That Night (13 page)

For the last month, I’d been staying clear of Shauna. We cast glares in each other’s direction whenever our paths crossed, but generally we avoided each other. Her dad must have talked to her. Still, it seemed too good to be true, and I had the uneasy feeling she was just biding her time until I lowered my guard.

The Friday before I started my new job, I walked to the park across from school. I was going to cut through to the coffee shop on the other side, where Ryan would pick me up after he finished his shop project. I was making my way down a path, thinking how pretty it was in the park, when I noticed a movement out of my left eye, a flash of auburn hair. I paused. Someone was hiding behind a tree. Shauna? Then I remembered Ryan and me talking in the hall, the group of kids standing behind us, and Rachel hanging out with her boyfriend.

I glanced down the path behind me. Where were the other girls? I couldn’t see them, but Shauna wouldn’t face me alone—it wasn’t her style.

Shauna stepped out from behind the tree. We stared at each other. Her eyes were narrowed, her face full of hate—and glee.

I took a breath, dropped my packsack, and stepped forward.

“If we’re going to do this, let’s go.”

I saw her motion to someone, and the other girls came out from behind trees. They’d been waiting for me. Rachel was holding something, which she passed to Shauna, who stuffed it in her pocket. Sun glinted on metal for a second. A knife? Shit—that was a game-changer. I tried to think, but I was panicking now, my thoughts scattering in different directions. I had two options: try to fight my way out of it, or run like hell.

I clenched my fists, held them up in the fighter stance that Ryan had taught me, trying to remember some of the defense moves he’d also shown me.

Shauna started laughing. “You look like an angry little cat.”

The girls also laughed.

I said, “And you look like a chickenshit who needs backup because you can’t kick my ass on your own.”

Shauna’s smile dropped. “You bitch.” She reached into her pocket. I held my breath, braced my body. Showtime.

Voices, coming up the trail behind us. My body filled with relief.

Shauna took her hand out of her pocket. I turned around. It was an older man and his wife, walking a little white poodle. They gave us suspicious looks.

I said, “Oh, my God, I love poodles! Can I pet him?” They told me all about Jinx as I started walking beside them, asking questions about the dog while we moved farther down the path. When I turned around again, the girls had left. But I kept close to the couple until I was safely at the coffee shop.

When Ryan picked me up, I told him what had happened.

“Shit, Toni, I don’t like that at all.” He reached under his seat and pulled out a switchblade. As he handed it to me, he said, “Carry this with you—always.”

I wondered why he had a knife. He’d never shown it to me before.

“I could get in big trouble having this at school.”

“Don’t let anyone see it.”

Later that night I was in my room, playing with the knife, running my fingers across the blade. I imagined Shauna coming at me and slashed at the air, pretending to stab her over and over.

My door whipped open. “Toni—” Nicole stopped and stared.

“Close the door!”

She closed it. “What do you have
that
for?” Her eyes were big and scared.

“Protection, okay?”

She took a step into the room, lowered her voice. “From who?”

Before I could answer, there was a knock on the door.

“Dinner’s ready, girls.”

I called out, “We’ll be down in a second, Mom,” and stuffed the knife under my pillow. I hissed to Nicole, “Don’t you tell anyone.”

“But why do you have it?”

She’d only freak out if I told her about Shauna. Then my parents would get involved, and then Shauna’s dad. Plus, they’d take the knife away.

“It’s Ryan’s,” I said. “He gave it to me for when I work late—in case someone’s waiting in the parking lot or something one night.”

“I guess that makes sense.” She headed to the door, then turned back. “Just be careful, okay?”

That’s why I had the knife.

*   *   *

I started work at the Fish Shack the next day. It was an old restaurant fixed up to look like the inside of a boat, with wood walls and lots of marine paraphernalia hanging around, nets on the ceiling, antique glass floats. It was down near the wharf and had a killer ocean view of the marina. Mike, my new boss, was really nice. He was a big friendly guy who always wore a baseball cap, backward, and Canucks team shirts. He knew lots of people in town and they’d come in to have coffee with him, his laugh booming out as he told story after story. I liked how it felt at the restaurant, kind of like a family. I got along with the other waitresses too. Most of them were older than me but they were cool, and we’d sit outside on our breaks having a smoke. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. Sometimes I’d even go to the restaurant on the days I didn’t work—I only worked weekends and Thursday nights for now. Ryan would come by and we’d order nachos or french fries. Later, the waitresses would tell me how cute and nice Ryan was and that I was a lucky girl.

