Texas Tangle (27 page)

Mrs. Barnett followed her into the office. “I stopped off at Dillon’s. The boys told me you were upset and that you’d gone for a ride. When I drove by, I saw your horse outside, so I took a chance. I brought you a copy of that apple crumble pie recipe you said you wanted.”

Nikki took the folded paper Faith held out and glanced at the neatly written recipe. “You could have left it with Dillon, but thank you for taking the trouble.”

Faith tilted her head. “I’ve got some pretty strong shoulders, hon. Do you want to share whatever’s weighin’ you down?”

You mean tell you how I love both Dillon and Brett but am afraid I’ll let them down? How I feel like I’m running from my problems to the security they offer? Like I’m selling out?

“I don’t know where to start. It’s hard to explain.”

How could a woman with a husband who loved her and five beautiful children—six, if you included Brett—understand what even she didn’t understand?

“Why don’t you try me? No judgments, I promise.”

She squared her shoulders and faced Dillon’s mom. “Remember that conversation we had a couple weeks ago? About me having to choose between Dillon and Brett?”

Faith nodded. “I figured that was the trouble.”

If she were seriously considering the permanent arrangement, she supposed this was the best person to start with. If Faith couldn’t accept it, she’d have her answer. She’d walk away from them both before causing them problems with their family. “I’m sleeping with them both, Faith. Sometimes at the same time. Now they want me to stay with them. In a permanent threesome.”

Faith pursed her lips and exhaled softly. “Oh. Y’all took Gramma B’s suggestion to heart, didn’t you?”

“It just sort of happened.” She wouldn’t dare blame Dillon. Or Brett. She’d been as much a part of the decision that first night they’d had the threesome. “I won’t apologize for what we’ve done—I love them, Faith.”

“And yet you’re here, while they’re waiting for you back at the Double Bar.”

“Can you imagine the talk when it gets out that the three of us are involved that way? If Brett’s ever called to testify in court, the lawyers will tear him apart. People may shun Dillon. I could cause him to lose his business.”

“Hon, people will always find things to talk about. Yes, there’ll be some who will give you the cold shoulder. Dillon may get more business if it gets out—who knows with the people around here? But if the three of you decide that’s what you want, then I can guarantee the whole Barnett family will stick up for you. You’ll always be welcome in our home.”

“Why?”

Faith looked confused. “Because that’s what families do for each other. They support each other, whether they agree with the other person’s decisions or not. It’s called love.”

“Not in my family. Not in most of the families I know.” She took a deep breath. “I’m afraid, Faith. I’m afraid what’ll happen to us if I stay, but I’m afraid I’ll lose them if I don’t.”

Faith caught her hand, something even her own mother hadn’t done since she was a child. “Hon, it’s time to put on your big girl panties. You have to stop living your life trying to please everyone else. I know it’s tough—as women we’re trained to put ourselves last. But there comes a time when you have to think of yourself. When you have to listen to your heart.”

“What would you do? If you had to decide between Jackson and someone you loved just as much?”

“To be honest? I don’t know. I doubt I’d have been brave enough to be with two men at the same time in the first place. But times are different now. And you’re not me.”

“If Lilly came to you and told you she wanted to live with two guys, would you support her? If they came to visit, would you let the three of them sleep in the same bed under your roof?”

“I’m sure Jackson will have some issues with any boy she brings home, even once she’s married. But it would be Lilly’s decision to make. So if they made her happy, then yes, I’d fully support her.”

“So how do I know I’m making the right decision?” In staying with them? Or not?

“Do they make you happy?”

“Yes.” The last few weeks she’d been the happiest she’d ever been. They’d been a large part of that. It wasn’t just the sex—although she wasn’t about to trade that away—but the sense of teamwork as they mucked out the stalls and looked after their animals. The conversations both lively and quiet. Even when they didn’t agree on a topic, they could always find some common ground. They were not only her lovers, they were her friends too.

“Can you picture your life without them in it?”

She glanced at the empty house and realized that’s what her life would be like without them. “No.”

“Then stop running.”

