Tempting Fate (61 page)

“Shh.  It doesn't matter now.”  He bent forward and kissed her forehead, running his fingers over her brow.  She smelled of coffee and food, most likely whatever was on the menu at the
Coffee Drop
.  And she felt soft and smelled sweet like Maggie.  

“Brian forgot the plates I made him for dinner.  It's a good thing he came back to get them or I'd probably still be sprawled out on the floor.”

Jonah's heart hammered wildly in his chest.  He couldn't bear the thought of Maggie lying on the floor of the coffee shop, all those people rushing by out on the sidewalk, totally unaware that she desperately needed help.  He dragged his hand through his hair and rested it behind his neck, trying to get the image out of his brain.

Maggie took a gulp of air, a fresh string of tears made their way down her already damp cheeks.  “I don't want anything to happen to my baby.”

“Ssh.  It's okay now.  Everything is going to be just fine.”

Another contraction ripped through Maggie, this one seeming harder than the last.  He held her hand and breathed with her.  She did all the work.  He mimicked her, but felt none of her pain.  And then it was over again.

“Now I want you to take a deep breath and push on the next contraction,” Dr. Danport said, positioning himself in front of the bed to deliver the baby.

Jonah's pulse pounded in his head.  He listened to the doctor's urgent commands, hearing his own voice urge her on as Maggie clamped her eyes shut and pushed, grunting and groaning.  It seemed to take forever.  One more push, then another and another.  He didn't know if Maggie could possibly handle anymore.  And then, when it looked as if she were at the end of her rope, she gave one last mighty push at the doctor's command and it was over.

Maggie collapsed back in his arms.  “Help me up,” she said breathlessly.  Jonah did as he was told as if on auto-pilot, too caught up in the adrenaline of the moment.

He waited with bated breath, clutching Maggie's small hand in his, helping her to sit up to see, waiting for the baby's cry. 

“It's too early,” Maggie gasped.  Jonah listened, rubbing Maggie's hand.  His heart pounded furiously in his ear, drowning out every other sound in the room as they waited for the one noise that held any meaning.  And then a high pitched shrill he never thought would sound so musical pealed out into the delivery room.  An eruption of relief and joy filled the air.

“Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Wallace.  You have a baby girl.”

Dr. Danport lifted the crying baby and placed her on Maggie's stomach.

“It's a girl!  Jonah, look at her.  Oh, she's so beautiful!” 

All Jonah could do was stare at the tiny creature screaming at the top of her little lungs.  And suddenly a fear Jonah had never known ran locomotive strong through his entire body.  What he was feeling was so foreign, so powerful, it made it hard to breathe.  This baby wasn't an arrangement thought out and agreed upon by two consenting adults.  She was a real person.

“Do you want to hold her, Jonah?”  Maggie's face was pale, filled with exhaustion and elation all at the same time.  She lifted the baby, now bundled in a cotton blanket, and beamed up at him.  He'd never seen her smile so radiant.

“My arms feel so weak from pushing.  Can you take her, Jonah?”

He scooped the baby from Maggie's arms, not sure if he was holding too tight or not tight enough.  “Just rest, Maggie.”

A multitude of emotions, so achingly strong, gripped him as he looked down at the baby.  She was impossibly lost in his arms.  Her faced was wrinkly and red, her little nose slightly pug.  She squirmed in his arms, kicking up a fit beneath the confines of the receiving blanket she'd just been wrapped in, as if it were as strange to her as it was to him to be holding her. 

Maggie had trusted him to do the right thing, to give her child a name and a father to call her own.  That was all well and good months ago when all Jonah cared about was keeping Wiltshire in his family.  When all he was to this baby was a stand-in father who could never hurt or disappoint her.  When he didn't love Maggie so desperately.  

Now this little child looked up at him with an unconditional trust and he knew without a doubt he'd been wrong.  He couldn't be a father to a child in name only.  When the year was over and this baby learned the truth, she'd hate him.  It didn't matter that her biological father had deserted her.  When all was said and done, this baby would resent Jonah for not being the father she needed.  And Maggie would resent him too because he could never be what this baby needed.  In the end he'd fail them both.

