Authors: Ruth Hartzler
Romans 14: 10 - 13.
Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.” So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.
Chapter 10
.
Only days later, word came that old Eli Stutzman had passed away, and Isobel's first thought was sadness for his grandson, Peter.
When Isabel and Jakob pulled up to the Stutzmans'
haus
for the viewing, people were already making their way steadily inside. The people, all dressed in black, filed into the
haus
, holding their heads down. No one engaged in conversation at any great length, keeping only to the appropriate, "
Hullo
."
The Stutzman home was a large and immaculate
haus
. In the spring and summer time, it glistened among the other houses in the community with its lush green lawn, white picket fence, and yellow sunflowers that lined the path to the doorway. Now, deep into the Lancaster winter, the
haus
seemed to have adopted a dark, gloomy feel. It had been only days since Isobel had stepped through the doors of the Stutzmans'
haus
, and suddenly an uneasy feeling swept over her.
As Isobel climbed down out of the heated buggy, the frigid air struck her, taking her completely by surprise. She stepped heavily and almost sank into the thick ice as she made her way clumsily toward the
haus
.
“You're shivering; I told you to bring your thick coat,” Jakob said loudly as he caught up with her after tying up his horse. "Don’t you remember that I instructed you to get your coat when I called for you, but you said it wasn't necessary?"
Instructed me?
Isobel bit her tongue. Jakob was becoming increasingly infuriating, but now was most certainly neither the time nor the place to have an awkward conversation with him. Why on earth she had ever agreed to go with him to the viewing was simply beyond her.
She had at first thought Jakob to be kind and genuine, and for a long time had even entertained the thought that this was the
mann
she was going to marry. However, all that changed after she spent time in his company. He was arrogant, demanding, and at times, even rude. Being with him for any length of time always left her drained and frustrated.
She had begun to see a different side of Jakob. He told her he did not approve of her having a job working for
Englischers
, and that he did not approve of her close friendship with Melissa, as his
mudder
had told him that Melissa's
familye
members were too free with their ways. To make matters worse, Jakob had become increasingly possessive, controlling, and argumentative.
Now, Isobel longed for the solitude of working alone in the Old Candle Store. She missed the freedom of meeting up with Melissa at their favorite café at her leisure, and she missed not having to answer to anyone apart from her parents. Everything had changed since that fateful day when she had witnessed the
mann
running from the scene - and the day that she had met Detective Peter Stutzman.
Now, as they headed toward the Stutzmans'
haus
, Isobel fervently wished once more that she had not agreed to accompany Jakob there in his buggy. She'd had a headache when he had shown up at her
haus
and all but insisted he drive her there, and at the time, it had seemed the path of least resistance.
Despite the icy road, Isobel walked briskly and tried her best to make her way into the
haus
ahead of Jakob. She decided that she would ignore him for as long as she possibly could. Jakob’s nagging voice was ringing inside her head and she longed for a peppermint tea.
As she reached the porch, once again she heard Jakob’s vexatious tone. “You know, you never listen to me when I tell you something. I told you to bring a coat; I knew it would be freezing. But as usual you never listen. You are so stubborn, Isobel.”
“Jakob, this isn’t a good time to start an argument. Can we discuss this after? What difference does it make anyway? We are already here and I did not bring the coat.” She turned away from him, trying hard to keep both her voice and temper down.
Isobel walked into the
haus
ahead of Jakob. The living room had been cleared of all furniture, and church benches had been brought in. People were sitting on them, speaking in hushed voices.
Others who were waiting to view the deceased were already in line, filing past the handmade, plain, pine coffin in the viewing room. The coffin was placed on a sturdy board between two high-backed, wooden chairs. Isobel took her place in line. Jakob leaned over her, too close for her comfort.
I'm going to have to make it very clear to him that I won't date him any more
, Isobel thought,
and at the very first opportunity
. The very thought brought release and she felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from her.
The coffin had six sides, with two sections on hinges that folded down to reveal the body from the chest up. The body was dressed in white pants, a vest, and a shirt.
Isobel turned and headed for her
mudder
, her steps quickening in an attempt to put distance between herself and Jakob. Her plan was thwarted by Alice Byler. The elderly woman gripped Isobel's arm, her long, bony fingers closing painfully. "Come and sit with me in the corner." Isobel followed meekly, grateful to have escaped Jakob, at least for the moment.
"The Stutzmans' son was just here; you just missed him," she hissed.
"Peter?"
Alice nodded. "
Jah
."
Isobel was puzzled. She had not thought through that problem: Peter, now an
Englischer
, attending the Amish viewing of his Amish
grossdawdi
. "Did his parents mind him being here?"
"
Phsaw
, of course not," Alice exclaimed, albeit quietly.
Isobel frowned. "But I thought you said that he didn’t get along with his parents."
Alice shook her head. "
Nee
, he was angry with them when his
bruder
died, and left the Amish. He was close to his
grossdawdi
, and he often came here to see him, and visit with his parents too."
"He did,
err
, he does?" This was news to Isobel.
"
Jah
, they are hoping he will return to the Amish."
"That's not likely to happen." Isobel wished she hadn’t spoken before thinking, as she would not like her words repeated.
