The Alexandra Series (60 page)

“It was just a short time, and it was very different from the first. Will and I separated because of a stupid mistake I made. Will suggested that if I wanted to make amends, I submit to Reggie again, which was the last thing I ever wanted to do. But…I wanted Will enough to humble myself before the master and take my lickings.”

“So he punished you?”

“It was pretty personal this time. He focused on my ass. It makes me burn even now to think of it. My poor bottom should be callused as much as he spanked me, and caned me, and strapped me. He did it all. This fair ass was blushing regularly. And even now, there’s something about the way Reggie disciplines me that’s unique. Will has his own technique. But he doesn’t have the same command as Reggie. I think it’s because Will loves me, which makes a big difference. Reggie loves to abuse rear ends, of course you likely know that.”

“I do.”

“This second time, he was still cold and distant. But for the first time, I saw a crack in his steel-plated armor. Like he wanted something more. Not necessarily from me, but from some woman. Frankly, I think his friendship with Will prevented him from going very far with me. He’s intensely loyal. Though we did make love, if you could call it that. It felt like two lonely, empty people coming together, finding some kind of bond in that. But it was never anything that could last. When the time was right, he turned over the reins to Will.”

“And you’re no longer in love with him?”

“I don’t think what I felt was ever love. You can’t love, really love, what you don’t know.”

“But he can still make you obey him?” She recalled the night in Alex’s apartment.

“He can still remind me of who I am, when I find myself faltering. But that’s not love, Jocelyn. That’s mortal fear. The situation you’re thinking of a few weeks ago, he was one step from joining Will in his battle with me. And I had no desire to have my ass end burning more than it already was.”

In the long silence that followed their eyes met. Some curious union begun between them. Something in common and something opposite in their natures made a blossoming friendship.

“You’ve been on a wild ride,” Jocelyn observed.

“And you too I gather?” Alex asked.

“It’s why I’m hiding away in my apartment not calling him, because I don’t know what to say.”

“How about the truth?” Alex suggested.

“I’m afraid of how he’ll take it. I can’t imagine letting him down, how he’ll take the hurt. If he’ll hurt at all. But I also know, I can’t have the relationship he wants.”

“You need to talk to him Sitting in your apartment avoiding Reg and trying to figure it out will get you no answers.”

She nodded, looking into Alex’s understanding face. “You’re a wise woman,” Jocelyn observed.

“As wise as you are, I’m sure. Why don’t you join Will and me tomorrow. We’re going out on the lake, just a little gathering of friends, nothing fancy at all. He has access to this terrific yacht that belongs to his uncle, and he takes it out a couple of times a year.”

“Sounds terrific. Reggie going to be there?”

“Will tells me he was flying to Boston for a couple of days. I’m not expecting him.”

“I’ll think about it, the water and fresh air might be enough to soothe my soul.”

Alex smiled warmly, like a woman who knew herself well, even though Jocelyn had already seen enough of her to know otherwise. It was comforting, considering her own small struggle.

***

The next morning, Alex grabbed the jangling telephone. Her happy conversation suggested that she’d scored some triumph. Hanging up, she made the announcement, “She’s coming!”

Will stood in the kitchen with a carton of milk in his hand taking a long drink.

“Who’s she?”

“Jocelyn.”

“You invited Jocelyn? I thought she was in London?”

“She’s home.”

“Reggie doesn’t know that.”

“I know.”

“He doesn’t know. Is she running out on him?”

“Not if I can help it.”

“What are you cooking up?” he asked his wife suspiciously.

“You know we had that conversation about Reg the other night. I think they really want to be together, they just don’t know it.”

“And you’re going to see that they do?”

“I’m just giving them the opportunity to see each other, since there seems to be a little impasse there.”

“It’s likely to backfire, babe, and you know what that means?”

“Yeah, Reg will be blistering my ass for interfering. And you know, I don’t care. He’s a friend. I consider it the least I can do.”

“You’re on your own with this.”

“But you won’t warn him?” she asked.

“Hey, I’m out of it. As far as I’m concerned, Jocelyn Killian will be crashing our party without invitation.”

Alex put her arms around him, kissing him affectionately. “You really are a darling.”

“You watch your ass, Alex,” he warned, gently patting her bottom. “I won’t protect you from Reg, you know that.”

“Did I ask you to?” Her lips formed the most tantalizing smirk, which made Will lean in and kiss her again.

Chapter Twelve

The water was like glass. The sun beamed joyfully in a sky dotted with white puffy clouds that suggested it would be a perfect day to enjoy the lake.

Alex was glad that Reggie was already on the boat when Jocelyn arrived. He was in the stateroom below going over nautical stuff with Will. She greeted the exuberant woman with a smile and a rush of excitement. It had been sometime since Alex had such a delicious time manipulating anything. She couldn’t wait to see Reggie’s face, and Jocelyn’s, too. She wasn’t sure how the woman would react; she might well be sacrificing a friend doing this. But Jocelyn needed a little shaking up. She certainly didn’t need to be hiding from Reggie.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” she said, as her arm surrounded the woman’s inviting body. For an instant, she could imagine other things with Jocelyn, her desires for women not having totally vanished; they’d simply been squelched since her marriage to Will.

“You couldn’t have picked a better day. I admit, I’m chicken. I don’t want to go out on choppy seas. I didn’t make my final decision until I saw the morning sky and listened to the weather report.”

Alex ushered her to the other end of the vessel, to a small group of friends. After the introductions, when it seemed like Jocelyn would add perfectly to their conversation, she left to other hostess duties. She figured Reg and Jocelyn could meet by accident. She’d done all she could.

