Tempted (21 page)

Her body felt cold, then flushed, her stomach tightened like a half hitch knot. “Alex, we need to talk.”

That seemed to catch his attention. She saw the way his lids lowered quickly before he said, “Yes, we do, Mary, for I’ll not accept no for an answer.”

“Not about that. About something else.” “Something else?”

She turned, trying to put a distance between them, for she feared if he came too near she’d never say what needed to be said. But Lord help her, she felt no better when she faced him again. It made it no easier to look him in the eye, take a deep breath and say, “I’m leaving.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

“You’re
what
?”

Mary told herself to stand firm, to not be swayed by the look of surprise followed by disbelief that filled his face.

“Leaving, Alex.”

“The devil you say.”

“I’m sorry, Alex. I know you expected to change my mind about becoming your mistress, but that I shall never do. Thus, I’m leaving.”

He crossed to her, Mary silently begging him not to touch her. But he did, the center of her chest instantly aching when he placed a hand against her cheek. “You don’t have to become my mistress in the truest sense of the word. I’ll forgo setting you up in a house if that makes you feel better. However you’d like it to work, that is what we shall do. We could be happy together, you and I, happy with as little or as much time as you’d like to spend with me.”

God, it was as if he sought to intentionally hurt her. “Happy, Alex? With a woman who’s lied to you?”

She could see she had his attention now and so she forged on, her hands clenching the cotton fabric of her robe as she forced herself to say. “I’m not really a nurse, though I suspect you’ve gleaned that already.” She looked at him expectantly, and when he said nothing, she added, “I’m a performer with the Royal Circus.”

He looked confused for a moment. “The Royal Circus?”

“Aye. In London.”

And at last he seemed to understand. His body shifted to its full height.

This is where it begins
, Mary realized. Here was where the look in his eyes changed from one of fondness to loathing. She steeled herself for it, but it didn’t help to say the words. “However, before joining the circus, I lived in a coastal town, one I’m sure you’ve heard of. Hollowbrook.”

She saw his eyes narrow then, saw the look in them change to one of horror. “The smuggling town?”

“Aye, the smuggling town, one whose free trade operations are run by my father.” She braced her feet as if facing a storm. “Tobias Brown.”

And there it was, the look she’d dreaded, the one she’d known would come. Abhorrence, the revulsion he felt at being delivered such news there for all the world to see. “Do I take you to mean you’re related to Tobias Brown?”

She nodded, facing him as if she didn’t care what he thought of her. God willing, one day she might believe that. “He sent me to spy on you, Alex, though I’d no intention of ever doing so. I even sent him a letter when I accepted the position of Gabby’s nurse telling him to go to the devil. I thought that would be the end of it. I thought he’d leave you alone, only he must have grown desperate for he kidnapped you…”

“Good God.”

“I rescued you because I felt responsible, and because I couldn’t let him harm you. Even then I’d begun to care for you.”

“Care for me?” he gasped. “You profess to care for me when you entered my house under false pretenses?”

“I knew you would react this way,” she said. “I knew it even as I toyed with the idea of not telling you, but I felt you should know the truth before I leave.”

“How noble of you, my dear.”

She felt her jaw tighten, felt the ache behind her eyes that signaled tears. “And that,” she said softly, “is exactly what I knew you’d say, too.”

He said nothing. And, God help her, a part of her wished he would—oh, how she wished he would say something,
anything
, that would make the leaving of him easier to bear.

“You lied to me, Mary.”

“No,” she said quickly. “Not lied, just omitted certain facts about my life.”

But it was as if she hadn’t spoken. “I cannot tolerate liars.” He turned, crossed to the window.

“Alex,” she said, a part of her wanting to comfort him even as a part of her felt bitterly disappointed that he reacted in such a way. Her upper lip began to tremble. She sucked it between her teeth. Of course she hadn’t expected instant forgiveness, but she’d thought—

What? That he’d welcome the news you were the daughter of an enemy?

She shook her head as if the question had been asked aloud. No, no. She hadn’t expected that. But she had expected him to realize she was nothing like her father. Only he hadn’t. In the end, all he saw was poor Mary Brown Callahan, smuggler’s daughter. And that hurt. Lord, how it stung.