“Maggie, I...”

Maggie forced a smile where moments ago her heart spilled over with joy.  She was totally exhausted and her head was swimming.  Her baby was here.  And thank the Lord above, she was healthy. 

But as she looked at Jonah holding the baby now, she didn't have to hear Jonah say the words to know what he was thinking.  He didn't want the baby.

He sat next to her all during the delivery.  Much as she didn't want to, she needed him and was glad when he finally made it to the hospital in time to help her through the delivery.  But seeing him hold her daughter like a sack of potatoes shattered her heart like glass.

No matter how much their relationship had changed since he'd been home from England, it didn't change the fact that Jonah wasn't her baby's father.  He didn't love her.

The delivery nurse rescued the baby from Jonah's arms and relief flooded his expression. 

“We have to weigh her and give her a quick physical exam before you can feed her,” Dr. Danport said.  “I'd like her to stay in the incubator for a little while until we know she isn't having trouble keeping her body temperature or breathing on her own.”

“Is she big enough?” Jonah asked, turning away from Maggie.

“Surprisingly so for her gestation.  You shouldn't have to worry.  She looks very healthy for being almost a month early.”

Maggie closed her eyes, relief that her baby was okay filling her fully.  She had a healthy baby girl.  But Jonah...

She'd been such a fool.  All these months she'd been married to Jonah, Maggie silently hoped he would love the baby.  She wasn't a stupid woman.  She knew Jonah cared deeply for her and her wellbeing.  That much was so obvious from the way he kept insisting she take care of herself and not work.  And the way he'd been since he'd returned from England.

But a baby changed everything, especially a child that wasn't his own flesh and blood.  How could she not see that? 

Jonah was a man of his word.  He'd claim her baby and give her a name.  That was their agreement.  But that wasn't what Maggie truly wanted.  She knew that now.  She'd been deluding herself, thinking if her baby had a father to call her own, that it would be enough. 

She was wrong.  Her baby didn't just need a father to stand-in on the occasional times in the school yard when someone teased her.  She needed her father's love.  Something Maggie never had.  Something she couldn't force Jonah to do no matter how much she loved him. 

* * *

“I didn't expect to see you home.”

Jonah turned to the sound of Mary's voice, glad that she was still awake.  Funny how it never bothered him being in a quiet house before.  Without Maggie here, the house felt empty.  “I didn't wake you, did I?”

“I've been up on and off all night, waiting for you to come home.  Why aren't you at the hospital with Maggie?”

“Maggie needs to rest.  I never realized how tiring it was to have a baby.”

Mary's gasp cut through the quiet of the room.  “The baby is here?”

Jonah rubbed his face with both hands, feeling the stubble on his cheeks grate his palms. 

“Well, out with it.”

“I'm sorry?”  He was drained, physically and emotionally.  Things had gone so wrong at the hospital.  He didn't know how to make it right again.  All he could see was the baby in his arms and Maggie's painful expression when he handed her over to the nurse.  What the hell had happened?

“Are you going to make me guess or are you going to tell me whether I should trim this blanket with pink or blue?”

Jonah glanced down at Mary's hands, noticing for the first time the knitted blanket she was carrying.  A small pouch holding a few skeins of yarn and some knitting needles was tucked under her arm.

“You made something for Maggie's baby?”

Mary's smile matched the same radiant beam he'd seen on Rhonda when she held the baby.  “All that's left is the trimming.”

A bittersweet smile tugged at the corners of his lips.  The same emotions that filled his heart beyond measure just after the baby was born, feelings he didn't understand then and couldn't let go of now, came again to the surface.

“It would look beautiful in pink,” he said with a lighthearted chuckle.  “You should have seen her.  This tiny little creature with one heck of a set of lungs.”

Mary clapped her hands, the knitting needles she held clipping together.  “A baby girl.  Oh, how precious.”

“All this time Maggie's been referring to the baby as a boy that I was stunned when the doctor said it was a girl.”

“Well there was a 50/50 chance,” Mary said, laughing.  “Before you know it your darling daughter will be running through these halls.”

