The Apartment (Apartment #1) (39 page)

“They were lovely, Scott. Listen, can you get away for a while? We really need to talk.”

He groaned loudly, “Ugh, are you pissed at me, too? Dad hasn’t laid off me since I walked in the door. Keeps saying I abandoned him. I have a list of chores a mile long that he wants me to do for him today.”

“No, I’m not pissed, but I really need to talk to you.”

He sighed before speaking. “I can try to get out there later, but it might not be until tomorrow.”

“That’s fine,” she huffed, telling herself that one more day wasn’t going to kill her. “Just come tomorrow.”

“Are you okay? Is everything alright? I can try harder if it’s urgent.”

“Yeah… just come tomorrow, okay?” She ended the call, feeling a mixture of relief and aggravation that she’d been given more time.

Doing her best to put it out of her mind so that the heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach would go away, Lily busied herself with things around the house. She did three loads of laundry, cleaned the bathroom, and packed George an extra large lunch to try and make up for missing breakfast. When that was done, her lack of sleep started to become noticeable, so she decided to sprawl out on her bed for a while and give Wembley and Boober some sorely needed cuddle time with Mama.

* * *

It was after five when she heard a light tapping on her door. She looked around the room groggily, realizing that she must have fallen into a deeper sleep than the light nap she’d planned.

“Lil, are you up?” George called through the door.

“Yeah,” she groaned as she sat up. “Sorry, I slept later than I meant to. I’ll be down to make dinner in a minute.”

“Don’t worry about that. I just wanted to let you know that I was going to meet some friends over at the diner for a while. Did you want to come and grab a bite?”

“No thanks, I think I’ll just eat something here later.”

“Okay, then. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

She listened as he made his way downstairs and got into his car. Almost instantly, she was struck with the thought that she was finally alone again and free for the night.

Jumping up and running to her dresser, she changed her clothes quickly. Looking over the few items in her drawers, she thought to herself that perhaps a shopping trip to Chicago was just what she needed. Once she was ready to go, she threw some food out for the cats and ran to her car.

She knew it was crazy to rush off to see him again so quickly, especially when she knew she should have fought harder to get Scott to come over so she could end things officially, but she was well and truly addicted and would have done anything at that point to be with her Stranger—no,
Ethan
—again.

She drove quickly across town, weaving through traffic as if her life depended on it. As soon as she was there she turned into the alley much faster than she should have and pulled into the parking lot. As she got out and ran across the alley, she noticed the Audi wasn’t there, but since he knew she might be coming back tonight she figured that he wouldn’t be gone long.

Smiling at the thought of using her key again, she pulled it out of her pocket as she ran up the stairs, thinking of different naughty ways that she might wait for him. When she reached the top she eagerly unlocked the door, more than excited to spend more time in his warm embrace.

But when she opened the door wide with a smile on her face, it was only to find an empty apartment.

Completely empty.

It was all gone. Everything.

The easel. His canvases. Even the few drinking glasses he’d had in the kitchen and the one towel he’d had hanging on the rack.

She walked around like a zombie, not believing what she was seeing. There was no note. No sign of his existence.

She finally made her way into the bedroom, afraid to look.

The bed was gone, too.

Lily backed slowly out of the room as if she was in a trance. She shuffled backwards blindly, shaking her head in disbelief. It wasn’t until her back hit the opposite wall in the hallway that her knees gave out. Sliding down the wall until she was crumpled on the floor at the top of the stairs, she choked on the sobs as they stuck in her throat, her vision becoming one messy blur as they filled with rivers of tears.

Lily had no idea what time it was.

She had been lying there on the apartment floor for the better part of the evening, barely noticing when the light began to dim through the windows. Her eyes were swollen and red, completely drained of any moisture, and her top lip was puffy and sore from being contorted into various shapes as she wailed out her heartbreak.

He was gone.

Her beautiful Ethan had left, taking everything with him, including her heart.

When she was finally able to process anything other than that, she thought back to their goodbye that morning and wanted to smack herself for not seeing the signs. He had been so insatiable, so clingy. It had been his body’s way of preparing to let her go.

That thought only set off another round of dry sobs, causing her to clutch her chest at the pain of knowing he would never be in her arms again. Her entire body felt sore and raw, and in the back of her mind she wondered how long she could curl up there before someone came looking for her.

Suddenly, an obnoxious noise broke through her lament, and after a few moments of looking around the room hopefully, she realized that it was coming from her pocket—and she recognized the ringtone. Fishing it out quickly and sitting up in the dark room, she lifted it to her ear and answered.

“Hello?” she croaked.

“Whoa, babe, did I wake you up?” Scott chuckled on the other end.

“No,” she replied gruffly, “why?”

“You sound like hell, that’s why. Is something wrong?”

“No, I just… think I might be coming down with a cold or something,” she lied quickly, coughing a few times to clear her throat. “What did you need?”

“Oh, well, I was finally able to get some free time tonight. Dad fell asleep earlier than I thought he would, so he’s not barking in my face anymore.” Lily knew he really meant Sam Walker had passed out drunk exceptionally early that night. “Did you still want me to come over?”

