The Armor of God (22 page)

The applause continued, to Tara’s delight, and finally, she sat back down after a courteous bow. Dr. Yuri took her place. “Thank you all for being here. You may return to your regular activities.”

Ezra had to avoid eyes that seemed to try to humiliate him as he waited outside the hall for it to empty; he didn’t want to confront his mother unless it was in total privacy. Was it true that she not only knew about Zenith but had been an active part of it for years? How could she keep that a secret from her own son?

An evidently exhausted Kat found him several minutes later to let him know that
Dr. Blanchard
was expecting him in her office. Of course; his mother was a smart woman, and had predicted Ezra’s wish to confront her.

Or maybe she just wanted to see her son.

Kat, always so poised and respectful, made no comment about the situation as she led him down hallways he had never visited before, towards the directors’ offices. She stopped outside a door still labeled DR. YURI LOGAN, DIRECTOR.

“Good bye, Blanchard. I enjoyed working with you,” she said.

He stopped cold before he could knock. “What do you mean—Kat, they . . . didn’t can you, did they?”

“No, Blanchard; I’m just being repositioned.” She saluted him and walked away. “I mean it. I enjoyed working with you. I learned a lot.”

“Yes—yes, thank you for your help, Kat. Really.”

After seeing her disappear, Ezra knocked. The three-way conversation taking place inside ceased immediately when he opened the door and stepped inside.

His mother shed the appearance of professionalism and ran to hug her son as though Dr. Yuri and Dr. Mizrahi weren’t there at all. She kissed him on the forehead and hugged him again. He thought he heard her crying, and her tears on his neck confirmed it.

He almost did the same. Ezra didn’t expect how strongly the sadness of his survival would feel until he embraced the first person who would truly miss him if he had died. “Mom,” he whispered, fighting the lump in his throat. “Mom, I’m really glad to see you.”

“We’ll give you a minute,” Dr. Yuri said and walked outside, inviting Dr. Mizrahi along. Neither he nor his mother protested their departure.

She grabbed him by the shoulders with a proud look in her eyes. “You seem
bigger
than I remembered.”

He, smiled, felt red in the cheeks. “I’ve been training.”

“I can’t begin to tell you how awful these last few days have been.” She had indeed cried, and now wiped the tracks of makeup from her cheeks. “I heard of what happened, just a few hours after it did. I was just reading, next to your father. I heard you were involved and that you were hurt. But Zenith was in contingency mode—they didn’t let anyone in or out until they knew for sure that it was safe.”

“I’m sorry,” Ezra said. “I really missed you when I was recovering. I wanted to see you and Dad—even my sisters. Are they here?”

“Honey, I’m sorry but . . .” She sat down on a sofa, asking her to join him. “You must be asking yourself why I’m here.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You know why,” she said. “It would have been a crime. For many years, even before you were born, I’ve been bound by the same oath of secrecy that binds
you
now. I couldn’t tell you or your siblings about Zenith and my involvement in it. Even your father knows the bare minimum of what happens in here, or what you were really sent to do. It’s a monstrous burden but it feels a little bit better to know that I’m sharing it with you. I want to think we’re helping each other carry all this weight.”

“Mom . . . what’s going to happen now?” he asked. “Things will change, won’t they?”

“Things will
go on
. Ezra, you must try not to see me as your mother in here, and I will try not to see you as my son.” That was hard to hear. “I’m your mother before I am your superior, but it’s important that we don’t make others believe that there is a conflict of interest. I could lose this job, and I can’t. I need to be here. For you and for me.”

“So what do I call you? ‘Ma’am’? ‘
Doctor’
?”

“Director is fine,” she said, laughing. “I know it sounds difficult, but it’s important. I will do my best, too, but remember: in here, when we’re alone, you can call me mom. I’d like you to.”

“Okay, Mom.”

She smiled, and eighteen years of her warmth bled through that smile and those glassy green eyes. It was all very real; Ezra could believe that she had feared for his life during those days of uncertainty, and that she truly loved her son who was special in many ways.

“Is there anything else you want to know?”

“Too many things, Mom,” he said and sighed, suddenly remembering the explosion and Alice’s dying screams. Happy as though he was to see his mother again, he didn’t like her presence in Zenith; it was a dangerous place. What if something horrible happened again? What if Zenith took
her
life next time?

“Mom, are we going to be all right?”

“Of course we are,” she said and hugged him again. “Of course we are.”

Ezra lay awake on his bed. He had tried to go to sleep early, but sleep betrayed him. So much was happening inside his head, it was difficult to feel relaxed, and almost impossible to empty his mind.

The day of his synchronization test had left scars no one could see, scars that had deformed him. There was a cloaked figure wandering the halls of Zenith—one only Ezra could feel. It reminded him that they were trapped, that they were vulnerable, and that he was not likely to ever leave this place. A fate stronger than a million chains had bound him there.

Nandi was his inexorable future. It was up to him whether he’d turn the monster into a guardian, or if it would remain the horned devil it appeared to be.

His thoughts shifted and so did he, on his bed.

Just as he was beginning to fall asleep, his mind betrayed him again by replaying the last screams of Alice, altered to sound like an animal’s dying howl.

He sat up and took a deep breath. They had sounded so real, like a real monster was trapped somewhere inside Zenith.

Ezra didn’t know for how long he sat on his bed before the sudden sound of the dormitory door sliding open startled him. He knew Dr. Mustang had already retired to bed, so who was it entering the dormitory at this hour? Was Kat back?

Had her replacement arrived?

Ezra walked towards the closed door standing between him and the small hall that connected his bedroom, the bathroom, and the crew’s quarters. The angry bull’s eyes on the door looked at him until he opened it to reveal someone who shared many of the powerful bovine’s characteristics.

