Ten Degrees of Reckoning (27 page)

Over the years, Judy’s flashbacks have mostly subsided. She still cannot concentrate if she has not made her daily lists or if she is under stress. She completes jigsaw puzzles and plays computer games to improve those concentration skills. She has melt-downs about once a month, and more often if she catches a glimpse of a child who resembles her own.

Judy is extraordinary. It would be extraordinary if she just got out of bed every morning. The death of her husband from hypothermia and delirium was so preventable, and so tragic because of shameful inaction. The slow motion of Annie’s death was more horrifying and gut-wrenching than we can ever envision, too horrifying for Judy to fully describe aloud, even to me. On the worst of nights, she imagines that Ben did not die immediately. It is something Judy will grapple with for the rest of her life. Yet she does get up each morning, and she makes her lists, and she plans her day.

Judy has always considered her sense of humor and her sense of hopefulness her best allies in times of darkness. “I was always hopeful,” she told me, “but even now I’m not sure what I was hoping for.”

Initially Judy used her quilts to express her emotions, but her interests and activities have evolved as she develops a sense of well-being. She designed her own home, and for a period of time, using her engineering and design skills, she had a small development company, Benjamin Timon Ltd.

Her main involvement now is a business that revolves around flameworked glass beads, Annie Rose Ltd. (www.annierose.com). She sells Venetian glass rods, kilns, and supplies and tools for glass artists in New Zealand and Australia. She has designed a line of glass-beaded jewelry that is currently in several galleries in New Zealand, and she hopes her jewelry will show up in California in the next year.

The Wild Girls are ever present and still planning trips and activities, but they have given the final Outrageous Award to Isabelle.

Judy spends some of her evenings tutoring children in mathematics. She has also become a mentor in the New Zealand YWCA Future Leaders Programme for teenage girls. She has two little dogs, Sparkie and Elvis.

And me? I never planned on writing a book. There was always intense interest in Judy’s story, and through the Sleavin Family Foundation we constantly received requests from authors, including some notable ones. Judy turned everyone down. Initially it was agonizing to even speak of the tragedy and the injustice. Recently she decided the time for a book had come, but she insisted that I be the person to write it. I was already aware of so much background information, she said, and because of the foundation, I had access to all the legal and investigative documents. I wasn’t convinced until Judy told me she felt that she could tell me particular details she would not feel comfortable sharing with anyone else.

Still, it was a difficult process. Once, to break up the routine, we got in the car and just drove for three days. Some of the time we talked into a tape recorder, and some of the time we just whispered into the darkness. One evening, exhausted from crying, we stopped in a town with one restaurant and motel. We checked in, ate grilled cheese sandwiches, put each other’s hair into pig-tails, and entertained ourselves by singing Broadway songs and tap dancing. Our tears turned into hysterical laughter, and we finally slept for several hours. Then, considerably restored, we dragged ourselves back into the facts of those harrowing events.

Writing the book has been both a remarkable journey and an emotional minefield, causing me many sleepless nights. How could I not go through with this? Judy and Mike had always been so gracious to us. Over the years they shared meals, gifts, their home, their boat, and truly made me a member of the family when Annie Rose was born, honoring me as her godmother. Now perhaps I could do something in return. I am an avid reader, and books are precious to me. But books are bound pages, objects placed on a shelf. My goal, my most fervent desire, is that someday Judy will be able to point to this book and say that most of her grief and sorrows are now tangible, contained within the pages rather than within her soul, and that while her life is inseparable from the truth within these pages, it has diverged into her own personal, promising narrative.

I still love to travel, but I am no longer a blue-water cruiser. In fact, I am no longer married, an unexpected 10-degree alteration of another sort. On the day I was banished by John, I went directly from the boat to Judy. This may seem an unlikely thing to do, since any despair on my part would be so minimal compared with the inhumanity and anguish she has had to endure. But no one avoids her. She continues to create a community of people who want to embrace life. People in her sphere make every effort to be kinder, wiser, funnier, more adventurous, and more compassionate because of the tone she has set. She has warped our perceptions in the most positive way. Through Judy’s example, we want to take chances, to eliminate complacency and injustice, to be more courageous about the choices we make. We may need a grieving period or a time-out, but we know to take on life. And all Judy asks of anyone reading this book is to do the same, in memory of Michael Patrick, Benjamin Timon, and Anna Rose Sleavin.

FOUR DISTINCT PERSONALITIES,

BUT ONE HEART

My love for you will

Never die

No one can take our

Dreams away

The depth of love can

Never be equaled

You are the stars

You are the glistening waves

You are the essence of my life

I see you in the clouds, I feel you in my heart

I promise to continue having adventures

I promise to fill my life with love

I promise to never compromise what is dear to me

My dreams of you keep my life

Full of love and adventures

You look down on me and smile

You protect me and guide me

You know we’ll all be together

One day

Your love comforts me

I love you from the depth of my soul

A love that there are no words we know

We are one and always will be

Your love smoothes the road ahead of me

JUDITH ANN SLEAVIN

Acknowledgments

To Judith Ann Sleavin. This work would have been impossible without you. Without your truthfulness. Without your formidable courage. Without your trust. Without your loyal friendship. I can only humbly return it, with love and gratitude.

I had an early sense of how this story should be told, but as I surrounded myself with more and more documentation, the task seemed impenetrable. Personally, then, I am indebted to my sister, Susan. It was she who propelled me by telephoning me every day to command, “Write!”

I am also deeply beholden to my brother-in-law, Alan Roadburg, for his patience, guidance, and hours of technical expertise, and without whom I would not have entered the publishing arena.