Alice readily agreed. "He has too much root of bitterness and unforgiveness in his heart. His poor
mudder
, Rebecca, is always praying for him to return to us, but I can't see it happening." She looked around the room furtively as she spoke. "Rebecca gets her hopes up as Peter often speaks to the bishop."
One surprise after another
, Isobel thought. Aloud she said, "Why would he speak to the bishop?"
Alice shrugged, and her eyes glinted. "Perhaps he is talking through the issues of forgiveness." She shrugged. "Only
Gott
and Peter and the bishop would know for sure. Yet mark my words, if he hasn’t returned to the Amish yet, he never will." Alice cackled and made her way across the room, leaving Isobel alone.
Isobel's stomach churched and she felt as if her heart were wrenched within her.
If only Peter would return to the Amish
, she thought, as a wave of warmth engulfed her. Melissa's husband, Victor, had returned to the Amish after some years, so it was a possibility, if even a remote one. Yet Peter seemed quite firmly
Englisch
, and filled with unforgiveness. She would have to continue to fight her feelings for him.
James 1: 27.
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.
Chapter 11
.
The following day was the funeral service and burial, and Isobel still had found no opportunity to tell Jakob that she no longer wished to date him. Thankfully, she had driven home with her parents in the
familye
buggy after the viewing of the day before, and had not seen Jakob since.
The funeral service was to be held at the Stutzman home, as the
haus
was large enough to accommodate a good number of people.
The service started with a minister reading - for there was no singing at Amish funerals - Hymn 144 from the
Ausbund
:
Listen all Christians, who have been born again,
The Son of God's from the Kingdom of Heaven died on the cross and suffered death and shame.
Let us follow Him! Let us take up our cross!
The blood of Jesus washes away the sins of those who leave,
All to follow Him,
And who believe on God alone,
Even though they have sinned much
.
The minister then spoke for half an hour and reminded everyone present that their thoughts should not be on this world, but rather, on the world yet to come. He was followed by another minister, who spoke on Genesis, and how man came from dust and shall return to dust. He concluded by reciting
First Corinthians
chapter fifteen, verses twelve to nineteen:
"
Now if Christ is proclaimed as raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain. We are even found to be misrepresenting God, because we testified about God that he raised Christ, whom he did not raise if it is true that the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied
."
Then the minister spoke on forgiveness. He explained that forgiveness is not instant; rather, it is a journey which requires help from
Gott
. One must make a conscious decision not to hold onto unforgiveness.
Isobel thought of Peter Stutzman. He held unforgiveness in his heart, unforgiveness for his
bruder's
killer, and unforgiveness that his parents had forgiven the
mann
who had accidentally killed his
bruder
. If only Peter were here to hear this sermon. Or was he? Isobel had not seen him when she had taken her seat, but that did not mean that he was not already seated with the
menner
, or at the back of a room somewhere, listening. She sent up a silent prayer to
Gott
that the minister's message would somehow be brought home to Peter. It was the very message that he needed to hear.
An hour and a half to two hours later, the minister mentioned Eli Stutzman's name, date of birth, and date of death. That was the only time that the deceased had been mentioned throughout the entire service, as was Amish custom.
After the service, the people made their way out of the
haus
to head to the Amish cemetery. Snow was beginning to fall, and Isobel brushed some flakes from her eyelashes. Isobel spotted her parents, and hurried over to them when she saw that Jakob was coming up behind her. Isobel was going to the cemetery with her parents in their
familye
buggy, but she wanted to tell Jakob that she no longer intended to date him first. Isobel sighed at the thought. "
Mamm
, can you wait there for a moment, please? I just want a quick word with Jakob."
Her
mudder
raised her eyebrows, but did not speak.
Jakob caught up with her, and had overheard her words to her
mudder
. "Come on, Isobel. You can speak to me in the buggy on the way to the cemetery."
Isobel winced at Jakob's demanding tone, but walked away from the buggies so no one could overhear her. "Jakob, I'm just going to come out and say this. I don't want to date you any more. Sorry, but that's the way it is." Isobel was relieved that she finally said the words.
"You're kidding, right?" Jakob's voice was loud.
"
Nee
, I am not." Isobel made her voice as firm as she could. She saw that Jakob's face had turned a particularly unpleasant shade of red. She almost expected steam to come out of his ears. "And now, if you will excuse me," she continued, "I will travel to the cemetery with my
familye
."
Isobel walked toward her parents' buggy, hoping that Jakob would not follow her. As she turned her back to Jakob, a strong, chill wind blew the leaves off the tall oak trees outside the
haus
. Isobel turned her head away in the direction of the field to avoid the frigid breeze. As soon as she turned her head, her heart stopped. There, leaning against a bare, winter tree was a tall
Englischer
in a black suit, white shirt, and black tie. It was Detective Peter Stutzman.
From across the road, he stared directly into Isobel’s eyes. His gaze was so intense that it made Isobel uncomfortable, but she could not look away, try as she might. Her heart raced frantically.
Has he been watching me this whole time?
she asked herself. His penetrating gaze never wavered for a second. She shivered, but it was not from the chill winter breeze; she was reeling from the effects of Peter Stutzman's powerful gaze.