Texas Strong (19 page)

He stood there, listening, but all was quiet now, and his hands were tied.

But he had to make one last effort. “Karnes, I better not get called out here again. If I do, I promise you will be sorry.” He would see to it, and take his punishment gladly. “Mrs. Karnes, do the right thing. Leave this man for your children’s sake. You owe them that.”

But there was no response.

And there would be no changes made here, he knew to his sickened soul.

Tank called in what he’d found to the dispatcher, also making the call to CPS, to a system that was fatally overloaded.

Then he drove toward Sweetgrass, wanting nothing so much as he wanted to go see Chrissy and her children as she’d asked. To wash his stained soul with their brightness and hope that some of his rage would be leached away.

But he couldn’t do that. Wouldn’t do it. His darkness was the reason he had to stay away from her because she deserved better. Sweetgrass was no place for him right now, either. He couldn’t face all those smiles. He took a road heading away from Sweetgrass and drove aimlessly for hours, then finally turned toward his place, dread riding him hard. He still felt the taint of that filthy trailer, and returning to the site of his nightmares would be more unbearable than usual. He didn’t know where to go or what to do.

Until he found himself making the turn toward Chrissy’s. He had himself better in hand now, after hours of driving, patrolling aimlessly, even though he wasn’t on duty, only on call. The night had been too quiet, but at least the miles had allowed him to start rebuilding the walls that had teetered as he watched his own childhood nightmares unfold.

He wouldn’t stop, he told himself. He’d just check on her. Make sure they were home safe.

An unfamiliar vehicle was in the driveway, a Lexus, of all things. Her sister was married to a doctor. Maybe they’d come to visit. She’d be fine. He’d keep driving.

Except he saw her sitting on her porch in the moonlight.

And she saw him. Rose with a wave and moved toward him.

She wouldn’t understand if he gunned the engine and left.

He wouldn’t get out of the car, though. He’d just roll the window down and see how she was doing. Hear that sweet voice, look upon her lovely face for a minute. Just the thought of it made something inside him ease. Soothed him until he could take a deep breath again.

“Hi there,” she said, smiling.

He couldn’t help smiling back. “Hi. You got home okay.”

“We did. Thad’s still talking about how great he is with a hammer. You were wonderful with him—thank you so much.” She paused. “Want to come inside?”

He shook his head. “You have company.”

“Just my sister. She’d love to meet you.”

There was no way on earth he could make polite conversation right now. “I’d better not, but thanks.”

She cocked her head. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Tank, you look troubled.”

“Nope. Fine.”

“You don’t want to talk about it. Something bad happened.”

He looked away from her. “A bad call, that’s all.”

“Did someone—sorry. You said you didn’t want to talk about it. May I get in?”

“I don’t think that’s wise,” he forced himself to say. Instead of what he wanted to say, which was
please
.

Her mouth quirked. “Why? Afraid I might kiss you again?”

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d blushed.
I’d give anything if you would
. But he couldn’t say that either. “If I said you can’t get in, would that stop you?”

“Maybe.” She grinned. “If I thought you really meant it.” But she hesitated. “Tank, if you really don’t want me to, I won’t. I don’t want to bother you.”

“Bother me,” he found himself saying. “Please.”

As soon as she was settled in the seat, she turned to him, eyes sparkling in the moonlight. She touched his arm. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“You shouldn’t be.” But that one touch, that one taste of warmth and hope…

“You keep trying that. Have you noticed I’m not listening?”

“Chrissy—” He heaved a sigh. “I’m not kidding when I tell you I’m a bad bet.”

“Because your father was a violent man?” She shook her head. “You’re not him. I’ve seen you with my children.”

“I can be. I have been. Don’t get idealistic about me, Chrissy. Anyone can tell you that I’m not a nice man.”

“They don’t know you like I do.”

“They’ve known me a lot longer.”

“Maybe you need someone to see you as you really are.”

“Look—” He huffed out a breath. “Just because I helped you a little doesn’t mean anything. I just—”

She placed her small hand on his shoulder. “Tank, stop. I’ve been amply warned. I don’t care. I mean, I do care, and I don’t take chances with my children—” Her mouth twisted. “Well, not anymore, and I never meant to.” Her eyes warmed. “I know how it feels not to belong. I had a nice family, yes, but something in me made me isolate myself and rebel. I cast myself out.”

He tried to focus on his counter-argument, when he wanted to close his eyes and sink into her touch. “You could walk right back in, though, couldn’t you? Your sister is here. She loves you, you already said that.”

“She does, and yes, you’re right. I could let her take care of me, but the thing is, I don’t want to. I want to make my own place, and I want it to be here. And—” A small smile. “I want you to be part of it.”

His jaw clenched. “That will never happen. I shouldn’t have let things go this far. It won’t go well for you to be connected to me, and you’re right—you can belong here. But I can’t, not really.”

“Why do you stay, then?”

He stared out the windshield. “Sometimes I don’t know. But it’s my land, and I want to take away the stain that bastard left on it, on the name, too. My family was one of the four founding families, and Patton used to be a proud name. I want to make it so again.”

“I believe you can,” she said. “Why won’t you let me help you?”

“You can’t fix what’s wrong with me, not even as sweet as you are. And I won’t taint you with what’s there.”