***

They were a half hour out of port when Reggie, getting restless, moved topside for a breath of fresh air. It was a startling day on the water, with colors so brilliant that it took his vision extra time to take in what his eyes were seeing. At first, looking toward the bow of the boat, he thought it was some kind of mirage, the auburn hair floating on the current of air like a movie picture in a slow motion. The woman’s bottom was dancing, not to some tune, but simply swaying, as it moved to some inner rhythm and melody that only she was hearing.

He walked cautiously toward the alluring female, wondering if she’d suddenly turn into another woman and disappoint him. And if she didn’t, if it was Jocelyn, why was she here, when she wasn’t due back from London until the following day?

“Jocelyn,” he hailed her from five feet off, speaking loudly so she’d be certain to hear him.

She jerked around, recognizing the voice.

“Good God, I thought you were in Boston.”

“Who told you that?” he asked.

“Alex.”

“Alex lied to you.”

“I guess so,” Jocelyn replied.

“Just as you lied to me,” Reggie said.

“What do you mean?” she asked. For a moment, it totally slipped her mind that she’d returned early from Europe and had yet to tell the man in front of her.

“You’re returning from London tomorrow. That was the plan, I believe.”

“I came back three days ago,” she admitted.

Used to drawing inside himself, he was so well practiced that Jocelyn wouldn’t know. But he knew. He could feel the tightness growing, feeling the past few months rapidly falling away from him as if they’d never happened.

“I needed some time away,” she explained.

“Three weeks wasn’t enough?” he asked.

“Not after I talked to Alex yesterday. Listen Reggie,” she went on before he could question her further. “I didn’t expect to see you here. I really didn’t. And I’m sorry, I’d never have shown up like this if I knew you were coming. Your old girlfriend obviously got her jollies thinking that she could arrange our being together. But what I really need is a little more time.”

“Longer yet?”

“I got in so much trouble before, I’ll tell you right out. I’m not running away, I just need a few more days.”

“A few more days for what?”

“I need to think, feel, do what I do when I can’t decide on things.”

“What do you need to think about?” he asked.

“Hey, I thought you said you understood my occasional need for solace,” she challenged his question.

“I do, but if it’s about our relationship, we’ll discuss it now.”

“You’re not being fair.”

“I’m being perfectly fair. It’s obvious that you and I don’t communicate well from long distances, our phone conversations were ghastly. I’m not particularly happy about waiting another few fucking days to see you. If you have something to tell me, do it now.”

“You sound angry,” she said, seeing his grim expression. Though she couldn’t quite tell what was going on in his mystifying mind.

“Maybe.”

“You know, perhaps you deserve this. I’ve been trying to spare your feelings, but maybe you don’t really care.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He was demanding and bewildered at the same time, a man used to being in control, not in control at the moment, and not happy about it.

“Reggie, I can’t be the submissive woman you want. I can’t be trained the way you trained Alex. I don’t want to be given away for sexual thrills. I don’t want to be led and manipulated and ordered into living out fantasies. I don’t have this wealth of fantasies. I’m not like Alex. I’m not that complex. I am a very simple woman who wants your love and nothing more. And I’ll do just about anything with you sexually, because I love the sex we have. I love it crazy and bizarre. You can tie me up, whip my ass, and screw me anywhere you like. But I’m never going to be that surrendering woman. I don’t have this deep seeded need inside my soul to yield, for you to play me like a dancing puppet. I just can’t, and that breaks my heart.” There were tears in her eyes when she finished. “Goddammit, I didn’t want to get all whimpering like some ninny,” she added.

“You don’t look that way to me,” he said. “You never have.”

“Thank god,” she said. To her surprise, Reggie didn’t seem at all upset by her speech.

“I think we have a major misunderstanding here, Jocelyn. And it’s likely as much my fault as it is yours.”

“What have I misunderstood? I’ve lived the best I could in your
other world
these last few months. It all seems pretty clear to me what you want.”

“Jocelyn, I don’t want you as a submissive, like Alex, or any of the others. I don’t want you to be anything but yourself.”

She looked bewildered.

“Granted, sometimes you’re annoying, and you’re certainly not what I’m used to. But what I don’t need in my life is another Alex. As delightfully charming as she is, she can be a whining brat, which gives me plenty of reason to spank her. But she never gave me what I really needed. I don’t want to train you, I don’t want to share you with anyone else. I realized that in Germany. I like the fact that you don’t need me the way all the women in my life need me. I hired a new secretary at work while you were gone. She’d heard rumors about me, and suddenly I’m paddling her ass because she wants to live out her fantasies. I don’t want that anymore. I want you.”

“You’re serious?” Jocelyn said, thinking for a minute that she was in the middle of a dream.

“As serious as I’ve ever been.”

“Oh, my god, I am going to cry. What the hell am I suppose to do?” she said. “I had it all figured and now you change it all.”

“You could give me a kiss hello,” he suggested.

She moved to him, looking into his eyes, and gave him a simple peck on the lips. He took her chin in his hand, and the next kiss lasted a little longer.

“This is a novel feeling for me. New territory. I think it’s time,” he added, just before he put an arm around her and led her back to the railing at the bow. They could see the yacht was making its way smoothly toward some far horizon that seemed as endless as the present instant. They remained there taking time to let the two previously horrifying minutes settle inside them.

“I never imagined you’d respond this way,” she finally said.

“Well, Neither did I,” he replied.

The yacht picked up speed and the water leaped enough to splash their faces with cold foamy liquid. They jumped back, laughed at themselves and went inside to get dry.