Jonah's heart sank and he swallowed passed the lump lodged in his throat.  Would they be here that long?  “Maggie's daughter.”

Mary's expression crumbled, her joy becoming a scowl.  “Rubbish!” she scolded, as she'd done so many times when he was a boy.  

Mary drew in a deep breath and padded softly over to the sofa.  She eased down next to him, patting his knee with her hand.

“I've seen you like this a hundred times over.  Every time you'd visit one of the Haven Houses with Cam you'd come home and push whatever feelings you had for those kids from your heart.  And now you're doing the same thing with Maggie and the baby.  What are you so bloody afraid of, Jonah?”

That much was easy.  He could answer that.  He was terrified of the day Maggie would pack her bags and walk out the door.  With each passing day he forgot more and more about the life he'd had before she'd come into his world.  All he knew is he didn't want to face every day knowing he wasn't coming home to her smile. 

Despite the money he'd had his whole life, Jonah knew Maggie was far richer in many ways than he had ever been.  She knew the value of family.  Knew when she had it and what was important to hold onto.  She sacrificed to give that same sense of family and love to her child. 

She had been right about so many things.  Love, family, that's what was important.  That was what was missing from the lives of the children who sought refuge at Haven House.  That's what had been missing from his own life.  The estate in England was nothing more than a cold stuffy building made of stone sitting on a lonely chunk of land.  And everything he’d built around him since he’d left England was just a mirror image of what he’d left behind.

 “I can't be what she needs.” 

Mary seemed to sense what was on his mind.  “I think you're exactly what she needs.  And I know she's what you need.”

He looked at her then and saw the tears brimming the edges of her eyes. 

“Sometimes life gives you what you need and sometimes someone gives it a hand.”

“That would be grandfather,” he said wryly.

  Mary sighed, shaking her head.  “Don't judge him so harshly.  He worries about you, and so do I.  Do you think it was your mum who asked me to bring you baked cookies while you were away at boarding school?  Do you think all my scolding and patching up your knees was because…”  Mary let her voice trail off and shook her head.  “I don't know why, but I missed you.  Trouble and all.  I worry over you and I want you to be happy.  And you don't have a drop of my blood flowing through your veins.”

He stared at the woman who was so unlike his real mother and yet held more emotion and warm memories in his heart than his own flesh and blood did.

“It's not their fault, Jonah.  You can't ask your parents to be what they're not.  And even though I wasn't there for the important times in your life, your graduations, the day you were knighted by the Queen herself, I tried as best I could to bridge the gap they left in you.  Because blood or not, I do love you.  Stop keeping Maggie at arm’s length.  She has so much love to give and so do you.  I know you have enough love in you for both Maggie and her baby.”

“What if I fail?”

“You’ve never failed at anything in your life.  If it’s important to you, then you can make it work.”  She stood and took a few steps away before turning back to him.  “Why don't you get some sleep and we'll go visit Maggie and the baby in the morning.”

What had been said, should have been said a long time ago, Jonah realized.  Mary was right and so was Maggie.  How long could he keep pushing away the important things in his life? 

He was his parents' flesh and blood and that had never been enough to keep him in their lives.  Maggie's baby wasn't his flesh and blood, but that didn't mean he couldn't love her and be a father to her for the rest of her life.  The amount of love he had for Maggie surpassed anything he'd ever felt before.  There was room for more.  He knew that now.

“You're wrong, Mary,” Jonah said, just as she reached the doorway.  She paused, glancing at him, and their eyes locked. “You were there for the most important moments in my life.  You still are.”

The telephone ring sliced through the silence and broke the emotional tide flooding him.

On the second cutting ring, Mary answered it.  It was her expression that told Jonah something was wrong.  Terribly wrong.  She silently dropped the phone in the cradle and turned to him.

“You must get to the hospital immediately.  Maggie needs you.”

# # #

Chapter Fourteen

 “I shouldn't have called you,” Maggie said staring at Jonah in the dimly lit hospital room. 

For the first time she regretted the impulsiveness that led to calling Jonah in the middle of the night.  He looked worn down, almost as much as she felt.  She should have waited to tell him about the baby until he'd come to visit her later in the morning.