“But—”

“Brett is more relaxed than I’ve seen him in ages. Of all the people I know, that boy deserves to be happy.” Faith clasped both of Nikki’s hands. “He deserves to come home to a house that is filled with laughter and love.”

Dillon was right, Nikki realized. His mother loved Brett as much as if she’d given birth to him. Blinking back tears, she squeezed Faith’s hands, feeling the strength in them.

“And while Dillon has always been responsible when it came to his business, to looking after his men, there are times when he’s been a bit of a wild child.” Faith released Nikki’s hands and hitched her purse on her shoulder. “Lord knows he’s challenged us on occasion and sometimes we’ve had to get tough and lay down the law with him. But he’s always come through.” There was no bitterness or rancor in her voice, only warmth mixed with humor.

“Like when you grounded him ten years ago for sneaking out to see a concert?”

“Oh, honey, that was just one of a long list of boundaries he’s tested.” Faith’s earthy chuckle had Nikki smiling. “It took quite a few doses of tough love to get some of life’s lessons through his bullheadedness, I don’t mind telling you. Oh, his intentions were always good, but he can be stubborn if he thinks his way is the only way of doin’ things.”

Like him not wanting to let her move back here, insisting she stay with him. Even though it meant moving out of his own bed. “He’s a wonderful man. He’s done so much for me for nothing in return.”

“Thank you. He did turn out well, didn’t he? They both did.” Faith smiled then sighed. “I’m not saying you won’t face challenges living with them both. You’ll need to be tough with them. Not let them get away with not doing their chores around the house. You make sure they pull their weight. Let them know when you’re not happy, and you have to make sure to listen to them if they’re not. There are going to be a lot of compromises ahead. For all of you.”

Nikki stared at her toes. “There’s one more thing. I may not ever be able to have children. You may never have grandchildren if they stay with me. And if we are in a permanent threesome, we’d never be approved to adopt.”

“I’m so sorry, sweetie.” Faith reached out and stroked her arm. “But you love them both, and they love you. In the end, that’s all that matters.”

“But they deserve their own children.”

“Have you discussed it with them?”

“I have with Dillon. And Brett knows I can’t carry a baby full-term.” He’d known that from one of the first times the police had been dispatched to stop one of Wade’s drunken tantrums.

“Did they ask you to stay with them before or after you told them?”

“After.”

“Then what’s the problem? They’re two grown men who know their own minds. I’d say they’ve given you their answer, so who are you to question their decisions?”

“You make it sound so easy.”

Faith tsked. “Hon, falling in love is easy.
Staying
in love is the tough part.”

Lord, she knew that already.

“I will tell you I know they both love you. It’s plain on their faces when they look at you. So don’t you dare walk away from them thinking you’re not good enough or because you think others may not approve.”

“But—”

“If you walk away, it would destroy Brett, and I have a feeling Dillon wouldn’t fare so well either. If they don’t make you happy then you have to leave, and I’ll support your decision. But don’t you dare run away from them because you’re scared of what people might think, or because of what you
think
my boys might want in the future. Oh, and if you’re worrying I’d be bugging you about makin’ me a grandmother, don’t forget I have four other children to give me lots of grandbabies.” Her mouth twisted up at one side. “Hopefully they’ll wait quite a few years before they do though. I’m not ready to start wearin’ old lady shoes quite yet.”

“I don’t know, Faith. I need to—” Before she could finish her thought, the phone in the kitchen rang.

She excused herself and went to answer it, surprised to realize it was still working. If it hadn’t been attached to the wall, Phil would probably have taken it too.

“Nik? I’m so glad you answered.”

“Phil? Where are you?”
Oh, crap, what this time?
Didn’t she have enough on her plate already?

“Austin. Look, the fuckin’ cops here busted me on a totally bogus charge. They’ve thrown me in jail. Can you wire some money so I can post bail?”

“Bail?” He had the balls to call and ask for money after all he’d done? The acid in her stomach that had quieted weeks ago started roiling again. “Where do you expect me to get money, Phil? You cleaned out my bank account, remember?”

“Come on, Nik. I’m your brother. You have to help me out. We’re family.”

