The Apartment: The Complete Affair (21 page)

“I don’t know,” she huffed. “I’m never going to get out of here as it is.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for making it worse. Believe me, though, Natalie will be insanely pissed if we don’t jump for this one.”

“Alright, fine,” she sighed, glancing down at her watch. “But she needs to get here as soon as possible.”

“I don’t think that is going to be a problem. Thank you so much.” Lily spun on her heels and dashed back to her desk, already grabbing for the phone as she sat down. “Are you still there?”

“Of course!” Maggie replied with a shaky breath.

“Okay, I was able to work you in, but I need you to get here as soon as possible.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” The call went dead. She had already hung up.

* * *

Less than twenty minutes later, Maggie Foster was having a clear, warm gel applied to her abdomen by Heidi. She was joined by her mother-in-law, Barbara, who had refused to let Maggie drive herself to the office, and, strangely enough, Lily.

It was not customary for the nurses to be in the room with patients during this procedure, but when Lily had attempted to excuse herself after taking her into the room, Maggie had grabbed her hand.

“Please don’t go,” she whispered. “Barbara is going to cry in a minute. Eric is usually here to be strong for me, but he won’t be able to get here for a few more hours.”

“Uh, alright,” Lily replied, unable to hide the completely baffled tone in her voice. “Just let me tell someone that I’m going to be in here.” She walked back to her phone and paged the front desk.

“Reception,” a sharp voice barked on the other end.

“Kim, it’s Lily. You’re going to have to shuffle some charts around up there. Natalie is going to be down a nurse for a while.”

“What?” she snapped. “You’ve got to be kidding me! We’re swamped!”

“Well, deal with it,” Lily shot back. “If Natalie has a problem with it, just remind her that I am helping a red chart.” She went to hang up but stopped the motion in mid-air, bringing the receiver back to her ear. “And if you have a problem with it, you can just kiss my ass.”
Click
.

Now Lily was in the ultrasound room, standing next to the table where Maggie was laying, holding her hand. She noticed that the elder Mrs. Foster had already migrated to the back of the room and was hunched over in a chair, repeating a quiet prayer to herself under her breath.

“Okay, I’m going to start now,” Heidi announced, dimming the lights slightly and sitting down in front of the machine. She fiddled with a few controls on the keyboard and held out the ultrasound wand, placing it in the middle of the gel on Maggie’s skin. They all held their breath as they watched her moving it around, turning it in different directions and stopping frequently to enter data into the computer. At one point she switched on the volume only to turn it back off again quickly, but she hadn’t been able to hide the sound in time. There had been nothing but static.

And silence.

Stopping the machine, Heidi set down the wand beside it and handed Maggie a towel to wipe off the messy gel. Once her hands were free again, she set them both gently on Maggie’s arm and looked at her with eyes full of sympathy.

“I’m so very sorry, Mrs. Foster,” she whispered.

Barbara immediately broke down into sobs, but Maggie sat there quietly. Lily was worried that she might be in shock until she felt her squeeze her hand tightly. “That’s alright,” she whispered. “I’m quite used to being a failure at this.”

“Don’t say that,” Lily scolded. “You have a genetic condition, Maggie. That is
not
your fault. You did everything perfectly, it’s just so hard to predict what will happen. There are women with your condition who only ever suffer one loss, and then there are those who lose seven or eight.”

Their discussion was interrupted by another loud sob from Barbara. Maggie rolled her eyes and turned to look at her over her shoulder. “Mom, sweetie, why don’t you go sit in the waiting room? I’ll be out as soon as I find out what happens now, okay?”

“Alright,” she choked out. Barbara slowly walked to the door, stopping first to hug Maggie and kiss her on the cheek. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” She wiped her eyes with a tissue and went out the door.

Maggie looked back at Lily. “I love her dearly, but I’m trying really hard to keep a tight rein on my own emotions. I can’t handle her weeping like that right now. I know she feels badly for me, but the harder she cries, the more I feel like I let her down again.”

Visibly uncomfortable with the awkward conversation, Heidi excused herself to give them some privacy. “I’ll let Natalie know,” she said quietly to Lily on her way out into the hall.

