Tell Them Lies (Three Little Words Book 3) (7 page)

"Because you wanted to kiss me," she repeated slowly.

"But," he conceded, "it is nice to know that I can touch you in front of my mom and you won't knee me in the balls."

Then she laughed, bending forward to rest her hands on her knees. It was a relief, her laughter, but there was a giant, nagging part of him that wanted to say it again. He'd wanted to kiss her. It wasn’t for show, it wasn't fake, and it wasn't for his mom.

But it would scare her. He knew enough at that point to know that. And since he wasn’t exactly known as the guy chasing down marriage, it wouldn’t surprise anyone that he was just happy to be with her. She'd be scared of whatever those intense feelings were that were sweeping through him. She'd be confused about what they were supposed be doing.

Most surprising of all was that he wasn’t confused or scared of how he was feeling about her already. Something was good and right about her, about them. But if he pushed her, Kieran had the strongest suspicion that she’d flee without a backward glance.

So he only smiled, and turned to pull the marinating chicken from the fridge.

"I'm gonna go start the grill."

"Sure," she said, looking more settled now that he'd dropped the subject. "Now what can I do to help?"

I
t was official
.

His mom was completely in love with Liz, and if he was being honest, after two hours of eating and laughing and trading stories between the three of them, Kieran was halfway there himself.

She just...glowed. With warmth and sweetness and intelligence. It was in everything she said and did.

The way she asked his mom questions about her cancer, the way she talked about her friends and their lives, the way that she listened to everything that came out of their mouths with a genuine interest that was impossible to fake. The way she didn't push them to hurry through dinner, the way she got up to refill glasses without being asked, the way she brought his mom a gift of essential oils, something help with her aches and pains.

Sitting back in his chair, he watched them laughing at a story that his mom was telling, about him as a teenager. When they'd caught their breath, his mom coughed, the sound deep and heavy in her slight body, and it broke the levity of the moment. Kieran pushed back from the table, and brought the last of the dishes over to the sink.

"So, Liz," his mom said once she'd calmed her racking cough, "I know a mother isn't supposed to pry about these things, but how long have you and Kieran been dating? I couldn't get much of anything out of him."

"Oh, um." Her blue eyes flashed over to Kieran, who just shrugged helplessly. "Not... not too long. A month?"

"Oh, I figured it was longer than that, just from watching you two interact."

"Well," Kieran interjected, and holding her gaze, "it's really been more like six or seven weeks, right, Liz? I mean, from when I first took you out."

"Right. Yes, you're right."

His mom laughed, turning to look at him with unmistakable fondness in her eyes. "It doesn't surprise me in the least that you'd pay attention to stuff like that, honey. I knew there was romance underneath that skin of yours. Now, I want to know the most romantic thing he's done for you, Liz. A mother doesn't get to hear stuff like this very often."

Oh. Shit.

He had to give her credit, she kept her face from looking panicked, only the slight widening of her eyes gave it away to him. Her eyes stayed unmoving from his face, and again, he watched her filter through what she could possibly say.

"That's easy," she said, briefly glancing over at his mom, and Kieran inexplicably found himself not breathing, the dish he was rinsing suspended above the water. "It was the first time he kissed me. The way he made me feel. It surprised me, and I was starting to think that I was past the point of having that happen to me."

That was the God's honest truth, those words that fell from her lips, he knew it. He knew it because of how she was still looking at him and he felt it like she'd jammed her hand down his throat to rip his heart up and out of his mouth.

The sigh that came from his mom was pretty much drenched in motherly contentedness at that answer. It snapped the thread that was keeping Liz' gaze from leaving his. He felt it cut, cleanly and quietly.

"Well, that's about the sweetest thing I've ever heard, honey. I can't wait for Kieran's aunts and cousins to meet you."

The dish he was holding clattered to the bottom of the sink. Oh shiiiiiiit.

He'd totally forgotten about the mini family reunion that was a couple weeks out.

"Umm," Liz replied. "When is that again? I must have...forgotten."

Basically, Kieran owed her a car or something for how much she was saving his ass.

Schooling his face, he shut off the water, and walked back over by the table. "I forgot to remind you, angel."

That earned him a slight squinting of her eyes. He just smiled back at her.

"Oh, Kieran," his mom admonished with a clucking of her tongue. "It's three weekends from now. My sister Carol lives up north, just past Ludington. We didn’t make it happen last year, but I insisted we did this summer."