“Alex, please,” she heard herself say again, her mind screaming at her to keep quiet. To let him be hurt by her news as she was hurt by his reaction to it. “I know you’re upset—”

He whirled on her. “Upset? How could you possibly know how upset I am? I told myself that you were different from other women.” He laughed bitterly. “Only never did I realize just exactly how different. Good lord, not only are you an actress, but you’re a smuggler’s daughter. How ironic.”

“I’m not an actress. I ride horses.”

She saw his eyes widen, knew the exact moment he realized who she was.

“You’re Artemis,” he said.

She nodded.

“You’re the woman who rides horses astride.”

She nodded again. “Yes, Alex, I am. I changed my name to Callahan when I began to perform, and then later the manager of the circus thought I needed something more mysterious. But Artemis is not who I really am. I’m not vulgar. I don’t show off my legs to titillate men. I do it because I love the horses—”

“You’ve been courted by the Prince.”

She almost laughed. She couldn’t help it. “A lie, one generated by the press.”

“How reassuring to know the presses find you news-worthy.”

And they did. It was why she knew becoming his mistress would never do. Well, one of the many reasons why.

“And so now you understand why I must leave.”
Say, it,
a part of her cried.
Say it.

Don’t leave.

I understand.

We can work it out.

I forgive you.

Alas, all he said was, “To be perfectly honest, Mary, I don’t know what to think.”

But Mary knew that to be a lie. He was wondering how he could have so misjudged her. How he could have become involved with a woman who had deceived him. Alex walked the path of the straight and narrow, never having had to understand that some people didn’t have that choice.

She lifted her chin. “Now you see why I must leave?” Ridiculous thing to say, of course he knew.

But I don’t want to leave. God, I don’t.

He met her gaze, his expression grim, his eyes expressionless, everything about him so controlled it was like the first day they’d met. “Indeed, I do.”

Indeed, I do.
It felt like he stepped on her heart with the balls of his feet. “I see.”

He merely stared at her, putting his hands behind his back as if he faced her across a desk again.

She straightened her shoulders, her face as controlled as his. At least, she tried to make it as controlled, but the corner of her mouth twitched as she fought to control tears. Her eyes burned and her voice quivered as she said, “Then I bid you goodbye, George Alexander Essex Drummond. I…I wish you well.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

And just like that, it was over.

Mary prided herself on the fact that she didn’t cry as she left the earl’s estate. Why should she cry when all she’d done was rid herself of a great baboon of a man who held himself in such high esteem, no one could possibly live up to his expectations? She shouldn’t be upset. She should rejoice that she’d gotten away.

That was what she told herself.

For as the miles between her and Rein’s estate slipped by—the carriage Alex’s cousin had lent her for the trip as beautiful and elegant as any she’d fantasized about riding in—she found it harder and harder to maintain control. At first it was a vague burning in her stomach. Then it transformed into an ache in her heart. Next her throat began to tighten, so much so that she found herself swallowing more and more. Only that didn’t work, either, for the more she swallowed, the more her eyes seemed to water until she found her nails digging into the fancy dress Lady Dalton hadn’t wanted back.

He’d let her leave.

Well, of course he did, Mary girl. What did you expect him to do when you told him the truth? Kiss you in forgiveness like the bloody King?

No, but she had expected him to understand, at least partly. But he hadn’t. He’d been quick to agree that she should leave, never once telling her that he cared too much to let her go.

And that was when she lost control, when the tears finally erupted, though she tried, lord how she tried, to keep them in. But she couldn’t, water squirting from her eyes like she was a leaky spigot. She cried at his lack of understanding. She cried at the way he’d looked at her when she’d told him the truth. But most of all, she cried because she felt as if she’d lost a friend.

“So you let her leave?”

Alex didn’t want to hear the words. Indeed, he’d incarcerated himself in the only room he knew Rein avoided like the plague: the library.

“Odd, for I thought there was a connection between the two of you. Or rather, that you’d connected last eve, although seeing her in her room this morning reminds me that you two did, indeed, connect, in one way at least.”

“Rein, go away—”

“Come back another day,” Rein finished for him. “But I shan’t do that. Not until you tell me what delicious event transpired that made her leave in a huff of tears and that has you in such a quagmire of self-pity.”

“She was crying? And I do not pity myself.”

“She looked about to cry, and, yes, you are pitying yourself. Why else would you be closed up in this hideous room?” He shivered as if he stood amongst live gargoyles, taking a seat opposite Alex, who’d settled himself in one of two chairs placed before a cozy fire. It wasn’t yet noon, and it was a sunny day outside, but it had turned blustery, damnation, nearly as cold as his soul. A draft kept coming down the chimney. It blew on the flames, smothering them for a moment before sending them to new heights.