Once they were finally alone, Lily jumped in. “I’m sure that Mrs. Foster doesn’t think you let her down.”

“I’ve robbed her of four grandchildren now, Lily. And each one gets farther along, giving us all false hope. It’s just…. cruel to put her through.”

“It’s a cruel situation for everyone, not just her.”

Just then a gentle knock sounded at the door and Natalie stuck her head in. “Maggie? May I come in?”

“Of course, Dr. Wilde. Thank you so much for sparing Lily right now. She’s a great hand-holder.”

“She’s the best we have,” Natalie agreed, and the praise sounded so genuine that Lily couldn’t help the pink stain on her cheeks. “Let me just start by saying that I’m so sorry this happened again.”

“Well, we knew it was a risk from the beginning.” Maggie said, shrugging. The detached look on her face didn’t reach her eyes, though. She was blinking back tears rapidly. “What do we do now? I’ve never found out like this, without anything really coming out first.”

“Well, that’s what I need to talk to you about,” Dr. Wilde said, the tone in her voice leaving no doubt that it wasn’t going to be pleasant information. “In some cases we can remove the fetus, but I’m afraid that won’t be an option for us now.”

“Why? I was hoping to just get this whole debacle over with as soon as possible.”

“The fetus is too large now, Maggie. You’ve made it almost seventeen weeks, much farther than you have in the past. We can’t remove the fetus here when it is that large; it’s against our policy to perform a D&C on anyone past the first trimester. There are some locations that might, in a life or death situation, but I cannot. I don’t want to get into specifics, but it’s a grisly procedure that we don’t perform here.”

“I understand. I didn’t realize it was that large already. I wouldn’t want that done, either. But what does that leave us with, then?”

“We are going to have to admit you to the hospital. Once you are set up in the maternity ward, we will need to induce you. I’m sorry, but the only option is for you to deliver the stillborn fetus.”

“Oh God!” Maggie gasped as a rogue tear made its way down her cheek.

“I know it sounds terrifying, but it is quite similar to what your body would do on its own, except now we can monitor and control everything. We have no idea how long you would have taken to expel the fetus yourself, and this actually has less impact on your body than a D&C.”

“How long will it take?”

“I’m afraid that’s hard to say. Some women are done within hours, while others take a day or two. However, I can promise you any painkillers you might need to get through the contractions.”

“Jesus Christ!” Maggie wailed, putting her face in her hands. “Fine,” she huffed after collecting herself. “But I want to be so doped up that I don’t even know what day it is. I don’t particularly want to remember this.”

“I’m sure we can work something out to make you comfortable. Why don’t you go home and pack a bag. Grab a bite to eat if you think you can. I’ll get the orders sent over to the hospital and when you are ready, just head over there and get checked in.” Natalie looked at Lily. “Would you come with me for a minute?”

“Alright.” She turned to Maggie. “I’ll be right back, okay? Why don’t you finish getting cleaned up and dressed?” Lily followed Dr. Wilde into the hall, closing the door quietly behind her.

“I think it would be wise if you stayed with her today, at least until her husband is in town. Her mother-in-law is a wreck out there. I honestly don’t know if either of them are fit to drive right now.”

“That’s fine, but what about—”

“Don’t worry about the clinic, we’ll manage. And I’ll pay you for the rest of the day.” Lily had to stop her eyes from bugging out. Natalie never liked to part with help or money.

After grabbing an extra box of tissues and escorting the two desolate women outside, Lily took the keys from Barbara and began to chauffeur them home in a sleek red Mercedes. Lily insisted that it would be a hell of a lot safer to leave her own shitty old car in the lot and take the expensive vehicle they had driven.

“How are you doing, Maggie?” Lily asked over the loud sobs from Barbara in the back seat. “I mean, I know you aren’t good, but do you need anything?”

“Honestly?” she replied, looking sideways at her from the passenger seat. “I’m just pissed. Of course I’m sad and depressed and doing everything I can to keep from acting like her,” she nodded toward the back seat, “but overall I’m just pissed. And I want a large chocolate fucking shake. I’ve been eating so healthy lately and I want something horrible for me right now.”

