Texas Funeral (2 page)

“What do you do in Austin, Ray?”
“I’m an entomologist, and a professor of
entomology at Texas University,” I said and now when I

tell her what that is, that will be the precise moment
Carmela will lose interest in me.
“How interesting,” Carmela said, “But what does an
entomologist do?”
“The short answer is, I’m a bug scientist,” I said
with a smile, and took another chomp into my burger.

“Ewww, really?” Carmela said, “Oh is that why you
were interested in the headless rats and the flies attacking
the family?”

I nodded yes to answer her question, because I was
chewing my food. I also knew that I should keep my mouth
shut about why I am really interested in those stories, and
that is because I think my experiment has gone amuck. Just
then I noticed a man outside the window. He was across the
street, under the dim light of a street lamp. I thought that
something seemed odd about him.

“Have you ever seen him around before?” I said,
pointing to the man outside.
“No, I don’t think so,” Carmela said, “He’s acting
weird, right?”
“Yes, he is,” I said, and took another bite of my
burger.

A metallic bang from the kitchen startled us.
Carmela quickly ran to the kitchen, concerned, I followed
her.

6

Nurse Josie Frick had been working
triage in the
Kilgore Memorial Hospitals emergency room, without a
break, since she walked in the door at three o’clock in the
afternoon. Her shift started at high alert when a boy came
in, who had lost his head, they believed in a car accident.
Since then there has been a steady flow of patients coming
in to the ER. She had never seen the waiting room packed
like this before. People were even waiting outside.

All of the patients have similar complaints. The
common and less severe she had seen was the consistent
headache and nausea with high fever. The ones with more
advanced symptoms included mild tremors. This is how
they all come into the Emergency Room, but every patient
rapidly deteriorates in a similar way. They exhibit signs of
restlessness and seizures. They begin to leak blood from
their nose, ears, and mouth.

It is now after midnight and Nurse Frick believes
that the city of Kilgore is in the midst of an outbreak
situation, only she can not figure out what is causing it, and
where all these damn flies were coming from? They
seemed to be everywhere.

Kelly, the Nurses Assistant, pushed the wheel-chair
for eighty-eight-year-old Sam Dodger into the triage office.
He had come in complaining of headaches and a persistent
bloody nose. He didn’t realize he had blood streaming
down his neck from his ears.

“Mr. Dodger, this is Nurse Josie,” Kelly said, “She
is going to ask you a few questions. He has symptoms like
the others Josie.” Then Kelly went back to the front desk of
the waiting room.

“God, I hate sick people,” Nurse Josie mumbled to
herself, “All these patients are testing my patience.” Then
she put on a tired smile to deal with another patient.

“Hello, Mr. Dodger, I’m Nurse Josie. I am going to
start by taking your temperature and your blood pressure,
ok?”

Mr. Dodger looked around as if he was confused
and lost. Then he began to twitch and shake in the wheelchair. With his convulsions he released a high-pitched
howl. Nurse Josie stared in disbelief. None of the other
patients had done this before.

“Doctor Hertz!” Nurse Josie called into the room
next door, “Doctor Hertz, come here quick!”

Doctor Hertz charged into the room to see what the
commotion was about. Nurse Josie used her right hand to
point to Mr. Dodger, and her left hand covered her mouth.
She instinctually backed away in fear. Mr. Dodger now sat
still in the wheel- chair, except his head kept rocking back
and forth.

“What’s that noise?” Doctor Hertz said, “It’s a
gnawing sound, and it seems to be coming from this
patient.”

Mr. Dodger howled again, his eyes burst open,
spraying blood out of them. Mr. Dodger’s head rolled off
his shoulders and into his lap, as a swarm of flies came out
of it. Nurse Josie screamed in horror as the room filled with
splattered blood and flies.

The flies began to attack
Nurse Frick and
Doctor Hertz. They slapped helplessly at the flies as they
were bitten. Nurse Frick shrieked and fell on the side of her
desk. Loud siren like sounds came from the waiting room.
Kelly opened the door to the triage office. She was
combating the flies, and losing.

“Doctor Hertz,” Kelly said pointing to her right
arm, “What is this crawling under my skin?”
“I don’t know Kelly, there is something definitely
moving under your skin.” Doctor Hertz said, grabbing a
scalpel from the cabinet. “I will try to cut it out.”
“Is that a good idea?” Kelly said.
“Hold still,” Doctor Hertz said, as he forcefully
grabbed her right arm, and began to make the incision.