“So tell me, coz, what did you do to break her heart? And might I say, congratulations. I always knew you had it in you to be a true cousin of mine, though I’d begun of late to worry that your affinity for sailing might have something to do with those boys who climb the rigging.”

Alex didn’t deign to reply. He had no patience for such a conversation. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about Mary.

“Come, come. I’m all agog.”

Alex remained silent.

“Did she tell you she is Artemis?”

Alex jerked. “You knew that?”

“Of course. The moment she jumped upon my stallion. Only one female in all of London could have done such a thing. And in a night shift, no less. I knew right then and there that I wanted her to ride me, too. Alas,” he sighed. “You claimed her first.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

He shrugged. “I found it amusing to hold my tongue.” Alex looked away. If he hadn’t, he might have found himself lunging at Rein and planting him a facer.

“Did you ask her to become your mistress? Because if you didn’t, old man, I’ll be sorely disappointed in you. I confess myself wildly jealous that you bedded her. Was she any good? I bet she could squeeze the juice—”

“Rein,” Alex shot again. “You never know when enough is enough. I swear, you are like my father more and more.”

“Much to his delight,” Rein said with a smile so charming, Alex didn’t know whether to be insulted or furious.

“And you never did answer my question. Did you ask her to be your mistress? Is that why she left? Did she turn into a mass of maidenly affront? I’ve heard she’s a cold baggage of goods. A number of my friends have approached her for protection, but she wanted nothing to do with them. Rumor has it that she’s still a virgin, though I suppose I can now dispel
that
particular notion—”

“Rein, if you do not cease, you will find yourself on the floor with the imprint of my fist on your chin.”

“Hit me?” Rein said with a look of affront. “Over a woman? Do not be absurd.”

Good lord, what had he ever done to be born into such a family, though he supposed his cousin had no notion as to how far he’d sunk into depravity.

“Why did she leave?” Rein asked yet again.

“It was her choice.”

“Are you daft? You
let
her leave? I know above twenty men who would pay her hundreds of pounds—bugger it—who have offered to pay a thousand pounds for one night. And you—” He shook his head. “You, the biggest prig of a man who ever walked the earth, manage to bed the chit only to let her walk away.”

Had her favors truly been that sought after? And had she truly turned them all down? Could she have been a virgin? She hadn’t bled, but that happened upon occasion.

“Why did she leave?”

“You’re not going to leave me be, are you?”

Rein shook his head.

Alex almost got up to leave, but he would only be hounded until the ends of the earth. “She is the daughter of a bitter enemy.”

At last Rein’s face lost some of its disgust. “Well, now,
that
I understand.”

“Do you? How wonderful. That means the world to me.”

“Humph. Sarcasm. From you. I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Bugger off, Rein.”

“And a curse. Lord, your time with the woman has done you good. Who would have thought a kidnapping, a cross-country trek, and an incarceration would have turned you into a human being? Of course, she rescued you from all that. Not to mention the way she walked all that way on bruised and bloody feet, but I suppose that’s a trivial matter.”

“Rein, what is your point?”

And for the first time, Rein’s expression lost its rakish charm. It startled Alex, the way his face underwent such a dramatic change. For the first time Alex could remember, Rein looked at him with an intelligence and seriousness in his green eyes that made Alex sit up and take notice.

“You are a fool, Alex. A bloody fool. For the first time in your life a woman comes along who shakes you out of your well-ordered world. Who forces you to realize what a stuffed shirt you’ve become. Who makes you feel, for the first time since I’ve known you, love. Aye, love, so don’t get that offended look upon your face. And after all that, you let her go.”

“Of course I let her go. What was I supposed to do? Set her up in a house? Buy her jewels? Take her to the opera?” But that was exactly what he’d offered.
Before.

“Why not? Who cares who her father is? Who cares that she lied about her vocation? She never lied to you about anything else, did she?”

“I’ve no idea.”

But he had a feeling he did.

“Go to her, Alex,” Rein said.

“I will not.”

“Why not?”

“Because I cannot.” He stood, his legs carrying him to the fireplace, though he had no conscious thought of wanting to go there. “What would my superiors say if I became involved with the daughter of an infamous and wanted smuggler?”

“Who says they have to know?”

