The Amish Buggy Horse BOXED SET Books 1-3 (Amish Romance Book Bundle: Faith, Hope, Charity) (Boxed Set: The Amish Buggy Horse) (13 page)

Romans
15: 13.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Chapter 8
.

"How was your dinner last night with Victor Byler?"

Melissa looked up as Milly bounced through the office door. "It was fine," she said, trying not to give too much away.

"Love, what a tricky thing," Milly said, waving one hand at Melissa. "Some people get it from the first; some look for it their entire lives but never stumble over it. That's so cruel. Love can cause so much misery. Every day I hope I can make at least somebody happy. Do you believe in karma?"

Melissa raised her eyebrows. "No, I don't."

Milly giggled. "Well, I do. I know I deserve to be happy, after all the efforts I made for the clients. Surely all that altruism, all that good will, hasn’t been for nothing!"

Melissa pursed her lips and stared at Milly. "Have you had too much coffee again?"

Milly sobered up immediately. "Yes, as a matter of fact. Boyfriend troubles."

Before Melissa could ask, Milly pressed on. "So, this morning, would you go through the files to find a suitable match for Victor Byler? I hope your dinner with him gave you some insight into his issues. He seems nice enough to me, and the dates have all liked him, but so far he hasn’t found anyone suitable, no matter what kind of women we've sent him on a date with. There must have been always something about them that he didn’t like, although he would never tell us what it was. Is he looking for perfection?"

Melissa was about to respond, but Milly kept talking. "I just wish the difficult clients would get the fact that there's no such thing as perfection. The power of love makes us forget about all about someone's minor defects and differences. Love should make us happy, but some people seem to self sabotage. Perhaps he's one of those."

"Perhaps." Melissa was glad she managed to get a word in. "I'll get myself a coffee; I don't think you should have another one." Milly laughed and flounced out of the room.

Melissa was not looking forward to finding a date for Victor right away, so she made herself a coffee, and stretched her bones for a little bit, before she started looking at the file on his dating history. She had skimmed it previously, but now looked at it with renewed interest.

Looking at page after page of dating failures, Melissa felt quite sorry for him. All the dates had spoken highly of him and stated that they wanted another date; there were no exceptions. So what was Victor's difficulty? How had he found so many problems with each woman that he did not want a second dinner date?

Melissa looked through the new clients for a match. There was a lady called Linda who said she had Christian values and wanted a family. The others had actually said that too, but at least Linda was new to the agency. After two cups of coffee, Melissa could not find anyone more suitable than Linda, so she decided that Linda would be the one whom she would send to dinner with Victor.

Melissa sat back and stared at Victor's photo on the computer. Her heart ached in her confusion; she did not really know what her heart was feeling any more. It seemed as if there was a foggy void inside her chest, full of turbulent feelings, but empty at the same time. Melissa was annoyed with herself; she was normally level headed and always in control of her feelings.

Melissa delayed several more minutes, but then shook her head.
I can’t delay it any longer
, she said to herself.
I have to call him and tell him that he has to come by the office because I have a new match for him
.

Melissa wanted Victor to come to the office, not for the sake of her job, but for the sake of her soul. Every time she had seen him, her heart beat as if she was in a race, and the blood in her veins felt as if it were burning.

"Control yourself!" Melissa said aloud. Yet she could not stop the urgent butterflies coursing through her. This was beyond her, and her feelings were unstoppable. Melissa was disturbed by the fact that she was acting in a most uncharacteristic manner.

Melissa picked up the phone, and stared at it for a little before calling the number. A little thrill of excitement ran through her at the thought that she soon would be hearing his voice.

He answered straight away. “Hello." His voice was strong and deep.

Melissa sat there, speechless and thoughtless. It seemed it was an age before she heard her own voice say, "Victor."

"Melissa?"

"Yes." Melissa took a deep breath and launched straight into it. "We have a new match for you for a dinner date. There is a new lady at the agency, and I believe she might be a suitable match."

"Is she Amish?" Victor's voice betrayed traces of amusement.

"No, of course not." Melissa was puzzled. Why would Victor say that? Clearly it amused him, but the joke passed over her head." Would you please come by our office to fill in the necessary documents and see if that lady seems suitable for you.” Melissa put the phone aside for a second and took a deep sigh.

"I had no idea you were still intending to find another date for me," Victor said.

