Tempting Love - Haley & Eddie (8 page)

“But she is. Missing out on something.” Eddie’s voice sounded tortured, and he took another swig of beer.

Haley’s heart twisted in her chest. “You are an amazing dad. Em is so lucky to have you.”

“But no matter what, I’m not her mom.” Eddie shook his head. “I can never fill that role.”

“Look, I was lucky enough to have both my parents, but look at my cousins. They grew up with Uncle Bob and they are fine.”

“Jury’s still out on that,” Eddie said flatly.

Haley smiled. She knew this was tough for him, but relief washed over her that he was at least joking around a little bit.

“And they were boys,” Eddie pointed out. “Boys are different.”

No kidding
.

“Em has Chelle, me, my mom, and sisters. The list goes on and on with how many people adore and love that little girl.”

Eddie nodded, and Haley did feel like he was at least trying to take in what she was saying. Looking back across the yard and into the dark night, Eddie got a faraway look on his face.

Haley wasn’t sure what he was thinking about and she kind of wanted-slash-needed to find out the answer to the question that had brought this entire subject up, which was what she was supposed to say when Emily asked her about it. But she had always had a gift of reading the room, and this was not the time for her follow-up question.

She would give him a few quiet moments, let him sit with it. Then, for Emily, she would ask. Again.

* * *

Eddie knew that as Emily grew older he’d have to face the fact that she’d have questions. It was only natural. He just couldn’t believe how grown up she was.

When Em was a baby, during the crying, the sleepless nights, the teething, the terrible twos, he’d honestly thought that those would be the hardest times with her. That once she was able to do things on her own, be more independent, talk, and tell him what she needed, it would get easier. But the truth was, the time when she was an infant had been the easy part. Yes, it had been exhausting and draining, but he’d been able to protect her, take care of her. He’d had complete control.

Now, he felt like things were quickly spiraling out of control. She wanted to go to sleepovers, wear makeup, get a
bra.
And the scariest want of all—to find out about her mother.

Eddie knew he needed to stop trying to avoid and prolong the inevitable. Facing all of this head-on was truly the only thing to do. But for once, he knew he couldn’t do it alone.

Turning back to Haley, he was momentarily sidetracked when he saw that she had propped her legs up on the chair sitting opposite her. Eddie’s hungry gaze traveled from her delicate ankles that were crossed one over the other, up to her slender, sun-kissed calves, to her sexy, toned thighs. Her dress cut off his sensual visual journey mid-thigh.

Damn
. Eddie’s hands itched to run up under her dress. Every fiber of his being was burning with a primal need to touch her. A vision flashed in his mind’s eye of her straddling his lap, her dress bunched up at her waist, his hands roaming beneath it, touching the baby soft skin of her inner thigh, traveling farther to her…

“Eddie?” Haley’s voice snapped him out of his soon-to-be X-rated daydream. “Are you okay?” Her tentative, caring voice pulled at another part of his anatomy—his heart.

Haley didn’t just look after Emily, which would have been more than enough. She always wanted to make sure that he was okay. She regularly went out of her way to take care of him, like when she cleaned up, packed his lunches, and made dinners and put them in the freezer.

Eddie wasn’t used to that. No one had ever taken care of
him
. He’d always been the caregiver. First with Chelle, then with Lacey, and now with Emily. His mom had certainly not been the nurturing type. In fact, he remembered when he had chicken pox in first grade they had told him to stay in his room so he didn’t infect the house with his germs. His mom would leave his meals on trays outside his door and ask if he needed anything, but she wouldn’t even come into the room and check on him.

“Eddie,” Haley repeated, concern filling her soft voice as her face scrunched in worry.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry,” Eddie assured her as he shook his head a little. He seriously needed to snap out of it and get his head right.

“So…” Haley took another deep breath, and Eddie noticed that she was wiggling her toes. She was nervous.

“You don’t have to be nervous, Hales.” Eddie knew he wasn’t acting like himself tonight, but the last thing he wanted was for Haley to be nervous around him.

“I’m not nervous.” Haley looked at him like she had no idea what he was talking about.

“Okay.” Eddie sat back in his chair. He wasn’t going to push the point, but he knew she was.

Haley stared at him with an assessing look in her eye for a few moments before asking, “How did you know I was nervous?”

Eddie raised one brow in challenge. “I thought you said you weren’t.”

She tilted her head with an expression that clearly communicated, ‘Stop being a smartass.’

He smiled. Eddie loved the fact that whatever Haley was feeling or thinking was written clear as day on her face. Sadly, it made her poker game suffer. He’d seen her get slaughtered at the table during Sloan family game nights on more than one occasion.

And it wasn’t just her facial expressions that gave away her mood or thoughts. Haley had more tells than politicians had hookers. She was a walking, breathing, talking tell.

When she was nervous, she wiggled her toes and/or bit the inside of her lip. If she was thinking, concentrating, or working something out, she twisted her hair. When she was happy about something, her voice went up an octave. And after tonight, he knew that when she was turned on, her breathing became shallow and a light pink blush crept up her chest.

Eddie tilted his beer towards her feet before taking another swig. “You wiggle your toes when you’re nervous.”

Haley’s toes immediately stopped moving as she looked down at her feet, asking in disbelief, “I do?”

Eddie nodded. She did.

“How do you… I mean…who told you that?” Haley turned her head and narrowed her eyes, looking at him like she was a detective trying to get down to the bottom of a great mystery.

“No one,” Eddie answered honestly.

Tilting her head, clearly not convinced, she asked, “Then how did you know that?”

“I noticed it.” Eddie looked straight into her crystal blue eyes as he admitted, “I notice a lot about you.”