“Blanchard,” he said, startled. “I apologize, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Sergeant Barnes?” Ezra said, having trouble believing in the presence of this man in the Besoe Nandi dormitory. The enormous dark-skinned man looked down at him, thick ring hanging from his nose, as it apparently always did. “What are you doing here?”

“I was transferred,” he said and showed Ezra a small piece of paper. “I thought you had been informed. I’m taking Lance Corporal Covington’s place as the military crewmember of Besoe Nandi.”

Ezra rubbed his eyes and tried to read the document. “But you’re a sergeant. I don’t . . . know a whole lot about the army and the ranking system but . . . aren’t you . . . like . . . overqualified?”

“God no!” he yelled and took the piece of paper away from him. “I’ve wanted to have this job for years, Blanchard—work as part of The Minotaur’s crew. Well, to be honest, I wanted to be the
pilot
but what am I going to do about that?”

“And you just transferred? What happened with Kat?”

“She’s been added to the Milos Ravana crew.”

“Oh,” Ezra sighed. Maybe working with him hadn’t been challenging enough.

“She was summoned; it wasn’t her choice,” he said, as though he had read Ezra’s mind. “I just applied to be her replacement, and here I am. The only thing you need to know is that, though I’m very eager to be of any assistance you require, I will not be needing these quarters every night; I’m cleared to go back to Roue, so I’ll be spending most nights at home in the city and coming back here early in the morning. I’m taking the bed tonight because I’m beat. Mind if I shower? I came from some heavy training.”

“No—no, of course not. Go ahead,” Ezra said. “I’ll try to get some sleep as well. Welcome to Nandi’s crew, Sergeant Barnes.”

Ezra could barely stay awake during class the next day.

As Dr. Mizrahi explained new aspects of the unsalvageable infected, more than once he felt his eyes close, teasing him with impossible sleep. At least this unpleasant situation seemed to amuse some of the pilots sitting behind him; he could hear their laughter every time his head rolled back on what felt like a broken neck to snap him awake.

Dr. Mizrahi had made a point about the importance of that lecture and the ones that would come after, but Ezra either couldn’t understand it, or didn’t hear it at all; it was like his brain was shutting down.

Such was his need for sleep that when the class was over, he skipped the hour he had for lunch and took a nap that didn’t do much of its intended purpose. When he opened his eyes again, they felt even heavier than before. At least, he thought, the next hour would be a counseling session and not another lecture; he wouldn’t be able to stay awake unless his counselor’s attention was constantly on him.

Also, there was the sudden fear and pain of remembering that it would be his first session after Susan’s death. Somehow that anticipation shook off some of the drowsiness. He was scared because he knew he would have to talk about the incident—not the details of what he could see while still inside Nandi, as he’d written a report about it while in recovery, but his
feelings
. He would have to talk about Alice and Susan’s death, and he didn’t feel ready.

Walking down the hallway, Ezra stopped in front of Absolute Omega’s door again. Though alone, he somehow felt like this was a chance to talk to Rebecca—he’d speak to Poole about it later.

Ezra knocked on the door, and there was no answer.

He knocked on the door again, harder, and heard something stir inside.

Rebecca opened the door, and it was like a cloud of filth suddenly escaped from inside. It smelled like death, and Rebecca herself matched the scent. Her black hair was dry and tangled, having probably not been washed in days. Her eyes told the dreary story of too many restless nights, and Ezra wondered if he was looking into an image of himself in the future.

“Blanchard? What can I do for you?”

Like the time when he visited Jena’s father’s room in the medical wing, Ezra was suddenly frozen, speechless. He hadn’t prepared himself enough for this moment, and now stood silent. “I would—erm, I would like to talk to you about Alice, if that’s not a problem.”

“I’ve talked with Dr. Logan and Dr. Mizrahi already. What do you want to know?”

Ezra looked at the time and knew he couldn’t be able to properly talk to her now, and damned his foolish impetus; he should have waited. “Do you think we could discuss it later, during dinner? I mean, if you’re not busy.”

She laughed at the word and fixed her half-closed eyes on him. “Okay.”

“Really?” Ezra said. “Great! Thank you, Rebecca. I—I appreciate it!”

“Okay,” she said again in the same lifeless way before returning to her seclusion.

A side of Ezra he had developed during his time in Zenith wanted to stay and comfort her; he knew it was an instinct he didn’t have before, and imagined in what other ways Zenith was transforming him.

Happy with having finally taken that bit of weight off his shoulders, Ezra walked down the stairs, but was suddenly stopped on the landing of the first floor. “I asked you for one favor as your friend—as your
first
friend.”

Ezra turned around to face Akiva standing just outside the Milos Ravana door. “Kiv. What are you talking about?”

“Man, I just asked you to let the whole thing go, just
yesterday
! Even Jena thought it was for the best.”

“But
why
? What the hell are you so scared of?”

Akiva walked closer to him and again stood just a foot away and above. “I know I didn’t do anything to cause what happened, but I don’t know what my goddamn Creux could have done and how it reflects on my future here. This place is all I have. I can’t have it taken away from me. I deserve this place more than you; you don’t even understand what’s really going on.”

“I’m not trying to take it away from you, and I know it wasn’t your fault. I just don’t want what happened to happen again to us!”

“I’m telling you not to do it.”

“I
need
to do it!”

He flinched and whimpered when Akiva suddenly slammed his fist on the wall mere inches away from Ezra’s face in what was a very clear threat. “
Listen to me, you little turd,
” he growled. “I’m giving you
one last warning
—don’t pursue this!”