Melissa was again puzzled. "But that's my job," she said.

There was a long silence. Finally, Victor spoke. “Is she nice?”

“Well, that is something you'll have to decide for yourself; it isn’t my business to decide if someone's nice or not. After all, each and every person has their own tastes.”

Melissa was going to say more, but Victor cut her off and said, “I’ll be there around three,” before hanging up the phone without so much as a
goodbye
.

"That was strange," Melissa said aloud. She went to the bathroom, just to look at herself in the mirror. Melissa tried to shrug off the feelings of guilt that washed over her every time she stared at herself in the mirror. No one in the community had mirrors, at least not that she knew. When she had first come to work at the agency, she had tried to avoid looking in the mirror, and then after a while, had stolen glances from time to time, and now on occasion she would stare at herself for some time.

If I were Englisch, would Victor want to take me on a date?
she asked herself, studying her face in the mirror. Melissa suddenly shook herself and hurried from the bathroom. The blood was rushing to her cheeks, and her breath was less than steady.
And for what?
Melissa silently scolded herself.
Just for a phone conversation with a man who is, after all, a client of the company I work for. He's simply a business relation and nothing more
.

Melissa kept telling herself the same words again and again, but to no avail. She was unable to concentrate and was looking at the wall clock every few minutes. To her, a second seemed like ten minutes that would never pass. In fact, that day passed as if it were an entire week. Melissa tried to fill up her time with filing, but was having trouble holding her concentration.

At midday, Milly closed the office door, and the two ate lunch together. "You look quite pale, Melissa," Milly said. "Do you want to take the rest of the day off? I can take over the client for you."

There was no way that Melissa would miss the chance of seeing Victor, so she politely thanked Milly, but declined.

After lunch, Melissa managed to gather some energy and concentration, and threw herself back into the filing. She was working as if set on auto mode, just going through the motions and not thinking at all.

At three, there was no sign of the usually punctual Victor, so Melissa had to resist the urge to call him to see if he was indeed coming. After all, she would seem entirely desperate if she did so.

Only a couple minutes later, he appeared at the door, and Melissa left her chair and went to meet him. “Hello, Victor; please come in."

Victor followed Melissa to the desk, and she showed him some pictures and the social profile of the lady whom she had chosen for the dinner date. Melissa, with mixed feelings, thought the lady looked quite lovely, but it seemed as if Victor was not impressed. “What do you think of her?” she asked.

Victor was silent for a moment. "Do you want me to date this woman?" His eyes were firmly fixed on the screen.

Nee, I want you to date me
, Melissa silently screamed.
If only you weren’t an Englischer
. Aloud she said, "This is the most suitable match I have found for you."

Victor turned to look at her. "Haven't you overlooked someone?"

Melissa frowned, uneasy under his gaze. "No, I don't think so."
Whatever does he mean?
she wondered.

"All right, then, if that’s what you want. Where are the forms? I’ll fill them in."

It's not what I want at all,
Melissa thought. "Just sign this form," she said aloud. "Now, what would be a suitable day and time for you?"

"I don’t care; I’ll leave it up to you. Just email me whatever day and time suits the lady." With a quick
good bye
, Victor was out the door.

Melissa spoke to the lady's photograph on the computer. "Great, he's left me here to establish the date and time of the date, and then to send both of you the details."

After looking around to make sure that Milly had not overheard her, Melissa sat there, her head in her hands, wondering what was in Victor's mind, and what kind of thoughts were laying there. He was so hard to read, and sometimes, he made no sense.

Psalm
119: 73 - 74.
Your hands have made and fashioned me;
give me understanding that I may learn your commandments.
Those who fear you shall see me and rejoice,
because I have hoped in your word.

Chapter 9
.

Victor Byler stood at the door of the bishop's
haus
. It was a place he had stood many times before, but still with no resolution.

The bishop opened the door at once and showed Victor into the
haus
. Victor sat down in the adirondack chair, as he had many times before, with the bishop opposite him. Victor thought the adirondack chair a little unusual for indoor furniture, despite the fact that it was covered with a deeply upholstered seat. The chair was low to the ground, and he felt like a naughty school boy with the bishop, who was sitting in an imposing, four poster, high back, swivel glider, looming over him.

No sooner was he seated, than the bishop's wife set down a tray on the little, round table between them. On it were two cups of hot meadow tea, and a plate of whoopie pies in several colors.