Kelly couldn’t look, and fought her own reflexes to
not pull away as the doctor cut her forearm. She could feel
the cold knife smoothly opening up her skin, then a small
pop and release of pressure. Doctor Hertz then began to
push and squeeze her arm, as if he were trying to remove a
cist. Kelly looked down at her arm and saw what looked
like a giant white worm flailing out of her open wound.

“What the hell is that?” Kelly cried.
“It looks to be some sort of parasite,” Doctor Hertz
said, moving closer to it to get a better look “Big, ugly
sucker too.”
The larva leapt from Kelly’s arm into Doctor Hertz
left eye, and burrowed into his head. Doctor Hertz covered
his eye with his hand, while screaming; he fell backwards
onto the floor. Kelly screamed and noticed that she had
more larvae crawling under the skin of her left arm. Nurse
Frick stood up; blood was trickling out of her eyes.

“Are you ok Josie?” Kelly said, her eyes wet from
blood and tears.

Nurse Frick looked back at Kelly as if she were lost.
She let out a high pitched howl, and then her head rolled
off her shoulders and bounced as it hit the tile floor. More
flies filled the room, as nurse Frick’s body collapsed on top
of Doctor Hertz. Doctor Hertz screamed under the weight
of Nurse Frick’s headless body. Kelly ran out of the triage
office screaming. She slipped and fell in a pool of blood on
the waiting room floor.

Kelly was immediately swarmed by more flies. She
looked to the right of her into the empty eye sockets of a
severed head. She screamed and looked to the left to see the
headless body slithering with larvae. Kelly tried to get up
but couldn’t. She let out a high pitched howl and her head
was chewed off her neck.

Carmela and I opened
the door to the kitchen.

“Dios Mio!” Carmela said, to the cook, “Pete what
happened to Manny?”
“I don’t know Carmela,” Pete said, “I was cleaning
the grill, Manny was coming in from taking out the trash,
and then he fell. He twitched some; maybe he’s having a
seizure.”

I got down on the floor to examine Manny. He had
a definite fever. He also had a small trickle of blood
coming out of his nose and ears. I noticed that Manny had a
small lump on his right arm. It seemed to be moving. I
thought that was interesting, but I did not want to worry
Carmela and Pete with my theory.

“I believe Manny needs to be taken to the hospital
immediately,” I said.
“No shit Sherlock,” Pete said, “Who the heck is this
guy, Carmela?”
“This is Ray,” Carmela said, “We were talking,
when we heard the noise.”
“Oh yeah, Manny hit his head on the table,” Pete
said, “Probably why his nose is bleeding. Wait, looks like
his ears too. Carmela, call for an ambulance.”

Carmela went to the back office phone. Pete and I
stood over Manny in an awkward silence. I had a bad
feeling in my gut about all of this.

“The line is busy,” Carmela called out, “even the
operator is busy.”

“Manny really needs to get to the hospital, Pete
said, “I’d say I’d take him, but I don’t want to leave you
hear alone Carmela.”

“Ray will stay here with me,” Carmela said, with a
sly smile.
Pete looked at me while weighing the pros and cons
of this new idea.
“I guess I’m ok with that if you’re ok with that

Ray,” Pete said, “It’d be a great help.”
“Sure” I said, “Let me help you get him out to the
car.”

Pete and I lifted Manny, a stocky Mexican man, off
of the kitchen floor. I held Manny’s feet, while Pete
grabbed him from under his shoulders. Manny’s head was
bent forward by Pete’s beer belly. Carmela opened the back
door and turned on the light. We carried Manny down the
steps and Carmela got ahead of us to open the passenger
door to Pete’s pick up truck.

“Maybe we should just lay him down in the back,” I
suggested.
“That’d be a good idea,” Pete said, “But I’ve got my
tools in the back.”

We lifted Manny into the passenger side seat of the
pick-up truck. Pete used the seat belt to hold him in place.

“The Hospital is only a few blocks away,” Pete
said, “He should be alright like that till I get him there.”
“Oh, ok” I said.
Carmela had gone back inside
The Road Kill Café.
They did not want to leave the front counter unattended for
to long.

“Hey Ray,” Pete said, “Don’t be an asshole. I'll be
back as soon as I get Manny situated at the hospital.”
“Why sure, Pete,” I said, “Nothing to worry about
here.”

