The Anathema (64 page)

“This seems harder,” Alex said morosely, heading in through the door, holding his beer like a protective charm, clutched to his chest.

Rebecca smiled to herself, a brittle, somewhat happy smile, and lit another cigarette. She watched them while she smoked, looking through the same window that Alex had been using to watch Eerie dance. She did not acknowledge the woman who leaned up against the fence beside her, but she did take the beer that she offered. She was polite enough not to say anything until Rebecca finished her cigarette.

“If I watch them be all cutesy anymore, I’m going to be sick,” Alice declared, absently peeling the label from her empty beer bottle. “You being everyone’s fairy godmother this evening?”

Rebecca laughed, and it was a genuine laugh. It felt good, the first thing that had, really, since the series of funerals.

“Just trying to fix the things that got screwed up while I was out of commission. You know,” Rebecca said thoughtfully, “I was stupid to think I could do both jobs. Stupid to think that I could just go out into the field every now and then, to keep my hand in, and not get somebody killed. Stupid to think that I could keep this place running, only working part-time.”

“You are a terror out there,” Alice said fondly. “I don’t blame you for not wanting to give it up. Personally, I’ll never be able to walk away.”

“I might not have been able to see through Alistair,” Rebecca said softly, “because he was always a clever bastard. However, there is no way that a teenage girl should have been able to pull one over on me the way Emily did. None of that should have happened, and it wouldn’t have, if I had been watching closer.”

Alice put her arm around Rebecca, and Rebecca leaned her tired head on Alice’s shoulder. She smelled like the vanilla lotion that she had been using for years, and Rebecca found it profoundly comforting that she had started again. Rebecca was glad she had secretly stocked some in Alice’s bathroom.

“One good thing about forgetting everything – you learn, pretty fast, that there’s no point in regrets. Once something's done, there is no going back. That’s it,” Alice said quietly. “Nothing can be changed. All that’s left, really, is whatever you do now.”

Rebecca straightened up and laughed again.

“That was almost profound,” Rebecca teased. “And what about you, Miss No Regrets? You wouldn’t be hovering around because of who is working the grill this evening, would you?”

Alice look embarrassed, and Rebecca felt bad for her. She could not even imagine how strange and difficult this situation was for her.

“I read about it, you know,” Alice said morosely. “All about us. All the things we did together, when it was good, and then all the things we did to each other, once it went bad. I know Michael and I have a history. I know we are supposed to hate each other, and I know why, because I read about it. But, when I look at him, I don’t
feel
any of that. All that stuff, the good and the bad, it all feels like it happened to somebody else. When I look at him, I don’t see my ex. I don’t remember the fights. I just see a man that I cannot help but want. Thinking about him keeps me up at night. And I guess it’s not fair to expect him to move beyond it all at once. But I am so over it all, and I just want to take him home with me, you know?”

Alice shook her head and looked a bit appalled, but Rebecca noticed something in her eyes, for a moment, that hinted at all those years, and the grievous toll they had taken.

“Pathetic, isn’t it?” Alice said with a smile. “I guess I want you to be my fairy godmother too, Rebecca.”

“No way,” Rebecca said firmly. “I am nothing but your friend, Alice. No fairy godmother bullshit.”

“Aw…”

“But, as your friend, I will do this much.” Rebecca said, turning Alice by the shoulders, to face Michael, oblivious and cheerful, watching over bubbling steaks and pink bits of skewered chicken. “Quit being such a wimp, Alice, and just go tell him exactly what you told me, word for word. In the unlikely event that he doesn’t jump on you, you can come get stoned and watch TV in bed with me, okay?”

“Right,” Alice said, biting her lip and nodding. “This is weird. Because I have already done this before. But I do feel those butterflies, you know? And you only get those when it’s the first time.”

“It’ll be fun,” Rebecca urged. “Go.”

“Yeah,” Alice said again, staring at Michael. “You gonna be alright?”

“Sure, I have weeks of Survivor recorded and Diet Coke. What else could I possibly need? Now, now, don’t worry about me, you go on…”

Eventually, Alice worked up the courage, and Rebecca soaked in the novelty. She had never seen Alice need to work up her courage to do anything.

Michael was more predictable. He listened to Alice, at first with a suspicious glare, that turned gradually to disbelief and then to stupefaction. His mouth hung open, while Alice continued, looking as nervous as if she had never talked to him before. Michael hesitated for just a moment after she stopped talking, weighing his options, before he did the obvious thing and handed his grill duties over to the bemused Mr. Windsor. Rebecca felt a subtle sense of déjà-vu, watching him put his arm around her, cautiously, as one might pet a dangerous dog in a friendly mood, and walk out with her, off into the night.

She sighed and told herself she felt happy for her, happy with them, all of them. No one talked to her, because she did not want anyone to. She went back inside to look for her jacket, still hopeful of catching the next bus back to the Academy, home in time to miss watching the party wane, and the couples move closer and closer together, an instinctual reaction to the night. She found her stuff sitting near the edge of the dance floor. She practically tripped over Eerie on the way, but the smile the girl gave her in passing, so fast she almost missed it, made it all worthwhile.

“Come on,” Eerie said impatiently, pulling Alex by both of his arms. “Don’t be a baby.”

“I don’t know how,” Alex protested, dragging his feet. “I’ve never danced before!”

“Alex is stupid,” Eerie said fondly, pulling him close. “This is a slow song. You don’t have to do anything but hold me.”

And so he did.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Zachary Rawlins
lives with his lovely and amazing wife, Chloe, and their genius Corgi, Ein, in an 80-year old Tudor in Oakland, California. During the day, he works in the environmental industry. In his free time, he enjoys hiking, photography, building computers, and writing books like this one. He can be reach at
[email protected]
with compliments, questions, or lucrative publishing offers.

Thank you for reading
The Anathema!
I hope that you will consider checking out the first volume of my other series, Unknown Kadath Estates,
Paranoid Magic Thinking
, available now in the Kindle Store. Also, keep your eyes out for Book Three of The Central Series,
The Far Shores
, available in early 2013.