She looked at Faith, who watched her from the doorway. Family.
They support each other, whether they agree with the decisions or not. It’s called love
.

She opened her mouth to agree, then closed it again.

It took quite a few doses of tough love to get some of life’s lessons through his bullheadedness.
Had Phil ever been told no by their parents? Maybe by their father, but their mother had always argued his side.

“You know what, Phil? I
am
going to help you. I’m going to help you learn to stand on your own two feet for once. You got yourself into this mess, Phillip Timothy Kimball, so you are going to accept the consequences. You’re going to stay there, face the judge and plead guilty. You’re going to do whatever sentence he gives you, and you’re not going to phone me looking for money ever again. You’re going to find a job, and you’re going to pay back every cent you stole from me.”

“You can’t mean that—”

“Yeah, I do. It’s called taking responsibility for your own actions, Phil. Mom and Dad kept bailing you out in high school. And when you got in trouble once they moved away, like a fool I took you in too, so you never learned about consequences. Well, guess what? You’re all grown up now.” She clutched the receiver, her palms sweaty. In her heart, she knew she was doing the right thing, but it took all her courage to say what she’d been thinking all these years.

“Nik, you gotta help me out here.”

If he sounded more desperate instead of annoyed, she might have been tempted to help him. “No, Phil. When I took you in, you promised you’d help me with the horses, yet you didn’t do a damned thing around here. I worked hard for that money. I scrimped and saved for every single penny, for every single bale of hay for the horses. I paid your doctor bills when you broke your hand in that bar fight, even though I needed the money to pay the next month’s mortgage.”

Good God, she’d never listed it off like this before. It astounded her that she’d let it go on so long without saying anything before. “You ate my food and watched my cable. I always found a way to excuse you because you’re my brother, and I thought I was helping you. But the first time I turned my back, the first time I left you alone, you took everything from me and sold it so you could go gamble at the track or buy your next snort of coke. You didn’t give a damn about whether I could pay for the roof over my head or feed my horses. Because everything has to be all about you and what you want, the hell with me and everyone else.”

“So I made a couple bad decisions in a moment of weakness—”

“Moment of weakness?” Incredulous, she snorted at his gall. “From what the bank manager told me, you must have spent
months
forging those credit card applications in my name. Then you haunted the mailbox to make sure I didn’t find them first. You knew exactly what you were doing. So do
not
tell me it was a spur-of-the-moment bad decision you made. You did the crime, Phil, so now you can frickin’ well do the time.”

She slammed the phone back on the hook, then covered her mouth with her hand. The enormity of what she’d just done, of how she’d turned her back on her own brother, knocked her breath from her as if she’d been hit between the shoulder blades with a shovel.

Faith put her arm around her shoulder and hugged her. “Good girl. I’m proud of you. I know how hard that must have been.”

“My parents won’t look at it the same way.”

“Then they can bail him out. But promise me that if he comes back this way, you won’t put up with any more of his nonsense. He’ll never learn his lesson if everyone keeps running to his rescue.” Faith hugged her again, then drew back and put her hands on her hips and frowned. “Now back to the matter between you and my boys. Are you seriously thinking of leaving them? Both of them?”

“I can’t see any other way around it. If we all live together, they both stand to be ostracized, and who knows what people will say or do to me?”

“If you choose not to live with them, or don’t choose one of them, then you’re hurting not only yourself but
both
of them too. What would you prove by breaking their hearts and leaving all three of you unhappy?” Giving her a stern look, Faith stepped back. “Now I’ll get out of your hair and give you some room to think.”

Nikki followed Faith to the front door. “Thank you for not…thank you for listening and not judging me.”

Faith stepped onto the porch, then paused and looked over her shoulder as Nikki locked the door behind them. “A word of advice? Don’t overthink things. Sometimes you can convince your head not to listen to your heart. Those are the decisions you regret for the rest of your life.”

As Faith’s car disappeared down the lane, Nikki stayed on the porch. She ran a hand along the rail of her porch as she stared at Dillon’s house. They were there. Waiting.