Lily turned into the closest drive through and ordered her the biggest shake they had, refusing to let her pay for it when she handed her money. “Put that away,” she shoved at her hand. “This is probably the only nice thing I can do for you right now. Let me get you your fucking shake.”

They drove for a few minutes in silence. Well, as much silence as could be had between one sobbing woman and another one making loud slurping noises. After Lily asked which way to turn to get to their house, she spoke again to Maggie.

“So, why are you pissed?”

“Because,” she huffed after swallowing a large sip. “This is something I’m supposed to be able to do. It’s one of the only natural, animal functions that we have left as humans. And even that is getting warped by all the women who refuse to breastfeed. I am being denied a basic function, and I want to wring someone’s neck for it. I see so many women, so many young idiot girls, who spit out babies like it’s nothing. They barely bother to get the father’s name, but having a kid is just no big deal. And so many beautiful, precious children are neglected or raised by resentful grandparents. Nothing pisses me off more than seeing some dipshit preteen mother with five dirty kids by five different guys running around her unattended at the store, while I’m not allowed to have one.
One
! One baby who would be loved and nurtured by two parents who adore it.”

“I know what you mean,” Lily nodded. “You wouldn’t believe how much of that I see at the office. There are some girls who deserve frequent flier miles for the maternity ward. Every time they come back in, all I can think is, Jesus, again?”

“Exactly!” Maggie took another long pull on her straw.

“Well, have you two ever thought of adoption?” Lily glanced in her direction before turning off the highway.

“We’ve talked about it. We had almost decided to start the process when we found out about the MTHFR mutation. We’d thought for the longest time that I just couldn’t get pregnant, so we looked into adoption. Then I had my first miscarriage. After that, we kept trying since I had actually conceived, and after a few more losses they did the blood work that found my disorder. Once they finally put a name on it and told us what we needed to do to try and fight it, it sort of took over our plans.”

“That’s understandable, but it still isn’t a guarantee. You could have many more losses before the shots ever work.
If
they work, that is.”

“I know,” she sighed. “But I had to try. I couldn’t live with myself if I felt I hadn’t given this my all. I get very optimistic at the beginning, and then very bitter after each loss. Sometimes it even hurts to be around children for a while, and pregnant women make me want to cry.”

Lily patted her shoulder, not knowing what else to say.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Maggie continued. “After this is over I’m going to have to do a lot of soul searching to see if I can go through it again. Poor Eric gets destroyed each time, watching what it does to me. Every time I think about giving up, though, I remember that my grandmother lost three babies and had an infant who died a few hours after birth, only to go on to have my father. If she had just given up, I’d never be here. That could be my child someday.”

“You could always adopt now and try again later. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind having two eventually, would you?”

“No, I’d love two children,” she gushed, her smile beaming.

“Well, I have seen a lot of women who have struggled for years with infertility issues, only to have a baby with no complications the second they adopt. It’s like having that child that they always wanted helps them to relax and get rid of all the stress they’ve bottled up for years. I knew a girl in college who was adopted, and her brother was barely nine months younger than she was because their parents had a little celebration after they brought her home. You never know—weird things happen every day.”

“Thank you, Lily,” she whispered after a few minutes of silence. “For just being here. I know that I’m coming off as some sort of baby-obsessed moron right now.”

“No you aren’t. You’ve had some really horrible news today, and you have an even bleaker afternoon ahead of you. You’re allowed to be emotional.”

“It’s just that I don’t want you to think that I can’t be happy with what I have. If we never have any children at all, we’ll get by. I don’t believe that only children make a family. My husband is my world, and his family has taken me in like another daughter from the first day I met them. My parents died when I was in college, and I have never felt alone.”

Maggie turned to face Barbara in the back seat, reaching around the headrest to squeeze her hand. She smiled at her as she watched her wipe her eyes and blow her nose. “Take Weepy here,” Maggie chuckled. “She’s only so upset because this is happening to her daughter again. She isn’t half as upset about losing a grandchild as I am about not being able to give her one.”