After their silent prayer, the bishop spoke. "Isaiah - oh sorry, Victor as you like to be called these days - have you come to any conclusions since our last conversation?"

Victor shook his head. "
Nee
." Before the bishop could respond, he added, "Well, sort of."

The bishop simply waved him on.

"As you know, I want a
familye
, and I thought I could have a
familye
with an
Englischer
, but now I realize that's just not possible."

The bishop smiled with a knowing expression on his face, and Victor realized that the bishop had known this all along.

"For so long I’ve been trying to find a woman I could really love," Victor continued, "a woman who could understand me just the way I am, without the need for any lies or any kind of acting within a relationship. I wanted something natural, something pure, but it's proven to be impossible."

"Do you feel there is an emptiness inside your soul?" the bishop asked.

Victor nodded. "In the beginning, like any young Amish
mann
, I wanted to belong in a relationship. Yet I knew that the woman whom my parents were trying to force me to marry- " Victor hesitated, and looked at his feet. "Well, I felt like something wasn’t quite right. In the beginning, I just thought it was me; that I was young and would come to my senses. I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me, but then I thought that surely
Gott
would not want me to enter a loveless marriage?"

He looked at the bishop, but the bishop remained silent.

"I just wanted a happy marriage and a happy
familye
," Victor continued, "I just wanted to be in love. I didn't want anything out of the ordinary; I just wanted to be in love with the woman whom I would marry. My parents said I was selfish." Victor sighed deeply.

"There's a time for everything," the bishop said. "A time for laughter, a time for sorrow, a time for marriage, a time for
kinner
. Do you remember what
Ecclesiastes,
chapter three, says about seasons?" Without waiting for Victor to answer, the bishop quoted:

"
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace
."

Victor sat still, contemplating the Scripture. He wondered how it pertained to his situation. "Do you mean that
Gott
has appointed a time for everything? That every step in life has its proper time: love, marriage,
kinner
, and so forth? I must admit I'm behind with those steps, yet I couldn’t marry someone simply because my parents wanted me to marry her, when I had no feelings for her whatsoever."

The bishop nodded slowly. "Yet you wanted a
fraa
and
kinner
, because you approached the matchmaking agency."

Victor nodded. "
Jah
, I thought that if I asked the help of a professional company, maybe, maybe, I would finally succeed in finding the right lady."

"And that did not work." The bishop said it as a statement of fact rather than a question.

Victor shook his head. "
Nee
. I'm going to leave the agency. I asked for
gut
, Christian women, but they did not all have Christian values; rather, some thought of
Christian
as simply a religion rather than as a personal experience with
Gott
."

"And what about the ladies who did have Christian values?"

Victor looked up at the bishop. "Yes, those were nice, respectable ladies, but I didn't feel truly attracted to any one of them. Something was always missing. I began to wonder if
Gott
meant me to live my life alone."

The bishop nodded and waited for Victor to go on. "It was frustrating, and sometimes I even got mad at
Gott
."

The bishop raised his eyebrows at that. "So, you have left the agency now?"

Victor nodded. "I had my last dinner date with a match from the agency the other night."

The bishop frowned. "You have only just now, in the last few days, decided to leave the agency?"

Victor was uncomfortable. He did not know how much he should tell the bishop. The bishop, although he had a stern appearance, had always been gentle and understanding with him. Yet Victor was not Amish any more, and he did not know if he should tell the bishop absolutely everything that was on his heart.

"I decided before I went on the dinner date."

"Why did you go on the date then, if you had decided to leave the agency before that?"

A reasonable question
, Victor thought,
but one I'm not wholly comfortable answering
. He simply shrugged.

"Tell me about the dinner date." The bishop took a sip of his tea.

Victor shrugged. "It was the same old thing, the same old conversation I've had so many times by now that I could recite it by heart. What about your parents, school, hobbies, education and so on and so forth, but…"

"Go on." The bishop's tone was insistent.

Victor grimaced. "Well, I finally realized that I'm still really Amish. It won’t work with an
Englisch
woman." Victor looked at the bishop, and realized that the bishop already knew.

"Have you given more thought about returning to the community?"

Victor nodded solemnly. "Yes, I have given it a lot of thought."

The bishop nodded too. "Then you need to contact Nancy Esh."