And the underlying reason for that sunk like a tethered anchor in the air between the three of them. Because she probably wouldn't be around to try the following summer. His mom sent a small smile at him, and the soft look in her eyes made him want to rip something off his body. That sympathetic look, like
he
was the one who was sick or something.

He cleared his throat, tracing the sharp edge of his black dining table. "I don't know if I can even take--"

"Kieran. You're coming. This is important to me." Her voice was pure effing steel, same as her eyes. "If Liz can't make it happen with her schedule, I'll be sad, but I'll understand. But you will be there."

Leaning forward, Kieran laid his hand on top of hers, wanting her to calm down. It took a shit ton of energy to be that pissed off, and it wasn't like she had any to spare. "I'll be there."

"I can too."

Kieran whipped his head over to Liz when she said it, tilting his head like he could not have possibly heard that correctly.

"Really?" he asked like the complete dumbass that he was.

"Oh, that's wonderful, Liz! Everyone will just love you."

Still, they just stared at each other. Liz nodded twice, reassuring him. And the hell of it was that it did.

"Thank you," he said, meaning it.

"It's no trouble. Besides, I'm forcing Kieran to accompany me to my friend Casey's rehearsal dinner and wedding the weekend before. If he can wear a suit two nights in a row, then a couple nights with your family is no trouble at all."

He lifted a finger to point at her. "You never said anything about a suit to both things. This changes things."

Liz laughed, a soft little exhalation of breath, but he could have sworn that he felt it on his face.

Trouble. This woman was so much trouble, and she had absolutely no idea.

S
unset
. It was Liz's favorite part of every day. And the fact that the back of her house faced west, and she could sit in her favorite chair to watch the last bits of pink and orange cling to the trees, is what convinced her to buy it.

No matter what was going on in her day, the glowing Michigan sky always, always made her feel better. Today was her favorite kind of sunset, the colors were so bright against the dark branches that it almost hurt to fully look at them. She left her opened book on her lap while she leaned back to watch the sky gradually fade into an inky blue.

She smoothed a hand down the cracked binding of the book, figuring that she would probably be able to just touch all of her books and know which one they were.

With her eyes closed, she knew this one was Jane Eyre by the tiny notch at the bottom right of the binding. Not a first edition, by any means, but it was old. Printed in the 1920's, and given to her by her parents when she'd turned twenty-one. Some girls wanted shot glasses at that age. Liz wanted hardcovers. The pages just felt different, like the history that the book had endured made the paper more precious.

Her phone on the side table next to her trilled, the blue screen lighting up. Liz smiled and tapped the accept button with her thumb, her mom's softly wrinkled face filled the screen.

"Hi sweetheart, did I interrupt the sunset?"

Liz shook her head and turned towards the lamp so that her face would show up better. "Perfect timing. It just finished and I was about to start reading." She lifted up the book by her face so her mom could see which one.

"Ahh, always a good choice. How many times have you read it by now?"

"Probably around fifteen times," she said studying her mom while she laughed at Liz's answer. Her face carried a bit more color, like it always did when they'd spent a few months in the dry desert climate. Her hair was still a silvery-gray, no white streaking through the short curls that she kept it styled in.

"So, obviously Dad showed you how to work FaceTime?" she asked, and smiled when her mom waved a hand in front of her face.

"Only took him about twenty minutes to figure it out himself. He tried to call the Johnson's using it, couldn't figure out why their condo phone couldn't do a screen call."

They chatted a bit about the weather, the friends her parents had seen during the last couple weeks, how they would be staying in Arizona for two weeks longer than they'd last said, finally settling on Liz's work.

Which made Liz hesitate. Because what could she say, really? That the entire limbic system of her brain was slowly atrophying? That any of the emotions that should be coursing through her nervous system on a day to day basis was just going away? That every single day in that small, quiet building was making all of her days feel gray and lifeless until she thought she might scream?

"Honey..." her mom started, then hesitated.

"I'm not happy there, Mom." It was the very first time she'd so bluntly admitted it. To anyone.

"Loving your work isn't something that's necessary in life. You have a good job, something that you used to feel passionate about."

"Did I?" Then she shook her head, briefly letting her eyes focus on the screen of her phone. "Maybe I did. And I know, I'm being melodramatic."

"That's not a word I'd ever have used to describe you before. Should that concern me?"

"No," Liz said haltingly. "I'm just working through something."

Through the phone's camera, Liz could feel it, how her mom let her gaze travel over Liz's face. Could her mom see it? How different she felt? Because to Liz, it seemed as though the whole world should be able to see just how altered she was. Because of Kieran. The second he'd stepped into her, placed his mouth over hers, and she hadn't pushed him away, it felt like every molecule inside of her had shifted in its place.