Lily glanced around the dark room and was hit with a fresh wave of panic. Panic that her horrible crying jag was going to be the last memory she ever had of this wonderful, crappy old room. She didn’t want that, but she had no idea what to do about it. At that point, her body was so frazzled and exhausted that she could barely think straight.

“Well…” She didn’t even want to think about seeing Scott at that point, but she’d promised herself that she would end things with her fiancé as soon as possible rather than keep him dangling any longer. She figured that she already had her heart ripped out, so how much worse could the day get from there? Might as well tackle things while she was feeling numb. “Yeah, that’s fine. Only I’m not at home. Why don’t you head over to the house and I’ll meet you there?”

“Okay, sure. See you in a bit.”

* * *

Less than fifteen minutes later, Lily pulled into her driveway only to find that Scott had beaten her there and was sitting on the front steps with his head hung low, looking like a scolded child awaiting his punishment.

As she walked toward him, she couldn’t stop from thinking about of all of his good qualities that she was about to throw away. Scott was sensible. He was dependable. He would never leave her without looking back. He wanted to marry her. Scott was quite possibly the best offer she would ever get.

I could try to be better
, Lily thought to herself in a brief flash of doubt. She could refocus her attention and be more enthusiastic. She could be the woman he deserved.

But she also knew that no matter how hard she tried for him,
she
would be miserable—and living a lie.

“Hey, babe,” he said quietly when she had reached the bottom of the steps. “So how mad are you?”

“I’m not mad at all,” she replied.

“Really?” he said with a smile, jumping off the steps to sweep her up in a huge bear hug. “Mmm, you smell good. God, I missed you.”

Lily couldn’t help thinking that she smelled good because she had foolishly showered off every remaining trace of Ethan’s scent. Now she would never smell him deep in her skin again. She’d never be able to curl into his pillow and fall asleep while she breathed him into her.

“Um, thanks.” She forced a tight smile as he put her down, shoving her rogue thoughts back into the dark corners of her mind before they made her cry again.

“Okay,” he sighed at her tone. “Let me have it. You
are
pissed at me, aren’t you? Be honest.”

“No. Honestly, I’m not.” The truth was she barely remembered he even existed while he was gone.

“Well, pissed or not, I’m sorry that I was gone so long.” He reached up and stroked the back of his fingers down her cheek. It was a gesture she used to find endearing, but now it only made her want to jump away. His fingers weren’t the right fingers.

“I believe you,” she said stiffly. “Let’s go inside.” She unlocked the door and held it open for him as he followed her into the house.

“I don’t have any excuse, really,” he admitted, a slight blush tinting his cheeks. “It just felt so damn good to be of use at that shop. Does that make any sense?” He looked at her quickly for confirmation before continuing. “Those were some great guys, Lil. I mean, I really like Ryan and the gang, but there just isn’t enough work here to keep us all busy, you know? I really felt in my element there.” He thought for a minute before adding, “They seemed really sorry to see me go. It was… nice, I guess. First time I felt like a real mechanic.”

“That’s great, Scott.” She smiled again, and it was her first genuine smile of the night. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen him this excited about anything, including her.

“So, where were you when I called?” he finally asked, glancing around after the room grew quiet.

“Well…” Lily took a deep breath. “I just found out that the apartment over the dance studio is available again.”

“Available for what?” he sneered. “Demolition?”

“It’s not that bad,” she said, fidgeting nervously. “The right furniture could really make it a cute place.”

“I don’t know if I could ever picture anything cute there, sorry.”

“Well, I think it’s full of…
potential
.” She wanted to say memories—vivid memories that lived in every corner of the room. Quick flashes shot through her mind: Ethan, shirtless and painting … Ethan, rolling around on the floor with her after smearing her body with colors … Ethan, preparing her lovingly for something she would never trust another man enough to do.

“Eh,” he shrugged, sitting down in her dad’s recliner with a practiced movement.

“Well, I’m going to take it,” she said decisively.

“You
can’t
be serious.”

“Why?” she demanded.

“Well, it’s right over that damn dance studio, for one, and you know you would hear a bunch of old farts doing the two-step all night.”

Lily knew for a fact that he was wrong: you could hear lovers doing the waltz. She shut her eyes against the onslaught of memories as Scott continued. “Second, it’s a dump! It probably looks like some squatter’s paradise, or a crack house!”

“Oh, whatever! It’s nowhere near that bad.” She rolled her eyes, unable to hide her frustration.

“Lily, I really don’t understand why you want the place.”

“I thought it would make a nice apartment for me,” she whispered. “I’m tired of living with my dad. I need my own space.” What she didn’t say was that she needed to keep just one last piece of Ethan alive.

“
What
? That doesn’t even make any sense!” he bellowed, standing up again so he could look her in the eye. “Why the hell would you get an apartment—especially that piece of shit—so soon before the wedding? Why would you bother moving out now when we’re only going to move to my house after the wedding?”