Then Shauna and her crew started coming into the restaurant.

It was the middle of April, and I’d been there for two weeks. I was joking around with some customers when I heard the door jingle. I looked up, and dread wrapped tight around my chest, squeezing my breath out in a rush, when I saw Shauna, with Cathy, Kim, and Rachel. The Fish Shack wasn’t their kind of place—they hung out at the trendy coffee shops or the burger place downtown. Only one reason they could be there. Shauna gave a friendly little wave of her fingers. The other girls were giggling, but trying to hold it in. I felt hot all over, like I might break into a sweat. While one of the waitresses greeted the girls, I finished taking my customers’ orders, but my hand was shaking.

When I headed to the kitchen to put in the order, I heard Shauna say loudly, “We want to be in Toni’s section. We’re friends from school.”

I considered asking the waitress to switch sections with me, but it wouldn’t be professional, and I had some tables that looked like they were good tippers. I wasn’t letting Shauna screw that up for me. I took a breath, and held my head high as I walked over to their table with some menus.

I stood in front of them and said in a cheerful voice, “Can I get you something to drink to start?”

Shauna smiled, her tongue flicking over her lips for a second, reminding me of a snake. A really poisonous one. “We’d like to hear the specials, please.”

I described the chowder and sandwich of the day.

Shauna said, “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

I kept a pleasant smile on my face and recited the specials again.

This time, Rachel said, “Can you tell me how the soup is made? Like, what’s in it, you know?”

The girls started laughing. I could feel my face getting hot. Some of my other tables were glancing around, looking for me. Luckily, I’d been paying attention earlier when the chef was talking about the chowder, and I felt some satisfaction at the look on Shauna’s face when I was able to answer Rachel’s question. But then Cathy said, “What kind of sandwich did you say came with it? And what dressing comes on the salad? Can you list them all, please?”

They were grinning, their faces excited, enjoying their power over me. I wanted to walk away, but I gritted my teeth and calmly repeated that it was a shrimp and avocado sandwich and listed all the salad dressings.

“Now, can I get you some water or a drink to start?”

Shauna handed me the menu. “We’ve changed our minds—
nothing
looks appealing.” She looked pointedly at me and my face burned hotter. “We just want coffees, please.”

I nodded, my smile now so tight it hurt. “Four coffees coming up.”

The entire time they were there, they only had coffee, ordering free refill after refill, sometimes complaining it wasn’t hot enough, then saying the coffee was too hot. Next, they’d say that it was bitter and tasted old, they wanted a fresh pot. Whenever I had to pass them on the way to another table, they’d snicker and laugh or say “Oh, miss?” until I wanted to kill them.

Finally they left. The other waitress said, “What was up with that table? I thought they were your friends.”

“We’re not friends.”

“Well, you did a good job of dealing with them.” She leaned in. “I had a group of bitches like that when I was in school too. Just ignore them.”

I tried, but they came in every weekend after that, sometimes two days in a row. Mostly they just ordered coffees, sometimes a plate of fries to share. And they’d do stupid stuff, like unscrewing the lids on the salt and pepper shakers so they’d spill when I picked them up. Most of the waitresses knew the girls were giving me a hard time and tried to seat them in another section, but sometimes the restaurant was full and there were no other options. If my side was full, I’d breathe a sigh of relief, but I knew they’d just come back another day.

And then, on the first Saturday in May, Nicole came in with them.

I was shocked to see her there, let alone with them. Mike was running the front and he didn’t know what was going on. I hadn’t wanted to involve him, knowing he was friends with Shauna’s father—Frank McKinney came in sometimes with other cops. Mike sat them in my section.