I benefited enormously from the wisdom, sensibility, and astute editorial advice from Waverly Fitzgerald. Our discussions, fueled by large lattes, helped me sort out my thoughts and words. In my earliest drafts, Kathy Bradley, a meticulous copy editor, went beyond her role to provide me with good judgment and relevant suggestions.

More gratitude than I can express goes to my literary agent, Marly Rusoff, for her rare blend of professional excellence and tenderheartedness, to Michael Radulescu at the agency for championing me with gusto, and to Amy Einhorn, for her exceptional passion in bringing Judith Sleavin’s spirit and story to a wide readership.

I am extremely grateful to the artist Margaret Davidson for creating the superb maps, and for her unrestrained enthusiasm for the project.

It would have been impossible to write this book without the access I had to all the documents, but it would have been impossible to review those thousands of pages without a firm knowledge base. From the inception of the Sleavin Family Foundation, and long before I had any intention of writing this book, numerous people were willing to share their professional expertise, research materials, and considerable skills to make sure that I understood essential issues. Members of the United States Coast Guard, members of the Council of American Master Mariners, and the following individuals contributed greatly to my level of comprehension and deserve special mention:

Donald J. Sheetz; Dr. Chris Gobey; Tom Linskey; Brian V. Dorsch; Captain Kip Carlson; CWO4 Eric Matthews, United States Coast Guard (ret.); Eugene Brodsky; Kay Rudiger; Captain Stephen Nadeau; Captain David Leach; Captain Robert Brownell; Ron Handy; Maria Russell; Pam Wall; Captain Derek McCann; Thomas Bayer; Carol Hasse; QMC Tom Rau; Captain David Smith; Ron Friedmann; Rob Hoffman; and Ken James.

With so much information gathered from New Zealand, and from worldwide shipping sources, I will have made unintended errors. The errors are mine alone, and not the product of anyone who assisted me.

I traveled to New Zealand three times to gather information and to interview principal and supporting characters. I am deeply indebted to Val Boag, Jigs Bradley, Judy Dempster, Diana Moratti, and Judy White for their gracious assistance and hospitality, humor, and thorough attention to my endless questions. I owe Ian Moratti many thanks as well, for arranging meetings, providing helpful information, and taking pertinent videos. I know how many tears were shed with the Wild Girls, and I am so grateful for their love.

I had the advantage of seeing the search and rescue area through the knowledgeable eyes of my helicopter pilot, Mr. J. Prickles de Ridder, who had kept his log book from 1995, when he made an attempt to retrieve Judy’s dinghy at Deep Water Cove. And I had the opportunity to relive the search and rescue itself through the intact and objective memories of Sergeant Dave Palmer and Steve Simpson.

Annique Goldenberg and Kerry Rauber each provided invaluable help that allowed me to reconstruct the investigation and timing of the search and rescue. I am thankful for permission to reproduce their logs and diaries, and most particularly, am deeply grateful for their honesty in sharing very personal memories.

My thanks go to Daniel Levesque, COSPAS-SARSAT secretariat, for providing documents of the satellite system in 1995, and especially to Ron Wallace for providing the clarity and guidance to understand them. Thanks to Chris Wahler of ACR Electronics, for helping sort out 1995 EPIRB models.

Many topics in the book would have been incomplete without the helpful conversations, one-on-one interviews, or correspondence with the following people. I am indebted to them for their kindness and for the crucial information they provided. To the family members, I hope that you can forgive any pain I must have caused:

Catherine Sleavin, John and Kathi Sleavin, Sharon MacDonald, Colleen and Shannon Polley, Risa Graves, Maureen Lull, Peter and Glenda Couch, Sid Hepi, Richard Witehira, Darryl Davis, Johnny Hepi, Mita Tipene, Efi Mosley, Dr. Charles Marmar, Dr. Loek Henneveld, Stephen Jones, and Jon Guzzwell.

Thanks go to Trisha O’Hehir, Birgit Westergaard, Judith Kimmerer, and Suzanne Fenton for reading drafts and offering useful suggestions; to Zanna Satterwhite, Holly Allen, and Laurie Radin for providing indispensable technical and organizational support; to Lisa Preston for conducting several overseas interviews on my behalf; to Lynda Lou Bouch for putting forward a good word well before I was ready; and to Amy Rennert for offering a novice some attention and guidance.

To the family and friends who cheered me on and sustained me through this process, I am forever grateful for your unfailing patience and encouragement. My eternal appreciation goes to:

Arlene Gladstone, Hamish Cameron, Birgit Westergaard, Norman Gladstone, Judy Kimmerer, Rob Kimmerer, Marilla Satterwhite, Skip Satterwhite, Bettie Rumberg, Ross Rumberg, Trisha O’Hehir, Marisa Kahn, Joel Wardinger, Alison Roadburg, Sheila Lieberman, Ann Phillips, Dr. Robert E. Holmberg, Jennifer Albright, Maralyn Crosetto, Jacqui Metzger, Holly Allen, James Piercey, Patricia Walter, Bea Gandara, Susan Finn, Suzie Kassen, Barry Kassen, Zanna Satterwhite, Stu Taylor, Jaida Kimmerer, Honna Kimmerer, Hamish Cameron Jr., Sylvia Gill, Beverly Moreland, Tina Castaldi, Francisco Nunez, Benjamin Benschneider, Tuckerman Esty, John Fitzgerald, Richard Bricker, Beau Hudson, Annie Hudson, Terri Sharp, Jeanette Logan, Alain Foucard, and, of course, Bud and Petey.