warmers of her BMW radiated through her body. Thirty minutes later she and Brooke sat across from each other pulling stringy slices of pizza from a box.

“So what did you think about the Bible study?” Brooke asked between bites.

“I expected more lecturing, I think,” Evie confided as she focused on the comfort one warm slice of pizza provided.

“Some Bible studies do a lot of lecturing. We wanted something that focused more on learning how to study the Bible,” Brooke explained. “We’ve talked a lot about different ways to pray, ways to worship during quiet times, and now we are talking about journaling.”

Guilt gnawed at Evie. “I haven’t really had a quiet time. I remember the youth director at our church talking about it, but I didn’t do it.” She focused her attention on finishing her pizza and ignoring the grease pooling on the cheese.

“Really? I thought when we were in the youth group you probably did it and maybe even some since coming here.”

Evie shook her head and blotted the grease with her napkin. “I’ve been trying to read the Bible more lately, but I don’t feel like I get anywhere. Do you ever feel like your prayers are bouncing off the ceiling?”

“Yeah, I’ve gone through those times when God seemed quiet. But the Bible says if we are his children, then he hears us. And if we are his children, he’s given us the Holy Spirit to interpret the Scriptures for us. The only way anything in the Bible makes sense is if a person is a believer and has the Holy Spirit to explain it to them.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t really help me so much,” Evie mumbled.

“What do you mean?”

“How do we know if it’s the Holy Spirit or just us making up what we want to hear?” Evie asked.

“Well,” Brooke paused for a minute, “God confirms things for us. He doesn’t simply show us something through his Word. That’s one way we know his will, but he also leads other Christians to point us in the right direction and puts us in situations and circumstances to make a right decision. But he only does that for those who believe in him.”

Evie swallowed hard. “I don’t feel like I’m getting any direction,” she confessed.

“Evie, we were in the youth group together for years, so this may seem kind of weird, but did you ever accept Christ as Lord?” Brooke asked.

Silence buzzed through Evie’s ears. She’d spent enough time in church to know what those words meant. She remembered the heavy thundering of her heart every time their youth minister would ask those who were not Christians to accept Christ. Everyone thought she had. People told her for years what a good Christian girl she was. Did she really need to go in front of everyone and say a special prayer? Hadn’t she done enough by going to church and being good to people?

She dropped her head and shook it slowly. She looked up as she felt the warmth of Brooke’s hand on hers.

“It’s really hard to have a relationship with someone you don’t know.” Brooke’s eyes locked with Evie’s. “I always thought you made this decision when you were a child. You were so active in the youth group and so determined to make a difference for Christ in college and after college. How did you miss this?” Her eyes brimmed with questions.

“I don’t know. I didn’t want anyone to know I hadn’t already done it. Everyone thought I was so good. And when I got here,” she motioned with her hand toward the campus, “it was so easy to forget, to walk away. I didn’t feel guilty anymore.”

“You’ll never really hear his voice if you don’t make him Lord first,” Brooke reminded her. “Would you like to do that?”

Evie nodded, her chin quivering.

“You have to know what you are doing,” Brooke cautioned. “Just saying some words won’t cut it. You have to mean it.” She waited for Evie to nod. “Do you acknowledge that you are a sinner?”

All the lies of the past months assaulted her. She closed her eyes to ward off other images of the wrongs she’d done throughout her life. “Yes.”

“Who do you believe Jesus is?”

Evie opened her eyes. “He’s God Son. He died for me, to take away my sins.”

“Do you want him to be Lord of your life? Do you understand what that means?”

“Lord means no one is higher. And yes, I want him to be Lord.”

“Then let’s pray.” Brooke bowed her head, inviting Evie to follow. She spoke a few sentences, pausing so Evie could echo her, and then said amen. Tears streamed down the faces of both women.