Pete got in his truck and started it up. He backed up
and pointed the car towards Main Street. He rolled down
the window and spat some juice from his chaw.

“I know there’s nothing to worry about,” Pete said,
“I just had to say it to make sure you understood. What the
hell is with all these flies today? They are everywhere”

Pete smacked a fly on his left arm, put the car in
drive, and headed to the hospital.

“What a douche bag,” I said, to myself, as I
watched him pull away, I saw his
Keep Austin Weird
bumper sticker. “Let me get back in and finish my burger. I
wonder where that peculiar sound is coming from. It
sounds like a pack of wolves howling at the Moon.”

9

Pete and Manny were only
a block away from
Kilgore Memorial Hospital. Flies were splattering on the
trucks windshield. Pete could hardly see through the
window. He put on the wipers to see better, but it only
made it worse by smearing the bug guts on the glass. Pete’s
truck began to sputter and buck as steam came out of the
hood. Pete pulled the car to the side as it rolled to a stop.

“Damn it!” Pete said, as he smacked the steering
wheel, “Of all the damn times for the truck to over heat.”

Pete got out of the truck to open the hood. He
stepped to the front of the truck, adjusted his
Cowboys
belt
buckle, and spat out the brown juice from his chaw on the
street.

“Good God!” Pete said, “I don’t believe it. Look at
all those damn flies clogging up the front end.”

Pete took his right hand and scooped a hand full of
flies off the front end of his car. The flies began to bite him.
The flies crawled up his nose, in his ears. Pete swatted at
the flies, and as he cursed they flew in his mouth.

Pete noticed the truck started rocking violently. Pete
looked in the truck and saw that Manny was shaking and
his arms flailed about oddly. Manny let out a high pitched
howl. Manny’s head rolled off his shoulders onto the floor
of the truck. Blood and Flies filled the trucks cab

“Holy shit!” Pete said, as he attempted to out run
the flies and find shelter.

Pete jumped over a chain link fence and landed in
the backyard of someone’s house, which set off the back
porch motion light. Pete gazed in awe at the house, because
it was covered up to the roof with flies. In a panic he made
a mad dash for the shed. Luckily it wasn’t locked and he
was able to find shelter inside.

“Oh damn,” Pete said, catching his breath, “what
the fuck was all of that?”

Pete had only a dim light from the back porch to get
his bearings. He quickly looked around the shed for a light
switch, but couldn’t find one. Then the porch light went
out. Pete was in the dark. Pete went into his left pants
pocket and pulled out his
Zippo
lighter. He lit it and looked
around the shed for a better light.

Pete felt something crawling on his arm and
smacked it, but it wouldn’t go away. He brought the flame
from the lighter close to his right forearm to see what was
on him.

“What the hell is that?” Pete screamed, when he
realized what he thought was on him… was in him.

Pete began to search for a knife to cut out this lump
that was creeping up his arm. Pete tripped over a lawn
mower and fell backward on to the floor. When he landed
he immediately heard a distinctive hiss followed by a rattle.
Pete had dropped his lighter; it had slid away from him, and
stopped on some old rags. There was a small spark and then
the rags caught fire. Pete tried to move away from the
rattlesnake by slowly rolling to his right side, but as he got
up the snake bit him on the ass. The flames grew larger as
Pete jumped and cursed attempting to shake the snake off
his backside.

Pete began to twitch as blood spurted out of his
eyes. He let out a high pitched howl and his head rolled off
his shoulders, his body collapsed with a thud on the shed
floor.

Carmela busied herself
wiping down the counter
and tables in the
Road Kill Café
, as I finished my burger,
while searching Google on my iPhone for more unusual
stories involving missing heads or flies in the city of
Kilgore. I didn’t find anything that I hadn’t already heard
about from the Kilgore News, and Carmela. A Kilgore
Police car sped by with the siren screaming and the lights
flashing. It was going in the same direction that Pete had
gone towards Kilgore Memorial Hospital. Three more
Police cars followed. I watched out the window as the
taillights from the Police cars faded from my sight.

It was almost two in the morning. I looked out over
the quiet Main Street. I heard a peculiar hum, or buzzing
sound. I looked up at the street lamp outside the café. It was
covered in flies. I looked at the other street lamps, and they
were also covered in flies. I felt an uneasiness in my
stomach, but I didn’t think it was from the
Road Kill Café
burger.