“They would find out. Artemis is too well known for it not to be reported by the presses. And then all it would take was for someone to do a bit more digging, to find out she is the daughter of Tobias Brown—”

“And that matters to you?”

Alex whirled to his cousin. “I have worked years, Rein,
years,
to erase the taint of the Wainridge name. You’ve no idea what it was like growing up with the snickers and snide remarks. I’ve had to be above reproach. Spotless in my conduct. And then Mary Callahan comes along.” He turned back to the fireplace.

“You’re wrong, Alex, for I do, indeed, know what it’s like. Though I’m not the Wainridge heir, nor even a Drummond by name, I
am
related to the Drummond clan. Only
unlike
you, I never took people’s opinions of me to heart.”

“Indeed, you did not,” Alex said, deciding that if the gloves were off, he’d give his cousin a few truths. “You went the opposite way. You live your life running from one debacle to the next. Oh, yes, I’ve heard the tales. I know you’ve a reputation my father would be proud of. But someday, Rein…I pray someday soon, you shall have a rude awakening, for someday you will be faced with a decision like mine: Reputation? Or ruin?”

“And that is where you err, my friend,” Rein said, “for she would not have ruined you.”

“No, but she would have cast a shadow upon my name, one that might have spread to Gabby.”

“Gabby? What figures Gabby in all of this?”

“She is my daughter. My hope is to secure a respectable marriage for her. Granted, she is my by-blow, but she is being raised like a lady. She need only have her father comport himself like a gentleman to secure a match that, while not entirely appropriate for a true lady, will see her well settled with a man who will take care of her.”

“God, you’re such a prig.”

“I beg your pardon.”

“You’re so full of self-importance I can scarce stomach you.”

“I am not arrogant, merely logical.”

“Then swallow this bit of logic. She is not your daughter.”

They were sparring so fiercely and quickly, Alex didn’t immediately take in the words.

“Aye, it’s true, though I can see you’re having a hard time believing it. But rest assured, I do not lie. She was left on your father’s doorstep eight years ago.”

“What the devil are you talking about?”

Rein smiled tightly before saying, “He didn’t know what to do with her, so he came to me. We discussed it and decided you would make the best father of all the males in the family.”

Alex still didn’t absorb the words.

“So before you go spouting nonsense of being a good father, think about the fact that you’re raising your father’s by-blow, instead.”

“You’re lying,” Alex said. “You must be. My father would never do something so shabby. And you…not even you could condone it.”

“No?” Rein asked. “Then speak to your father yourself. He will tell you the same as I. We toyed with the idea of putting her in a home, but when it came down to do the business, neither of us had the stomach for it.”

“A home?”

“She is a bastard, Alex, a little girl born out of wedlock, one who would have likely ended up in a home if her mother hadn’t left her at Wainridge. But in the end, we didn’t care. She is a Drummond. Your father may be a rogue, but he is not without heart. He gave her to you to raise because he cared too much to raise her himself.”

“She’s not my daughter.” For the first time Alex understood what it felt like to be numb with shock. His limbs quite literally went numb.

“I didn’t tell you so that you would disown her. That I would not allow.”

“Disown her? Do not be absurd.”

Rein nodded. “Good, I only meant to show you what a house of cards you stand on. You shouldn’t live your life like you’re a bloody saint. Live for the now, Alex.
Carpe diem
.”

“Seize the day? You’ve taken that saying to the extreme, have you not, Rein? You try to seize every
female
something every day.”

“I give up,” Rein said, standing. “You’re a fool, Alex, one who will one day live to regret your arrogant ways. I had hopes that Mary might get you to open up. To relax a bit. And for a moment, you did. But now you’re so caught up in reputation and society’s regard that you’ve forgotten what it’s like to truly
live
. I pity you. I truly do.”

“Spare me your pity, Rein, for I do not regret my decision to let Mary Callahan go.”

“Then you’re a bigger fool than I thought.
Non est ad astra mollis e terris via
.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Look it up, Alex. Lord knows, you’ll have the time.”

It wasn’t until a long while later that Mary remembered the letter, and even then, she reached half blindly into her pocket to pull it out. She had to blink a few times to focus, the words black smudges before her teary eyes.

My dear Mary,

I bid you ill news.

Your father has been arrested. He was taken two days ago when word reached him of Warrick’s failed kidnapping, his lordship’s escape, I fear, something your father reasoned you were involved with.