Evie’s mouth spoke the same words Brooke spoke, but her heart cried out a different prayer.
Dear God, forgive me. I can’t believe I waited so long to let you have control. I’ve really messed all this up, and I don’t know how to fix it. Please help me put my life back together again. I don’t know what you’ll ask me to do, but I’ll do it. I can’t figure out where to go by myself.

Evie wiped at the continuous flow of tears. She opened her mouth to speak, but the words choked in her throat. Brooke wrapped her arms around Evie. They sat together, now sisters in God’s family.

“So now what?” Evie’s voice cracked.

“Well, the Bible says if we are ashamed of Jesus in front of the world, then he will be ashamed of us in front of God,” explained Brooke. “A lot of Christians interpret that to mean we are to tell people about our salvation. And a lot of people do that by going in front of a church, usually during the invitation time.”

Evie’s mouth grew dry. Telling the church…that’s why she put off the decision for so long. She did not want others to know she was not already a Christian. “Does it matter what church I do that in? I mean, do I need to go back to Duncan to that church, or can I go to the church where you and I have been going?” She took a sip of her tea to wet her throat again.

“Either one, it doesn’t matter. Something about letting others know you’ve made a decision makes you feel more accountable and you think more about what you do.”

“What about getting baptized? I’ve seen a lot of those services. When do I do that?” She picked at the now cold cheese on her pizza.

“Different churches do it different ways. The reason we get baptized is because Christ did. If we are going to be like Christ, we should follow his example. After you talk to the pastor about your decision, he’ll talk to you about baptism and set up a time for that,” Brooke reassured her.

Evie raised her eyebrows. “This all sounds a lot more complicated than I expected,” she confessed.

Brooke laughed. “That’s the easy part. You just have to do all that in front of people once. It’s the everyday stuff, like studying and praying and trying to live your life like someone else is in charge that’s the hard part.”

How will that be different?
Evie wondered. She’d always lived her life with someone else, like her parents, in charge. Now she had transferred control to someone she couldn’t even see. Right as all of her friends were struggling to take control of their own lives, she was giving that control away. “So how do I know what He wants me to do?”

“Well, you start with reading, studying the Bible, and praying. You can get a devotional at the Christian Student Center. And praying means you talk to God. You can be sure this time those prayers will go a lot further than the ceiling.” Brooke smiled. “Just don’t get caught up in giving him a laundry list of stuff you want straightened out. Praying also involves telling God how much you love him, lifting up other people, and listening for his answers.”

“I thought maybe I’d instantly want to do better and know what to do or what not to do.” Evie shrugged.

Brooke nodded. “Sometimes you will know right from wrong, because the Holy Spirit will plant that
something’s-not-right-about-this
feeling inside you. And you
will
want to act more in the way God wants. But it won’t be easy. You’ll still be tempted. For instance, what would you do if Ben called tonight and said he was sorry and wanted to make up?”

Evie told herself a month ago she knew what she would do—hang up. But would that really be the right response? Her heart no longer ached with the mention of him. She knew she was better off without him in her life, but could she reach out to him? Teach him what she had learned?

“I know I don’t want to date him anymore, but doesn’t the Bible call us to love our enemies? Does that mean I need to be friends with him again? Seek him out?”

Brooke thought for a minute. “I’m not sure that’s what God had in mind. I can’t say it isn’t what he wants you to do, but what are the chances you would get caught up in Ben’s world again? If you started out having coffee occasionally and then maybe dinner, before you know it you’re seeing each other every day and all those old feelings might start to come back. Would you really be talking about God or slipping back into the comfortable relationship?”

“But, then,” Evie asked, “how do I let him know about my decision, the change I’ve made, and encourage him without getting involved again?”

“Maybe we should pray about it. Remember, this whole situation is hypothetical anyway. Maybe that should be our prayer—for God to provide the right opportunity for you to witness to Ben or to send someone else into his life to witness to him,” Brooke suggested.

“Eli told me I needed to forgive Ben. How do I know if I’ve done that?”

“Your heart knows. Do you still want him to be hurt like he hurt you? Would you laugh if you found out someone broke his heart?”