Haley’s eyes widened and her breathing once again came in shorter pants. That blush he had been thinking about appeared just above the swell of her breasts and continued up the smooth skin of her neck. Eddie should not have added that last admission. He could blame the alcohol, but sadly, he wasn’t even feeling the slightest bit buzzed.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He did feel a strong buzzing, but it was from arousal, not from the two beers he’d pounded back. Knowing that he needed to get this conversation back on track, Eddie asked, “So why were you nervous?”

“Oh, that.” Haley blinked and swallowed hard. “I just need to know how you want me to field the Lacey questions when they come up.”

“I think how you’ve been handling it up until now is fine. Honesty usually is the best policy.”

“Okay, but what about when she asks why her mom left?” Haley questioned.

“She’s asked you that?” Eddie was surprised that Emily had asked Haley that. She’d only ever asked him that once. And that was over a year ago.

“Several times,” Haley confirmed.

“Damn.” Eddie rubbed his hands over his face. “Well, I told her that, even though her mom loved her very much, she just couldn’t be a mom. But that she would always love her.”

“What did happen?” Haley hesitantly asked. “With Lacey.”

Eddie didn’t talk about this. Ever. But for some reason, tonight, under the stars, sitting in his backyard with Haley, it all just came flowing out of him like her three-word question had broken down the wall to an emotional dam.

“Well, I don’t know how well you knew her, but Lacey was wild. In high school, she experimented with drugs. I mean, a lot of us did, but she took it further than any of the rest of us. Her home life was bad. Really bad. And I think she used alcohol and drugs to escape it.

“Then, when we graduated, she left. Went away to college. You probably know I stayed here and started working for Sloan Construction. School was good for her. She got clean. We kept in touch. I still loved her. She said she still loved me. After college, she came back to town and we hooked up again. I honestly thought we had a real chance. She was different.

“She hadn’t been home more than a few months before I proposed. She accepted and moved in with me, but that was as far as it went. She didn’t show any interest in planning the wedding. Never talked about it. I thought it was a little strange. I had always heard girls lived for that stuff.

“About a year after she was back, things were getting a little rocky between us. I could tell she was restless. Every day, I expected to come home and see a Dear John note sitting on the kitchen table. Then one day, on a random Thursday, I came home and there was a note, but instead of saying she was leaving, it said that she was pregnant.”

“She told you in a note?”

Eddie had never told another soul what he was about to reveal to Haley. Not his sister, not Riley, no one.

“Yeah. It also said that she needed time to think. I didn’t see her or hear from her for three days. I tried all of her friends. They said they didn’t know where she was. I called and left so many messages I filled up her mailbox. She never called me back. I was going crazy. I didn’t know what her head space was like. What she might be thinking.

“Then, Sunday afternoon, she walked into the house. I remember how skinny she looked and that there were dark circles under her eyes. She told me that she’d decided she was going to have an abortion. That she’d already scheduled it for the next week.”

Eddie’s gut turned as he remembered that day. “I didn’t know how much I had already fallen in love with my unborn baby until the moment she told me she wasn’t keeping it. I begged her not to do it. She told me she wasn’t ready to be a mom and I told her that it was okay. That I was ready enough for the both of us.

“It took a lot of convincing, but she finally agreed to keep the baby.” Taking a deep breath, Eddie looked down at the lines in the wood boards of his deck. “I honestly thought that once Lacey held the baby in her arms, her maternal instinct would kick in and everything would fall into place.”

Looking back up at Haley, he saw tenderness and compassion in her expressive baby blue eyes. “That didn’t happen. She just never bonded with her. I do believe she loved her, but she was right. She wasn’t ready to be a mom. After a few months, she started staying out all night. Partying. I wouldn’t even leave Emily with her when I went to work because I was afraid she would get high.

“Then she just left. I came home from work with Emily and all of Lacey’s things were gone. No note. Nothing. After a year of no contact with her, I filed for full custody of Emily. That’s it. I knew that she hadn’t been ready and I’d pushed her anyway. I just thought I could love her and the baby enough for the both of us.”

Haley sat forward in her chair and Eddie felt her hand on his knee. The innocent contact shot straight to his groin.

“Listen. You wanted Emily and you fought to keep her. How many dads can say that?”

Eddie looked up at Haley’s earnest expression and warmth replaced the hollow feeling that had taken up residence in his chest while he had been rehashing the past.

“That girl is lucky to have you,” Haley said with sincerity pouring out of her. “Any girl would be lucky to have you.”

Damn
.

He really wished that she wouldn’t look at him like that—with hero worship in her eyes. She obviously had a very wrong impression of who he was. If she’d been back at that hotel room and seen how he had treated Claire, he knew that would turn the rose-colored glasses she liked to use while looking at him into a magnifying glass. His flaws would be on large display.

After several silent moments, she removed her hand from his knee. He immediately missed the contact. Sitting back, she spoke with a smile in her tone. “There is one more thing.”

“What?” Eddie wasn’t sure how much more he could take tonight. He’d already had to use more self-control than he had even known he’d possessed not to strip her out of her clothes and take her in the kitchen. Then he’d bared his soul for the first time in his life. ‘One more thing’ might be too much.

“Emily asked me to make her a bra for her birthday.” Haley sliced a look at him, and he could see that she thought he might lose his shit over that declaration.

“Yeah, she asked me if she could get one today.”

A smile crept up her beautiful face. “And you said ‘no’.”

“Yes,” Eddie stated firmly. “She’s too young for stuff like that.”

Haley sat quietly, and it made Eddie wonder if he was right. He didn’t really have a lot to go off of other than the fact that he was pretty sure that girls needed bras when they developed and Emily was far from developed. But with Haley not immediately agreeing with him, it made a niggling feeling of doubt take root.