I went over to their table. “What are you doing here?” I asked Nicole.

Shauna said, “Hey, no one talks to my friends like that.”

Still looking at Nicole, I said, “Since when are you friends?”

I’d never seen them hang out before—I’d never seen Shauna hang out with
anyone
younger before. Nicole looked up and I noticed she had on a lot of makeup—mascara, shadow, eyeliner, blush, and a bold pink lipstick. I hadn’t seen her wearing that much since the party back in January. I also hadn’t noticed her sneaking out for at least a couple of weeks, maybe a month, and I wondered if she broke up with that guy and was out looking for a new one. She’d done a good job with the makeup but it made her look older, and I felt a sudden stab of fear for my baby sister, who maybe didn’t know how sexy she looked.

“I can be friends with whoever I want,” Nicole said. The words were brave but she sounded tentative saying them, still not used to standing up to me. Shauna gave her a smile of approval, and Nicole sat straighter, smiled back.

I was going to say more but then I noticed Mike watching from the bar.

“Are you going to order anything?” I said.

Nicole ordered fries, and the other girls milkshakes. I could hear them giggling as I walked away.

“Doesn’t she know how awful her hair looks?” Shauna said. “I mean, does she even brush it? Ugh.”

I hated myself for doing it, but I went to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror and tried to smooth my hair down, fix my makeup, not sure why it mattered but feeling embarrassed just the same. When I came out again, Nicole was watching, but glanced away, smiling at something one of the girls said.

*   *   *

That night I confronted Nicole at home.

“Why are you hanging out with those skanks?”

“What do you care?”

“The only reason she’s hanging out with you is to piss me off.”

“Oh, get over yourself, Toni. She’s fun—and she likes me. Just because you hate her doesn’t mean I have to.”

“You’re not going to think it’s so fun when she decides she doesn’t like you anymore. Why aren’t you hanging out with Darlene?”

I’d noticed that Darlene wasn’t calling but hadn’t given it much thought until now.

Nicole shrugged. “We’re not friends anymore.”

That was weird. They’d been friends since they were kids. “What happened?” Darlene was okay, a little quiet and boring and not as pretty as my sister, with a freckled face and an upturned nose, but she was still nice.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Now she looked close to tears. “What does it matter to you anyway? You’ve never cared about any of my friends before.”

“I’m just trying to help. Shauna will drop you soon, but not before she makes sure that no one else wants to talk to you.”

“Shauna told me what happened between you guys when you used to be friends—you shouldn’t have messed around with her boyfriend.” Nicole frowned at me. “She was really hurt that you betrayed her like that.”

“Is
that
what she told you? She’s lying, Nicole.” I sat on the bed beside her, held her gaze. “You have to listen to me. Brody and I were just talking one day and she flipped out—she turned into a super-bitch overnight and they made my life hell for a year. They’re
still
making it hell.”

Nicole looked doubtful. “But she’s been really nice to me. All the kids in my class are jealous.” She smiled, looking proud. I remembered being in Shauna’s circle, feeling like I was on top of the world, powerful and cool. I also knew how much it hurt when she dropped me back to earth.

“Fine, figure it out for yourself. Just stay out of the restaurant.”

She turned back to her homework. “Whatever.”

CHAPTER NINE

R
OCKLAND
P
ENITENTIARY
, V
ANCOUVER

M
ARCH
2010

I had been in the joint for twelve years and would soon be allowed to have escorted temporary absences. I was scared and excited. Over the last year I’d been taking some life-skills classes, learning how to balance a checkbook, how to look for jobs, things like that. And Margaret had been teaching me stuff about grocery shopping, budgeting, finding apartments. But I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to last on the outside, that I’d screw it up somehow. It was safe inside. I had friends, I knew the routine. Inside I had status. Outside I’d have the stigma of being an ex-convict, a murderer. I still remembered how brutal it had been while I was out on bail, the whispers and the shame.

Margaret and I talked a lot about it. “You’re going to do fine,” she said. “Damn right it’s scary—a lot has changed in twelve years. But you just keep your head on straight and you’ll make it through. You’re a survivor.”