He saw her eyes glitter. “You break my heart, Tank.” She touched his face then, and he couldn’t resist leaning into her palm just for a second, feeling the balm of her kindness. “I want to take that boy you were and cherish him. Protect him.”

His own eyes burned. But so did his pride. “I don’t need your pity.”

She rose to her knees and leaned closer. “I don’t pity you. I can have sympathy for the child you were without pitying the man. There’s too much that’s admirable in you.”

He shook his head slowly. “I don’t see it.”

“I do,” she whispered, clasping his other cheek and bringing her face near. “Let me show you.” Then she kissed him, a kiss that felt like a blessing, a sweet brush of lips that made his heart yearn. His hand rose, and he cradled her head in his big palm. She kissed him on his eyelids then, and each cheek before returning to his mouth.

He felt cleansed by each touch. Reborn.

Then she traced the seam of his mouth with her tongue and tempted him to open. When he did, the kiss became more. Became one a woman gives a man, not an angel’s blessing on a sinner. A little moan slipped from her lips, and her tongue swept inside his mouth.

He jerked back, and she tensed. He didn’t know how to explain that it wasn’t because he didn’t want more. In reality, it was all he could do not to yank her into his lap and hold her close and closer still, to let her sweetness bathe him and cover him with light. But if he let her goodness inside him, all she would see was his emptiness, pitted with pockets of darkness that would surely extinguish all the light in her.

They remained frozen for endless moments.

He couldn’t let himself relent. He had to force her away. Because he wanted her to stay. Desperately he wanted that.

Too much.

“You should go,” he bit out.

“Because…” She sat up straight like a small soldier, facing him with courage beyond her size. “Because you don’t want to be with me?”

He closed his eyes. There was nothing he craved more. “Go, Chrissy. For God’s sake, leave.”

“Don’t do this. Say yes, Tank. Give me a chance.”

“Why would you want one? Why do you care?”

“I see you,” she said simply. “Even if you don’t. Give me a chance to show you. Let me be your friend.”

“That kiss had nothing to do with friendship.”

“Friends can kiss. You could use a friend, couldn’t you? I could, too.”

He didn’t know what to do. “You’d be smarter to walk away.”

“That’s not a no.”

“Chrissy, don’t.” He screwed his eyes shut, not sure how many more times he could keep trying.

The pads of her fingers touched his cheek. Her small hand cupped his jaw.

He just kept shaking his head, wondering why she was so different. And as before, he caught her scent as she neared. He opened his eyes.

A small smile. A kiss to the corner of his mouth. Then she set herself apart from him and opened the door, smiling back at him. “You should come inside and let me feed you. Or better yet, my sister. She’s way better than me.”

“Nobody’s better than you,” he said.

Her smile brightened. “So you’ll come in?”

“No.” God, no. “You visit with your sister.”

“When do we get to see your ranch?”

“You really don’t give up, do you?”

“Sometimes I do.”

“But now?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I meant my warnings, Chrissy.”

“I heard them.” She closed the door. “Good night, and thank you for today. We’ll see you at the work day tomorrow?”

“Do I have any choice?”

“You always have a choice, Tank. I hope you’ll make the right one.” With a little wave, she turned and left.

But whose idea of right are we talking about? What’s best for you or what I crave?
He watched her until she went inside, shaking his head.

She wasn’t right.

No matter how much he wished she was.

Chrissy made it inside and closed the door, but she couldn’t take another step. Her heart ached for him. He was so convinced he was a bad person, and she just didn’t see it.

It had taken every ounce of her courage to stay and persist, to not be embarrassed that he’d drawn back from her as she tried to deepen the kiss. He was inches away from running, though. If he didn’t own land here, she wondered if he’d already be gone. And she was part of what he’d run from.

What was she doing? Her life didn’t need any more complications. Her children certainly didn’t need her to make any more mistakes. But her head filled with memories of Thad on his shoulders, her little guy sounding so carefree and confident. Becky warming to him by the day, looking up to him shyly.

No man who could be so gentle with her children could be as bad as he believed.

But even if her interest had begun as someone who owed a debt, then became a quest for fairness to him…

That kiss. She might have started it—of course she had. She was pretty sure he never would have. For a big, strong man who was supposed to be so scary, he was surprisingly shy.

She thought he might be a good kisser if she could ever get him to trust her. She shouldn’t be focusing on kissing him when he needed a friend more than anything. Besides, she couldn’t afford to fall into her usual trap of being attracted. If she walked away now, though, she was almost certain it would be one blow too many for him. He seemed drawn to her against his will, and though he tried to stay away, he couldn’t seem to do it.

Hadn’t he been rejected by enough people?

“Wow,” her sister said, walking in. “A lot going on in that head. Want to talk?”

“Yes. No—” She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“Since it was a Sheriff’s Department vehicle outside, I have to assume that was your deputy? This Big Theo the kids can’t quit talking about?”

“He’s not my deputy.”

“Then why are you blushing?”

Chrissy rubbed her forehead. “I didn’t come here to get involved with a man. I came to make a home for my kids—”

“But?” Laura smiled. “There’s more to that sentence.”

“There is, but there shouldn’t be.”

“But…?” Laura smiled. “Talk to me, sweetie. Tell me what hurts.”

Chrissy found herself rubbing her chest just over her heart. “I hurt for him. He’s so alone, Laura. I’ve never met anybody so solitary, and not by choice.”