And the most likely scenario was that he was kissing her to kiss her. It didn’t seem possible that he’d felt the shuddering of his foundation like she had. Not like she’d ask. Just the thought of some pitying smile on his face, that she’d read way more into it than he’d anticipated. No way. She would just enjoy the fact that
she
felt the difference inside, even if it would be a solitary pursuit. Solitary, but infinitely satisfying.

Because yes, everything in her had mended itself in to a wholly different design that she didn't quite recognize yet. All the boys that had touched lips with her before that had dissipated into mist at that exact moment, to the point that if anyone had asked her what her first kiss was, she just might say Kieran James Carter.

"Are you okay?" her mom finally asked.

The smile that she responded with wasn't forced, and it didn't feel fake. "Yeah, Mom. I think I am."

It must have satisfied her, because even though they'd never been very close, Liz was a horrible enough liar that her parents wouldn't doubt her if she said there was nothing to worry about. And maybe Liz should be the one who was worried, about this hazy thing that she and Kieran were attempting. But she wasn't.

Without a doubt, it was the boldest and craziest and most self-indulgent thing she'd ever done. And she felt
alive
.

After a few more minutes of small talk, they said their farewells, and Liz stretched out a contented smile when she opened to her bookmarked page.

"I am not an angel,' I asserted; 'and I will not be one till I die: I will be myself. Mr. Rochester, you must neither expect nor exact anything celestial of me - for you will not get it, any more than I shall get it of you: which I do not at all anticipate."

Kieran calling her angel pushed through her head, dragging her eyes from the small printed words, made her remember the way his lips formed a small smile when he said it, as if he knew exactly what it did to her. It was just a word, just one small word, five small letters. Liz ran a hand down the silky smooth page, worn from probably hundreds of readings, wondering what it would feel like to be the editor that read through all the words that Charlotte Bronte had strung together. The words that formed one of the most enduring love stories in the past three hundred years.

It wouldn't take a psychologist to tell her that her definitive love of romance novels is the reason that her sparse relationships had fallen a little flat. She expected everything.

All the character traits of all the heroes she'd loved her entire life. Was it wrong that she wanted a little bit of all of those men? Some sort of Darcy, Wentworth, Jamie Fraser, Rochester hybrid that would cherish her and respect her and protect her and love her forever.

Yes, poor Kieran had no idea what he’d done kissing her the way he’d kissed her. What he’d probably set himself up for in her mind.

A knock on the door snapped her from her thoughts, and she narrowed her eyes at the clock on the wall next to her bookshelf. 9:02. Who on earth would be over at this late?

Setting her book on the table next to her chair, Liz walked to the front door and peered through the peep hole.

"I see you, Blondie. Open up," Rachel called from the other side of the door. Liz laughed and complied.

"What are you doing here?" Liz asked as she closed the door behind Rachel.

Rachel plopped her giant purse onto the narrow entryway table to the left of the door and shrugged. "Told Tate I needed a couple things from Target. Sat in the parking lot for twenty minutes after getting what I needed and then decided to stop over while I was by your house."

"And you don't want to go home, why?"

"Eh. Asher is teething and barely slept last night. I love him, but honest to God, I am cuddled out. He's getting some quality daddy time right now."

Liz smiled. And then tilted her head when she noticed Rachel looked a little nervous. She wasn't really looking at Liz, eyes darting around the room.

"What's wrong, Red?"

Sinking into the arm chair closest to her, Rachel looked up at Liz with a tortured expression on her face. "I feel like such a bitch. And you know I don't do well with unresolved guilt issues with you. Not that I've much experience in that area. Yes, I'm rambling because you're just staring at me with those big blue deer-in-the-headlight eyes. It's freaking me out. Okay, please say something now."

Liz slowly sat in the chair opposite of Rachel, her thoughts racing while she shook her head. "Well, I'm not positive what you'd like me to say since I have absolutely no clue what you're talking about."

"Liz," Rachel all but wailed, flinging her arms to the side, "that stupid bet that Casey and I made! You should have seen your face. You looked, I don't know... shocked, I guess."

Liz's heart sank in her chest, bottoming out somewhere around the pit of her stomach. Because she couldn't lie. Ironic it might be, since Liz was fairly embroiled in a lie that everything to do with that bet. So she just nodded, waiting for her voice to appear again, after it had disappeared with her heart.