“Carmela,” I said, pointing out the café window, “Is
this sort of thing normal around here?”
“Dios Mio!” Carmela said, looking out at the street
lamps, “No Ray, I haven’t seen anything like that before.”
“I didn’t think so,” I said.
“Look Ray,” Carmela said, pointing to the sky, “Is
that more flies?”
“Oh damn! Yes! It is more flies!”
The sound of breaking glass, and the head splitting
staccato beeps blaring from a store alarm snapped my
attention to yet another horror. Main Street was filling with
a growing mob of Kilgorians stammering like Zombies
towards the Café. The screeching of tires from the opposite
direction got our attention as a green SUV swerved wildly
toward the Zombies, then skidded, and crashed into a street
lamp pole. The driver smashed through the front window of
his truck with the collision, and a black cloud of flies
followed him.

“Look Ray,” Carmella said, pointing at the accident
victim, “He doesn’t have a head.”

“Carmela, you should lock the doors to the Café,” I
said, in as a cool and collected tone as I could muster.
“That’s a good idea,” Carmela said, and quickly
went to the front of the café, “Dios Mio! Ray come here
quick!”

I couldn’t believe my eyes
when I got to the front
of the café. The front doors and window panes were
crawling with flies. Behind the flies, I was able to see a few
people wondering aimlessly.

“It is like we are trapped in two horror movies at
once,” I said to Carmela, “
The Swarm
and
The Night of the
Living Dead
.”

Carmela just stared in horrified disbelief at the wall
of flies.
“Carmela,” I said, “Do you have any bug spray here
in the Café?”
“Yes,” Carmela said, “There are a couple cans of
Raid
in the back. I’ll go get them.”

Carmela went into the Kitchen. I locked the doors. I
noticed a black woman walking towards the door after I
had locked it. She dragged her right leg and occasionally
swung her left arm over her head, which was hanging
down. I thought she was swatting at the flies. I could see
these large lumps in her skin. They moved, then stopped,
then moved again. She got up close to the door and bumped
into it. Slowly she raised her head. I was looking into her
dark red and crusted empty eye sockets. Her eyes had been
eaten. Her mouth opened wide with a high pitched howl.
Blood oozed out over her chin and ran rivers down her
throat. She began to tremble and twitch uncontrollably. Her
head hung forward again, then dropped at her feet. Her
headless body collapsed in front of the café doors. A mass
of flies flew out of her.

I stood in shocked silence as this all happened and
felt a crushing wave of guilt wash over me, because I knew
I was responsible for this infestation that has destroyed
Kilgore, and I had no way to stop it. I didn’t even know if I
would survive it. I’m like Dr. Frankenstein with an out of
control deadly monster. I pulled myself together, my
survival instinct pushing me forward, and moved the
cigarette machine in front of the window. I pushed a table
in front of the other window and some chairs too. Then I
went to the kitchen to check on Carmela, she should have
been back with the bug spray by now.

I went into the kitchen to find Carmela standing on
a stack of boxes next to a metal shelf.

“I think the bug spray is on the top shelf,” Carmela
said, “but, I cannot reach it.”
“Yes,” I said, “I see it.” Then I went and pulled
down the two cans of bug spray.”
“Show off,” Carmela said, with a smile, as she got
down from the boxes, “I don’t think that is going to be
enough spray.”
“No, it won’t be,” I said, “I’m hoping it’ll keep the
flies from getting in.

I sprayed around the exhaust fan and sealed it shut.
Then I locked the back door, and sprayed around it. I went
back to the front of the café and sprayed around the front
doors.

“Are there any other openings to the café,

Carmela?”
“No, I think you have sprayed them all,” Carmela
said, “Is that really going to work Ray?”
“Not permanently,” I said, “But, I’m hoping it’ll
buy us some time to think of a better plan.”
“How are we going to get out of here, Ray?”
Carmela asked, with fear in her voice.
“I’m not sure,” I said, shutting off the outside neon
lights, “Are there any candles in here?”

Carmela reached under the counter and pulled out
two boxes of Birthday Cake Candles. We both gave a
nervous laugh. Carmela took a candle from the box, stuck
it in a cinnamon apple muffin, and lit it. I shut off the lights
to the dinning room. It is 3:30 AM, and about another three
hours until sunrise. As we sat there in almost complete
darkness and the buzzing sound of the growing swarm
outside. We both jumped with a startle when we heard a
loud thump.