"That's a fairly accurate word to use," she whispered, because that was about all she was capable of at that point. "Humiliated could work too."

Rachel looked so miserable, like she might cry. "I'm
so
sorry, Liz. It wasn't as bad as it sounded."

"Well, that may be. But it
felt
bad. And that's not something I've ever experienced because of something you've said. You made a bet that I couldn't get a date, how did you
think
it would make me feel?"

"I never said you
couldn't
get a date, just that you wouldn't have one for Casey's wedding. Of course I think you can get a date, you're smokin'. If I were a guy, I'd
totally
want to tap that." And she looked so earnest saying it that Liz cracked a tiny smile. "I swear, if you don't forgive me, I'll go postal. I couldn't handle it if you stayed mad at me, Liz."

"I haven't been mad, exactly," she answered, choosing her words carefully. "And I do forgive you, Rachel. But I was hurt. It's, it's not easy to not have anyone when you and Casey have such big things happening in your life. You guys talking about it, in a way that felt like it was behind my back, just reiterated that."

Rachel cocked her head to the side. "But don't you have Kieran now?"

Well, crap. Duplicity was clearly not her strong suit.

"Yes!" Liz practically yelled, then stopped to take a breath when Rachel's eyebrows popped up. "I mean, yes. I have him now. But, before. You know, before we were, umm, dating. It's not always easy to be the only one not moving forward."

Lying
sucked
. Liz could feel the untruth of the words seep just a tiny bit of black sludge into her veins, making her feel sluggish and dirty. Rachel hummed her agreement, still watching Liz. Then she smiled and leaned back into the chair, looking much more relaxed than when she'd first arrived. Liz, however, felt much less relaxed. And like
she
should be asking forgiveness now. It gnawed at her, bit by bit in the silence that they sat in. For Rachel, the silence was probably weightless and comfortable. She'd gained the absolution she sought.

But for Liz, it was loaded and cumbersome, overflowing with her own guilt. How would she be able to do this? At the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, where a pure and true love was being cemented. It felt like Liz and Kieran would be injecting some level of sacrilege into the proceedings. Liz pulled in a breath, to say something. She didn't know what, but
something
, when there was another knock on the door.

"Well who the hell is that?" Rachel muttered. "It's like, ten o'clock on a Friday night."

"It's not even 9:30. And
you're
here," Liz reminded her while she got up and walked to the door. Rachel snorted a laugh right as Liz squinted into the peephole for the second time that night. Then her heart stuttered to a stop.

Kieran. He was a few steps from the door, looking down towards his feet, his hands tucked into the front pockets of his dark pants. Swallowing around her suddenly dry mouth, Liz backed up from the door, attempting to rein in the galloping of her heart.

"Who is it?" Rachel asked.

"It's Kieran," Liz said quietly, like he'd be able to hear her through the heavy wood door.

"Shut up. I picked the most excellent time to hide from my child. Let that man in, I wanna meet him."

Liz wrapped her hand around the cool door handle, taking another breath before she turned the knob. It was quite possible the next few minutes could be exponentially horrible, depending on how feisty Rachel was feeling. Something must have read on her face when she pulled the door open, because the wide smile on Kieran's face quickly smoothed out after he saw her.

"Hi," she said quickly, not immediately moving aside. "My friend Rachel is here, she's incredibly excited to meet you."

His eyes widened for a second, then his features smoothed out into a polite smile. "That's, uh, great. Cool."

Liz finally moved to let him in, and shot up a quick prayer for something, anything. A miracle maybe?

Once she'd shut the door and turned around, all she could see was Kieran's wide back as he stretched a hand in greeting toward Rachel. And past that, she could see Rachel positively gaping at Kieran. Yup. Liz knew the feeling.

"You must be Rachel." His deep voice felt so
big
in her small house. "I've heard a lot about you."

Pulling her mouth closed, Rachel shook his hand and stood up from her chair. "You know, I just can't say the same."

Liz closed her eyes and let out a slow breath. But then Kieran just laughed, and something eased inside of her.

"Fair enough. But wouldn't
you
want to keep me to yourself if you were Liz?"

Rachel hummed a noncommittal sound while she looked at both of them. Kieran had backed up a step so that he was standing closer to Liz, and it felt like her entire body was vibrating with nerves.

"No hello kiss?" Rachel asked, widening her eyes in a comical show of innocence that was completely incongruous with just about every aspect of her personality.

"Well," Liz started, but Kieran wrapped an arm around her shoulders and squeezed, effectively shutting her up.